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  #1  
Old 01-19-2011, 08:18 AM
DBug DBug is offline
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Default How Do You Deal With Crying?

So when a child is throwing a tantrum and/or having a huge crying fit, how do you stop from getting stressed about it? This is a big challenge for me, because as soon as the tantrums start, I start shoving food in my mouth -- I guess it's my way of dealing with the stress. I can be very patient and firm and under control when actually interacting with the tantrum-thrower, but at the same time I'm grabbing snacks non-stop (chocolate if I've got it, but anything else will do too!). I'm guessing this is why I've gained so much weight since starting my daycare .

How do you keep your blood pressure down and stay calm internally and not just externally when the crying is pushing you over the edge? I would never lash out or do anything unthinkable when a child is crying, but obviously I am still reacting to it in a negative way. Any suggestions?
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:23 AM
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I don't know what the books say about it, but for me, I ignore them. I've actually always been able to tune them out. If you can't, it might be harder. But I just walk away as long as they are in no danger of hurting anyone. If they need to sit in time out, even if I sit with them, I don't respond at all to the tantrum.
If you walk away, they often will chase you, and that's when you really have to ignore them. If they are following you around with their tantrum, then it's truly just the attention they want.
With one of my kids, when he wasn't talking much, the doctors explained to me his tantrums were because of the inability to communicate with me. So he would become so frustrated with trying to tell me what he wanted and being unsuccessful, that he gave up, and shut down, or melted down. Once he learned how to communicate clearly, it stopped.

Tantrums are a way children get what they want, ATTENTION. If you respond to it with attention, whether good or bad, they are getting what they want.
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:24 AM
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If it is getting to you, put them in a pack and plan in a room away from your for a minute. Turn the monitor volume off, but keep an eye on the lights. If the response for a tantrum is always removal, the tantrum stage will end pretty quickly.

Good luck. I have a kid who cries about everything, he's 3. This morning his Dad told me he was have a fit so he put him in the closet! I hope it was the walk-in?!
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:25 AM
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This morning his Dad told me he was have a fit so he put him in the closet! I hope it was the walk-in?!


Oh my this is funny!
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:27 AM
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Crying I can take. I have zero guilt simply meeting their immediate needs, ruling out correctable issues, placing them in a safe crib and walking away.

Screaming/tantrums (control fits), I send them home at the 4 hour mark. It is in my contract. At that point I have done all the good I possibly can for them...
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:54 AM
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Yeah, I ignore too -- if they're old enough to stay put, they can sit on the time-out step til they're done crying. If not, they can go in a pnp or have their fit in the playroom as long as they're not hurting anyone. I'm totally okay with walking away and carrying on with whatever needs doing. I just find myself eating while doing it ..
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Old 01-19-2011, 09:22 AM
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I get in front of them and say I will listen after you are nice. And walk away.
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Old 01-19-2011, 09:35 AM
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Yeah, I ignore too -- if they're old enough to stay put, they can sit on the time-out step til they're done crying. If not, they can go in a pnp or have their fit in the playroom as long as they're not hurting anyone. I'm totally okay with walking away and carrying on with whatever needs doing.
Ditto here.
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:19 AM
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When my 3, 4 or 6 year old is having a fit, I usually ask them to hold on a minute so I can get a good spot to watch it. I'll adjust myself and then tell them to continue and that I want to see a really good fit. 9 times out of 10 this difuses them and they walk away forgetting what they were having a fit about.

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Old 01-19-2011, 10:29 AM
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Any suggestions?


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Old 01-19-2011, 10:31 AM
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If the crying is because the child is hurt, then I will most definitely comfort the child, but if a child is crying or throwing a tantrum, I ignore it unless it is proving to be stressful or dangerous to the other dcks. If that's the case, I just have the cryer go to either the other daycare room and get it out of their system or go to the end of the hall and get it out of their system. It's not a timeout at all. It's me giving the child a chance to pull herself together before the crying/tantrum leads to a time out. I am excellent at tuning out tantrums. It's a benefit of having a child of my own that used to (and sometimes still does) throw EPIC tantrums.

This may sound counter productive, but in some cases, I will encourage the child to cry louder or throw a bigger tantrum because I don't think that her heart is really in it. I then will proceed to throw a pretend temper tantrum and within a minute or so, the child throwing the fit can't even remember what it was that made the kid so upset. That works too and it gives all of the other kids a good laugh at my expense! I then tell all of the kids that when they throw fits, that's exactly what they look like to me and to all of the other dcks that are watching.
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:37 AM
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I was watching, maybe Dr. Phil the other day (I cant remember but im pretty sure it was Dr. Phil) where he had a guy on there who mentioned to do practice tantrums with a kid. Have a contest on who can have the best practice tantrum so this way when they really do you can tell them "that wasn't as good as our practice one, lets try again". I think thats how it went, if someone caught that too then correct me if I'm wrong. It was to lessen the severity and longevity of the tantrums. This was for older kids though as the young ones I have here including my son wont understand the practice lol.

They do look at me funny when I start in on the tantrum too but for the most part, unless they are hurting themselves or someone else, I just ignore it.
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:55 AM
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Okay, but what about DURING daycare hours?
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Old 01-19-2011, 10:58 AM
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Okay, but what about DURING daycare hours?


LOL
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:03 AM
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Originally Posted by VTMom View Post
When my 3, 4 or 6 year old is having a fit, I usually ask them to hold on a minute so I can get a good spot to watch it. I'll adjust myself and then tell them to continue and that I want to see a really good fit. 9 times out of 10 this difuses them and they walk away forgetting what they were having a fit about.

Hmm, I thought I was the only one to ever do this - glad to see I'm not .

As far as the stress eating - you've already started to correct it by identifying the problem and what triggers it. I used to be the same way, but as soon as I recognize the triggers I stop, sit down, close my eyes, take deep breaths, rub my temples, and remind myself that I'm not doing anyone any good by going for that donut.
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:09 AM
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Yeah, I totally get what everyone's saying about walking away, diffusing the situation, etc. But am I the only one who still gets stressed out by the crying and fit-throwing?

Even if I'm dealing with the child by the book, when I walk away the tension doesn't go away ... so I end up grabbing a handful of chocolate chips or a cookie since that seems to make me feel better. Does anybody else do anything like that?

And more to the point, does anybody have a better way of dealing with the stress (immediately, not later on in the day ... although a foot rub from hubby does wonders at the end of the day!).
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:11 AM
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I ignore it to. If they don't stop either they go in a time out or a pnp. They normally get really quiet.
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:12 AM
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As far as the stress eating - you've already started to correct it by identifying the problem and what triggers it. I used to be the same way, but as soon as I recognize the triggers I stop, sit down, close my eyes, take deep breaths, rub my temples, and remind myself that I'm not doing anyone any good by going for that donut.
I'm glad I'm not the only one . Since naptime is rapidly coming to a close, I'll be able to try this method very soon ... thank you for the ideas!!
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:21 AM
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But am I the only one who still gets stressed out by the crying and fit-throwing?
Nope! One of my dck crying INSTANTLY makes my heart race and I bet my blood pressure rockets up because I get real warm and clench my teeth. I walk away but I really need a hole in the ground in the neighbors yard to go to as the cry (to me) is so loud and awful my eyes cross.

I feel you.
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:26 AM
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omg you are too funny!
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  #21  
Old 01-19-2011, 11:57 AM
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oh yes the fun part about our job...the crying fits..

when a child is throwing a fit, i tell them: I can see you are very upset about something and that is ok to be mad or sad about something, however screaming and throwing yourself onthe floor or _____________ is not ok. If you would like to scream and throw yourself on the floor then you need to go to the other room (its a room where I can see them . it has soft floor mats and pillows) After putting them in a safe place to get it all out, i walk away.

I do not return to them until they stop. If after 25 minutes they do not stop, mom and dad get a call warning them that if it continues they will need to pick up the child. after 45 min they go home. I dont deal wtih forced screaming or crying. I think that the only thing you can do is walk away from it for your own sanity.... I ask parents to also ignor the fits....
Then at 7pm get those glasses out baby....lmao
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:59 AM
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Looks like you already know how to react to the child and it sounds like your doing great.

As far as the eating, maybe find some other, more positive thing to do. I'll try to brainstorm...gum, water, coffee (not too much coffee). Maybe calf(sp?) raises, stand on tip toes over and over until you can't stand it anymore; one or 2 feet at a time. I really don't know.

There has got to be something on the internet about it. Now I'm curious.
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