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  #1  
Old 02-16-2018, 08:35 PM
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Default So Much Stuff!

I am currently providing care for two kids (one family) that bring a TON of stuff. It's more than I've ever seen anyone carry along. Baby boy brings a camping style backpack with, my guess, 70 pcs of items inside.
Older sibling brings cups (.. of sugar drinks. I've asked it to stop but they won't) blankets, and up to a dozen midsize stuffed animals. Oh and paci, woobies, toys..
This is daily! Every day in and out. It takes aprox 15 mins to stuff these bags. If we miss an item we have to backtrack or parents don't think they can handle the evening without missing items.
I doubt myself because when I asked them to scale back for safety (can't sleep with more than two stuffed animals) reasons mom cried and said they can't handle that. Pacifiers don't even get used while in dc.
Today we had sugary drinks but paperwork I asked for 3 days in a row has yet to make it back.
How do I handle this? I know I've somehow lost my backbone. Should I just come out with it or revise policies?
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Old 02-16-2018, 10:26 PM
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Welcome to the forum. I am sure the other will chimes in this weekend but most of our conversations occur on the week days.

From what you wrote regarding your situation, I would say that you need to take control of your facility. It is your business and that is what your contract and parent handbook is for. Here are some threads that may be helpful.

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=86655

Nannyde has a blog here with a lot of good information for your situation. Here is one of her articles: https://www.daycare.com/nannyde/the-...-me-parent.htm
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  #3  
Old 02-17-2018, 03:39 AM
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"I can no longer allow...."
"This no longer works for me..."
"Due to the risk of allergies, bedbugs, lice,etc., etc., I will NO longer be allowing backpacks of any kind through my door"

It sounds like your backbone has turned into jelly(Please take no offense, mine does that quite often!!) but if this truly bothers you(which it would grate on my nerves terribly!)you will have to turn firm. Write it up in a note if you have a difficult time with confronting them. Just tell them starting Feb. 19(or whatever day) there will no longer be any food, drinks or backpacks allowed in your home. Do you have a cubby area or shelf you can keep extra clothes and daily essentials for the children? Request those things to be brought and left at your dc but NOTHING else. And if you're feeling really strong, refuse them at the door without the required paperwork. It's okay. You CAN do this and request things this way. Honestly. This parent needs to listen to you and if they choose not to, then maybe you can tell them it's not a good fit. That might be just enough to make her stand up and know you mean business about your business.
The wonderful people here are filled with backbone to spare and will talk you through it. But it all comes down to you, using your voice and making dcm listen.

What is that saying that goes 'if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten'. So change it now or you'll forever be resentful and upset with yourself and this dcm.

Just wanted to add I am such a wimp when it comes to confronting dcps. One dcm had not brought in any of her required paperwork even though I had asked for it several times. One a.m. she showed up again without and I refused care until she brought it back. She was NOT a happy camper. But it was HER problem, not mine. *I* could've gotten into trouble without it and no dcf is worth that. The grandma thanked me for standing up to her.
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Old 02-17-2018, 03:41 AM
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I have a supply list of things that stays here.
At least a week of diapers, wipes, two sets of clothes, bottles, pacifer etc. Parents resupply items as needed. If parents bring more than I want, I take what I need right then and hand the rest back, I don't need the rest and don't want to keep track of it.
I supply the toys, books, activities, food and bedding or anything else the child may need.
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Old 02-17-2018, 03:44 AM
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BTW welcome to the forums!
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Old 02-17-2018, 03:56 AM
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As for the paperwork, I don't send it home. If I do, I give them a copy to read and have a copy for them to sign at drop off. This also helps prevent edits to my work.
If DCM shows up Monday without it, then pull out your copy and request it completed but don't allow her to leave with it.
Or another option is to contact her this weekend with "paperwork is due Monday morning, children/families that arrive with out completed forms will be turned away at the door" Post a note on the door with a reminder, "Paperwork due please have it out to hand me when I open the door, if you forgot it, I will see you later"
Then follow through.
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Old 02-17-2018, 07:52 AM
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Do you have a handbook with your guidelines and expectations?
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Old 02-17-2018, 08:43 AM
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Thank you all for your responses and for the welcome I have been reading in forums but not active until now.
It's true. I have become a bit of a jellyfish when communicating with parents. I took several years away from providing care and maybe softened too much in this area.

Years ago my basic policies were very similar to what they are now. When I got back and updated my contract my lic.specialist asked that I take out all the fluff. She actually handed me a sample contract and asked for changes since she didn't like mine. And, again, I was jelly. Instead of standing up and saying 'hey but this is my business.." I just adjusted things for HER. I'd completely removed the info about what/how much to bring and drop off/pick up procedures that I did find helpful years ago. I took out my handout about comm.disease/sick. I even adjusted my late fees and bounce check procedures. Yikes.

I do have a cubby area but I don't use it for them because they just basically use the entire entry area and they know it.

I think between mom and dad adjusting the kids with someone new and the fact that they live so close by (keeping neighbors happy) made me more nervous. Mom refuses to drop the kids because they cry. They don't think they can handle a day without their paci, etc. They need things done in a particular way with m&d but with dc they need nothing and happy as can be.

It's time to buckle up and get going with a handbook! Even if it s just a couple pages that include my preferences. I'm going to look today at the links above and see how to get started on organizing the info again.
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  #9  
Old 02-17-2018, 08:49 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
"I can no longer allow...."
"This no longer works for me..."
"Due to the risk of allergies, bedbugs, lice,etc., etc., I will NO longer be allowing backpacks of any kind through my door"

It sounds like your backbone has turned into jelly(Please take no offense, mine does that quite often!!) but if this truly bothers you(which it would grate on my nerves terribly!)you will have to turn firm. Write it up in a note if you have a difficult time with confronting them. Just tell them starting Feb. 19(or whatever day) there will no longer be any food, drinks or backpacks allowed in your home. Do you have a cubby area or shelf you can keep extra clothes and daily essentials for the children? Request those things to be brought and left at your dc but NOTHING else. And if you're feeling really strong, refuse them at the door without the required paperwork. It's okay. You CAN do this and request things this way. Honestly. This parent needs to listen to you and if they choose not to, then maybe you can tell them it's not a good fit. That might be just enough to make her stand up and know you mean business about your business.
The wonderful people here are filled with backbone to spare and will talk you through it. But it all comes down to you, using your voice and making dcm listen.

What is that saying that goes 'if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten'. So change it now or you'll forever be resentful and upset with yourself and this dcm.

Just wanted to add I am such a wimp when it comes to confronting dcps. One dcm had not brought in any of her required paperwork even though I had asked for it several times. One a.m. she showed up again without and I refused care until she brought it back. She was NOT a happy camper. But it was HER problem, not mine. *I* could've gotten into trouble without it and no dcf is worth that. The grandma thanked me for standing up to her.
Yes, so just like the cubby area they do have extra clothing, diapers, wipes, etc here. I have a full closet for them here also. And of course a house full of toys and materials. They seriously need nothing here. When they leave it's like the house is just waiting for them to come back because so much of our home is reserved for them.

Thank you these are exactly the things I need to hear
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  #10  
Old 02-17-2018, 08:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 284878 View Post
As for the paperwork, I don't send it home. If I do, I give them a copy to read and have a copy for them to sign at drop off. This also helps prevent edits to my work.
If DCM shows up Monday without it, then pull out your copy and request it completed but don't allow her to leave with it.
Or another option is to contact her this weekend with "paperwork is due Monday morning, children/families that arrive with out completed forms will be turned away at the door" Post a note on the door with a reminder, "Paperwork due please have it out to hand me when I open the door, if you forgot it, I will see you later"
Then follow through.
I think over the years I've had to tell only one mom I would have to refuse service if (xyz) didn't happen. Of course that was just a payment. These are forms I MUST have and were specified. You're right and if I don't do this I only have myself to blame.
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Old 02-17-2018, 09:24 AM
BrynleeJean BrynleeJean is offline
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Unfortunately i think thats just where those talks have to come in.
I had it in my policies whats expected to be in care like "child sized blankets and pillows" and i had this family that would bring a huge blanket and pillow for both of their children. i knew it was in my policies and written in black and white, i knew the way to fix it was to have a talk, a talk that to me seemed uncomfortable but to the parent was probably not at all, maybe a little inconvenient because they have to get a new pillow and blanket in the next few weeks but yea.
it was just in my head. A fairly simple talk should do it with a list of the only items they can bring and that are expected to bring
OR
you could raise their tuition rates and provide the stuff for them and they could bring nothing at all and you could have exactly the things you need and just that, I've thought about that.
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Old 02-17-2018, 11:28 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsJ View Post

Years ago my basic policies were very similar to what they are now. When I got back and updated my contract my lic.specialist asked that I take out all the fluff. She actually handed me a sample contract and asked for changes since she didn't like mine. And, again, I was jelly. Instead of standing up and saying 'hey but this is my business.." I just adjusted things for HER. I'd completely removed the info about what/how much to bring and drop off/pick up procedures that I did find helpful years ago. I took out my handout about comm.disease/sick. I even adjusted my late fees and bounce check procedures. Yikes.



It's time to buckle up and get going with a handbook! Even if it s just a couple pages that include my preferences. I'm going to look today at the links above and see how to get started on organizing the info again.
Yes. Contracts are for all things financial. Policy or handbook is for all of the rest: What to bring, parental expectations, methods of communication, specific dropoff and pickup expectations, etc.
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Old 02-17-2018, 04:34 PM
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I'd start by not unpacking them to begin with. Take what you need from them to keep inside, diapers, wipes etc. Them put the bags, with all of the crud in them, on the front porch and leave them there.
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Old 02-17-2018, 08:32 PM
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When dcm cries and starts in the the “but they can’t handle that” nonsense, reply with a smile and a confidant “oh you’d be surprised how well they’ll adapt if we only give them the chance to do it.”

No food and drinks brought in can easily be written off as allergies of other kids and risks associated with that.

Paperwork needs to always have a deadline date and no care after that if not returned. I often say, “my liability insurance requires I keep paperwork up to date” when asking for paperwork to be completed. You could also say it’s required for licensing purposes.

Not bringing bags in can be explained as a cleanliness issue, allergy issue (if parents have pets at home for example), or general safety concerns. I had a parent who would bring a diaper bag even though I never needed anything from it as I require parents leave supplies here in their child’s cubby. One day I opened it to put a bag of soiled clothing in it and found it had multiple otc medications in it. Tylenol, gas drops, Motrin, some sort of herbal teething meds, allergy medicine, etc. I told dcm it was a safety hazard because if any of the children got into the bag and ahold of the medicine, that someone could accidentally ingest one or all of the medicines leading to overdose.

And remember, it’s YOUR daycare. You make the rules, not the parents.
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Old 03-01-2018, 05:41 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyEverAfter View Post
One day I opened it to put a bag of soiled clothing in it and found it had multiple otc medications in it. Tylenol, gas drops, Motrin, some sort of herbal teething meds, allergy medicine, etc. I told dcm it was a safety hazard because if any of the children got into the bag and ahold of the medicine, that someone could accidentally ingest one or all of the medicines leading to overdose.

And remember, it’s YOUR daycare. You make the rules, not the parents.
These bags have the same items! I have to check for them daily for safety.

They still bring the same mound every morning.

At pickups I have been FIRMLY reminding. We nod, talk, acknowledge it and say okay. Reasons given. Eye contact to help commit to memory.
Drinks have stopped. But everything else still enters my home in the morning. I ask DCP to take it back out to the car because I no longer allow it here. I get a blank stare.
I Have all these things here for them. Everything. Already washed and taking up space in my home.
It's like a power struggle. DCP must think they own my home's space and rules during the daytime.

It has been so weird. I will keep my kids and paycheck for now but I will consider this as I interview to fill spaces here. I guess. It seems silly to term over something like this. But once it works my nerves I feel like looking at my options.
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Old 03-01-2018, 06:19 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsJ View Post
I ask DCP to take it back out to the car because I no longer allow it here. I get a blank stare.
You will have to enforce your policy or this will never stop. Don't ask. There is no question here. Tell. "Take the bag with you when you leave. Do not bring it back." Blank stare to be met with awkward silence. Bag goes or bag and kid go. DCP understands, she simply does not believe you, yet. Do not apologise. You are not sorry, there has been no misunderstanding.

If you don't respect your policies enough to enforce them, why should they? Don't make policies you don't believe in enough to enforce.

You got this. You are stronger than you think.
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Old 03-01-2018, 06:39 AM
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Thank you Right- I'm not apologizing for anything. In all this time I've just never seen anything like it. Blank stare. Moments of silence. The handing back.. Repeat.

I really think the kids enjoy time here but I will be looking to move things around we don't mesh well.
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Old 03-01-2018, 07:05 AM
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In all this time I've just never seen anything like it. Blank stare. Moments of silence. The handing back.. Repeat.
.
It is a known business negotiation technique. She is "handling" you. Don't let her.

https://www.communicaid.com/communic...power-silence/ - #2 "Using silence can put you in a more powerful position and suggest that you do not need the deal as much as the other side needs it."
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Old 03-01-2018, 09:58 AM
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This is my nephew.

He is almost 12 and brings like 10 stuffed animals, a laptop, a tablet an extension cord so his laptop can ALWAYS be plugged in when he visits......

aye aye aye.
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