Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Do I Dare Discuss This With DCM (Potty Mouth Issues)?
Soccermom 05:10 PM 10-05-2012
I have a DCB who loves using potty words and thinks he is hilarious when he uses them. It is constant - Hey Fartface, What are you doing Big Baby face, Hi Farty farty fart fart, Wanna play me with pooper guy? He doesn't seem to be saying them to be mean but rather be a comedian. It really bothers me and my other DCKS are really starting to be turned off by this.
I correct him when he says these things and tell him that we don't call people names here. I also told him that potty talk is not considered funny to me and will not be tolerated in my home. I want him to have friends and I worry about how this is going to effect his relationship with the other kids.
Problem is, DCM thinks it is funny. At drop off in the AM he will say these things to her and she will say things like this back to him. Same deal at pick up. He will hit her a bunch of times and call her these names. She just ignores the fact that he is hitting her (even though he isn't hitting hard...hitting is not okay here) and calls him names right back. She never corrects him.
I want to have a chat with DCM and tell her that this is causing an issue here and ask that she please support me in telling DCB that this is inappropriate but don't want to step on toes and tell her how to parent her child either.
I have thought about just saying - Oh, oh, I guess Mommy doesn't know our rule yet does she? Are we allowed to say those words here?
Would that be stepping over the line with DCM?
I correct him when he says these things and tell him that we don't call people names here. I also told him that potty talk is not considered funny to me and will not be tolerated in my home. I want him to have friends and I worry about how this is going to effect his relationship with the other kids.
Problem is, DCM thinks it is funny. At drop off in the AM he will say these things to her and she will say things like this back to him. Same deal at pick up. He will hit her a bunch of times and call her these names. She just ignores the fact that he is hitting her (even though he isn't hitting hard...hitting is not okay here) and calls him names right back. She never corrects him.
I want to have a chat with DCM and tell her that this is causing an issue here and ask that she please support me in telling DCB that this is inappropriate but don't want to step on toes and tell her how to parent her child either.
I have thought about just saying - Oh, oh, I guess Mommy doesn't know our rule yet does she? Are we allowed to say those words here?
Would that be stepping over the line with DCM?
phoenix 06:01 PM 10-05-2012
Ugh.....and they wonder how bullying starts! I had a dck who would do that but on a lesser scale. When he did, I would have him repeat the sentence using nice words....such as " what are you doing ******(dck name)" or "hi ***xx, you are my friend". It seems to be all in the reactions they get, hence his "fun" time with dcm at drop off. Maybe if he sees he gets good reactions with nice words he will begin to ease up.I dont have any advice on the situation with dcm 
That is such a hard line to cross.
That is such a hard line to cross.
Chipmunk 06:08 PM 10-05-2012
Originally Posted by Soccermom:
I have thought about just saying - Oh, oh, I guess Mommy doesn't know our rule yet does she. Are we allowed to say those words here? Would that be stepping over the line with DCM?
I think as a mom, I'd be really put off by that. Not only are you telling me I'm parenting incorrectly, AND doing it in front of my child, but you're also being passive-aggressive and speaking to the child about a problem you have with me instead of just speaking with me directly.I have thought about just saying - Oh, oh, I guess Mommy doesn't know our rule yet does she. Are we allowed to say those words here? Would that be stepping over the line with DCM?
I would problem address it with her as more of a team effort: "I need your help -- Junior's potty mouth is getting rather out of hand, and while I know he's trying to be funny, it's not coming across that way to the other children. I'm afraid he's hurt some feelings and may lose friends, and it's not a behavior I condone or allow in my home because of that. What do you think we can do to curb this behavior?"
providerandmomof4 06:59 PM 10-05-2012
I had a problem with my dd when she was about 4 trying to fit "fart" into every sentence at least once. She thought it was hilarious and so did the other dck. I had asked her to stop but she didn't until she finally started losing privileges. I'd definitely talk with dcm about it. What's acceptable at home, may not be out in public, dcm should understand that.
VTMom 08:21 PM 10-05-2012
In my house, using potty words are only allowed in the bathroom. Junior uses a potty word, I jump on it saying "Oh...you must have to go to the bathroom. I hear potty talk and we only talk like that in the bathroom". Into the bathroom they go. If they don't have to actually "go", they need to wash their hands. Works for my kids typically.
Good luck!
Good luck!
e.j. 07:52 AM 10-06-2012
Originally Posted by Chipmunk:
I think as a mom, I'd be really put off by that. Not only are you telling me I'm parenting incorrectly, AND doing it in front of my child, but you're also being passive-aggressive and speaking to the child about a problem you have with me instead of just speaking with me directly.
I would problem address it with her as more of a team effort: "I need your help -- Junior's potty mouth is getting rather out of hand, and while I know he's trying to be funny, it's not coming across that way to the other children. I'm afraid he's hurt some feelings and may lose friends, and it's not a behavior I condone or allow in my home because of that. What do you think we can do to curb this behavior?"
I think as a mom, I'd be really put off by that. Not only are you telling me I'm parenting incorrectly, AND doing it in front of my child, but you're also being passive-aggressive and speaking to the child about a problem you have with me instead of just speaking with me directly.
I would problem address it with her as more of a team effort: "I need your help -- Junior's potty mouth is getting rather out of hand, and while I know he's trying to be funny, it's not coming across that way to the other children. I'm afraid he's hurt some feelings and may lose friends, and it's not a behavior I condone or allow in my home because of that. What do you think we can do to curb this behavior?"
I agree. This is how I would handle it.
cheerfuldom 11:38 AM 10-06-2012
I agree with Chipmunk. Dont reduce yourself to hints and passive aggressive comments because most of the time, that doesnt work and secondly, its not professional. When it doesnt work, you will become more frustrated and it will become more awkward to address the issue.
Give mom the chance for the two of you to address this in a mature way and I hope that she is respectful of your daycare needs. Even if she isnt willing to change anything at home, thats fine. You just need her support in expressing to her son that those comments are not acceptable at daycare.
A lot of time it helps to highlight the benefit of her helping....she will be helping her son make friends and be happier at daycare. If you make it about you or make it about the other kids, a lot of parents are selfishly not as receptive to changing for that reason.
Give mom the chance for the two of you to address this in a mature way and I hope that she is respectful of your daycare needs. Even if she isnt willing to change anything at home, thats fine. You just need her support in expressing to her son that those comments are not acceptable at daycare.
A lot of time it helps to highlight the benefit of her helping....she will be helping her son make friends and be happier at daycare. If you make it about you or make it about the other kids, a lot of parents are selfishly not as receptive to changing for that reason.