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Old 04-11-2018, 11:28 AM
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Default 4 Year Old Rude Talk

I have a 4 yo DCB who says and does a lot of rude things. The problem is that I don't know how to get him to understand what he is saying/doing is not considered polite because this is how the parents talk to him at home. He says to kids when they leave for the day "see ya wouldn't want to be ya!". Another phrase he uses is "nun ya" as in none of your business. So if a child asks him "what are you playing?" He responds with "nun ya" or "nun ya business". He also shakes his butt a lot and sometimes shakes it while spanking himself. I don't find any of this acceptable or funny. He also comments a lot saying "I'm hilarious!". When I have talked to the parents about how he talks here, mom usually responds with, "oh, he probably got that from us! If DCD and I are talking and the kids ask us what we are talking about, we tell them nun ya business if we don't want them to know." I have also heard dad say "see ya wouldn't want to be ya" to him as a goodbye at drop offs. I get that families have different ways of interacting with each other and might find those things funny within their household, but it is extremely rude in other settings. I don't know how to explain to the 4 year old that this behavior is not polite when this is a common way of talking to others at his house.
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Old 04-11-2018, 11:45 AM
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I don’t see a problem personally. The kid is just being a kid and although you find it rude, I personally don’t. Obviously the parents do not find it rude either. Everyone is different.

I would chat with the parents and tell them you find it rude and ask them to stop doing those things at home. If you still are finding him doing these things you can always think about terming. Since this is being reinforced at home and because of his age it likely won’t change much.
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Old 04-11-2018, 12:01 PM
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Admittedly I don't see what he's doing as too big of a deal, but if it bothers you then:
"We don't do that at Mrs. Anon's house" or
"That's not how we talk here"
And a consequence every time.

At 4 he does need to start learning that different environments mean different allowed/accepted behaviors. I wouldn't even involve the parents, necessarily. There are different rules in different places, and that's okay.
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Old 04-11-2018, 12:15 PM
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The examples you provided are the exact reasons I started getting more peculiar about which families I would accept into care and which ones I would pass on.

NO MATTER how much I did/didn't need the income.

Filtering clients to better match my philosophies and parenting styles. That changed my work environment a ton!

I know that isn't possible for everyone but I just couldn't deal with a child who's parents thought that type of behavior was funny at all.

Fwiw I do find the behavior rude and not necessary. I try to teach the kids to be respectful to each other as well as to the adults in charge. Wiggling your behind around while you pretend spank yourself is not appropriate and isn't something I'd ignore or take lightly here either.
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Old 04-11-2018, 12:28 PM
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I would address it when it happens.

"We don't say ___ here."

It's kind of like the play guns at my house. So many kids make pretend guns out of blocks. I don't like it so it's not allowed here. I will tell the child "you may be able to do that at home, but not while you are here. Make something else, like a building or a fort."
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Old 04-11-2018, 04:08 PM
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I think it's rude and inappropriate. I'd just remind him of your rules and deal out consequences accordingly, as someone else mentioned. I probably wouldn't mention it to the dcps again; let them do what they want in their house(they most likely would anyways). But your home=your rules.

I have a 4 1/2 yo dcg who loves potty talk; her favorite during winter break was calling others butthead or poopy butthead. Funny thing is although she has stopped doing it, the impressionable 3 yos are now calling her those words and she comes running to tell me, all upset about it. I asked her where she thought they might have heard those words??

A lot of times if dcks are saying something rude, etc., I will come right out and ask them if they say those things to their teachers at school, to their grandparents, at the people in stores or at the library, and other general public places. And they always look at me like 'of course not!' So I say 'then you don't do it here either'.
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Old 04-11-2018, 08:07 PM
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His kindergarten teacher is unlikely to be amused.

I'd probably talk to his parents one more time, pointing out that it won't go over well in school..then let it go with them and work on it with him.
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Old 04-12-2018, 07:53 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hwichlaz View Post
His kindergarten teacher is unlikely to be amused.

I'd probably talk to his parents one more time, pointing out that it won't go over well in school..then let it go with them and work on it with him.
Exactly what I'm thinking! No teacher he has is going to find this behavior funny. He tells me several times a day that he is hilarious and I know I am not the only adult in his life who does not see the things he says and does as being funny. I know though, at home it is reinforced that what he is doing/saying is funny, so that's the tricky part. He does go to preschool a couple times a week as well and I know from talking to DCM that he has some trouble there as well with how he talks to others. One would think that hearing that he is having trouble in multiple settings with this kind of behavior, the parents would take that cue to try and correct it. That doesn't seem to be the case though. I know there is nothing I can do to change it at home so I give him reminders here every time he speaks in a rude way or does something that I feel is inappropriate that we don't behave that way at my house.
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Old 04-12-2018, 10:03 AM
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Trust me the kinder teacher won’t have time to address this, she has many more pressing matters like all the undiagnosed special needs kids . You are likely the only one with the power to change this if at all.
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Old 04-14-2018, 10:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
The examples you provided are the exact reasons I started getting more peculiar about which families I would accept into care and which ones I would pass on.

NO MATTER how much I did/didn't need the income.

Filtering clients to better match my philosophies and parenting styles. That changed my work environment a ton!

I know that isn't possible for everyone but I just couldn't deal with a child who's parents thought that type of behavior was funny at all.

Fwiw I do find the behavior rude and not necessary. I try to teach the kids to be respectful to each other as well as to the adults in charge. Wiggling your behind around while you pretend spank yourself is not appropriate and isn't something I'd ignore or take lightly here either.
This. If I don't gel with a family, I don't accept them. I'll never forget a family interviewed with me and was pretending to be the end all to be all. The child busted them. That's also why I don't get why some of you don't allow children on the interview.
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Old 04-14-2018, 10:38 AM
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Could you add some of your own habits to model every day for him. Saying ‘see you later alligator ‘ as children leave , having a fun handshake or something to greet children , so he can do some silly, appropriate actions at your place ?
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Old 04-14-2018, 11:05 AM
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Originally Posted by Silly Songs View Post
Could you add some of your own habits to model every day for him. Saying ‘see you later alligator ‘ as children leave , having a fun handshake or something to greet children , so he can do some silly, appropriate actions at your place ?
Great idea

As far as having the potential dck come visit too, I really prefer they come. You can see a lot happening with the child and the interaction with the parents; both can tell you a lot! Nothing is 100% but you can get a glimmer of it all. You can always schedule a 2nd interview if you want more in-depth conversation with just the parents.
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Old 04-15-2018, 08:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Snowmom View Post
I would address it when it happens.

"We don't say ___ here."

It's kind of like the play guns at my house. So many kids make pretend guns out of blocks. I don't like it so it's not allowed here. I will tell the child "you may be able to do that at home, but not while you are here. Make something else, like a building or a fort."
This is exactly how I handle situations like this too. I have a 4 year old boy who likes to say “ shut up” when another child says something he doesn’t like. I tell him “we don’t say shut up here.” If he is saying shut up because another child is using potty words or being mean I encourage him to say “ stop that” or “don’t say that” instead.

Same thing with the guns. I know some of the kids are allowed to play guns at home but I personally don’t like it and neither do some of the other parents. If a child starts to make guns out of blocks or legos I redirect them into making something else. It usually works and if not I have them move to another center.
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