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Old 10-12-2012, 04:35 AM
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Default Need Some Words Of Encouragement This Morning..

There are weeks when I just want to give up...this is one of them.
I just want to sell my newer car, downgrade everything in our lives and just be a SAHM. Somedays I think I would rather live in a box then continue to do this everyday lol
Most of my friends are all SAHMS and it is so hard to listen to them go on about their days...when I am here with a house full of kids feeling so trapped in my own home.
Hubby thinks doing DC is great. He loves the extra $ and thinks it is good for the kids...I should pass him the torch for a few days so he can get a taste of the reality that is home DC.
I do love my DCKS and am thankful for the fact that I can be home with my own little ones but there are weeks when I just want to crawl under a big rock and hide there.
The fact that I can't say no when I am asked to do something doesn't help either. I get roped into all sorts of volunteering at the school and for my older kids' activities in the evenings. (I know I should just say no but I always want to help out when needed, especially when it comes to my kids.)
My DH just doesn't get it and doesn't offer much support. He thinks I have the dream life and I should be thankful for it.
He gets irritated with me if I start to vent about a DCK or a DCP. He always says - You wouldn't be happy at any job, noone is, so just suck it up, smile and appreciate the paycheck at the end of the week. I don't get to stay home all day and you don't hear me complaining because I leave all that at work when I shut the door. When the last DCP shuts the door at the end of the day, you need to let out a big breath and let all your stress from work leave with them.
ARG! I know he has a point but it is so much more than that. It is hard. There are days when I can't even eat because I am so stressed out about having to confront a DCP or something. I get physically ill when I have to term a DCK and it bothers me for weeks before I finally get up the urge to term.
Sorry about the long vent....I just need some DPs to remind me again why I am doing this because on days like these..I forget.
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Old 10-12-2012, 05:14 AM
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I feel your pain! It is TOUGH and no one can understand the feeling of, No... I can't meet the playgroup at the zoo, I'm at home working. No.... I can't go to storytime at the library, I'm at home working. And it is very hard mentally to "Leave work behind" when your home IS your work. It's hard to say Now I'm at work, and Now I'm at home when they are one in the same. My DH doesn't "get it" either. I make it look too easy! He comes home during the final hour before pick up and all he sees is the house cleaned up (he should have seen it at lunch time!), the kids all dressed for outside, and they play while I just "sit" and watch them as parents start picking up. But really, he would DIE if he had to survive lunch time!

Instead of all or nothing can you just watch one or two kids instead of full blown daycare? Maybe if you were only watching one other kid it would still be a little extra money, but you could find someone that you could take places so you could do all the things you want to do with your own child?

I wish I could downgrade, but we already are downgraded as much as possible. We share a house with my mom, my husband and I only have 1 car we share, we don't buy nice clothes, etc. But our luxury is eating out ALOT.

HOWEVER, I will say your husband does sound pretty reasonable. Doesn't sound like he's being an a**. I agree with him that the vast majority of people don't like their job, at LEAST some of the time. Everyone has times when they want to do something else and their sick of their co-workers, etc. Are there times in the day where you get to sit down and just watch the kids play? Be happy for that. Are there times when you get to cuddle with your own child? Be happy for that.

Yes, it is HARD and no one really understands except other providers.
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Old 10-12-2012, 05:15 AM
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I'd rather be the one teaching my kids social skills around other kids. Knowing they are having fun playing well with others and having the investment of what really matters, your time

I was telling my wife today in fact sometimes i would just like it to be me and my own three. But we got to the point of depending on the income and its good for them anyway
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Old 10-12-2012, 05:28 AM
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I agree with the previous posts. Those SAHMs may have made a conscious decision to do that OR they have something else going on in their lives that makes working outside the home impossible. We make our decisions to do something or not based on what will work for us (at that particular time in our lives). If we want to change it (and can), we do. If not, we make changes bit by bit to get where we want to be (or just don't do anything).

We all have these moments! It will get better! Believe!

All the best.
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Old 10-12-2012, 06:50 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soccermom View Post
There are weeks when I just want to give up...this is one of them.
I just want to sell my newer car, downgrade everything in our lives and just be a SAHM. Somedays I think I would rather live in a box then continue to do this everyday lol
Most of my friends are all SAHMS and it is so hard to listen to them go on about their days...when I am here with a house full of kids feeling so trapped in my own home.
Hubby thinks doing DC is great. He loves the extra $ and thinks it is good for the kids...I should pass him the torch for a few days so he can get a taste of the reality that is home DC.
I do love my DCKS and am thankful for the fact that I can be home with my own little ones but there are weeks when I just want to crawl under a big rock and hide there.
The fact that I can't say no when I am asked to do something doesn't help either. I get roped into all sorts of volunteering at the school and for my older kids' activities in the evenings. (I know I should just say no but I always want to help out when needed, especially when it comes to my kids.)
My DH just doesn't get it and doesn't offer much support. He thinks I have the dream life and I should be thankful for it.
He gets irritated with me if I start to vent about a DCK or a DCP. He always says - You wouldn't be happy at any job, noone is, so just suck it up, smile and appreciate the paycheck at the end of the week. I don't get to stay home all day and you don't hear me complaining because I leave all that at work when I shut the door. When the last DCP shuts the door at the end of the day, you need to let out a big breath and let all your stress from work leave with them.
ARG! I know he has a point but it is so much more than that. It is hard. There are days when I can't even eat because I am so stressed out about having to confront a DCP or something. I get physically ill when I have to term a DCK and it bothers me for weeks before I finally get up the urge to term.
Sorry about the long vent....I just need some DPs to remind me again why I am doing this because on days like these..I forget.
HUGS!!! I had days like these, especially when my own children were younger and in dc. What helped for me was getting out! We went to the library, museums, parks, etc. I refused to feel "stuck" at home - I made sure the trips were appropriate for the kids (no outings to the liquor store ) I hired a substitute so that I oculd get out and volunteer in my kids classrooms, or make an appointment, and that has been worth it's weight in gold.

I admit to sometimes being envious of SAHM's BUT I have found that many of them don't have it as good as you might think. More than once I've heard my SAHM friends complain about not being able to do things with the kids because of lack of funds, or the fact their husbands are stingy with the purse strings....Again, I know this isn't always the case, but more often than not I see the grass not being greener on the other side.
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Old 10-12-2012, 07:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by glenechogirl View Post
I feel your pain! It is TOUGH and no one can understand the feeling of, No... I can't meet the playgroup at the zoo, I'm at home working. No.... I can't go to storytime at the library, I'm at home working. And it is very hard mentally to "Leave work behind" when your home IS your work. It's hard to say Now I'm at work, and Now I'm at home when they are one in the same. My DH doesn't "get it" either. I make it look too easy! He comes home during the final hour before pick up and all he sees is the house cleaned up (he should have seen it at lunch time!), the kids all dressed for outside, and they play while I just "sit" and watch them as parents start picking up. But really, he would DIE if he had to survive lunch time!

Instead of all or nothing can you just watch one or two kids instead of full blown daycare? Maybe if you were only watching one other kid it would still be a little extra money, but you could find someone that you could take places so you could do all the things you want to do with your own child?

I wish I could downgrade, but we already are downgraded as much as possible. We share a house with my mom, my husband and I only have 1 car we share, we don't buy nice clothes, etc. But our luxury is eating out ALOT.

HOWEVER, I will say your husband does sound pretty reasonable. Doesn't sound like he's being an a**. I agree with him that the vast majority of people don't like their job, at LEAST some of the time. Everyone has times when they want to do something else and their sick of their co-workers, etc. Are there times in the day where you get to sit down and just watch the kids play? Be happy for that. Are there times when you get to cuddle with your own child? Be happy for that.

Yes, it is HARD and no one really understands except other providers.
This is all excellent advice! I was about to say something exactly like this before I read it!

The only other thing I can say is that maybe you could explain to your husband that you need him there for you to VENT. Yes, no one likes their job ALL of the time; but spouses should be there for each other to listen to what they had to say about their day, and listen if the other needs to vent. It's sooooo important in our profession, because most of us don't get to talk to a lot of other adults during the day!! Our socialization with other adults is extremely limited. So your husband needs to lend an ear, and at least ACT interested in how your day went and listen to your vents without getting irritated. I had the same problem with my DH, but after I sat down and talked with him about this, he turned around completely! And he even offers constructive criticism and solutions to my problems. He is awesome!

I only watch 3 children, and it is discussed on every interview that I WILL be transporting their children. I can't stay in the house all day long, every day. It drives me bonkers. All of my parents are okay with it, in fact I think they all love that their child is taken to places they can explore and learn instead of staying here every day.
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Old 10-12-2012, 07:15 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soccermom View Post
There are weeks when I just want to give up...this is one of them.
I just want to sell my newer car, downgrade everything in our lives and just be a SAHM. Somedays I think I would rather live in a box then continue to do this everyday lol
Most of my friends are all SAHMS and it is so hard to listen to them go on about their days...when I am here with a house full of kids feeling so trapped in my own home.
Hubby thinks doing DC is great. He loves the extra $ and thinks it is good for the kids...I should pass him the torch for a few days so he can get a taste of the reality that is home DC.
I do love my DCKS and am thankful for the fact that I can be home with my own little ones but there are weeks when I just want to crawl under a big rock and hide there.
The fact that I can't say no when I am asked to do something doesn't help either. I get roped into all sorts of volunteering at the school and for my older kids' activities in the evenings. (I know I should just say no but I always want to help out when needed, especially when it comes to my kids.)
My DH just doesn't get it and doesn't offer much support. He thinks I have the dream life and I should be thankful for it.
He gets irritated with me if I start to vent about a DCK or a DCP. He always says - You wouldn't be happy at any job, noone is, so just suck it up, smile and appreciate the paycheck at the end of the week. I don't get to stay home all day and you don't hear me complaining because I leave all that at work when I shut the door. When the last DCP shuts the door at the end of the day, you need to let out a big breath and let all your stress from work leave with them.
ARG! I know he has a point but it is so much more than that. It is hard. There are days when I can't even eat because I am so stressed out about having to confront a DCP or something. I get physically ill when I have to term a DCK and it bothers me for weeks before I finally get up the urge to term.
Sorry about the long vent....I just need some DPs to remind me again why I am doing this because on days like these..I forget.
Sounds like your not taking care of you. You don't have much to look forward to. I think when we have children we think being a great and wonderful parent is about the kids ALL the time and we forget that we are people too. Our kids are happiest when we are happy.

My advice is to get out once a week and have something for just "you" to look forward to doing. That way when your having a cruddy moment during the day, you can say, I do this for not only my children and family but Wednesday night movie night with the girls, or coffee/chat/book club, or shop night, or ceramics, or excercise/run/workout/ or spa/hair salon/nails or bingo, whatever floats your boat. Anyone that works just for the purpose of others happiness is going to be burnt out in no time. Yes we get happiness from these things but it is not personal and can make you feel like a maid or worker ant 100% of the time. Take a breath, make time for you, and your needs and see if that helps.

It also helps if you have someone else that does what you do that you can call daily to chat about nothing with and yet everything. Trainings and seminars can reboost your spirits and love for what you do when your feeling burned out. Connecting with others that do what you do can be nice.

Your husband is right to an extent but he is not in it everyday like you are, so he can't truly relate to how you feel. No more then you can relate to his work issues- I find men's brains to work differently then a women. They view work as work and leave out a lot of the "feelings" Women tend to talk out more of the feelings. Not all, but my experiences have seen this. Not all.

Another thing that may help you is to do daycare during daycare hours. Have your system set up so that when your not working, your time is your time. If you close at 5, start the clean up at 4:30 so when it is five your done. You switch over to family time. Do prep work as much as you can during daycare hours, but allow for time on off hours for stuff like grocery shop, paperwork you can't get done during daycare, and clean up you can't get done, interviews. Organize so that when your done daycare your time is your time, unless you want to give some of your time to it.

Lastly if you have tried everything else maybe you are just not fufilled doing this job and being home all day. Maybe you would be better off in an out of the house job and having your children go to daycare. That is ok! If it was not ok, none of us would have jobs! Its a lot to be everything to everyone all the time. After having a child on me all day- the last thing I want is to be around other children other then my own after work. It is ok to feel this way. I am great at what I do. I just don't have to be on ten and doing it 24/7. I don't get the ride home from work to collect my thoughts and just breath with out feeling responsible, directly now responsible for someone or something. Talking to your husband about this and that you don't want him to "fix" your issues but maybe just have understanding for your feelings. I often tell my hub I am taking 10-15 when I am done, just to get that moment to myself, that ride home, that breath of fresh air. I say often, I really mean when I need it which is not that often, it is more about knowing I can when I need it.

Hope this is helpful to you-

best-
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Old 10-12-2012, 07:27 AM
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one more thing......

don't be afraid of saying "NO" and knowing your limits.

Do things for the right reasons and not because you feel it is what you "should" do. I have bought something for the bake sale instead of baking something because I wanted to help out but I didn't have the time or energy to put into baking. It worked. Was it ideal- no, what is my norm-no, did it work- yes.

If your not happy most likely no one else will be happy either- It seems to have a trickle down effect.

Step back and let others jump in to help. Maybe no one will step up and help. Take that time to think about if it is worth it or not. I find this in the school systems. Same parents jump in to do do do. Then you hear these parents complaining about it. Do it for the right reasons.

Best-
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Old 10-12-2012, 07:40 AM
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I have felt your pain! My kids are older now but I remember feeling exactly like you do!

I never wanted to be anything but a SAHM and it was hard to see friends doing just that while still having plenty of money to do whatever they want.

I think they difference between your hubby getting off work and you getting off work is that when he gets hom he is doing something completely different than what he has been doing all day at work, while you are still doing the same thing, caring for other people, 24/7. It drops down to just your own family you are caring for but by then you are mentally and physically depleted.

Since you need or want the income from your job, the best thing to do is think about how much better off your kids are with you home than if they were in dc while you worked. Think of how on a cold morning you don't have to go scrap car windows and warm up a cold car. How you don't have to get up earlier to get ready for work. Be glad that your children get to wake up in their own beds when they want instead of getting dragged out of bed and to dc. If your kids are school age be grateful that you are home when they get home, they'll be better off for it. There ARE a lot of advantages to being home, even if you are working from home.
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Old 10-12-2012, 07:41 AM
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my best friend from school was a SAHM she did not have to work. Unfortunately as he moved up the ladder we did not fit in their lives I guess. We drifted apart.

I hm happy with my life Now her kids are grown not sure how happy she is just doing for him,
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Old 10-12-2012, 08:10 AM
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Hugs to you! I remember feeling like this and at times...still do! I try to remember the positives that come with me working from home.

For years, I had my own 3 kids and only watched 3 others. We bought an SUV that fit 8, so I could transport kids. I needed it to take my own to and from school and this made it possible to go to the park, library & beach. Taking trips to the pumpkin patch was one of the highlights for fall!

I also made changes in my daycare, when my own kids were in elementary school. Watching infants and toddlers tied me to the house during the summer, so I watched S/A only for a few years. It was less $, but we adapted and it was worth it and gave us the ability to take field trips. I knew it wouldn't be long before my own kids would be grown up and wanted to take advantage of the few years I had left. This also gave me the freedom to run errands & do chores, while everyone was at school and freed up my evenings and weekends, so we could spend quality time as a family.

My hubby didn't always understand how hard and demanding this job could be and I tried not to complain too much. I was thankful for the $ and for the most part loved being home. A few years ago, he went on early retirement and for the first time got to see what it is like day in and day out! He said I made it look easy and it wasn't until he was in charge of feeding dck's breakfast, while I was doing the morning school drop off, that he got a glimpse of what it really entails!

My3cents had some great advice, as did other pp's. I did and still do many of the things she and others suggested. I still have times that I wish I could meet my girlfriends for lunch or go to the gym in the morning with them. I look forward to my girl's nights out and weekly bible study, scrap booking with friends, etc. and agree you need a balance in your life and remember to do things "just for you"!
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Old 10-12-2012, 08:22 AM
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I've been a provider since '87. I USED to have friends who acted put out by my being tied down. Over the years I gravitated to friends that appreciated every aspect of me. My goofiness, phenominal entertaining skills, my killer patience, my multitasking madness, my insecurities, even my idea that kilts are SEXY. Bottom line they accept me. The good, bad , and mildly disturbing parts too.

You HAVE to learn these words, " I'm sorry, I work 12's 5 days a week and am unable to help AT the event. However, I can bake, or help out with organization or handle something I can do from home. "

Then smile, and don't let it get to you. Your husband is right, turn it off. It's a job, don't let it eat at your soul. You deserve a break. ((((()))))
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Old 10-14-2012, 03:06 AM
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Would you be able to take one day off a month or even possibly two? Do you think you dkp would agree to find other care once a month?
Or could you go to being open four days a week? I've seen some people here are doing that.

When I open I plan to have someone coming in once or maybe twice a week between 12:30 and 2:30 so I can go down to the local coffee shop and relax! I know it's a luxury, but I already have it budgeted in. I have some very reliable people I can ask to work for me.

When I did fdc years ago a group of friends were going to go do something and one had the nerve to ask another of the group if she thought I'd watch their kids while they were off having fun. Now that really hit below the belt. Luckily the response from the one friend was, "No, I don't think she wants to take our kids while we are off having fun."
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