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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>How Much Should You Tell Parents About Child’s Behavior???
broncomom1973 10:45 AM 03-17-2011
I really dont know how much I should tell parents about their child's behavior. When my oldest dd went to daycare, the provider never said anything "bad" about her behavior. She did tell me that dd never went to timeout. Back then dd was very, very shy, and well behaved so I believe that she probably didnt ever get into too much trouble. Having said that, I give a pretty detailed report of the childrens day to each parent and am wondering how much I should tell them about their childs behavior.
I have a 3-1/2 yr old dcg who started in October. She is a "princess". No other siblings and until Oct. had been home with her mom full-time. She does good as far as coming in the mornings (unlike another dcb), but she is seriously giving me stress. As a princess, she thinks she can do what she wants. This a.m., dad brings her with a duck necklace filled with bubbles. After he leaves, I ask her to please go put it on the counter or place it in her bag. She says "NO!" She did finally put it on the counter after I told her that I was going to have to tell her mom and dad that she isnt listening to me. After breakfast, we go in the bathroom to wash our hands and then I hand her a wet paper towel to wipe her face off (she doesnt like me doing it) and of course she says "NO" she is NOT going to wipe her face. Yesterday, she wouldnt eat lunch (usually eats 3X what everyone else eats). I served fried fish, chicken flavored rice-a-roni, peas, and then gave everyone some cottage cheese (since they werent eating the fish) and when I went to serve her pineapple there were no "open" spots on her divided plate other than the area where she had eaten 1/2 of the cottage cheese and so I put it there and she threw a fit.... whining, crying. I was like "deal with it". I am not going to cater to "princess" anymore. She picks on the youngest dcb here. I see her taking things from him and then when she knows I saw it she tells me he needs to tell her please before she will give it back. Im like "NO, you took it from him, you give it back". Her parents really believe she is a princess and I dont know how much of what I tell them they will believe.
How much do you tell parents? Should I just suck it up and deal with her disrespectfulness or should I mention it to them and hope that they can straighten her up???
I have a 3-1/2 yr old dcg who started in October. She is a "princess". No other siblings and until Oct. had been home with her mom full-time. She does good as far as coming in the mornings (unlike another dcb), but she is seriously giving me stress. As a princess, she thinks she can do what she wants. This a.m., dad brings her with a duck necklace filled with bubbles. After he leaves, I ask her to please go put it on the counter or place it in her bag. She says "NO!" She did finally put it on the counter after I told her that I was going to have to tell her mom and dad that she isnt listening to me. After breakfast, we go in the bathroom to wash our hands and then I hand her a wet paper towel to wipe her face off (she doesnt like me doing it) and of course she says "NO" she is NOT going to wipe her face. Yesterday, she wouldnt eat lunch (usually eats 3X what everyone else eats). I served fried fish, chicken flavored rice-a-roni, peas, and then gave everyone some cottage cheese (since they werent eating the fish) and when I went to serve her pineapple there were no "open" spots on her divided plate other than the area where she had eaten 1/2 of the cottage cheese and so I put it there and she threw a fit.... whining, crying. I was like "deal with it". I am not going to cater to "princess" anymore. She picks on the youngest dcb here. I see her taking things from him and then when she knows I saw it she tells me he needs to tell her please before she will give it back. Im like "NO, you took it from him, you give it back". Her parents really believe she is a princess and I dont know how much of what I tell them they will believe.
How much do you tell parents? Should I just suck it up and deal with her disrespectfulness or should I mention it to them and hope that they can straighten her up???
dEHmom 10:58 AM 03-17-2011
Me personally I do a monthly report. I make note of anything important that should be included in the report, mostly trying to keep it positive, with information about their strengths, and anything noted about things they need to work with their child on.
Daily, I tell parents about anything funny, concerning (which they should know about), but if timmy needed time out for throwing a toy, well I often wouldn't tell them that. ykwim?
Daily, I tell parents about anything funny, concerning (which they should know about), but if timmy needed time out for throwing a toy, well I often wouldn't tell them that. ykwim?
MN Day Mom 11:09 AM 03-17-2011
Sounds like Princess could use some serious discipline. I don't share everything yucky with my parents...but if I am feeling frustrated with a child's behavior that is typically when I will share. Not ever sharing some of the yucky frustrating things will just make the parents think that Princess is behaving wonderfully... and then when you do finally share, they are going to wonder why this behavior 'suddenly' is happening.... or why you didn't share with them earlier before things got worse.
I agree... some things don't need to be shared.... my daykids tend to tattle on themselves at pick up time and I am so often saying...."shhhh not something we have to share"
I agree... some things don't need to be shared.... my daykids tend to tattle on themselves at pick up time and I am so often saying...."shhhh not something we have to share"
Christian Mother 11:23 AM 03-17-2011
I had a little girl in my care who was 4 and was a princess too. She had other siblings though and had a controlling personality as does her father. What changed a lot of the behavior is giving her a little more positive feedback through the day. I noticed she had to complete with a lot of the other children so I would single her out in such a way that I made her my helper and made such a big deal out of it. As far as bring jewelry or toys in today care. There is a limit to what I will go to allowing them. It starts with the parents bc they are oking it into my home and when they come into my home it becomes my responsibility so If I feel that this thing can harm or cause problems I address it right away in front of the parents so they can help me with the child fussing over it. Most times they take it back with them into the car. I had a little guy come in with a yellow balloon. It was small so it wouldn't pop and bc he allowed everyone to have turns and understood that he would get it back it wasn't a problem and now it's placed in his backpack. Once it becomes a problem I won't allow toys to come to my daycare. But in a since I use it as a learning tool to share our toys no matter where they are coming from. I want them to feel secure that it's ok to allow others to play with there toys. The kids are getting really good at it. It's def. good when they are single children expecting a sibling!!
Blackcat31 11:39 AM 03-17-2011
I rarely give parents a play by play account of what happened at daycare during the day because what happens here is handled here. Unless it is a serious offense, I keep it at daycare since I do not expect a parent to punish their child for something they did here no more than I am willing to punish for something that happened at home.
In your situation, I would mention to the parent that you and the child are having some listening/behavior problems and ask if anything is different at home with her listening skills since home life does affect the whole child. I would expect that they may have a talk with her but if they choose not to, the only thing you could do is just stay consistent with your rules at daycare and not buy into her "princessness". Stay firm and consistent and she will pick up on the fact that you are not changing the world for her and will not tolerate her being mean to others or disrupting lunch. If she chooses not to eat it is her choice.
Personally, I think if you lay all this out to the parents, they may not think you are treating "her royal highness" in a royal enough way...kwim? As a parent, I tried really hard not to make excuses for my child but it is hard not too when someone else is caring for them and we are having mommy guilt so we only hear that they (our kid) is not getting what they want and are sad/unhappy and that makes us (mommy) sad and unhappy so...see where this is going?
I have many kids who get completely different caregiving styles at home than what I give them and they have no problem adapting to the rules at my house vs the rules at home. Kids are pretty smart so they will figure it out quickly too if you are consistent and firm about your rules and expectations.
In your situation, I would mention to the parent that you and the child are having some listening/behavior problems and ask if anything is different at home with her listening skills since home life does affect the whole child. I would expect that they may have a talk with her but if they choose not to, the only thing you could do is just stay consistent with your rules at daycare and not buy into her "princessness". Stay firm and consistent and she will pick up on the fact that you are not changing the world for her and will not tolerate her being mean to others or disrupting lunch. If she chooses not to eat it is her choice.
Personally, I think if you lay all this out to the parents, they may not think you are treating "her royal highness" in a royal enough way...kwim? As a parent, I tried really hard not to make excuses for my child but it is hard not too when someone else is caring for them and we are having mommy guilt so we only hear that they (our kid) is not getting what they want and are sad/unhappy and that makes us (mommy) sad and unhappy so...see where this is going?
I have many kids who get completely different caregiving styles at home than what I give them and they have no problem adapting to the rules at my house vs the rules at home. Kids are pretty smart so they will figure it out quickly too if you are consistent and firm about your rules and expectations.
TBird 11:31 AM 03-17-2011
I try not to tell every little thing, but yes I'd mention this. Sounds like something I'd want to "nip in the bud" before "La princessa" thinks she has the run of the place!
SilverSabre25 11:42 AM 03-17-2011
I will mention specific issues or a general trend I've been seeing--so, things like, "We had a couple of hitting incidents today" or "He's been having a lot of trouble with transitions lately" or "She's been having a hard time after waking up from nap all week." Once I mentioned to a dcm that I'd noticed her son getting more and more attached to his blankie (like, beyond what I thought was a healthy or developmentally normal/appropriate attachment).
I then give the parent a chance to comment or ask for more elaboration, and go on from there. Even when I've had a rough day with a child I *rarely* say so unless there's something I think that the parents need to be dealing with or aware of...'cause honestly some days a child will have a tough time because *I* let our schedule get wonky or *I* didn't do a good enough job handling something, or something like that.
I then give the parent a chance to comment or ask for more elaboration, and go on from there. Even when I've had a rough day with a child I *rarely* say so unless there's something I think that the parents need to be dealing with or aware of...'cause honestly some days a child will have a tough time because *I* let our schedule get wonky or *I* didn't do a good enough job handling something, or something like that.
ninosqueridos 11:53 AM 03-17-2011
I tell the parents a lot I think. Maybe too much.
....both the positives and negatives of the day (if any). They know (at least I hope they do) that it's out of love and the fact that we should work together on xyz behavior.
I usually just indicate the things that are recurring and not that *one* time their kid snatched a toy from someone, kwim? I don't want to be taking trips to the Tattle Turtle either
....both the positives and negatives of the day (if any). They know (at least I hope they do) that it's out of love and the fact that we should work together on xyz behavior.I usually just indicate the things that are recurring and not that *one* time their kid snatched a toy from someone, kwim? I don't want to be taking trips to the Tattle Turtle either
AfterSchoolMom 12:34 PM 03-17-2011
I was actually just wondering about this myself. I have one that's only been here two weeks, and if I told them all of the bad things that happened, I'd have done nothing but complain at pickup for the last 9 days in a row.
daycare 12:41 PM 03-17-2011
I am not much on time out, I usually try to help the child correct their bad decision making in other ways.
The only time that I tell parents (if the child does not tell on themself) is if they get a time out. If that happens, the parents know that something bad happened.
Also, if I have a child that is normally very well behaved and all of a sudden starts acting up I will talk to the parents..
The only time that I tell parents (if the child does not tell on themself) is if they get a time out. If that happens, the parents know that something bad happened.
Also, if I have a child that is normally very well behaved and all of a sudden starts acting up I will talk to the parents..
momatheart 12:46 PM 03-17-2011
After she gets there just tell her to place her crown in the box it is not welcomed here, LOL 
Just kidding.
I would just be strict with the rules and the rules are the rules. She is at that sheet tastic stage. ( put in apropriate swear word
) Three year olds are challenging. She is close enough to 4 I would give her special jobs.
Just kidding.I would just be strict with the rules and the rules are the rules. She is at that sheet tastic stage. ( put in apropriate swear word
) Three year olds are challenging. She is close enough to 4 I would give her special jobs.
BabyMonkeys 08:19 PM 03-19-2016
Originally Posted by ninosqueridos:
I tell the parents a lot I think. Maybe too much. ....both the positives and negatives of the day (if any). They know (at least I hope they do) that it's out of love and the fact that we should work together on xyz behavior.
I usually just indicate the things that are recurring and not that *one* time their kid snatched a toy from someone, kwim? I don't want to be taking trips to the Tattle Turtle either
This is exactly what I do. I'm really lucky that all of my dcks have amazing parents that really treat me as a partner, and we work out any behavior issues before they become problems. Having the same rules and consequences at home and at daycare is great for the kids.I tell the parents a lot I think. Maybe too much.
....both the positives and negatives of the day (if any). They know (at least I hope they do) that it's out of love and the fact that we should work together on xyz behavior.I usually just indicate the things that are recurring and not that *one* time their kid snatched a toy from someone, kwim? I don't want to be taking trips to the Tattle Turtle either
Unregistered 01:25 PM 03-21-2016
I tell them when they ask, unless the child is being violent.
I offer infant reports also
I offer infant reports also
marniewon 11:17 AM 03-17-2011
If they "made" her be a princess, chances are that they aren't going to help "fix" her now.
Personally, I wouldn't put up with her disrespect. She would be playing alone a lot, sitting in time out a lot, getting toys/privileges taken away.
As far as how much of the bad behavior we tell parents, I'd love to know what everyone else does also. I hate to talk to the parents for 10 minutes a day about all that jr did wrong, but if it were my child, I'd like to know what my child was doing so i could work on it at home also. Unfortunately, too many parents these days won't work on things at home as the child is the boss, not the parents.
Just to clarify, I don't tell the parents everything. I might pick one or two behaviors, if they were really bad and I thought the parents might work with the child on, and tell the parents that. Some days I'll just say, "it was a Monday" when they ask if they were "good".
Personally, I wouldn't put up with her disrespect. She would be playing alone a lot, sitting in time out a lot, getting toys/privileges taken away.
As far as how much of the bad behavior we tell parents, I'd love to know what everyone else does also. I hate to talk to the parents for 10 minutes a day about all that jr did wrong, but if it were my child, I'd like to know what my child was doing so i could work on it at home also. Unfortunately, too many parents these days won't work on things at home as the child is the boss, not the parents.
Just to clarify, I don't tell the parents everything. I might pick one or two behaviors, if they were really bad and I thought the parents might work with the child on, and tell the parents that. Some days I'll just say, "it was a Monday" when they ask if they were "good".
wash 11:17 AM 03-17-2011
I look at it as it's my job to discipline them throughout the day for all the somewhat everyday distrubance that they may have had and the parent should expect that their child in a group setting with other children their childs age will have times that their child acts out and has to be disciplined. I would think that after working all day the last thing I would want to hear is how misbehaving my child was on that day.
however if it is a reacurring problem and/or it seems he is having the same exact behavior at home also that you would want to communicate with the parents to see how they deal with it or so you both can come up with a way to deal with it together.
and I always tell the parents of everything good that their child has done as to lighten their mood if they have had a not so good day at their employment.
however if it is a reacurring problem and/or it seems he is having the same exact behavior at home also that you would want to communicate with the parents to see how they deal with it or so you both can come up with a way to deal with it together.
and I always tell the parents of everything good that their child has done as to lighten their mood if they have had a not so good day at their employment.
Unregistered 11:11 AM 12-07-2013
Originally Posted by wash:
I look at it as it's my job to discipline them throughout the day for all the somewhat everyday distrubance that they may have had and the parent should expect that their child in a group setting with other children their childs age will have times that their child acts out and has to be disciplined. I would think that after working all day the last thing I would want to hear is how misbehaving my child was on that day.
however if it is a reacurring problem and/or it seems he is having the same exact behavior at home also that you would want to communicate with the parents to see how they deal with it or so you both can come up with a way to deal with it together.
and I always tell the parents of everything good that their child has done as to lighten their mood if they have had a not so good day at their employment.
I agree, after a long day, i wouldn't want to hear that either. But if it's going on on all day, I would NEED to hear it because if my kid is acting up so badly in daycare it's rude, disruptive or hurtful in any way to others, things need to be handled before it escalates. So as a parent, sure I wouldn't want to hear it, but I'd expect to hear it if necessaryI look at it as it's my job to discipline them throughout the day for all the somewhat everyday distrubance that they may have had and the parent should expect that their child in a group setting with other children their childs age will have times that their child acts out and has to be disciplined. I would think that after working all day the last thing I would want to hear is how misbehaving my child was on that day.
however if it is a reacurring problem and/or it seems he is having the same exact behavior at home also that you would want to communicate with the parents to see how they deal with it or so you both can come up with a way to deal with it together.
and I always tell the parents of everything good that their child has done as to lighten their mood if they have had a not so good day at their employment.
Miss Karena 07:28 PM 03-16-2016
I assume full responsibility for the children in my care, including the training of their behavior. Children are very smart and quick to pick up on the "law of the land." Weather or not they display undesirable behavior at home matters little when it comes to the desired standard here at daycare. Be patient, be understanding, but stick to your standard and plot a course of action that will help your little dc b/g to obtain. Be consistent. The atmosphere and surroundings are very different in daycare than that at home, so bringing up situations to parents may not prove to be helpful. Part of being a provider is being a constant source of peace to parents. Of course if you are concerned behavior of a particular child is our of character or very sudden, document your concern and approach parents if you feel you should.
Unregistered 01:58 AM 03-17-2016
I rarely tell parents anything negative. My philosophy is along the same lines as Black Cat.
ColorfulSunburst 04:47 AM 03-17-2016
Originally Posted by Unregistered:
I rarely tell parents anything negative. My philosophy is along the same lines as Black Cat.
I tell parents about negative things as well as about positive. If I tell about positive only, how parents will know about child's progress at any specific area of their kid's development?I rarely tell parents anything negative. My philosophy is along the same lines as Black Cat.
Unregistered 10:42 PM 03-18-2016
I tell the parents EVERY thing, but this is something I discuss during interviews, I tell them (because I got tired of this) "I don't do he/she does this at home and that here. No, we're on the same page or you can't attend my program". Mostly this is for things potty training. The old, wear a diaper at home and underwear here. Um, no. It's not a vacuum. If a child is using a bad language here, they're hearing bad language at home. To me, to deal with here isn't dealing with it. The child is still getting the message (at home) it's acceptable to say mean things. As another poster said, the parents will claim "they didn't know" if you only tell them for big instances. I also tell them minor things, because I don't want parents coming to me saying the child said one thing and I said another.