Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Trouble at Drop Off
Sdcp16 07:40 AM 04-08-2014
Sorry this is a little long: I have been doing daycare for 15 years and haven't had this issue for this long before! I have a 3 year old boy who has been coming full time for about 6 months. He has a 7 yr old sister & 9 yr old brother who are both in school and don't attend dc. Every single morning at drop off, he cries. It never fails. He & his mom both have issues leaving the other. I can't even let her come past my breezeway with him because when I have, she won't leave. The first week, she would spend a good 45 minutes cuddled up with him either on the couch or the floor. I explained to her that she needs to just give him a kiss/hug and leave. No matter what I offer him in the morning to try to help him adjust, he refuses. He says no to everything. Typically I wind up having to finally pick him up after a good 10 min. of her trying to sweetly tell him to go have fun and she'll be back later, i have to carry him to my daycare space where he'll cry/scream for a minute or two and then is fine. He's great once he gets over this. He's great with me, the other kids and she sees how happy he is here at pick up everyday. Any suggestions on how to make him leave her better? And honestly, I'm going through chemo right now for breast cancer so honestly, carrying him somedays is very difficult for me. But I can't let mom come in from the breezeway or she won't leave!!!
cara041083 07:49 AM 04-08-2014
I had the same problem with one of mine. Shes 3. Every morning she gets out of the car screaming and crying and comes inside where she gets even louder. They get here at 630 and she always wakes everyone up. Her mom has even called into work because she couldn't leave her baby 
. The min she leaves the lil girl is fine. Well I asked the lil girl why she does it and she just smiled and said "I don't know". Well to fix the problem, I told the mom to bring her in and just go. I promised her that the min the door shuts she will be fine and of course she didn't believe me. So one morning, as soon as the door closed, and she stopped crying I took her pic and text it to mom and said. "See I told you she would be just fine. I didn't want you to worry and have a great day at work" Now the mom just brings her in and leaves. I don't know if it would work for you, but it did for me. But in my case the lil girl was doing it to make her mom feel bad so she could get her way. Good luck
. The min she leaves the lil girl is fine. Well I asked the lil girl why she does it and she just smiled and said "I don't know". Well to fix the problem, I told the mom to bring her in and just go. I promised her that the min the door shuts she will be fine and of course she didn't believe me. So one morning, as soon as the door closed, and she stopped crying I took her pic and text it to mom and said. "See I told you she would be just fine. I didn't want you to worry and have a great day at work" Now the mom just brings her in and leaves. I don't know if it would work for you, but it did for me. But in my case the lil girl was doing it to make her mom feel bad so she could get her way. Good luck
Cradle2crayons 07:53 AM 04-08-2014
Originally Posted by Sdcp16:
Sorry this is a little long: I have been doing daycare for 15 years and haven't had this issue for this long before! I have a 3 year old boy who has been coming full time for about 6 months. He has a 7 yr old sister & 9 yr old brother who are both in school and don't attend dc. Every single morning at drop off, he cries. It never fails. He & his mom both have issues leaving the other. I can't even let her come past my breezeway with him because when I have, she won't leave. The first week, she would spend a good 45 minutes cuddled up with him either on the couch or the floor. I explained to her that she needs to just give him a kiss/hug and leave. No matter what I offer him in the morning to try to help him adjust, he refuses. He says no to everything. Typically I wind up having to finally pick him up after a good 10 min. of her trying to sweetly tell him to go have fun and she'll be back later, i have to carry him to my daycare space where he'll cry/scream for a minute or two and then is fine. He's great once he gets over this. He's great with me, the other kids and she sees how happy he is here at pick up everyday. Any suggestions on how to make him leave her better? And honestly, I'm going through chemo right now for breast cancer so honestly, carrying him somedays is very difficult for me. But I can't let mom come in from the breezeway or she won't leave!!!
Sounds to me like mom has the issue, not the kid. The kid is feeding off of moms issues.Sorry this is a little long: I have been doing daycare for 15 years and haven't had this issue for this long before! I have a 3 year old boy who has been coming full time for about 6 months. He has a 7 yr old sister & 9 yr old brother who are both in school and don't attend dc. Every single morning at drop off, he cries. It never fails. He & his mom both have issues leaving the other. I can't even let her come past my breezeway with him because when I have, she won't leave. The first week, she would spend a good 45 minutes cuddled up with him either on the couch or the floor. I explained to her that she needs to just give him a kiss/hug and leave. No matter what I offer him in the morning to try to help him adjust, he refuses. He says no to everything. Typically I wind up having to finally pick him up after a good 10 min. of her trying to sweetly tell him to go have fun and she'll be back later, i have to carry him to my daycare space where he'll cry/scream for a minute or two and then is fine. He's great once he gets over this. He's great with me, the other kids and she sees how happy he is here at pick up everyday. Any suggestions on how to make him leave her better? And honestly, I'm going through chemo right now for breast cancer so honestly, carrying him somedays is very difficult for me. But I can't let mom come in from the breezeway or she won't leave!!!
In this case, I do bye bye outside. I explain the process to mom and start immediately.
She says her byes outside quickly and knocks on door, child walks in the door ALONE you shut the door and mom is left standing alone on the porch for as long as she wants to talk to herself.
I'd explain to mom she is making his process way harder than it needs to be and is causing separation anxiety in her child. Explain he bye bye outside and in no time it will get better.
NoMoreJuice! 08:24 AM 04-08-2014
I can't STAND clingy parents. They stress everyone out: themselves, the child(ren), and me! I have an entire section in my policy handbook dedicated to this subject and my new parents (since I moved cities) have all agreed to follow it thus far. Life has been peachy! I'll copy/paste:
Arrivals & Departures
Children are to arrive clean and dressed appropriately for the weather. We will try our best to send your child home with a clean, dry diaper, and would appreciate the same consideration when you drop off.
It is normal for some children to have difficulty separating from parents or cry when dropping off. Please make your drop off brief: the longer you prolong the departure, the harder it gets. A smile, cheerful good-bye kiss, and a reassuring word that you will be back is all that is needed. In our experience, children are nearly always quick to get involved in play or activities as soon as parents are gone. We love every child that comes to us and are confident that love grows trust. After an initial adjustment period, your child will be thrilled to be with us and separation should be very easy and calm.
Please be brief at pick-up times, as well. This is a time of testing, when two different authority figures are present (the parent and the provider). All children will test to see if the rules still apply. During arrival and departure, we expect parents to back up our rules. Please be in control of your child during pick up times. Drop off and pick up are not good times to discuss serious problems. Little ears and minds hear and understand everything. If you have concerns, we can set up a time where the issues can be discussed in private.
Arrivals & Departures
Children are to arrive clean and dressed appropriately for the weather. We will try our best to send your child home with a clean, dry diaper, and would appreciate the same consideration when you drop off.
It is normal for some children to have difficulty separating from parents or cry when dropping off. Please make your drop off brief: the longer you prolong the departure, the harder it gets. A smile, cheerful good-bye kiss, and a reassuring word that you will be back is all that is needed. In our experience, children are nearly always quick to get involved in play or activities as soon as parents are gone. We love every child that comes to us and are confident that love grows trust. After an initial adjustment period, your child will be thrilled to be with us and separation should be very easy and calm.
Please be brief at pick-up times, as well. This is a time of testing, when two different authority figures are present (the parent and the provider). All children will test to see if the rules still apply. During arrival and departure, we expect parents to back up our rules. Please be in control of your child during pick up times. Drop off and pick up are not good times to discuss serious problems. Little ears and minds hear and understand everything. If you have concerns, we can set up a time where the issues can be discussed in private.
MotherNature 09:08 AM 04-08-2014
great policy, No More Juice.
Sdcp16 10:48 AM 04-08-2014
I love the idea of saying goodbye outside. It's funny because I have a finished basement where i do daycare and at first, she would bring him down there. But she wouldn't leave! So, I suggested I meet them in the breezeway and take him down. Now, I stand up there for a good 10 mins, trying to be nice but getting irritated at the same time! It's ridiculous now! I"m going to talk to her tomorrow about the goodbye at the door thing and see how that works.
My3cents 11:37 AM 04-08-2014
Originally Posted by Sdcp16:
Sorry this is a little long: I have been doing daycare for 15 years and haven't had this issue for this long before! I have a 3 year old boy who has been coming full time for about 6 months. He has a 7 yr old sister & 9 yr old brother who are both in school and don't attend dc. Every single morning at drop off, he cries. It never fails. He & his mom both have issues leaving the other. I can't even let her come past my breezeway with him because when I have, she won't leave. The first week, she would spend a good 45 minutes cuddled up with him either on the couch or the floor. I explained to her that she needs to just give him a kiss/hug and leave. No matter what I offer him in the morning to try to help him adjust, he refuses. He says no to everything. Typically I wind up having to finally pick him up after a good 10 min. of her trying to sweetly tell him to go have fun and she'll be back later, i have to carry him to my daycare space where he'll cry/scream for a minute or two and then is fine. He's great once he gets over this. He's great with me, the other kids and she sees how happy he is here at pick up everyday. Any suggestions on how to make him leave her better? And honestly, I'm going through chemo right now for breast cancer so honestly, carrying him somedays is very difficult for me. But I can't let mom come in from the breezeway or she won't leave!!!
you need to be verbally direct with her and meet her at the door, take his hand and say bye Mom. When she tries to come in, you say No, this is not going to work for me, you need to depart and go on and about your day. Sorry this is a little long: I have been doing daycare for 15 years and haven't had this issue for this long before! I have a 3 year old boy who has been coming full time for about 6 months. He has a 7 yr old sister & 9 yr old brother who are both in school and don't attend dc. Every single morning at drop off, he cries. It never fails. He & his mom both have issues leaving the other. I can't even let her come past my breezeway with him because when I have, she won't leave. The first week, she would spend a good 45 minutes cuddled up with him either on the couch or the floor. I explained to her that she needs to just give him a kiss/hug and leave. No matter what I offer him in the morning to try to help him adjust, he refuses. He says no to everything. Typically I wind up having to finally pick him up after a good 10 min. of her trying to sweetly tell him to go have fun and she'll be back later, i have to carry him to my daycare space where he'll cry/scream for a minute or two and then is fine. He's great once he gets over this. He's great with me, the other kids and she sees how happy he is here at pick up everyday. Any suggestions on how to make him leave her better? And honestly, I'm going through chemo right now for breast cancer so honestly, carrying him somedays is very difficult for me. But I can't let mom come in from the breezeway or she won't leave!!!
Its hard to do but a must- Trust me I have been there..........and it also sets you up to have to do this with all parents.........NO WAY. Meet her at the door take the child and tell her to have a nice day.
I wish you the best-
Heidi 12:38 PM 04-08-2014
I think you need to have the conversation about the "new plan" AWAY from DCB. He doesn't need to hear you talking about it. If you can, promise her a text/picture once she's gone.
You could also point out that the other children are unsupervised while you "helping" dcb. Be matter-of-fact about it. You need to make drop offs quick and not quite so dramatic. "Here is how WE are going to do that." Then, promise her a picture of him doing something fun so she won't miss him so much.
You could also point out that the other children are unsupervised while you "helping" dcb. Be matter-of-fact about it. You need to make drop offs quick and not quite so dramatic. "Here is how WE are going to do that." Then, promise her a picture of him doing something fun so she won't miss him so much.
Sdcp16 02:34 PM 04-08-2014
Thanks ladies. I am going to talk with her in the morning about this. I have tried everything else that I know to try and nothing has worked so maybe this will. And yes, she is soooo much worse then he is!!!
mountainside13 02:54 PM 04-08-2014
I'm sorry you are having health problems 
KiddieCahoots 03:44 PM 04-08-2014
NoMoreJuice! Love your policy! 
Sdcp16, try adding that if dcm is hesitant or sounds unsure in anyway while talking to dcb while leaving, example; (sad face) mommy has to go now....ok?
Then dcb will feed off of this and not feel secure either, adding more negative to the transition.
Dcm needs to project a strong message for dcb to feel safe, example; (big smiles) mommy loves you, I know you'll have a good day, I will back to get you at pick-up, hug, kiss....goodbye!.....and maybe a happy wave while leaving.
The transition whoa's have got to go!
Sdcp16, try adding that if dcm is hesitant or sounds unsure in anyway while talking to dcb while leaving, example; (sad face) mommy has to go now....ok?
Then dcb will feed off of this and not feel secure either, adding more negative to the transition.
Dcm needs to project a strong message for dcb to feel safe, example; (big smiles) mommy loves you, I know you'll have a good day, I will back to get you at pick-up, hug, kiss....goodbye!.....and maybe a happy wave while leaving.
The transition whoa's have got to go!