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  #1  
Old 02-20-2014, 02:01 PM
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So a month ago I was interviewing a bunch of families to fill a slot that opened up when a family left due to me not bending on my daycare hours.

I made a choice to go with a family (that I am happy with) and so informed the other families that I interviewed that the slot had been filled. One of the moms was upset (around here everyone is full for anyone under 2 years old) and responded with a rude comment. I disregarded it and moved on.

So fast forward to this month and I've been interviewing again for a slot that opened when I termed a family. So far I've been struggling to find a good family. I would love to fill the slot as money is nice but not at the cost of my sanity so I've had no problem turning down people that don't seem to be a good fit...

This mom emailed me in response to my ad again indicating she was still looking and asked briefly if I was interested. What should I say?

Part of me wants to comment on her rudeness and part of me wants to try another interview. I would be able to start making money immediately if I said yes but I don't know how it would go since she still seems very upset with me by tthe brevity of her email this time...
I don't want to sound desperate either...
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Old 02-20-2014, 02:05 PM
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So a month ago I was interviewing a bunch of families to fill a slot that opened up when a family left due to me not bending on my daycare hours.

I made a choice to go with a family (that I am happy with) and so informed the other families that I interviewed that the slot had been filled. One of the moms was upset (around here everyone is full for anyone under 2 years old) and responded with a rude comment. I disregarded it and moved on.

So fast forward to this month and I've been interviewing again for a slot that opened when I termed a family. So far I've been struggling to find a good family. I would love to fill the slot as money is nice but not at the cost of my sanity so I've had no problem turning down people that don't seem to be a good fit...

This mom emailed me in response to my ad again indicating she was still looking and asked briefly if I was interested. What should I say?

Part of me wants to comment on her rudeness and part of me wants to try another interview. I would be able to start making money immediately if I said yes but I don't know how it would go since she still seems very upset with me by tthe brevity of her email this time...
I don't want to sound desperate either...
I would just be honest and tell her based on her comment, you felt that her family was not the best fit for her program and move on again........she may fire back,but they are just words
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Old 02-20-2014, 02:08 PM
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I would just be honest and tell her based on her comment, you felt that her family was not the best fit for her program and move on again........she may fire back,but they are just words
That was my initial reaction but I'm still confused as to why she would be so rude in the first place. She did daycare before. She knows how it is with having to find the right family. I guess my curiosity could get me in trouble here...
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Old 02-20-2014, 02:09 PM
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I'd call her on it. I'm also the opposite of afraid of confrontation.

"I considered calling you, but after you said _____________the last time we spoke, I was not sure that we would be able to forge a successful relationship. My DCK and I thrive in an environment of mutual trust, respect and understanding. Do you feel you would be able to be a part of that environment?"

I think it's professional and reasonable. If she seems contrite and apologizes (sincerely!!) then you can decide whether or not you think it will work.

To be fair, I've had more than my share of being a jerk when I was having a bad day and having to come back with my tail between my legs and apologize. I'd be willing to give her a second chance, just letting her know that if it turns out you can't develop a good relationship then you can reiterate the terms of termination in your contract.
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Old 02-20-2014, 02:09 PM
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I dunno, I would probably interview just for the heck of it... LOL
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Old 02-20-2014, 02:25 PM
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I'd call her on it. I'm also the opposite of afraid of confrontation.

"I considered calling you, but after you said _____________the last time we spoke, I was not sure that we would be able to forge a successful relationship. My DCK and I thrive in an environment of mutual trust, respect and understanding. Do you feel you would be able to be a part of that environment?"

I think it's professional and reasonable. If she seems contrite and apologizes (sincerely!!) then you can decide whether or not you think it will work.

To be fair, I've had more than my share of being a jerk when I was having a bad day and having to come back with my tail between my legs and apologize. I'd be willing to give her a second chance, just letting her know that if it turns out you can't develop a good relationship then you can reiterate the terms of termination in your contract.
I thought of saying this too...only not give her a chance since again I thought she'd be more professional about it since she had experienced running a daycare before. I was shocked she chose to make that comment before and am confused about her email now.


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I dunno, I would probably interview just for the heck of it... LOL
Lol. Yeah. I could be overreacting so another interview could help.

I just worry about the potential for having a family again that doesn't respect me. I mean I've been totally spoiled lately. Today my families picked up early because they didn't want to be late due to the snow storm.
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Old 02-20-2014, 04:03 PM
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I'm going to say I would pass. She has already shown you WHO she is. You need to believe it.
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Old 02-20-2014, 04:11 PM
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Originally Posted by DanielleS View Post
I'd call her on it. I'm also the opposite of afraid of confrontation.

"I considered calling you, but after you said _____________the last time we spoke, I was not sure that we would be able to forge a successful relationship. My DCK and I thrive in an environment of mutual trust, respect and understanding. Do you feel you would be able to be a part of that environment?"

I think it's professional and reasonable. If she seems contrite and apologizes (sincerely!!) then you can decide whether or not you think it will work.

To be fair, I've had more than my share of being a jerk when I was having a bad day and having to come back with my tail between my legs and apologize. I'd be willing to give her a second chance, just letting her know that if it turns out you can't develop a good relationship then you can reiterate the terms of termination in your contract.
I agree. If you interview at all, you should mention the comment otherwise you're just giving her permission to be rude again.
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Old 02-20-2014, 04:19 PM
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Originally Posted by DanielleS View Post
I'd call her on it. I'm also the opposite of afraid of confrontation.

"I considered calling you, but after you said _____________the last time we spoke, I was not sure that we would be able to forge a successful relationship. My DCK and I thrive in an environment of mutual trust, respect and understanding. Do you feel you would be able to be a part of that environment?"

I think it's professional and reasonable. If she seems contrite and apologizes (sincerely!!) then you can decide whether or not you think it will work.
My initial reaction was: No way would I offer her a spot! She showed her true colors when she responded with a rude comment to the news the spot had been offered to someone else. Her behavior was pretty juvenile. Imagine how she'll react every time you tell her no when she asks you to bend your policies for her.

I kind of like Danielle's reply, though. It lets her know you haven't forgotten her rude comment, clearly and politely states your expections regarding parent behavior and offers her a second chance if she feels she's up to the challenge. I can see where it could work well for you, depending on her response.
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Old 02-20-2014, 04:55 PM
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I'd ask her for a response, then I might still tell her to hit the bricks. I just wouldn't be able to let her have run her mouth like that and NOT call her on it. I'd just want to hear her response when she has to face up to her poor behavior.

I missed the part where she had run a daycare before. Still...I have empathy for the mouthy but truly repentant. I've tasted a great deal of humble pie
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Old 02-20-2014, 06:07 PM
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I'd ask her for a response, then I might still tell her to hit the bricks. I just wouldn't be able to let her have run her mouth like that and NOT call her on it. I'd just want to hear her response when she has to face up to her poor behavior.
Exactly!
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  #12  
Old 02-20-2014, 06:16 PM
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I'd ask her for a response, then I might still tell her to hit the bricks. I just wouldn't be able to let her have run her mouth like that and NOT call her on it. I'd just want to hear her response when she has to face up to her poor behavior.

I missed the part where she had run a daycare before. Still...I have empathy for the mouthy but truly repentant. I've tasted a great deal of humble pie
See this is where I worry I could get myself in trouble. I'm curious what she would say but then again she seems to want to be in control and would want the last word. I just don't have the time or energy for that fight. I deal with that every day with my group of toddlers. And yes, I felt that she was being very immature with that comment of hers suggesting that I didn't go with her family because I didn't like her kids was way out of line with the truth and unnecessary. So what is to stop her from making the same illogical leap in response to whatever I say to her? I just think I'm gonna file this away for reference should this become an issue again. Just never had anyone ever ask again after I've turned them down...usually they find other care or just never speak to me again.
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Old 02-21-2014, 05:29 AM
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I would remind her of last response. I would share I thought it rude. Then I would elaborate that I enjoy working with families in which we share a mutually respectful relationship. Without respect there is no trust and I need work with families who trust me.
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Old 02-21-2014, 05:56 AM
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look at it this way, since you have had your ad up and filled the spot up, this mom is still looking. why is she looking, is she not meshing with anyone. Kinda makes you wonder why she hasn't found care yet either.
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Old 02-21-2014, 06:36 AM
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I'd call her on it. I'm also the opposite of afraid of confrontation.

"I considered calling you, but after you said _____________the last time we spoke, I was not sure that we would be able to forge a successful relationship. My DCK and I thrive in an environment of mutual trust, respect and understanding. Do you feel you would be able to be a part of that environment?"

I think it's professional and reasonable. If she seems contrite and apologizes (sincerely!!) then you can decide whether or not you think it will work.


I feel that way you would be able to get your mind at ease..if you do give her a second chance, you'd start a possible relationship with an understanding that you are not that desperate to fill the spot that you would take insults lightly ...that you do things your way, speaking up when need to, and will continue to do so and that it's up to her to either follow your ways or walk
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Old 02-21-2014, 06:40 AM
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look at it this way, since you have had your ad up and filled the spot up, this mom is still looking. why is she looking, is she not meshing with anyone. Kinda makes you wonder why she hasn't found care yet either.
Good point! A month later she's still looking...
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Old 02-21-2014, 06:47 AM
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Eh. After talking to dh last night, he reminded me that this mom wasn't just rude in email, her husband was rude at the interview. As in ignoring my questions and responding only to his wife and then making rude comments. So I went with a different family that seemed like a better fit and she took it to mean that I didn't like her kids when really I didn't like their attitude.

Given that, it's just not worth it to me. I was considering giving them a second chance under the assumption that they just were having a bad day but the rude email just doesn't motivate me to waste my time or hers.

I too am wondering why she hasn't found daycare in a month. Could be the lack of openings or lack of interest on the provider's part. But I don't want to be her last choice only because I have an opening...we would both be miserable especially since she already thinks I don't like her kids.
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Old 02-21-2014, 10:01 AM
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I wouldn't even entertain the notion of interviewing her....Not even so I could decline her.

People like her don't suddenly "get it" when confronted about their behavior. If they did, I am sure someone some where before you tried. I doubt you were the first person she has been rude towards.

In situations like this, I choose to take the high road and not respond at all about the comment but reply that you don't think she her family would be a good fit and leave it at that.

I have NO issues with confrontation but just because I don't doesn't mean everyone wants or needs to hear what I think, if they have no bearing on me, my business or my enrolled families...KWIM?

I save my backbone for people who affect me or have some sort of place in my life.
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Old 02-21-2014, 10:10 AM
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I'd call her on it. I'm also the opposite of afraid of confrontation.

"I considered calling you, but after you said _____________the last time we spoke, I was not sure that we would be able to forge a successful relationship. My DCK and I thrive in an environment of mutual trust, respect and understanding. Do you feel you would be able to be a part of that environment?"

I think it's professional and reasonable. If she seems contrite and apologizes (sincerely!!) then you can decide whether or not you think it will work.

To be fair, I've had more than my share of being a jerk when I was having a bad day and having to come back with my tail between my legs and apologize. I'd be willing to give her a second chance, just letting her know that if it turns out you can't develop a good relationship then you can reiterate the terms of termination in your contract.
This is how I would handle it. Especially if I was being tempted by the money lol!
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Old 02-21-2014, 10:30 AM
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I wouldn't even entertain the notion of interviewing her....Not even so I could decline her.

People like her don't suddenly "get it" when confronted about their behavior. If they did, I am sure someone some where before you tried. I doubt you were the first person she has been rude towards.

In situations like this, I choose to take the high road and not respond at all about the comment but reply that you don't think she her family would be a good fit and leave it at that.

I have NO issues with confrontation but just because I don't doesn't mean everyone wants or needs to hear what I think, if they have no bearing on me, my business or my enrolled families...KWIM?

I save my backbone for people who affect me or have some sort of place in my life.
Don't worry I wasn't seriously considering an interview. Even dh was quick to beg me not to do an interview. He said he really has been happy that I've been so stress-free since reducing my daycare families that even if money is tight he would rather take on no families than a family that is a bad fit. Guess I'm not the only one that benefits from keeping my daycare life simple.

I was more referring to whether I should even respond. She is not going to like being rejected again and then I worry it's just fuel to her fire...if she were to call and ask I would be happy to politely decline...but no so sure what if anything I should say in response to her one sentence email...maybe just one word?
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Old 02-21-2014, 10:34 AM
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Don't worry I wasn't seriously considering an interview. Even dh was quick to beg me not to do an interview. He said he really has been happy that I've been so stress-free since reducing my daycare families that even if money is tight he would rather take on no families than a family that is a bad fit. Guess I'm not the only one that benefits from keeping my daycare life simple.

I was more referring to whether I should even respond. She is not going to like being rejected again and then I worry it's just fuel to her fire...if she were to call and ask I would be happy to politely decline...but no so sure what if anything I should say in response to her one sentence email...maybe just one word?
I agree with your DH. Life is better when it's simpler.

As far as replying, I guess I personally wouldn't even bother. Like I said, it took me years to figure out that when you respond to people like that, it only makes you feel better and never teaches them anything.

Sometimes rude people just need silence. If they were open to learning anything, I am sure it would have happened long before she crossed your path.

Simply not being able to find daycare and not receiving a response from whomever she was rude too will probably teach her more in the long run.

I am huge on speaking your mind, but only if you honestly feel it would be beneficial to the listener.
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Old 02-21-2014, 10:39 AM
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I agree with your DH. Life is better when it's simpler.

As far as replying, I guess I personally wouldn't even bother. Like I said, it took me years to figure out that when you respond to people like that, it only makes you feel better and never teaches them anything.

Sometimes rude people just need silence. If they were open to learning anything, I am sure it would have happened long before she crossed your path.

Simply not being able to find daycare and not receiving a response from whomever she was rude too will probably teach her more in the long run.

I am huge on speaking your mind, but only if you honestly feel it would be beneficial to the listener.
I really can't help but be sarcastic in these situations so perhaps it is better that I just keep my mouth shut...I may unintentionally cause more grief for myself. But seriously this just cements that despite my curiosity, I'm just gonna let this pass...
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Old 02-21-2014, 10:42 AM
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I really can't help but be sarcastic in these situations so perhaps it is better that I just keep my mouth shut...I may unintentionally cause more grief for myself. But seriously this just cements that despite my curiosity, I'm just gonna let this pass...
My mother used to always say "Lord please keep one hand on my shoulder and the other firmly over my mouth. Amen"

NOW (after working in childcare) I FULLY understand what she meant.



Last edited by Blackcat31; 02-21-2014 at 11:29 AM.
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Old 02-21-2014, 10:47 AM
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My mother used to always say "Lord please keep one hand on my should and the other firmly over my mouth. Amen"

NOW (after working in childcare) I FULLY understand what she meant.


Lol thanks! I'm even more liable to say something when I'm pregnant (gosh I'm over halfway through this pregnancy already). When I was pregnant with ds, my sarcasm reached a new level...so usually I don't say anything lately...but when I do, even my mom is shocked.
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:46 AM
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I agree with your DH. Life is better when it's simpler.

As far as replying, I guess I personally wouldn't even bother. Like I said, it took me years to figure out that when you respond to people like that, it only makes you feel better and never teaches them anything.

Sometimes rude people just need silence. If they were open to learning anything, I am sure it would have happened long before she crossed your path.

Simply not being able to find daycare and not receiving a response from whomever she was rude too will probably teach her more in the long run.

I am huge on speaking your mind, but only if you honestly feel it would be beneficial to the listener.
Me too on this, but sometimes I will respond on the boards to not only help the original poster but to help others that might read- not just on the boards but in real life too, my words might not be taken in by the OP or Original speaker but the lurkers around are also listening

first post BC was awesome!
DH is right on.
and above in hopefully read I respond-
and BC 2nd post was great too~

Good info for you OP I wish you the best-
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Old 02-21-2014, 11:49 AM
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Lol thanks! I'm even more liable to say something when I'm pregnant (gosh I'm over halfway through this pregnancy already). When I was pregnant with ds, my sarcasm reached a new level...so usually I don't say anything lately...but when I do, even my mom is shocked.
I don't know about the pregnancy thing but I know the older I get..........
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:46 PM
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That was my initial reaction but I'm still confused as to why she would be so rude in the first place. She did daycare before. She knows how it is with having to find the right family. I guess my curiosity could get me in trouble here...
It is hard for people that respect others to even fathom why people act so rude. She didn't get her way and she was upset and had a tantrum essentially and wanted to verbally inflict a little pain so that you would feel miserable too. Like another person said, when someone tells you who they are, believe them. Some people are just rude and no amount of discussions, trial periods, and what not is going to change that. Not only were they rude when they didn't get their way, they were being rude at the interview. No sense to waste your time with them when you know good and well what you will be dealing with on a regular basis. And don't be tempted to assume that other previous daycare providers will be more understanding. There are A LOT of people out there that did daycare for a period of however long....that doesn't mean that they were good at it, that they were successful working with others, or that they learned anything to take with them in the future. Especially in states that don't require licensing for small ratios, any person can just open up shop and start doing it. It requires next to nothing in some states.
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Old 02-21-2014, 12:57 PM
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I don't know about the pregnancy thing but I know the older I get..........
Lol yeah. Even when I'm not pregnant I apparently can have biting sarcasm when I'm poked...and it only gets worse the more I encounter inconsiderate people. My dad is way worse....unlike me he can take a punch though so I better watch myself.

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It is hard for people that respect others to even fathom why people act so rude. She didn't get her way and she was upset and had a tantrum essentially and wanted to verbally inflict a little pain so that you would feel miserable too. Like another person said, when someone tells you who they are, believe them. Some people are just rude and no amount of discussions, trial periods, and what not is going to change that. Not only were they rude when they didn't get their way, they were being rude at the interview. No sense to waste your time with them when you know good and well what you will be dealing with on a regular basis. And don't be tempted to assume that other previous daycare providers will be more understanding. There are A LOT of people out there that did daycare for a period of however long....that doesn't mean that they were good at it, that they were successful working with others, or that they learned anything to take with them in the future. Especially in states that don't require licensing for small ratios, any person can just open up shop and start doing it. It requires next to nothing in some states.
Yeah I just keep having a problem with understanding people when they are being inconsiderate. I try hard to understand other points of view even if I don't like that point of view. Maybe I shouldn't try so hard.
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Old 02-21-2014, 02:09 PM
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Wait... I remember this interview now that you mention the dh being rude! Didn't they have a few little boys who were rowdy and nutso?? Yeah, I would just pass.
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