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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Totally Off Topic, Pertaining To Husbands
NightOwl 07:10 PM 05-15-2014
Let's say you and your husband used to take long rides on his motorcycle ALL THE TIME. Then, you got pregnant and husband sold the motorcycle even though you begged him not to. Fast forward 5 years, husband decides he must have another motorcycle and he's buying it this weekend. He wants you to look it up and see how gorgeous it is. It's a Honda Fury. It's BEAUTIFUL. Except, they are only made to seat ONE. One person. A single rider. You say to him, but it only seats one. Or is that your intention? He seems taken aback, but answers that they are probably made with two seats also. His reaction tells you this hasn't even entered his mind that someone else may want to ride. They do not come as a two seater, btw. Are you hurt? Offended? Don't even think it's an issue?

Edited to add: daughter will be 16 in 3 weeks and husband said no (about a week ago before the motorcycle talk) to financing car for her because he doesn't want to take out any more loans. He already owns two trucks, so the motorcycle will make 3 modes of transportation for him.
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ihop 07:16 PM 05-15-2014
Not offended. Most likely he saw pretty shiny and was excited. He thought enough of you to show you and get your opinion. I try not to read a while lot into mens thoughts when it comes to vehicles. I do however think it is an issue if I want to ride it too. Tell him you'd like to get a two seated so you can have some personal time together. Don't over think it.
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JoseyJo 07:16 PM 05-15-2014
Personally- hurt and offended. I am pretty sensitive though! I think the main issue though is how he handles it now that he has thought about it. If he doesn't even look at another that doesn't have 2 seats and includes your want to ride with him in every decision I would let it go. If not... JK, but you know what I mean
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NoMoreJuice! 07:17 PM 05-15-2014
Um, YES let him know you're offended(and you should be)!

We have an 06 HD Ultra Classic, bought specifically for that plush, comfy back seat. The hubs had a sporty before he had me, then sold it and asked if I'd like to pick out a bike for the both of us. So I married him.

He's said and done 14 million insensitive things since then though, so don't come to any conclusions just from that story.
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NightOwl 07:56 PM 05-15-2014

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Lucy 07:58 PM 05-15-2014
Totally hurt. And offended!

He didn't ASK you if you thought it was a good idea to buy, he TOLD you he was buying it this weekend.

You used to enjoy the activity of riding together, and he has totally forgotten that, and only wants one for himself.

He won't help out a car-less family member, but he'll buy himself a THIRD mode of transportation.

I don't know your husband, and I don't want to offend you, but this smacks of selfishness to me.

Let it be said that I'm the opposite in regard to motorcycles. My husband has talked of getting one (cheaper on gas, blah..blah..blah), but I've poo-pooed it so much that I think he has given up.

We're also different in regard to finances. I do literally everything financial... banking, bills, budget, taxes, investments, determining if we can "afford" something at the time, etc. My husband is pretty good about "asking" first. (I don't really want to say "asking", because he's not what some people would call "whipped", but he does consult the "treasurer", so-to-speak.) I'm fortunate that he's pretty darn respectful about not making splurge purchases without us talking about it. (In fact, I can't remember him ever doing it ??) And I'm fortunate also that if I sound at all negative towards it (whether for financial reasons, safety reasons, logic reasons, lack-of-storage reasons, etc.) he'll skip it.

So maybe I'm spoiled, but if I were in your situation, I'd be extremely hurt. But I'm also not one to nag and actually SAY that I'm hurt. I internalize it, which only makes it worse. So I'm not one to give advice LOL.
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safechner 09:12 PM 05-15-2014
Feeling offered or hurt? Nope! I wouldn't care about it, anyways. My husband has a 2010 Yamaha Raider. It is very beautiful! He did buy second seat to come with it. Honestly, you are not going ride with him everyday. Maybe that is why he didn't think about it since he knew you wouldn't ride with him all the time. I think it is not a big deal, just my opinion.

I dont ride with him but my daughters ride with them sometimes around the neighbors if they asked for it. Actually, I refused to ride with him because he was hitting 100mph when he was riding a sport bike a long time ago with me and I would never ride with him again.

Maybe your husband dont want finance on a car because it costs more than motorcycle, who knows.
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KidGrind 04:07 AM 05-16-2014
Originally Posted by Wednesday:
Let's say you and your husband used to take long rides on his motorcycle ALL THE TIME. Then, you got pregnant and husband sold the motorcycle even though you begged him not to. Fast forward 5 years, husband decides he must have another motorcycle and he's buying it this weekend. He wants you to look it up and see how gorgeous it is. It's a Honda Fury. It's BEAUTIFUL. Except, they are only made to seat ONE. One person. A single rider. You say to him, but it only seats one. Or is that your intention? He seems taken aback, but answers that they are probably made with two seats also. His reaction tells you this hasn't even entered his mind that someone else may want to ride. They do not come as a two seater, btw. Are you hurt? Offended? Don't even think it's an issue?

Edited to add: daughter will be 16 in 3 weeks and husband said no (about a week ago before the motorcycle talk) to financing car for her because he doesn't want to take out any more loans. He already owns two trucks, so the motorcycle will make 3 modes of transportation for him.
I’d be peeved because the motorcycle has been a plan stirring up top for awhile. I’d remind my husband he doesn’t want to take out any loans. In addition, I’d share if a motorcycle is really what he wants, so be it. However, a two-seater is what needs to happen.
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bklsmum 04:35 AM 05-16-2014
I'd be hurt but I'd get over it quickly as long as he corrected himself. From what you said it seems like he honestly didn't even think about it which is, sadly, a man trait. It's what they do AFTER they realize the screw up that matters to me.
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midaycare 04:51 AM 05-16-2014
I'd be more offended and hurt by him telling me he's spending our money without consulting me. Um ... No. Not in our house. That would probably cause World War III over here if either of us did something like that. We consult each other on purchases over $50. It may sound corny, but it's worked for us. In my best Dave Ramsey Friday scream, "and we're debt free!!!" Except the house ... That's next.
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llpa 05:23 AM 05-16-2014
Yes, hurt and offended! I don't think he did it to hurt you tho. Those sport bikes are pretty seductive to any guy kwim? Tell him if he wants to play go buy a used dirt bike and
get a nice touring bike for both of you. I love motorcycles and we have had them the entire 40 yrs we've been married. Hubs bought the Suzuki 1500 that we currently have because it was a great value and specifically for that cushy BIG back seat
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NightOwl 05:28 AM 05-16-2014
Originally Posted by midaycare:
I'd be more offended and hurt by him telling me he's spending our money without consulting me. Um ... No. Not in our house. That would probably cause World War III over here if either of us did something like that. We consult each other on purchases over $50. It may sound corny, but it's worked for us. In my best Dave Ramsey Friday scream, "and we're debt free!!!" Except the house ... That's next.
Let me clarify this. We keep separate finances. Things are divided equally, then we each pay for our designated things with our own income. No joint bank accounts, credit cards, etc. So the bike would be coming out of his own money. This has worked well for us for almost 9 years, although it's not typical for most married couples.
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NoMoreJuice! 05:34 AM 05-16-2014
Originally Posted by safechner:
Maybe your husband dont want finance on a car because it costs more than motorcycle, who knows.
Sorry to pick on you, but I totally used to think that, until we bought a motorcycle that was roughly 3x more than any car we've ever bought!


On a side note, I would never finance a car for a 16 year old. My dad dropped me off at work at Petsmart every single weekend from age 16-17. So I saved 5 grand for a really nice car, and I took REALLY REALLY REALLY good care of it because I had worked my butt off for it. I had it for almost 9 years and cried like a baby when we sold it!
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NightOwl 05:43 AM 05-16-2014
Originally Posted by NoMoreJuice!:
Sorry to pick on you, but I totally used to think that, until we bought a motorcycle that was roughly 3x more than any car we've ever bought!


On a side note, I would never finance a car for a 16 year old. My dad dropped me off at work at Petsmart every single weekend from age 16-17. So I saved 5 grand for a really nice car, and I took REALLY REALLY REALLY good care of it because I had worked my butt off for it. I had it for almost 9 years and cried like a baby when we sold it!
Awwww! I agree, the motorcycle is about 3x what my daughter expects to spend for her car. And she has money saved and a job, so she's making the payments. It's just that we have to do the financing in our names because she's too young to sign contact.
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Kimskiddos 06:03 AM 05-16-2014
I would be hurt and offended! We ride too and the passenger seat was of upmost importance to both of us when choosing our motorcycle! Shoot if he decided he needed a single seater, we would also be buying me a single seater! I have it all picked out, a Ducati Monster 696! LOL And yes it cost more than a lot of cars. We have dirt bikes if he needs to ride alone.
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SilverSabre25 06:12 AM 05-16-2014
I'd be pretty hurt and angry. And if it were my DH, it just wouldn't have occurred to him and he wouldn't have thought it through completely. That's the way he is. He'd be surprised I was hurt and probably bend over backwards to fix it :P
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Blackcat31 07:34 AM 05-16-2014
I'd be hurt a bit, but only because he didn't ask for my input in the first place because it was/is an activity you did together.

Maybe he figured you haven't talked about it or mentioned it for a while so you weren't interested... Still a little "Hey, guess what I was thinking of buying...." might have gone a long way.

My DH and I used to rise snowmobiles together. ONE snowmobile.

Then he got this great deal on a racing type snowmobile that only had room for one.

...but then bought me my own.

Now we can ride together...just a different type of together.


Have you considered buying your own motorcycle if riding is something you really enjoy too?
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melilley 10:05 AM 05-16-2014
Since your finances are separate, I wouldn't be mad that he bought it. I could care less what my dh buys (he always asks though) and our finances are together.

I would however maybe be a little hurt that he didn't think of you since he knows that you enjoy riding.

I know a little how you feel. My dh was all excited to buy this sport quad. We go to Silver Lake Sand Dunes quite a bit so I thought it would be neat to have. Well come to find out, the sport quad is a 1 seater! I was a little upset, I thought my dd or I could ride with him since I'm too chicken to ride by myself. We also have a Jeep that can go on the dunes and he said I could drive that while he rides the quad. Pfst..I'm to chicken to even drive that up the big hills. So we go to the dunes, I have to watch the kids-which I don't mind, but it's not east watching a 1 yo at Lake Michigan. He also goes on all these quad adventures. I'm glad he has fun, but it would be nice if I could go too and ride with him. I'm more of a ridee than a driver...lol

That's great that your daughter has a job and is paying for her car! I had a used Escort Pony and it was a stick..for my first car..lol! I remember my mom bought it, but I had to pay her back. It really teaches you how to save and be responsible for something financially!
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midaycare 10:27 AM 05-16-2014
Originally Posted by melilley:
Since your finances are separate, I wouldn't be mad that he bought it.


If finances are separate, he probably figures you will go out and buy one (if you want).
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TaylorTots 10:30 AM 05-16-2014
"I think that bike is perfect for me! ....what kind are you thinking of for you?"
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AmyLeigh 10:37 AM 05-16-2014
Originally Posted by TaylorTots:
"I think that bike is perfect for me! ....what kind are you thinking of for you?"


Lol, exactly what I was thinking!
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LoraJenkins 11:43 AM 05-16-2014
I woukd be hurt. We have a 97 Sportster and DH just bought a plusher seat so I would be comfy. He NEVER, and I mean NEVER, rides without me. Its our "thing" lol.
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MarinaVanessa 01:08 PM 05-16-2014
I would be hurt. We do the same as you with finances but we always consult with each other before making any purchases over a few hundred dollars. BUT sometimes I think men are just derpy, no offence guys ... sometimes you just don't think about stuff.

Before DH and I had any of our ow kids together he told me he wanted to go out and car shop. He wanted a sporty new 2 seater. I was a little hurt because that would mean that unless my DD was visiting her bio dad or we got a sitter that would mean that I would not be able to ride in it. I didn't say anything at first because he said he only wanted to look. We get to the dealership (DH, DD and I) and suddenly "looking" turned into wanting to buy it. He wanted to test drive it and was all excited and he got in the driver seat just as the salesperson got into the passenger seat and I was just standing quiet next to the car. I think that was the first time he even thought about how I wouldn't be able to go on the same test drive as him. He had this "Oh, uh.." face. He said that he would test drive it first then I could test drive it next and I just declined and offered to sit in the truck with DD until he was done. I think that was the first time that the thought of my DD would not be able to ride in the car with us crossed his mind.

My experience had a good ending though because he did go on the test drive but then after asked me to check out another car, same car but a sedan . He ended up getting the sedan (Infinity G35).

As our family grown I feel your pain because I LOVE riding quads and DH and I owned 2. As our family grows it's difficult to find someone to watch 3 kids so that we can go riding. DH would go with MY friend from highschool and I would stay behind and watch the kids. I never said anything until recently when I told him that I didn't want to go camping in the dunes because there was nothing for me to do except stay at the campsite and watch the kids while he went riding with our friends. I told him I would rather stay home and be comfortable with the kids. After I told him that he sold the quads and bought a Rhino so that we as a family could go riding in the dunes together, even the baby.

SO the point is maybe he didn't think about you, so tell him "Hey OUR special together thing is now just YOUR special alone thing and that hurt. I'd love to go riding with you again and it hurt that I never crossed your mind".
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NightOwl 03:06 PM 05-16-2014
Originally Posted by MV:
I would be hurt. We do the same as you with finances but we always consult with each other before making any purchases over a few hundred dollars. BUT sometimes I think men are just derpy, no offence guys ... sometimes you just don't think about stuff.

Before DH and I had any of our ow kids together he told me he wanted to go out and car shop. He wanted a sporty new 2 seater. I was a little hurt because that would mean that unless my DD was visiting her bio dad or we got a sitter that would mean that I would not be able to ride in it. I didn't say anything at first because he said he only wanted to look. We get to the dealership (DH, DD and I) and suddenly "looking" turned into wanting to buy it. He wanted to test drive it and was all excited and he got in the driver seat just as the salesperson got into the passenger seat and I was just standing quiet next to the car. I think that was the first time he even thought about how I wouldn't be able to go on the same test drive as him. He had this "Oh, uh.." face. He said that he would test drive it first then I could test drive it next and I just declined and offered to sit in the truck with DD until he was done. I think that was the first time that the thought of my DD would not be able to ride in the car with us crossed his mind.

My experience had a good ending though because he did go on the test drive but then after asked me to check out another car, same car but a sedan . He ended up getting the sedan (Infinity G35).

As our family grown I feel your pain because I LOVE riding quads and DH and I owned 2. As our family grows it's difficult to find someone to watch 3 kids so that we can go riding. DH would go with MY friend from highschool and I would stay behind and watch the kids. I never said anything until recently when I told him that I didn't want to go camping in the dunes because there was nothing for me to do except stay at the campsite and watch the kids while he went riding with our friends. I told him I would rather stay home and be comfortable with the kids. After I told him that he sold the quads and bought a Rhino so that we as a family could go riding in the dunes together, even the baby.

SO the point is maybe he didn't think about you, so tell him "Hey OUR special together thing is now just YOUR special alone thing and that hurt. I'd love to go riding with you again and it hurt that I never crossed your mind".

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