Daycare.com Forum
Maggie 09:41 AM 03-05-2014
Not sure if anyone remembers but I posted a few months ago for advice when a dcd was asked not to come visit his boys while I was at an appt. and my 20 year old daughter was here alone with the kids and came by anyway peering through my back door. I ended up terming that family the next day. Well two weeks later the mom comes by 15 minutes before closing time, knocks then opens the door and comes in. Another dcg had a play date at her house the weekend before and left her jacket she was returning it. Other dcg lives 2 minutes away. Two weeks later mom calls me, her boys miss me and would like to come visit. I tell her no it's too confusing for them. A few weeks later I get a Christmas card from them with a family pic again saying boys miss me can they come visit. I didn't respond. Yesterday mom calls again and leaves a message saying I had such an impact on her boys and they are still asking to see me can they come visit. I hate to be mean but I really don't want to see her or her kids. Had things ended differently and she hadn't called licensing to try to get me in trouble, maybe, but I don't want them here. Should I just keep ignoring her or let her know I don't want to see them please quit asking.
JenNJ 09:47 AM 03-05-2014
I would send a letter (certified) stating that she needs to stop all contact with you or you will file a restraining order. She sounds unstable.
ihop 09:47 AM 03-05-2014
Personally, I would respond ONCE and say something like "it was a pleasure caring for your children and I am glad they enjoyed their time at ABC Daycare. Unfortunately, I am not able to accommodate visits from former daycare families. Thank you for your understanding on the matter. Regards, You slightly stalked provider"
If she continues to reach out, I'd ignore her. If she keeps coming by you may need a cease and desist letter. Good luck
If she continues to reach out, I'd ignore her. If she keeps coming by you may need a cease and desist letter. Good luck
daycarediva 09:49 AM 03-05-2014
I would ignore, or return items to sender at this point.
If you felt like she would persist, I would send her a letter back, maybe with a photo of the boys while they were in your care and say that while you enjoyed having them and miss them, you think it's best that they not visit to help them move on.
If you felt like she would persist, I would send her a letter back, maybe with a photo of the boys while they were in your care and say that while you enjoyed having them and miss them, you think it's best that they not visit to help them move on.
NeedaVaca 10:04 AM 03-05-2014
She just walked right in? OMG, that would make me so mad...she definitely sounds a little unstable. I like Ihop's idea, one time communication, let her know visits are not a good idea. Besides, you are working? I don't "visit" with any of my DCK's past or present. Be firm enough that hopefully this doesn't continue.
Shell 10:07 AM 03-05-2014
Originally Posted by ihop:
Personally, I would respond ONCE and say something like "it was a pleasure caring for your children and I am glad they enjoyed their time at ABC Daycare. Unfortunately, I am not able to accommodate visits from former daycare families. Thank you for your understanding on the matter. Regards, You slightly stalked provider"
If she continues to reach out, I'd ignore her. If she keeps coming by you may need a cease and desist letter. Good luck
Personally, I would respond ONCE and say something like "it was a pleasure caring for your children and I am glad they enjoyed their time at ABC Daycare. Unfortunately, I am not able to accommodate visits from former daycare families. Thank you for your understanding on the matter. Regards, You slightly stalked provider"
If she continues to reach out, I'd ignore her. If she keeps coming by you may need a cease and desist letter. Good luck
coolconfidentme 10:09 AM 03-05-2014
One word......, creepy!
butterfly 10:10 AM 03-05-2014
This sounds familiar... the only family I have ever termed would not stop trying to get back into my care. They would call continuously. It came to the point where I was getting freaked out. I did not want to provide care for them (hence the term! 
) Finally, after many many conversations with the family - repeatedly telling them "no", my dh got fed up and got on the phone and told them in not so nice terms to quit calling here or we'd have to take further action.
) Finally, after many many conversations with the family - repeatedly telling them "no", my dh got fed up and got on the phone and told them in not so nice terms to quit calling here or we'd have to take further action.
Maggie 10:19 AM 03-05-2014
Yes she is creepy and her husband is even creepier! I think I will ignore the latest message but answer the next time she calls and let her know, not gonna happen time to move on. Thanks for your replies.
taylorw1210 10:43 AM 03-05-2014
What was the purpose of DCD peering through your windows? Jeez. This family sounds like they have a few screws loose.
KidGrind 10:50 AM 03-05-2014
Do not ever open the door for that pair.
cheerfuldom 10:53 AM 03-05-2014
I would write a firm letter. Short and firm. No thanks or response or apologies just straight to the point.
Dear X,
I cannot accommodate your daycare needs now or in the future. Please refrain from coming by my house or contacting me in any way from now on.
From Y
Dear X,
I cannot accommodate your daycare needs now or in the future. Please refrain from coming by my house or contacting me in any way from now on.
From Y
Maggie 11:08 AM 03-05-2014
A short but firm letter is a better idea then waiting for her next phone call. I could totally see her just stopping by because I never responded to her message. They were with me for 3 years so both parents know my door gets unlocked 30 minutes before I expect my first pickup. I'm not worried about either of them hurting me or anyone else I would just feel very uncomfortable if they came here. They have some major boundary issues.
Blackcat31 11:14 AM 03-05-2014
Originally Posted by Maggie:
A short but firm letter is a better idea then waiting for her next phone call. I could totally see her just stopping by because I never responded to her message. They were with me for 3 years so both parents know my door gets unlocked 30 minutes before I expect my first pickup. I'm not worried about either of them hurting me or anyone else I would just feel very uncomfortable if they came here. They have some major boundary issues.
Is the family aware that you know they reported you to licensing? A short but firm letter is a better idea then waiting for her next phone call. I could totally see her just stopping by because I never responded to her message. They were with me for 3 years so both parents know my door gets unlocked 30 minutes before I expect my first pickup. I'm not worried about either of them hurting me or anyone else I would just feel very uncomfortable if they came here. They have some major boundary issues.
If so, I might not be able to help myself and would consider saying something about it.
Something like "While I enjoyed my time with your children, I am afraid that due to you making a false report to licensing regarding my program, I don't feel it would be in anyone's best interest to visit or have continued contact. It would be best if there is no further contact between us. Thank you"
That way she knows that you do NOT want to be "friends"
Maggie 03:08 PM 03-05-2014
I've never confronted her about reporting me I guess I didn't want her to have the satisfaction of knowing it bothered me and I'm not sure if my licensor was supposed to be as open with me as she was about what was told to her and I didn't want her in any trouble. On the plus side I was also due for my inspection at that time so she got that out of the way while she was here too!
Sugar Magnolia 03:44 PM 03-05-2014
"No. That's not possible. "
Done!
Honesty, I can't even imagine why someone who called licensing with a false report would even REMOTELY consider wanting to "visit". Its weird. It's creepy. Red flag! Run, don't walk! Maybe it's paranoia, but she could be looking for.....I dunno....ammo for another call?
Wouldn't it be great to just say....."you are creepy, I never want you darkening my door ever again, go the heck away and take your false allegations with you." ?
Done!
Honesty, I can't even imagine why someone who called licensing with a false report would even REMOTELY consider wanting to "visit". Its weird. It's creepy. Red flag! Run, don't walk! Maybe it's paranoia, but she could be looking for.....I dunno....ammo for another call?
Wouldn't it be great to just say....."you are creepy, I never want you darkening my door ever again, go the heck away and take your false allegations with you." ?
bloominggenius 08:34 PM 03-05-2014
I would write this:
Dear Jane,
I feel that I need to be clear about a few things. I enjoyed watching your children but boundaries have been an issue. I am not willing to revisit caring for your children. The spot check for allegations that came right after you left was too much of a coincidence, as I did not have issues with any other family.
Although the inspection resulted a stellar review, it was an inconvenience that should never have happened.
I do not feel at this point that I am good match for your family. I cannot meet your needs for visits and I am not able to trust that there won't be more issues with boundaries.
Now that I have made my decision, I need for you to understand that I have a right to privacy. I am letting you know that I do not wish to have further discussions about this, because I will not be changing my mind. Please stop calling and sending notes, as I will be hanging up and marking them "Return to sender." To be clear, there is to be no further contact with our family.
As we live in the same town, I would like to see this remain civil and not have animosity. Please respect our space.
Sincerely..... xxxx
Send it certified mail and send a copy to yourself (regular mail) the same day without opening it. Place it in a file with the letter she sent you and notes about the phone calls and visits. The next time she contacts you, take the folder and head for the police dept. They will give her a friendly warning and it should stop.
I am very familiar with this issue. I had a daycare dad who got mad and then stalked my husband and I for weeks until I got him fired for harassing us from his work computer, and had the legal team at his company and the police explain to him about stalking laws.
Dear Jane,
I feel that I need to be clear about a few things. I enjoyed watching your children but boundaries have been an issue. I am not willing to revisit caring for your children. The spot check for allegations that came right after you left was too much of a coincidence, as I did not have issues with any other family.
Although the inspection resulted a stellar review, it was an inconvenience that should never have happened.
I do not feel at this point that I am good match for your family. I cannot meet your needs for visits and I am not able to trust that there won't be more issues with boundaries.
Now that I have made my decision, I need for you to understand that I have a right to privacy. I am letting you know that I do not wish to have further discussions about this, because I will not be changing my mind. Please stop calling and sending notes, as I will be hanging up and marking them "Return to sender." To be clear, there is to be no further contact with our family.
As we live in the same town, I would like to see this remain civil and not have animosity. Please respect our space.
Sincerely..... xxxx
Send it certified mail and send a copy to yourself (regular mail) the same day without opening it. Place it in a file with the letter she sent you and notes about the phone calls and visits. The next time she contacts you, take the folder and head for the police dept. They will give her a friendly warning and it should stop.
I am very familiar with this issue. I had a daycare dad who got mad and then stalked my husband and I for weeks until I got him fired for harassing us from his work computer, and had the legal team at his company and the police explain to him about stalking laws.
TwinKristi 08:59 PM 03-05-2014
Originally Posted by Maggie:
I've never confronted her about reporting me I guess I didn't want her to have the satisfaction of knowing it bothered me and I'm not sure if my licensor was supposed to be as open with me as she was about what was told to her and I didn't want her in any trouble. On the plus side I was also due for my inspection at that time so she got that out of the way while she was here too!
I remember the post about the creeper dad but they called Lic on you?? What did they say? I would have a hard time keeping my mouth shut on that one. I would be soooooooo tempted to say something along the lines of "unfortunately I feel it's a liability to have your children in my home since you reported my childcare to licensing for ____, I enjoyed watching your children but I can't accept them back into my home." and leave it at that. I've never confronted her about reporting me I guess I didn't want her to have the satisfaction of knowing it bothered me and I'm not sure if my licensor was supposed to be as open with me as she was about what was told to her and I didn't want her in any trouble. On the plus side I was also due for my inspection at that time so she got that out of the way while she was here too!
I'm very curious what she reported you for! What a psycho!!
Maggie 03:40 AM 03-06-2014
Both parents called licensing and made seperate reports.Dad said he was denied access to his children, not true he was told he could pickup while I wasn't here but not visit. Mom said I had a sub who was not an approved sub, that was true but she signed a letter that stated daycare will be closed for 2 hours that day but she was hiring my daughter to babysit for those 2 hours.(that was done mainly as a favor to her because her and dad were out of pto.) Dad also said I allowed them to bring their sick kids to daycare, kind of true I allowed them to break 24 hour rule, 2 year old was sent home one morning with a low grade fever, next morning mom says he woke up fever free can I please bring them. Because other then SA hers were my only ones that day so I allowed them to drop off after kids went to school and pickup before they got off the bus. Dad was POed because he had to pickup early even though kid was fever free so I explained to him rules say fever free for 24 hours and I could get in trouble for allowing them to come at all.
KDC 07:13 AM 03-06-2014
Originally Posted by Maggie:
Both parents called licensing and made seperate reports.Dad said he was denied access to his children, not true he was told he could pickup while I wasn't here but not visit. Mom said I had a sub who was not an approved sub, that was true but she signed a letter that stated daycare will be closed for 2 hours that day but she was hiring my daughter to babysit for those 2 hours.(that was done mainly as a favor to her because her and dad were out of pto.) Dad also said I allowed them to bring their sick kids to daycare, kind of true I allowed them to break 24 hour rule, 2 year old was sent home one morning with a low grade fever, next morning mom says he woke up fever free can I please bring them. Because other then SA hers were my only ones that day so I allowed them to drop off after kids went to school and pickup before they got off the bus. Dad was POed because he had to pickup early even though kid was fever free so I explained to him rules say fever free for 24 hours and I could get in trouble for allowing them to come at all.
WOW!! It takes guts to call and give this information to licensing when your provider was doing everything she could to help you avoid watching YOUR OWN KID. However, it takes some major ba@@s to come back and creep and ask to see you after that. I wouldn't want to get licensing any more involved and as much as it sounds GREAT to throw it in their face, being the better person sounds better to me. I would continue to ignore, and send a written letter if ignoring doesn't work. I would definitely wouldn't want this family around MY kids. Too bad you couldn't tell them state requirements do not allow visits from past terminated families Both parents called licensing and made seperate reports.Dad said he was denied access to his children, not true he was told he could pickup while I wasn't here but not visit. Mom said I had a sub who was not an approved sub, that was true but she signed a letter that stated daycare will be closed for 2 hours that day but she was hiring my daughter to babysit for those 2 hours.(that was done mainly as a favor to her because her and dad were out of pto.) Dad also said I allowed them to bring their sick kids to daycare, kind of true I allowed them to break 24 hour rule, 2 year old was sent home one morning with a low grade fever, next morning mom says he woke up fever free can I please bring them. Because other then SA hers were my only ones that day so I allowed them to drop off after kids went to school and pickup before they got off the bus. Dad was POed because he had to pickup early even though kid was fever free so I explained to him rules say fever free for 24 hours and I could get in trouble for allowing them to come at all.
