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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>I Am P*ssed
BumbleBee 10:03 AM 06-05-2013
Head to the school with my preschoolers to p/u my SA's. One SA wasn't there so I checked with the office and that SA was absent today. I took the preschoolers & SA's and we started walking home. As we turn the corner onto my street, guess who is sitting on my porch-alone. Yep, the SA who was absent from school.

I know he didn't walk home bc he wasn't at school. I asked him what was up. He informs me that his dad dropped him off and since I wasn't home, told him to wait on my porch until I got there so dad wouldn't be late for work. DCB is 9 btw, finishing 3rd grade.

ARE YOU SERIOUS??????????????

Got inside, got the kids set up with lunch, then started the phone calls. Mom is not happy w/dad, dad is not answering his phone.

I need to calm down before p/u.
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Jewels 10:12 AM 06-05-2013
wow! how can a parent do that, and he must have been sick as well to not be at school, but okay to go to your house..........I had an old dcg who called me the other week(mom always has her call me to see if she can come over to play(meaning free care) but she called on a tuesday(1st grader) asking if she could come over (it was 11am) I said why arent you in school sweety? reply "I was to sick to go to school" nice try mom, sorry to sick for school to sick for me!
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EntropyControlSpecialist 10:12 AM 06-05-2013
Just when I think I've heard it all.
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Blackcat31 10:12 AM 06-05-2013
I would be livid!

That is beyond any kind of rational or logical thinking!

I would almost consider reporting it as well. Wow!

Is mom coming to pick up? I wouldn't allow the child to stay if he was too sick to be in school.
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bunnyslippers 10:14 AM 06-05-2013
I am not sure you do need to calm down before pick-up! That is completely unacceptable, and I am not sure I would keep that family after something like that! He was at your house, and you weren't there. What if something had happened while he waited for you? He is on your property. Do you have something in your contract or policies regarding dropping off a child when you aren't home? And why was he absent from school? Is he sick?

I am mad for you, and I would be demanding pick-up right now. Whoa.
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Cradle2crayons 10:18 AM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
I am not sure you do need to calm down before pick-up! That is completely unacceptable, and I am not sure I would keep that family after something like that! He was at your house, and you weren't there. What if something had happened while he waited for you? He is on your property. Do you have something in your contract or policies regarding dropping off a child when you aren't home? And why was he absent from school? Is he sick?

I am mad for you, and I would be demanding pick-up right now. Whoa.
The policy is a good point. I don't have that in my policy as its never been an issue... However.... I may need to add that.
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MissSarah 10:18 AM 06-05-2013


I can't believe the dad would do that! I would definitely want him to be picked up. I hope mom tears a strip off that dad!
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daycarediva 10:20 AM 06-05-2013
I had a dcm tell me yesterday that the older sibling of my dck was home alone this week after school. Her thinking "Well it's only about an hour, he can just watch tv."

His after school program is closed for summer and she didn't plan ahead for alternate arrangements. Called me at the last minute Sunday evening, but I am at capacity.

SERIOUSLY!? I don't think I hid the look on my face well.
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daycarediva 10:22 AM 06-05-2013
I should clarify, the older sib is also 9 (JUST turned 9) and isn't a very mature 9. No point reporting it, since there is no law for it in NY.

http://www.latchkey-kids.com/latchke...age-limits.htm
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TheGoodLife 10:23 AM 06-05-2013
I would demand p/u as well! Why wasn't he at school? That is so dangerous and neglectful, that I would tell DCD that if it ever happened again it would be immediate termination. Then I would let them know that they need to let you know in advance if SA is not in school so you can adjust plans and not worry about them when you p/u from school. I'm not sure who would be liable if he were to get hurt or walk off, but either way it is not safe!
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mema 10:29 AM 06-05-2013

What the?? Who just drops their kid off and leaves??? Seriously, what is wrong with some people? You have every right to be p.o.ed. What if something happened? I would call mom back and tell her she needs to come get jr. He wasn't well enough for school, he isn't well enough for care. Hope dad is prepared for the wrath of mom! I would be driving to his work and having a few words with him in the parking lot if I were his wife
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Crystal 10:31 AM 06-05-2013
I'd almost bet Dad dropped him off while you were gone on purpose. Of course he knew you'd be at the school picking kids up. He left him there while you were gone because he wanted to avoid explaining why child missed school because he needed you to keep him.

I'd demand pick up, and I'd write a very stern letter regarding their lack of communication as to not needing to pick him up from school ( what a waste of time for you if other children happened to not need to be picked up), leaving on doorstep alone again would be grounds for termination of services and would warrant a call to CPS.
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Blackcat31 10:32 AM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I had a dcm tell me yesterday that the older sibling of my dck was home alone this week after school. Her thinking "Well it's only about an hour, he can just watch tv."

His after school program is closed for summer and she didn't plan ahead for alternate arrangements. Called me at the last minute Sunday evening, but I am at capacity.

SERIOUSLY!? I don't think I hid the look on my face well.
I see nothing wrong with a 9 year old being left alone for an hour.

Starting with small increments of time during the day is a good way to begin teaching them to be capable of staying home alone.

As long as the child is aware of who to call/contact in case of emergency.
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Cradle2crayons 10:40 AM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I see nothing wrong with a 9 year old being left alone for an hour.

Starting with small increments of time during the day is a good way to begin teaching them to be capable of staying home alone.

As long as the child is aware of who to call/contact in case of emergency.
I agree. I've left my 10 year old alone for 20 minutes to run to the country store a half a mile from my house. That's about as far as I've been lol. She knows how and who to call and what to do and not do.

I guess I have hang ups because of how I grew up alone at the age of six.
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BumbleBee 10:46 AM 06-05-2013
He was absent from school due to a badly sprained ankle.

Apparently dad tried to get ahold of me this am on my land line but I was out at the park w/the preschoolers. Seriously, leave a message, keep calling, call my cell phone....ANYTHING besides what he did.

I'll post more later I've got kids to wake from nap & a preschooler to get in line.
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Heidi 10:54 AM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I see nothing wrong with a 9 year old being left alone for an hour.

Starting with small increments of time during the day is a good way to begin teaching them to be capable of staying home alone.

As long as the child is aware of who to call/contact in case of emergency.
I have definitely left my kids alone at that age, with specific rules like "open the door for no one", "thou shall not use any appliances", and "show me how you call my cellphone".


My mother worked when I was a kid, and by the time my sis and I were 8 & 9, we were left alone all summer. Mom called us several times a day to check on us or stopped in unexpectedly. Of course, all the other moms in the neighborhood were home back then, so there were eyes on us.

By the time I was 11 (and my sister 10), we were quite comfortable riding the Madison Metro bus around town, or riding our bikes several miles to parks, ice cream shops, or the Milk Depot.

I guess we were "free range" before it was a term.

My own kids are no where near that independent though. Too many electronics to distract them, and we live in a rural area, so there's really no place to go on their own...oh, and I am home.

As for OP"s dcd, yeah, that was not cool, because if something happened, you know they would have made YOU responsible.
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Blackcat31 10:55 AM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by Trummynme:
He was absent from school due to a badly sprained ankle.

Apparently dad tried to get ahold of me this am on my land line but I was out at the park w/the preschoolers. Seriously, leave a message, keep calling, call my cell phone....ANYTHING besides what he did.

I'll post more later I've got kids to wake from nap & a preschooler to get in line.
So DCD actually tried to call you and you weren't home so he left the kid anyways????

Wow!

That's even worse!!!

How did he know you were even planning to return home???
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countrymom 11:11 AM 06-05-2013
see I have identa call so parents can't use this excuse. I use to have parents say that they called me but I check my phone and there numbers never came up.
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daycarediva 11:16 AM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I see nothing wrong with a 9 year old being left alone for an hour.

Starting with small increments of time during the day is a good way to begin teaching them to be capable of staying home alone.

As long as the child is aware of who to call/contact in case of emergency.
No home phone, child has no cell phone, no way to reach ANYONE. He is VERY immature and has delays.
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CedarCreek 11:33 AM 06-05-2013
I would never never leave my 9 year old home alone. He has developmental delays and definitely does not operate on the same mindset as a mature 9 year old.

When I was 9? Home alone constantly. I was pretty mature for my age though.
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hgonzalez 12:16 PM 06-05-2013
A 9 year old can be left alone AT HOME with a plan. But to just dump him off on your doorstep with no notice is just unacceptable. What if something had happened to you and you were not able to return home and the child was just left sitting there? Is that Dad nuts?
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Angelsj 12:57 PM 06-05-2013
I think it really depends on the kid (not the doorstep thing, that was ridiculous) but being home alone. I was alone from 6-7 years old, and caring for siblings by 8.
My oldest was 10 when we left him for a bit with his younger siblings, maybe an hour and gradually increased it.
My youngest dd is 12 and has been left alone for short times since she was 9 or 10. My youngest son is 13 and I still don't leave him alone. Different kids.
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Angelsj 12:58 PM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
So DCD actually tried to call you and you weren't home so he left the kid anyways????

Wow!

That's even worse!!!

How did he know you were even planning to return home???
Right? What if she had decided to go to a park for an hour or two first? Good grief!
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BumbleBee 01:11 PM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
So DCD actually tried to call you and you weren't home so he left the kid anyways????

Wow!

That's even worse!!!

How did he know you were even planning to return home???
I know. I've calmed down a *little* bit but I'm still upset/angry over the whole thing.

Basically it shows where dads priorities are. Work is more important than your kid. Mom is picking up (which is probably a good thing at this point).

I'll update later with how it goes.
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TheGoodLife 02:41 PM 06-05-2013
If his ankle was too bad for school, then it was too bad for DC, I'd think!
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Bookworm 03:51 PM 06-05-2013
This has become a problem in the past few weeks in my center. I am one of the openers and the room where we receive the DCKs allows us to see who comes in. Well one morning, I was there 20 min early and forgot to lock the door behind me and a parent brought their infant in and left her in the baby room. At that hour, I'm not listening for anyone to come in so I was in my class setting up for the day. It wasn't until my co-worker came in TEN MINUTES later that I found out she was there. I was beyond pissed. I called my Director, told her what happened and gave the parents cell number. She jumped all over both of them so bad, they can't look me in the eye anymore. I took me about 2 days to get over it. My head was constantly filled with "what ifs".
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MissSarah 03:57 PM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
This has become a problem in the past few weeks in my center. I am one of the openers and the room where we receive the DCKs allows us to see who comes in. Well one morning, I was there 20 min early and forgot to lock the door behind me and a parent brought their infant in and left her in the baby room. At that hour, I'm not listening for anyone to come in so I was in my class setting up for the day. It wasn't until my co-worker came in TEN MINUTES later that I found out she was there. I was beyond pissed. I called my Director, told her what happened and gave the parents cell number. She jumped all over both of them so bad, they can't look me in the eye anymore. I took me about 2 days to get over it. My head was constantly filled with "what ifs".

How could anyone think that was a good idea!?!
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youretooloud 04:23 PM 06-05-2013
I wou ld certainly leave my kids home alone at that age too.

BUT, he let you run around the school checking on this one kid, because he didn't have the time to call you? Or look for you? I'd be mad about that mostly.

That, and he left an injured kid on your doorstep. Without knowing for sure you were coming straight home.
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Bookworm 04:33 PM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by MissSarah:

How could anyone think that was a good idea!?!
This set of DCPs might have 3 brain cells between them. This is the same parent that left DCG (5mos) in a run in a running car so he could get her set up for the week. He was in the room with me for about 10 min before he left. I told him to have a nice day and went on about my business. Not 2 mins later, he comes in with DCG. When I asked where she was, he said that she was asleep on the carrier so he didn't want her to wake up when she came inside so he left her in the car so she could sleep.
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BumbleBee 04:54 PM 06-05-2013
Talked to mom - pretty sure she's more p*ssed than I am.

Turns out the whole thing (kid not going to school, then dropping kid on my doorstep when I wasn't there) was to get back at mom.

There's a whole lotta family drama and this kid is right in the middle.

"Dad" of dcb is actually step-dad, bio dad is in the picture when he feels like it, and step dad & mom have recently split up (like last week).

The kid is the pawn between the 3 adults and they're all trying to use dcb against each other.

Anywho, mom is doing ALL drop offs from now on-among other things we discussed.
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Patches 05:01 PM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by Trummynme:
Talked to mom - pretty sure she's more p*ssed than I am.

Turns out the whole thing (kid not going to school, then dropping kid on my doorstep when I wasn't there) was to get back at mom.

There's a whole lotta family drama and this kid is right in the middle.

"Dad" of dcb is actually step-dad, bio dad is in the picture when he feels like it, and step dad & mom have recently split up (like last week).

The kid is the pawn between the 3 adults and they're all trying to use dcb against each other.

Anywho, mom is doing ALL drop offs from now on-among other things we discussed.
Poor dcb
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Patches 05:06 PM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by Bookworm:
This has become a problem in the past few weeks in my center. I am one of the openers and the room where we receive the DCKs allows us to see who comes in. Well one morning, I was there 20 min early and forgot to lock the door behind me and a parent brought their infant in and left her in the baby room. At that hour, I'm not listening for anyone to come in so I was in my class setting up for the day. It wasn't until my co-worker came in TEN MINUTES later that I found out she was there. I was beyond pissed. I called my Director, told her what happened and gave the parents cell number. She jumped all over both of them so bad, they can't look me in the eye anymore. I took me about 2 days to get over it. My head was constantly filled with "what ifs".
Something similar happened to me once at a center. I couldn't believe a parent would just leave their kid in a EMPTY room! Apparently, they're not the only ones.
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daycare 05:25 PM 06-05-2013
just when you think you have heard it all....CRAZY!!

btw in my state I believe the youngest you can be left home alone is age 12 and 16 to be left alone with a younger child in the car....

I had to add a section to my handbook that parents must sign their child in and out each day, remove or put on their childs shoes and inform the provider of their presence before leaving or taking their child.

Before I had a one way locking front door, I used to leave it unlocked all the time. I had a mom come in and leave her child while we were out in the backyard playing. The child was not normally supposed to attend on that day and him being their caused me to be over ratios. I tried calling everyone of their contacts to come pick him up. In the end the grandma drove from two hours away to pick the kid up and I termed care.

This same family also came in one time unannounced and took their child while I was in the bathroom doing diaper changes. I come out of the bathroom and say where is JOhnny. The kids say, some man came and took him.

Yes, I should have termed that family right then and there, but I didn't and in the end they did it to me again on the other end...
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Patches 05:36 PM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by daycare:
just when you think you have heard it all....CRAZY!!

btw in my state I believe the youngest you can be left home alone is age 12 and 16 to be left alone with a younger child in the car....

I had to add a section to my handbook that parents must sign their child in and out each day, remove or put on their childs shoes and inform the provider of their presence before leaving or taking their child.

Before I had a one way locking front door, I used to leave it unlocked all the time. I had a mom come in and leave her child while we were out in the backyard playing. The child was not normally supposed to attend on that day and him being their caused me to be over ratios. I tried calling everyone of their contacts to come pick him up. In the end the grandma drove from two hours away to pick the kid up and I termed care.

This same family also came in one time unannounced and took their child while I was in the bathroom doing diaper changes. I come out of the bathroom and say where is JOhnny. The kids say, some man came and took him.

Yes, I should have termed that family right then and there, but I didn't and in the end they did it to me again on the other end...
I would have FLIPPED OUT!!!........ right after my heart attack, of course
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daycare 05:50 PM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by Patches:
I would have FLIPPED OUT!!!........ right after my heart attack, of course
I think I did almost suffer an anxiety attack.
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AmyKidsCo 07:24 PM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by Patches:
Something similar happened to me once at a center. I couldn't believe a parent would just leave their kid in a EMPTY room! Apparently, they're not the only ones.
I had a Dad leave his 4 yr old at my house while we were on a walk around the block. He thought we were in the other room. Now I have a policy that say something about parents seeing me face-to-face when dropping off and picking up. Not in those words exactly, but that's the gist...
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TheGoodLife 09:11 PM 06-05-2013
Originally Posted by Trummynme:
Talked to mom - pretty sure she's more p*ssed than I am.

Turns out the whole thing (kid not going to school, then dropping kid on my doorstep when I wasn't there) was to get back at mom.

There's a whole lotta family drama and this kid is right in the middle.

"Dad" of dcb is actually step-dad, bio dad is in the picture when he feels like it, and step dad & mom have recently split up (like last week).

The kid is the pawn between the 3 adults and they're all trying to use dcb against each other.

Anywho, mom is doing ALL drop offs from now on-among other things we discussed.
That is so sad for the DCB I hope things get better and that you aren't put in the middle of any of their drama anymore.
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Kaddidle Care 04:44 AM 06-06-2013
It might be time to clue Social Services in on this family. I'm sorry for the boy - he doesn't deserve people like this in his life.

The fact that he was left with no contact (and especially that there was no follow up call) tells me that the child should NEVER be left with that man again.
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Familycare71 07:54 AM 06-06-2013
Just FYI NYS kids can be left alone at any age- for Cps to do anything there has to be proof the child isn't mature enough or safe.
Kids can be responsible for younger kids at 11 years
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Blackcat31 08:09 AM 06-06-2013
Originally Posted by Christie71:
Just FYI NYS kids can be left alone at any age- for Cps to do anything there has to be proof the child isn't mature enough or safe.
Kids can be responsible for younger kids at 11 years
My state has no hard rules about kids left alone either BUT if a child is young enough (age wise or developmentally) to be enrolled in child care I don't think they should be left alone at daycare...kwim?

For a parent to choose to leave their child home alone in their homes on their watch is a completely different thing.

Had the DCD in this thread left the kid at home alone, I don't think there would be such an uproar.
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Unregistered 09:02 AM 06-06-2013
Originally Posted by Trummynme:
Talked to mom - pretty sure she's more p*ssed than I am.

Turns out the whole thing (kid not going to school, then dropping kid on my doorstep when I wasn't there) was to get back at mom.

There's a whole lotta family drama and this kid is right in the middle.

"Dad" of dcb is actually step-dad, bio dad is in the picture when he feels like it, and step dad & mom have recently split up (like last week).

The kid is the pawn between the 3 adults and they're all trying to use dcb against each other.

Anywho, mom is doing ALL drop offs from now on-among other things we discussed.
I would definitely have a plan of action and amend your contract immediately to indicate that if you're not home and the child is left anyway, that's an immediate call to CPS and cause for immediate termination. What he did was ridiculously unacceptable. I don't care HOW old a child is, you do not leave them at someone's door! You didn't know he was there, I doubt he checked with neighbors to "watch" him. In our area if that happened, the parent would be charged with neglect. Additionally, in our area, where kids are watched/followed a lot, there is the chance that the parent would have put the kid in danger! Pretend he were taken, and you get home, you know the kid was absent from school, parent doesn't tell you he dropped off, so naturally you'd think that they just forgot to call you. So, what happens? mom comes to get kid, who isn't there, and hours have gone by and no one knows what has happened. This may be a pretty extreme situation, but where I live, there are a lot of abductions and so this scenario is not very far fetched.

I'd explain that YOU will not be a party to any drama that occurs and that you will terminate without warning, without refund if any shenanigans like this should happen again. This "game" parents play against each other is disgusting and only hurts the kids! Sometimes, I truly believe society has LOST IT.


As far as age leaving a child at home alone:

Where I live there's no age written in law, but the average age of consideration is about 10 yo AND if someone calls on you, then CPS/PD will interview the child and based on a series of questions, determine if the child really is capable/mature enough to stay home. They need to know their name, addr, phone, parents names, who to reach in an emergency and how, what to do if someone comes up to the door, where exits are and whom to contact in case of fire, etc. If they can demonstrate these things verbally (or point things out) then usually things are fine. It is MUCH different if they can do all this, and then have to watch siblings, so while it may be ok for a 9yo who demonstrates maturity and skills to stay home alone, it may not be ok for that same 9yo to babysit. For babysitting, the 9yo must be able to describe what to do if child gets hurt or chokes in addition to all the other issues.

It's up to the parent what they think about their child staying HOME alone....but to leave a child elsewhere and telling no one (such as owner or property where child is being dumped), that's entirely unacceptable.
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cheerfuldom 09:58 AM 06-06-2013
you know, with all this drama, I hate to say it but I would be concerned about how this kid even sprained his ankle.....
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BumbleBee 06:39 AM 06-07-2013
Thank you all for your responses/advice/suggestions - I have read them all.

This dcb is, surprisingly, well behaved. I've had a few minor behavior issues but nothing extreme. Whining when he doesn't want to do something, a bit of an attitude sometimes.

I did ask dcb what happened to his ankle (bounce house at school for the end of the year party) and it was confirmed by some of his classmates parents that he did sprain it in the bounce house at school. Thank you for bringing up the concern though as it's important to remember to not take explanations at face value in some situations.

The extremely sad part is this dcb is more mature than all 3 adults in this situation. More often than not I have to tell him to go play and be a kid because he's always trying to help the little ones. It's not a bad thing to want to help but that's my job, not his. Go be 9 years old for awhile, kwim? I don't think he knows how anymore.

He acts almost like some foster kids I've worked with in that he feels he needs to "earn" the right to be here. Lots on my mind right now trying to make sure I'm not expecting to much of him.
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mrsnj 10:41 AM 06-07-2013
I don't know which I was more of. Shock over leaving a child on a doorstep unannounced or the reasons they gave for doing it. That poor kid.
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