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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>"I'm Not Gay"
permanentvacation 01:40 PM 07-01-2014
I just don't think that statement should come out of a 4 year old's mouth. If your 4 year old daycare kid said that to another daycare child, would you be bothered/concerned/react in any way?
Heidi 01:43 PM 07-01-2014
I would also discourage that sort of talk. Maybe just stick with "you know, talking like that is not appropriate at daycare or school. Please choose another topic".
SilverSabre25 01:43 PM 07-01-2014
i'd be concerned...partly because I really don't think that word should exist in the lexicon of a child that young, no matter how tolerant or what the family make up is, kwim?
Heidi 01:47 PM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25:
i'd be concerned...partly because I really don't think that word should exist in the lexicon of a child that young, no matter how tolerant or what the family make up is, kwim?
Well, the word is thrown around by preteens every day, usually in a negative way. I'd say that's the most likely scenario. I doubt a 4 yo has any clue what it means.i'd be concerned...partly because I really don't think that word should exist in the lexicon of a child that young, no matter how tolerant or what the family make up is, kwim?
I'm very liberal about such things, but I'd see it in as inappropriate in any case. If you're conservative, it's inappropriate, and if your'e accepting, it's disrespectful to those who are. Either way...not ok.
permanentvacation 02:04 PM 07-01-2014
I don't think he has a clue what it means. He either honestly doesn't know where he heard it from or won't tell me because he could tell that him saying it upset me. I told his father that he said it and that I need him to talk to him about proper 4 year old conversation.
It's not the end of the world, I know, but it's just another thing that just shocks me about the general population in the area I live in compared to the general public in the area I used to live in.
It's not the end of the world, I know, but it's just another thing that just shocks me about the general population in the area I live in compared to the general public in the area I used to live in.
nanglgrl 02:08 PM 07-01-2014
My oldest sons name is Gage. Sixteen years ago he was in kindergarten and a little boy kept calling him gay since his name was Gage. I called the child's parents and nicely explained the situation and they hung up on me. I then told my son what gay meant and that the next time the child called him that he could define it for him. It shut the child up but guess whose parents called to try and yell at me. We have gay friends and gay couples with children. My children know what gay means so they don't use it as a derogatory word. I think children often repeat words and phrases they hear because they are trying to make sense of them since they don't know what they mean. I would tell the child's parents (and any other child that heard him) what happened and ask that they either have a talk with their child about not using the word or explain to him what the word means.
Blackcat31 02:12 PM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by nanglgrl:
My oldest sons name is Gage. Sixteen years ago he was in kindergarten and a little boy kept calling him gay since his name was Gage. I called the child's parents and nicely explained the situation and they hung up on me. I then told my son what gay meant and that the next time the child called him that he could define it for him. It shut the child up but guess whose parents called to try and yell at me. We have gay friends and gay couples with children. My children know what gay means so they don't use it as a derogatory word. I think children often repeat words and phrases they hear because they are trying to make sense of them since they don't know what they mean. I would tell the child's parents (and any other child that heard him) what happened and ask that they either have a talk with their child about not using the word or explain to him what the word means.
One of my DCM's names is Gaye. My oldest sons name is Gage. Sixteen years ago he was in kindergarten and a little boy kept calling him gay since his name was Gage. I called the child's parents and nicely explained the situation and they hung up on me. I then told my son what gay meant and that the next time the child called him that he could define it for him. It shut the child up but guess whose parents called to try and yell at me. We have gay friends and gay couples with children. My children know what gay means so they don't use it as a derogatory word. I think children often repeat words and phrases they hear because they are trying to make sense of them since they don't know what they mean. I would tell the child's parents (and any other child that heard him) what happened and ask that they either have a talk with their child about not using the word or explain to him what the word means.
It hasn't been an issue but she has mentioned overhearing "snickering" when having to give her name in certain situations like checking in at the clinic etc...
daycare 03:37 PM 07-01-2014
I have a family that is two mom's so that word comes up a lot in my DC. Gay is not a bad thing, not sure why people are treating it that way.
It's just a title for someone's sexual preference.
Yes the kids all question why does billy have two mommies, well that is because the fact is that they are gay and they are lesbians. FACT AND FACT. They love each other, people can't help who they fall in love with, man or woman, man-man, woman-woman......
We all share with everyone who we love, everyone deserves this right.
I would just say ok Billy thanks for letting us know and move on. Nothing else needs to be said.
It's just a title for someone's sexual preference.
Yes the kids all question why does billy have two mommies, well that is because the fact is that they are gay and they are lesbians. FACT AND FACT. They love each other, people can't help who they fall in love with, man or woman, man-man, woman-woman......
We all share with everyone who we love, everyone deserves this right.
I would just say ok Billy thanks for letting us know and move on. Nothing else needs to be said.
hope 04:25 PM 07-01-2014
When the kiddies here play house or talk about marriage girls marry girls sometimes and boys play with two daddies. It's just a normal thing. They word gay never came up but if it did there are plenty of examples that they have seen to k ow what it is. I feel like if you make it a big deal it becomes a big deal.
Heidi 04:38 PM 07-01-2014
Let me clarify: I thought he said it in the negative sense. It also seemed OP was uncomfortable with it, so I went with the "her house, her rules" idea.
Being the mother of a teen that is transgender AND gay (
) I am most certainly NOT judging.
Being the mother of a teen that is transgender AND gay (
) I am most certainly NOT judging.
permanentvacation 06:29 PM 07-01-2014
My niece is a lesbian. A daycare child of mine from years ago that became best friends with my older daughter from age 3 - 15 (they still talk every once in a while, but we've moved a good bit away from where they live and their lives have taken them on different paths) or so is transgender and gay as well. He was born a female and is now taking hormones and planning to get surgery to become a male. He has changed his name and desired pronoun to be identified as a male.
So I am comfortable with the term. I just don't think it's appropriate for 4 year olds to say at daycare. I was taken back by him saying it out of the blue. I also don't feel it's appropriate for young children to claim to have heterosexual boyfriends/girlfriends. I just think all of that is too adult like for little 4 year olds.
So I am comfortable with the term. I just don't think it's appropriate for 4 year olds to say at daycare. I was taken back by him saying it out of the blue. I also don't feel it's appropriate for young children to claim to have heterosexual boyfriends/girlfriends. I just think all of that is too adult like for little 4 year olds.
daycare 06:57 PM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
My niece is a lesbian. A daycare child of mine from years ago that became best friends with my older daughter from age 3 - 15 (they still talk every once in a while, but we've moved a good bit away from where they live and their lives have taken them on different paths) or so is transgender and gay as well. He was born a female and is now taking hormones and planning to get surgery to become a male. He has changed his name and desired pronoun to be identified as a male.
So I am comfortable with the term. I just don't think it's appropriate for 4 year olds to say at daycare. I was taken back by him saying it out of the blue. I also don't feel it's appropriate for young children to claim to have heterosexual boyfriends/girlfriends. I just think all of that is too adult like for little 4 year olds.
let me ask this.....would you be upset if he said, I am straight instead?My niece is a lesbian. A daycare child of mine from years ago that became best friends with my older daughter from age 3 - 15 (they still talk every once in a while, but we've moved a good bit away from where they live and their lives have taken them on different paths) or so is transgender and gay as well. He was born a female and is now taking hormones and planning to get surgery to become a male. He has changed his name and desired pronoun to be identified as a male.
So I am comfortable with the term. I just don't think it's appropriate for 4 year olds to say at daycare. I was taken back by him saying it out of the blue. I also don't feel it's appropriate for young children to claim to have heterosexual boyfriends/girlfriends. I just think all of that is too adult like for little 4 year olds.
I guess being from CA Bay area with one of the largest Gay communities everything is acceptable and understood. I am from a country that you would be killed if you are gay, but I am a USA citizen now and I adapted to my state and country.
I think it could be just that you are uncomfortable with it, not the kids. The kids probably don't care at all.
MotherNature 07:54 PM 07-01-2014
I don't get what the big deal is at all. Unless the other kid was using gay as an insult, which should be nipped in the bud immediately. My kids are around people of all genders and orientation all the time. My oldest is transgender and married to her high school sweetheart. My husband is bi, and we are very involved in a progressive church with members of all orientations and genders. I don't think it's inappropriate for a child to know about homosexuality at age 4. My eldest started showing signs of being trans at age 2. Gay people are part of our world, completely normal, etc..nothing wrong or bad about it.
MotherNature 07:55 PM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by hope:
When the kiddies here play house or talk about marriage girls marry girls sometimes and boys play with two daddies. It's just a normal thing. They word gay never came up but if it did there are plenty of examples that they have seen to k ow what it is. I feel like if you make it a big deal it becomes a big deal.
When the kiddies here play house or talk about marriage girls marry girls sometimes and boys play with two daddies. It's just a normal thing. They word gay never came up but if it did there are plenty of examples that they have seen to k ow what it is. I feel like if you make it a big deal it becomes a big deal.
permanentvacation 08:04 PM 07-01-2014
Yes, I would be just as bothered if he had announced that he was straight. I simply think that at 4 years old, they should be talking about playing with trucks, Legos, etc. Not their sexual preferences, who they think is good looking, or anything about having an attraction to another person other than being each other's plain old little kid friend. They are 4, not 14.
permanentvacation 08:08 PM 07-01-2014
Sex is part of our world too, but I don't think a 4 year old should know about that either. Drugs are a part of our world, war is a part of our world, there are a lot of things that are a part of our world that I don't think a 4 year old should be knowledgeable about or concerned with at their age.
daycare 08:12 PM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
Sex is part of our world too, but I don't think a 4 year old should know about that either. Drugs are a part of our world, war is a part of our world, there are a lot of things that are a part of our world that I don't think a 4 year old should be knowledgeable about or concerned with at their age.
at 4 I am sure the child has really NO CLUE what that means. I am sure they are just repeating it or Maybe they have a gay person in their family or friend.Sex is part of our world too, but I don't think a 4 year old should know about that either. Drugs are a part of our world, war is a part of our world, there are a lot of things that are a part of our world that I don't think a 4 year old should be knowledgeable about or concerned with at their age.
I would just say, thanks for sharing and move on..
permanentvacation 08:51 PM 07-01-2014
I have thought since I first met him, that his father might be gay. His parents were divorced before they came to my daycare. I just pulled up his facebook and looked through his pictures and read some of his friends' comments on his pictures. He does have a lot of gay friends. And there are a good bit of comments like ' looking sexy' and calling him good looking, general flirting, etc. from his male friends.
daycare 09:11 PM 07-01-2014
Originally Posted by permanentvacation:
I have thought since I first met him, that his father might be gay. His parents were divorced before they came to my daycare. I just pulled up his facebook and looked through his pictures and read some of his friends' comments on his pictures. He does have a lot of gay friends. And there are a good bit of comments like ' looking sexy' and calling him good looking, general flirting, etc. from his male friends.
I have been to DC, I know it is much much more conservative than here. Even Gorgetown is much more unlike where I live, so I just go with the flow anything goes. I remember I ride the subway first time my life there in DC and everyone stare at me and my mother. My mother was dressed from head to toe in traditional Egyptian clothing and I was wearing a short sun dress with my bathing suit under. We were staying at a hotel with a large pool and wanted to go to capitol hill and walk around. WOW were people harsh. My mother and I were dress the very opposite.I have thought since I first met him, that his father might be gay. His parents were divorced before they came to my daycare. I just pulled up his facebook and looked through his pictures and read some of his friends' comments on his pictures. He does have a lot of gay friends. And there are a good bit of comments like ' looking sexy' and calling him good looking, general flirting, etc. from his male friends.
Perhaps this is why the child says it. Maybe he knows someone who is and he already knows he is not.
My cousins brothers are both gay and knew from the age of 2-4. I remember one year my cousin telling me that he wish to be a girl on his 3rd B-day. This was about 40 years ago and I just laughed.
I think that if you just don't make a deal out of it, the kids won't either