Daycare.com Forum

Go Back   Daycare.com Forum > Main Category > Daycare Center and Family Home Forum

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum Daycare Center and Family Home owners, Directors, Operators and Assistants should post and ask questions here.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-07-2018, 08:24 AM
Baby Beluga's Avatar
Baby Beluga Baby Beluga is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 3,134
Default DCB Saying He Wants to Kill Himself

DCB, 4 years, had to sit out today because he was playing rough with a manipulative. Was warned to be gentle - he continued to play rough, so he was excused from the activity. He sat out then said "I want to kill myself."

How in the world do I address this with the parents? Is this normal for a child of his age? This is a first for me. And a bit of a scary one too
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-07-2018, 08:45 AM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 9,380
Default

I'd definitely report to parents, immediately. It is a mandatory reporter qualifier in my state (highest risk age 10-18), but not all.

"Suicidal Threats. There are no federal laws that mandate reporting suicidal thoughts or suicide risk. Each state has its own laws with regard to whether reporting is required."

I'd call my CCR&R for a second opinion in a child so young and ask her to join my parent conference. Her training level (PhD) and experience is much higher than my own (wish in one hand) on these issues and she has access to better resources.
__________________
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-07-2018, 08:53 AM
Cat Herder's Avatar
Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 9,380
Default

I ran out of time to edit.

My thinking is that it may not be this young child you help the most, it may be who this young child overhears saying this.
__________________
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-07-2018, 08:55 AM
storybookending's Avatar
storybookending storybookending is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 1,024
Default

This was a big deal the time it happened when I worked school age care. It didn’t happen at my site so I am not all the way sure how it was handled but I recall my director getting involved with the parents as well the the guidance counselor and school psychologist as our SA care was located off site directly in the elementary schools. It needs to be addressed now as threats of this type are taken so seriously when he reaches elementary school (at least in my district) Does the child have older siblings where he may have picked it up from?
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-07-2018, 09:05 AM
Baby Beluga's Avatar
Baby Beluga Baby Beluga is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 3,134
Default

I am drafting an email to the parents now. So far, this is what I have:

Hi parents,

I am sending this email to notify you both of a behavior I witnessed in X today. This morning X and another child were building with pipe builders. X was not being gentle with the manipulative and was warned to be gentle or he would be excused from the activity. X continued to bang the pipe builders so he was temporarily excused from the activity. X respectfully left the activity, however when he went to sit on the rug opposite of the pipe builders, he sat down and said “I want to kill myself.”

This is the first time I have witnessed such behavior from X. Have you heard of or witnessed him saying anything like this before? Overall X has had wonderful days here. His morning arrivals have improved greatly and he is generally a happy and eager child who plays well with the other children; the other children are very excited when X arrives and frequently ask about him when he is not here. Naturally him saying he wanted to harm himself surprised me.


Annnnnnnd, I'm not sure how to close it.

It is a concern of mine that younger kids will pick up on saying this. I have two 2 year olds who are sponges and they pick up on everything the older kids say. But do I address this with the parents now? Or simply notify them of what DCB said and if it is said again address it then.

TBH, I don't think DCB is going to harm himself. At least not here. He is an emotional child who does and says things to his parents (mainly mom) to get attention. This is the child who used to scream and hit his mom at drop off. That has since stopped and his arrivals really have improved. I have a feeling he said this for shock value because he was mad he was removed from an activity.

Yes, this DCB has older siblings, 2. One is 17ish and the other is 14/15 (I believe) and has special needs.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-07-2018, 09:07 AM
Baby Beluga's Avatar
Baby Beluga Baby Beluga is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 3,134
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat Herder View Post
I ran out of time to edit.

My thinking is that it may not be this young child you help the most, it may be who this young child overhears saying this.
He had to of heard it from somewhere I don't believe a 4 year old just comes up with this on his own.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 03-07-2018, 09:32 AM
daycarediva's Avatar
daycarediva daycarediva is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,062
Default

Definitely repeated/learned.

Poor kid.

I once said "Just shoot me already" after a VERY hard day of work to dh. In jest, of course, but my son/5 at the time went to K the following day, missed a spelling word and said that to the teacher.

Got a phone call from the school psychologist and had to agree to have him do 'check in' visits for a couple of months.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 03-07-2018, 09:35 AM
Ariana's Avatar
Ariana Ariana is online now
Advanced Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 6,284
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by daycarediva View Post
Definitely repeated/learned.

Poor kid.

I once said "Just shoot me already" after a VERY hard day of work to dh. In jest, of course, but my son/5 at the time went to K the following day, missed a spelling word and said that to the teacher.

Got a phone call from the school psychologist and had to agree to have him do 'check in' visits for a couple of months.
Well that sucks Instead of swearing I say “stupid” and now everyone says it

I know this sounds serious but to me he has no clue what he is really saying. Probably heard an adult say it in jest when frustrated.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 03-07-2018, 09:37 AM
daycarediva's Avatar
daycarediva daycarediva is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 11,062
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ariana View Post
Well that sucks Instead of swearing I say “stupid” and now everyone says it

I know this sounds serious but to me he has no clue what he is really saying. Probably heard an adult say it in jest when frustrated.
RIGHT! Aww fiddlesticks, shucks, gosh darn it, the kids say them all.



In this case, especially if he heard it from the teenager, as a parent I would want to know!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 03-07-2018, 09:54 AM
Baby Beluga's Avatar
Baby Beluga Baby Beluga is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 3,134
Default

My curse word replacment is "seriously."

My 6 year old now says it and when she does it is sounds so disrespectful

Trying to break her of that habit is hard. Especially when trying to break myself of the same habit is hard!
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 03-08-2018, 06:12 AM
284878's Avatar
284878 284878 is online now
Day Care Owner
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1,161
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga View Post
My curse word replacment is "seriously."

My 6 year old now says it and when she does it is sounds so disrespectful

Trying to break her of that habit is hard. Especially when trying to break myself of the same habit is hard!
My DD says seriously. I think it is cute. But I can see how others my like it. I am just so grateful that is what she says instead of all the other things she could say.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 03-08-2018, 10:39 AM
BrynleeJean BrynleeJean is offline
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: May 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 176
Default

my curse replacement is GOOD NIGHT. not just in child are but everywhere. i got it from duck dynasty as a joke but it stuck and its cute.

Yea id call your Rep for advice and talk face to face about the severity of it because you are legally responsible for reporting certain things, at least i am here in my state for the safety of the child, but also id say, this could have come from someone at home speaking poorly and they just picked up on it. I REALLY don't thing the four year old knows what it really means or even how it would be done honestly. maybe talking to the parents about that will have them watch what they say a little more around the child warning them that if you continue to hear concerning things like this from the child you'll have to report it or whatever
My brother once got in trouble for something like this in kinder. it was my parents letting us watch whatever, blockbusters, rated Rs, HBO. he said something very inappropriate ill just say to his kinder teacher and my parents got a talk they'd never forget.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 03-08-2018, 12:06 PM
boy_mom's Avatar
boy_mom boy_mom is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 94
Default

My son once said "I'm going to kill myself!" When he was frustrated, I was sooo shocked because we don't talk like that at home.

Turns out he had been watching Charlie Brown movies/shows at my parents the previous weekend and he picked up the phrase. even though I watched it as a kid I had forgot how different the language was then!!

I would talk with parents and reach out to your licensor to cover all your bases, but it could be as simple as hearing it at home or on tv!
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 03-08-2018, 12:40 PM
Baby Beluga's Avatar
Baby Beluga Baby Beluga is online now
Daycare.com Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: USA
Posts: 3,134
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by boy_mom View Post
My son once said "I'm going to kill myself!" When he was frustrated, I was sooo shocked because we don't talk like that at home.

Turns out he had been watching Charlie Brown movies/shows at my parents the previous weekend and he picked up the phrase. even though I watched it as a kid I had forgot how different the language was then!!

I would talk with parents and reach out to your licensor to cover all your bases, but it could be as simple as hearing it at home or on tv!
Yes! I remember being so excited to show DD A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving when she was younger....until we started watching it. I too had that same moment of "Yikes! Did I watch this as a kid?!"

I emailed the parents during nap yesterday, explained what happened and ended the email by saying I am sure DCB doesn't understand what it means to actually kill himself, it was likely picked up from hearing an adult say it and DCB repeated it out of frustration for being corrected. But because of the weight of what he said, I did feel it was important to notify them. Dad responded that it was disturbing and he would talk to DCB about it and at pick up agreed that DCB likely heard it from someone but wasn't sure who/where. Mom hasn't responded.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
4 year old, harm, harming oneself, inappropriate talk

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Kidkare Is Going To Kill Me..... MissAnn Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 22 11-05-2017 10:13 PM
oh, my goodness, daylight savings time is going to kill me nothingwithoutjoy Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 4 03-10-2015 10:44 AM
FCC - A Lonely Profession MarinaVanessa Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 30 07-27-2014 07:21 PM
Did Daycare kill your love life? love111 Daycare Center and Family Home Forum 44 08-10-2012 11:20 AM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 01:06 AM.



Daycare.com         Find A Daycare         List Your Daycare         Toys & Products                 About Us

Daycare.com
Please read our Disclaimer before continuing.

Topics pertain mainly to the following States:

Alabama Alaska Arizona Arkansas California Colorado Connecticut Delaware District of Columbia Florida Georgia Hawaii Idaho Illinois Indiana Iowa Kansas Kentucky Louisiana Maine Maryland Massachusetts Michigan Minnesota Mississippi Missouri Montana Nebraska Nevada New Hampshire New Jersey New Mexico New York North Carolina North Dakota Ohio Oklahoma Oregon Pennsylvania Rhode Island South Carolina South Dakota Tennessee Texas Utah Vermont Virginia Washington West Virginia Wisconsin Wyoming