Neighbor Shared Nanny Cam Story

[KDC]

So, my neighbor hired a nanny over choosing me for care, because of hours and convenience which I totally understand. I watched their first born, but they switched to a Nanny. They told me the reasons and we've managed to keep a better relationship because that 'boss/employee' relationship isn't there.

I was outside with the kiddo's and the Dad and his son (age 21 months) stopped over, the Nanny has summers off - Mom is a teacher. He told me a story about how the boy was starting to fuss when the sitter would arrive & this sparked some concern.

He said he set up his iphone and skype to watch her while she was taking care of their son (and the Nanny also brought her son, about 12 months old). He was concerned she was caring more for her son than his. Mind you, the Dad works from home -- so he's in the house while she's caring for the children. He was worried he would get 'caught' (meaning she saw the phone) but said he was upset when his son dropped his sippy cup and the Nanny just said "Pick it up, silly!" however, when her son dropped his snack cup, she got down to his level and gave him back his cup and hugged him. This made the Dad mad... It was a snippet of the day (he only had it on a short time - again, afraid of being caught) and I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing as the Nanny, as his child is almost 2 and can most certainly pick up his own cup. I would be hurt of the lack of trust as she's been working for them for over a year!

I can understand however the parent's want to be a 'fly' on the wall. I often wondered if putting a camera in the play area would be beneficial for my business -- this opened my eyes up for sure. We all have our struggles throughout the day, but most of us have the children's safety and best interests at heart. Differences of opinion over our parenting styles and appearance of favoritism whether it's there or not would start some fireworks.

[littlemissmuffet]

I would never EVER let someone outside of immediate family watch my child (especially before age 5) without recording them.

I also would have done exactly as the nanny did.

[SilverSabre25]

The dad was upset because she said "pick it up, silly!"? Wow. I say that all day long. Snack cups I often pick up to avoid spillage, or sometimes to avoid dropping the sippy cup that was just picked up and then she hugged him?! That whole interaction sounds exactly like what I do with all kids, mine and other peoples.

Heck, my son, who just turned two, will drop something and stand there worrying about it and then when i tell him to just get down and pick it up, he says, "oh!" and happily does it. Silly child.

Some people really have a lot of spare time, to worry about things like that.

[EntropyControlSpecialist]

Originally Posted by littlemissmuffet

I would never EVER let someone outside of immediate family watch my child (especially before age 5) without recording them.

I also would have done exactly as the nanny did.

Same here. All of it. Of course she acts like a Mom to her very young child whether other children are around or not/whether she's caring for another child or not. Most women do.

[itlw8]

I would expect a 21 month to pick up the cup if he could but I would not expect it from a 12 month. I am not sure what he thought he saw. Did he expect her to treat his child like and infant or did her want her to treat her child like he was almost a preschooler?

[countrymom]

the way I look at it, is that if you need to install a nanny cam then you don't trust your caregiver and you should stay home. The problem like the dad said is that he only caught a bit of it.

[daycare]

agree..............


and I would have done the same thing as the Nanny...

BTW of course she will treat her child differently, it's her child.....

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by KDC

So, my neighbor hired a nanny over choosing me for care, because of hours and convenience which I totally understand. I watched their first born, but they switched to a Nanny. They told me the reasons and we've managed to keep a better relationship because that 'boss/employee' relationship isn't there.

I was outside with the kiddo's and the Dad and his son (age 21 months) stopped over, the Nanny has summers off - Mom is a teacher. He told me a story about how the boy was starting to fuss when the sitter would arrive & this sparked some concern.

He said he set up his iphone and skype to watch her while she was taking care of their son (and the Nanny also brought her son, about 12 months old). He was concerned she was caring more for her son than his. Mind you, the Dad works from home -- so he's in the house while she's caring for the children. He was worried he would get 'caught' (meaning she saw the phone) but said he was upset when his son dropped his sippy cup and the Nanny just said "Pick it up, silly!" however, when her son dropped his snack cup, she got down to his level and gave him back his cup and hugged him. This made the Dad mad... It was a snippet of the day (he only had it on a short time - again, afraid of being caught) and I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing as the Nanny, as his child is almost 2 and can most certainly pick up his own cup. I would be hurt of the lack of trust as she's been working for them for over a year!

I can understand however the parent's want to be a 'fly' on the wall. I often wondered if putting a camera in the play area would be beneficial for my business -- this opened my eyes up for sure. We all have our struggles throughout the day, but most of us have the children's safety and best interests at heart. Differences of opinion over our parenting styles and appearance of favoritism whether it's there or not would start some fireworks.

Sounds to me like your neighbors need to either stay home and raise their own child or they need to trust their caregiver WITHOUT feeling the need to be sneaky and underhanded about it.

The reasons why DCD is upset is just silly Does he really think his child is going to be treated with kid gloves his entire life?

Parents need to stop being so worried about protecting their kids from natural consequences as well as ones they initiate themselves and start spending more time preparing them for the real world!

Oh, and if I were that Nanny....I'd have quit on the spot. I think what DCD did (taping nanny) was fine but HOW (secretly) he did it was just wrong and if he had so much distrust in her, he should never have hired her.

[MyAngels]

I think the dad is overreacting, but I would absolutely install a nanny cam and would never apologize for it. I wouldn't tell the nanny, either, unless I was legally required to do so. I don't think it's sneaky or underhanded, either. Yes, you'd like to think that your instincts are spot on when it comes to your choice of caregivers, but it's a sad fact that that's not always the case.

As a matter of fact, if I ever get to the point where I have to hire a caregiver for my mother, I'll be doing the same thing.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

[daycare]

Originally Posted by MyAngels

I think the dad is overreacting, but I would absolutely install a nanny cam and would never apologize for it. I wouldn't tell the nanny, either, unless I was legally required to do so. I don't think it's sneaky or underhanded, either. Yes, you'd like to think that your instincts are spot on when it comes to your choice of caregivers, but it's a sad fact that that's not always the case.

As a matter of fact, if I ever get to the point where I have to hire a caregiver for my mother, I'll be doing the same thing.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

I personally don't think it would be a very nice thing to hide cameras to record someone for any reason, unless it was for some kind of law enforcement type of thing.

I probably would install cameras, but I would tell the person that they are there.....

how would you feel if you thought you were in a room alone and you adjusted your bra, but then find out you were being video taped. I would feel so violated..

BTW I do that all the time in my hallway where my DCKs cant see me but I can hear them

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by MyAngels

I think the dad is overreacting, but I would absolutely install a nanny cam and would never apologize for it. I wouldn't tell the nanny, either, unless I was legally required to do so. I don't think it's sneaky or underhanded, either. Yes, you'd like to think that your instincts are spot on when it comes to your choice of caregivers, but it's a sad fact that that's not always the case.

As a matter of fact, if I ever get to the point where I have to hire a caregiver for my mother, I'll be doing the same thing.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

I see where you are coming from but as a parent, don't you think you should trust your caregiver?

If you can't (which is understandable) then you really only have one choice....don't leave your child with someone other than you or your immediate family.

I don't think it is fair or right to justify one's fears or mistrust of others by using a secret video camera to record their actions.

I am pretty sure everyone of us here (as providers) would flip out or be livid if our DCK's all came with secret recording devices in their diaper bags and backpacks...kwim?

That trust has to go both ways.

We can't be mad if DCP's want to do it if we ourselves would do it too.

fwiw~ this isn't directed solely at you....you were just the last one to reply

[Heidi]

I think a nanny cam is fine, as long as the nanny is informed.

Having someone filming you without your knowledge is NOT ok at all. We all do personal things that would be highly embarrassing if someone else saw. Picking places, passing gas, adjusting wardrobe malfunctions.

If I were in a position to hire a nanny, I would probably have cameras, but that person would know from day one that they are there. I wouldn't say "oh...they are over here" and show them WHERE they are, or how many there are. Just that they exist.

That enough would deter most people from being dishonest or out of control.

[AmyKidsCo]

Originally Posted by Heidi

I think a nanny cam is fine, as long as the nanny is informed.

Having someone filming you without your knowledge is NOT ok at all. We all do personal things that would be highly embarrassing if someone else saw. Picking places, passing gas, adjusting wardrobe malfunctions.

If I were in a position to hire a nanny, I would probably have cameras, but that person would know from day one that they are there. I wouldn't say "oh...they are over here" and show them WHERE they are, or how many there are. Just that they exist.

That enough would deter most people from being dishonest or out of control.

Good point!

On the other side of things, when I'm having a bad day or am in a bad mood I ask myself "if there was a camera in that diaper bag, what would I want parents to see?" and that helps me get past myself and think about the child. We all have days like that...

[countrymom]

Originally Posted by Heidi

I think a nanny cam is fine, as long as the nanny is informed.

Having someone filming you without your knowledge is NOT ok at all. We all do personal things that would be highly embarrassing if someone else saw. Picking places, passing gas, adjusting wardrobe malfunctions.

If I were in a position to hire a nanny, I would probably have cameras, but that person would know from day one that they are there. I wouldn't say "oh...they are over here" and show them WHERE they are, or how many there are. Just that they exist.

That enough would deter most people from being dishonest or out of control.

acually today as I'm vacumming the house, the cord gets stuck and I pull it and as I pull it, my skirt goes up too, showing off my grannies. Can you imagine another parent seeing this. The kids just laugh, but I would be embarressed if it was a parent, or the day my shirt was on back wards.

[daycare]

Originally Posted by countrymom

acually today as I'm vacumming the house, the cord gets stuck and I pull it and as I pull it, my skirt goes up too, showing off my grannies. Can you imagine another parent seeing this. The kids just laugh, but I would be embarressed if it was a parent, or the day my shirt was on back wards.

lol.....sorry I had to giggle...

but like I said too, I would feel violated if someone recorded me with out me knowing.....

[KDC]

Originally Posted by countrymom

acually today as I'm vacumming the house, the cord gets stuck and I pull it and as I pull it, my skirt goes up too, showing off my grannies. Can you imagine another parent seeing this. The kids just laugh, but I would be embarressed if it was a parent, or the day my shirt was on back wards.

I gotta say, after this story it make me think "I wonder if anyone is watching me stuff these marshmallows in my mouth?"

I think the whole Nanny cam is to catch someone 'off guard' or 'in the act', but it is a huge violation of personal space. I'm just having fun with the kids, but if I pass gas or claim 30 sec rule for a potato chip -- does the parent need to know? I have references from parents and relatives that say I'm a caring, loving Mother/provider. If someone told me they had a camera, I don't know how I'd react. I have nothing to hide, but I don't think I'd want someone watching my every move.

Most people have someone watching their computers at work (know the websites you visit) - and if a boss was watching their every move I doubt they'd like that?

[spud912]

I have seen other in-home daycares advertise that parents can view their children anytime of day. I have absolutely nothing to hide, but I don't want to open myself up to a whole slew of nit-picking. I am a one-woman show here and therefore cannot be in multiple places at the same time. There are periods of the day where I have to change a diaper (the changing area is in the bathroom so I can have quick accessibility to a sink) or I need to do stuff in the kitchen (which is next to the playroom and our floor plan is open, so it's not like the children are unsupervised). However, if a parent were to login and see a snip-it of my day and they don't see me in the room for a couple of minutes, they may start judging my ability to properly care for the children. Like I said, everyone is always within earshot and under close supervision, but it may look "bad." For that reason, I would not install the cameras for viewing. Plus, what happens after-hours? I don't want parents peaking in anytime they want!

[Heidi]

Originally Posted by spud912

I have seen other in-home daycares advertise that parents can view their children anytime of day. I have absolutely nothing to hide, but I don't want to open myself up to a whole slew of nit-picking. I am a one-woman show here and therefore cannot be in multiple places at the same time. There are periods of the day where I have to change a diaper (the changing area is in the bathroom so I can have quick accessibility to a sink) or I need to do stuff in the kitchen (which is next to the playroom and our floor plan is open, so it's not like the children are unsupervised). However, if a parent were to login and see a snip-it of my day and they don't see me in the room for a couple of minutes, they may start judging my ability to properly care for the children. Like I said, everyone is always within earshot and under close supervision, but it may look "bad." For that reason, I would not install the cameras for viewing. Plus, what happens after-hours? I don't want parents peaking in anytime they want!

Or...how's this.

Bobby and Johnny are playing with trucks. Johnny swipes Bobby's truck, and Bobby grabs back. Then, Johnny whacks Bobby over the head. You are across the room reading a story, and by the time you get there you intervene, they are outright wrestling for the truck, both crying.

Just as you are prying them apart, console them, and gently explain that we take turns, and we don't hurt our friends and Oh look how sad you both are....

both parents call you to ask where the heck you were because you were out of camera range...
or...
Bobby's parent is calling you to say nasty things about her Angel Johnny.

yeah....NO!

I once had a dcm who threatened a 4 yo in my program for hitting her angel. She told him if he did it again, she would call his dad and tell him to SPANK him. Uhhh... This is the same mom who's daughter spent 45 minutes on my "playground" after daycare was over because she "didn't want to go home". That daycare relationship didn't last long....

[MyAngels]

Originally Posted by MyAngels

I think the dad is overreacting, but I would absolutely install a nanny cam and would never apologize for it. I wouldn't tell the nanny, either, unless I was legally required to do so. I don't think it's sneaky or underhanded, either. Yes, you'd like to think that your instincts are spot on when it comes to your choice of caregivers, but it's a sad fact that that's not always the case.

As a matter of fact, if I ever get to the point where I have to hire a caregiver for my mother, I'll be doing the same thing.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Okay, I'm quoting myself here because I don't think I can quote everyone who disagrees with my position .

I'm not talking about someone having a camera in a daycare provider's home. In my case, since I'm licensed, I'm open to any number of inspections, plus parents have the right to come in at any time and I have an open door policy. That's enough oversight to give some peace of mind for most people IMO.

I'm talking about strictly a nanny or adult senior caregiver situation. If I were a nanny I would fully expect that there would be cameras - you almost have to these days. I wouldn't care if they were there and I wouldn't care whether I knew about them or not. If I need to adjust my bra I'm going into a private area to do it.

I would imagine in most states it's required to notify employees if they are subject to monitoring, and that includes nanny cams. I know it's law in Illinois, where I live. In that case I certainly would give notice, but if I didn't have to I might not. It would depend on the situation.

As far as trust goes, as I said, I'd like to think my research, intuition, etc. would be spot on, but there are just too many stories of breaches of that very same trust to be completely sure. I love my children, grandchildren and elderly parents too much to take the risk that I, in my infinite wisdom, might be wrong.

[Heidi]

Originally Posted by MyAngels

Okay, I'm quoting myself here because I don't think I can quote everyone who disagrees with my position .

I'm not talking about someone having a camera in a daycare provider's home. In my case, since I'm licensed, I'm open to any number of inspections, plus parents have the right to come in at any time and I have an open door policy. That's enough oversight to give some peace of mind for most people IMO.

I'm talking about strictly a nanny or adult senior caregiver situation. If I were a nanny I would fully expect that there would be cameras - you almost have to these days. I wouldn't care if they were there and I wouldn't care whether I knew about them or not. If I need to adjust my bra I'm going into a private area to do it.

I would imagine in most states it's required to notify employees if they are subject to monitoring, and that includes nanny cams. I know it's law in Illinois, where I live. In that case I certainly would give notice, but if I didn't have to I might not. It would depend on the situation.

As far as trust goes, as I said, I'd like to think my research, intuition, etc. would be spot on, but there are just too many stories of breaches of that very same trust to be completely sure. I love my children, grandchildren and elderly parents too much to take the risk that I, in my infinite wisdom, might be wrong.

I totally get you. I really don't have an issue with a nanny cam. I only have an issue with the nanny not being informed. First of all, knowing there are cameras, a person with eh, issues, would probably not take the job in the first place. If they did, then they'd most likely behave knowing the cameras are there. So, by just having the cameras and informing the employee, you're going to prevent most issues. Having SECRET cameras is passive aggressive to me.

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

I see where you are coming from but as a parent, don't you think you should trust your caregiver?

If you can't (which is understandable) then you really only have one choice....don't leave your child with someone other than you or your immediate family.

I don't think it is fair or right to justify one's fears or mistrust of others by using a secret video camera to record their actions.

I am pretty sure everyone of us here (as providers) would flip out or be livid if our DCK's all came with secret recording devices in their diaper bags and backpacks...kwim?

That trust has to go both ways.

We can't be mad if DCP's want to do it if we ourselves would do it too.

fwiw~ this isn't directed solely at you....you were just the last one to reply

I agree with all of this. It is one thing to have a nanny cam, but I'd expect to know about it. And just for the record, FAMILY is often the biggest culprit of abuse, not some daycare lady trying to make a living. Sure there are some bad apples out there, but that's with anything. That's why research and trust is very important. What this dad "caught" the nanny doing was so ridiculous. OMG she told the older kid to pick up the cup and her smaller baby she picked it up for him and hugged him! She should be jailed!

I mean, seriously. There's a lot worse things parents should be worried about that that kind of crap, and if he's this nitpicky, perhaps he can try keeping his own children. He needs to work, though, right? He has to make a choice: Either he quits and stays home and figures out budget somehow OR he stops being such a baby and realize that the nanny IS keeping the child safe, and clearly (so far) has done nothing wrong and seems to be a good one. I'd be pissed if I were her and if I ever found out someone was illegally recording me (secretly, without permission) then I'd walk out on that job.

That said, as a provider, if you have cameras you installed, and you notified the parents and they agree, I feel they can be a valuable asset to your child care center/home. The difference? Your parents would sign off on it and agree, whereas the nanny had no idea she was being recorded.