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  #1  
Old 09-03-2015, 08:58 AM
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Default Bathroom Went Parent Arrives. HELP!!

UGH.

I have never had this issue before and don't know how to deal with it.

I have a dck who is in the stages of PTing. I posted about it last week. The one about poop all over my bathroom.

Well dck all day never says they have to go to the toilet. my staff tells the child to go on potty breaks and the child does for the most part, but still has accidents all though out the day.

when all of the kids get up from nap, they are all changed or required to sit on the toilet. this child does sit on the toilet, but is not actually doing anything when once there.

about 20 min after nap time, this kid gets picked up. as soon as dcm walks in the door, dck says I have to go to the bathroom, mommy take me. dcm arrived yesterday with two other kids, 1 older sibling and a friend. about ages 7-9. my staff offered to take dck to the bathroom, but dck says no mommy. so dcm takes dck to the bathroom, which leads to a 30 min ordeal. during this time the two older kids that came with are up front going nuts, running around, throwing things at a lamp and broke it. My staff told them several times to stop. My staff ended up kicking them out of the house and made them sit on the porch, closed my front door. this has happened on 3 different days now, with yesterday being the worst.

dcm finally comes out of the bathroom with dck and asks where the other two kids are. My staff said that they were out of control and broke the lamp, (this lamp hangs from the ceiling and it's now on the ground) so she sent them to sit on the porch. DCM starts going off saying they are too young to sit out there alone. my staff tells dcm sorry, they can't be in here acting that way, they are too much of a liability and they are getting all of the other kids worked up. My staff then told dcm next time staff will take dck to the bathroom so you can wait outside on the porch with them. dcm leaves pretty mad.

I am here at the house, but laid up with a cast and crutches.

about 15 min go by and my staff comes to my room and says you have to see this. Oh boy.

we go to the bathroom dck and dcm just used and it's TRASHED. poop all over the toilet, tissue papers all over the floor and hand towels every where. WTH. I don't normally make my staff clean the toilets, but today they had to.

My staff and I are all fuming mad about this. I decide I am too mad to call or email dcm at that time, that I will talk to the dcm about it a drop off today. well that didn't go so well.

Sorry this has gotten so long.

I told dcm that from now on that when dck ask to use the bathroom only staff will take dck. dcm says but dck won't go for you guys, so that means an accident is going to happen. i told dcm I can't allow for what happened yesterday to happen again and we left it at that.

i think my staff did a great job handling the situation. but now where do I go from here. DCK is not going to let us take them to the bathroom once the parents are here and will insist on going to the bathroom. i don't want to deny anyone the right to use the toilet, but like I said this definitely can NOT let that happen again.

I need some ideas. HELP
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Old 09-03-2015, 09:04 AM
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Just no. I would have termed just because mom left the bathroom in that condition! Tell DCM that it WON'T happen again, and that if the kid wont go for your staff, them he can go in a diaper.
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Old 09-03-2015, 09:04 AM
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Honestly, there really is nothing else to do but term here.
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Old 09-03-2015, 09:06 AM
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Honestly, there really is nothing else to do but term here.
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Old 09-03-2015, 09:19 AM
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I guess without witnessing the bathroom being destroyed by them, I can't really point the finger. it is possible another kid did it, but won't confess.

My staff pointed the finger at them because to their knowledge they were the last to use it.

this family has been awesome up until the PTing. I have had them for almost 6 years, going on second child.
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Old 09-03-2015, 09:20 AM
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Just no. I would have termed just because mom left the bathroom in that condition! Tell DCM that it WON'T happen again, and that if the kid wont go for your staff, them he can go in a diaper.
this was my thought. we did out job, dck was offered toilet time and didn't use it. so they can wait until they go home or go back in a diaper.

btw they are in pull ups, which is basically a fancy diaper if you ask me.
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Old 09-03-2015, 09:26 AM
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Stop allowing daycare boy the option of using the bathroom at that time.

Mom arrives for pick up
DCB says "I have to go to the bathroom, mommy take me"

You say "Sorry DCB, you were just given the opportunity to use the bathroom. You do not need to go now. If you do, you best hurry and get going with mom so you can go at home. Have a good night! See you tomorrow!"

This is the exact same song and dance the kids put on in regards to needing a drink or being hungry the second their parent arrives.

He does not NEED to go. He just wants to use it as attention.

Tell mom he just had the opportunity before she arrived so you are not going to play into his game now.
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Old 09-03-2015, 09:33 AM
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I had this same issue. Dcg would hold it all day long till dcm came and then they spent a half hour here while I watched her sibling for free. I told dcm that dcg needed to go with me before pick up or not at all. She lived 10 minutes from my home so she could go home and use the bathroom there. Dcm usually ran errands after pick up so this threw a wrench into her plans. It was then that she really started to push for dcg to use the potty with others.
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Old 09-03-2015, 09:42 AM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Stop allowing daycare boy the option of using the bathroom at that time.

Mom arrives for pick up
DCB says "I have to go to the bathroom, mommy take me"

You say "Sorry DCB, you were just given the opportunity to use the bathroom. You do not need to go now. If you do, you best hurry and get going with mom so you can go at home. Have a good night! See you tomorrow!"

This is the exact same song and dance the kids put on in regards to needing a drink or being hungry the second their parent arrives.

He does not NEED to go. He just wants to use it as attention.

Tell mom he just had the opportunity before she arrived so you are not going to play into his game now.
this is exactly what I told my staff. I think its an attention thing. I think dcm is promising a treat of some kind if the toilet is used here.

I always deny the water or i am hungry thing, but I thought that this might be seen differently since it's something that this child is learning to control and is having a hard time with it.

thanks for the input. I am going to try this.

UGH...
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  #10  
Old 09-03-2015, 10:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Stop allowing daycare boy the option of using the bathroom at that time.

Mom arrives for pick up
DCB says "I have to go to the bathroom, mommy take me"

You say "Sorry DCB, you were just given the opportunity to use the bathroom. You do not need to go now. If you do, you best hurry and get going with mom so you can go at home. Have a good night! See you tomorrow!"

This is the exact same song and dance the kids put on in regards to needing a drink or being hungry the second their parent arrives.

He does not NEED to go. He just wants to use it as attention.

Tell mom he just had the opportunity before she arrived so you are not going to play into his game now.
I would be TICKED about the bathroom.

One more chance- you tell dcm staff will take dck 5 minutes before pickup. I would repeat what BC said above if dck tried to pull the potty thing.

I do NOT allow siblings/other children in my program. They would have been asked to sit outside
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Old 09-03-2015, 10:45 AM
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I guess for me if any kid is still having potty accidents then they are not potty trained and need to either be in diapers, pull-ups or training pants. Potty training for me starts at home and then I work on it at daycare. If they are successful at home but not at daycare then sorry, back to diapers it is. One accident and the child goes back to a diaper for 2 weeks, another accident and the 2 weeks start all over again. I would still take the child to the bathroom to practice going into the bathroom but never unsupervised. That would help illuminate the issue with poop all over the place.

I think your staff and you handled your situation the best way you could. Let DCM be mad. Whether you terminate or not is up to you but stick to what you said and don't allow DCM to go to the bathroom with her child. Not only has DCB shown that he can't keep the mess contained but DCM has shown that she can't contain the mess either so definitely don't allow DCB alone in the bathroom or DCM in the bathroom to help. If she feels like DCB won't go for you and might have an accident have her provide training pants so there's no mess in her car.

DCB is refusing to go for you guys ... mom can't save him every time, which it sounds like is what he wants.
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  #12  
Old 09-03-2015, 11:07 AM
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What did mom say about the bathroom mess? Deny it?
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  #13  
Old 09-03-2015, 11:27 AM
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What did mom say about the bathroom mess? Deny it?
well here is my only view on the bathroom. my staff can not 100% confirm that they were the last ones to use it. We still had 6 other kids in care at the time that could have been the ones to use it.

staff did ask all of the kids who used the bathroom last and no one spoke up, so we don't know for certain that dcm and dck did it or if one of the other dcks did it.

both staff said they were only 90% sure that it was dcm. they did not notice it for about 150-20 until after they left.

Our dcks are only supposed to use the bathroom by asking to leave the classroom area, but sometimes they just go without asking.

so i am not too sure how to approach that.
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  #14  
Old 09-03-2015, 11:27 AM
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What did mom say about the bathroom mess? Deny it?
well here is my only view on the bathroom. my staff can not 100% confirm that they were the last ones to use it. We still had 6 other kids in care at the time that could have been the ones to use it.

staff did ask all of the kids who used the bathroom last and no one spoke up, so we don't know for certain that dcm and dck did it or if one of the other dcks did it.

both staff said they were only 90% sure that it was dcm. they did not notice it for about 150-20 until after they left.

Our dcks are only supposed to use the bathroom by asking to leave the classroom area, but sometimes they just go without asking.

so i am not too sure how to approach that.
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Old 09-03-2015, 11:31 AM
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To play devil's advocate...

If the bathroom was the messy, would she have used it? Chances are she wouldn't have, or at least would have said something.

Ugh. Don't envy you this.
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Old 09-03-2015, 11:40 AM
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That would have led to a text containing the pictures of the mess in the bathroom and notice that a term letter would be waiting for them in the morning. I guess without being 100% sure, you can't take that option though. Wow...
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Old 09-03-2015, 11:41 AM
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To play devil's advocate...

If the bathroom was the messy, would she have used it? Chances are she wouldn't have, or at least would have said something.

Ugh. Don't envy you this.
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Old 09-03-2015, 11:56 AM
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To play devil's advocate...

If the bathroom was the messy, would she have used it? Chances are she wouldn't have, or at least would have said something.

Ugh. Don't envy you this.
thats a very good point.. I honestly don't know if she would say anything or not about the state of the bathroom....
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Old 09-03-2015, 12:11 PM
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To play devil's advocate...

If the bathroom was the messy, would she have used it? Chances are she wouldn't have, or at least would have said something.

Ugh. Don't envy you this.
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thats a very good point.. I honestly don't know if she would say anything or not about the state of the bathroom....
Daycare you said there was poop on the toilet. DCB could not have used it with poop on it so I HIGHLY doubt it was like that when she went in there.

Also, the other two being too young to be on the porch? If they were too young why did DCM leave them unsupervised in the first place?

Did she assume your staff would watch them? For FREE???

What did she say about the lamp? She allowed the other kids to be unsupervised so she should be responsible for it.
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Old 09-03-2015, 01:35 PM
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so here is the thing about the toilet. i have a toilet seat that looks like this.

http://www.amazon.com/Xpress-Trainer...ng+toilet+seat

the top one completely covers the bottom one, so again it is possible it was not like that and they used the bottom one. then someone went in and put it down and used the top one.

As for the lamp, she did apologize for and offered to pay for and fix it. I told her that luckily it was just knocked down from the wall and ceiling and that only the bulb was broken. So it was replaced and hung back up by my son this morning. I told her that the older boys can't come in anymore and that she had to stay with them. she said ok....

I decided that i am going to tell dcm that if dck request to use the bathroom that we will take him no matter what. I will also tell dcm that dcb needs to learn to use the bathroom with us too and if mom keeps taking him he is not going to learn to go for us too. I think dcm will understand that and let it go if I explain it that way.

what do you think??
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Old 09-03-2015, 03:09 PM
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so here is the thing about the toilet. i have a toilet seat that looks like this.

http://www.amazon.com/Xpress-Trainer...ng+toilet+seat

the top one completely covers the bottom one, so again it is possible it was not like that and they used the bottom one. then someone went in and put it down and used the top one.

As for the lamp, she did apologize for and offered to pay for and fix it. I told her that luckily it was just knocked down from the wall and ceiling and that only the bulb was broken. So it was replaced and hung back up by my son this morning. I told her that the older boys can't come in anymore and that she had to stay with them. she said ok....

I decided that i am going to tell dcm that if dck request to use the bathroom that we will take him no matter what. I will also tell dcm that dcb needs to learn to use the bathroom with us too and if mom keeps taking him he is not going to learn to go for us too. I think dcm will understand that and let it go if I explain it that way.

what do you think??
Everything sounds great EXCEPT for the part where you/staff will take him to the bathroom at pick up. If you or your staff recently took him to go potty in the 30 minutes prior, then there is no need to take him again. It sounds like dck is doing the pick-up potty dance for attention (holding it in until dcm comes in and then having her take him). I don't know how your dck is, but will he throw a temper tantrum when you refuse to allow dcm to go in the bathroom with him? If you believe he might do that, then I strongly urge you or your staff to say "Sorry, buddy, you just tried 10 minutes ago. Your mom can take you to the potty when you get home. See you tomorrow !" That's what I would do because I refuse to entertain pick-up power struggles.
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Old 09-03-2015, 03:24 PM
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Everything sounds great EXCEPT for the part where you/staff will take him to the bathroom at pick up. If you or your staff recently took him to go potty in the 30 minutes prior, then there is no need to take him again. It sounds like dck is doing the pick-up potty dance for attention (holding it in until dcm comes in and then having her take him). I don't know how your dck is, but will he throw a temper tantrum when you refuse to allow dcm to go in the bathroom with him? If you believe he might do that, then I strongly urge you or your staff to say "Sorry, buddy, you just tried 10 minutes ago. Your mom can take you to the potty when you get home. See you tomorrow !" That's what I would do because I refuse to entertain pick-up power struggles.
I agree with what you are saying i really do.

the issue is that by already letting it happen how do I not take them in.

example, the past 3 days when dcm comes he says I have to pee, dcm takes him and according to her he is letting a river go. So he is holding out for the dcm and she knows that he is. I don't know if its a comfort thing or if the dcm promised treats so he wants to show dcm look I used the potty all day so now I get a treat. dck is pretty smart and is 3.5....

what do you think?
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Old 09-03-2015, 03:27 PM
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If it is a power struggle, I would nip that in the bud right now.

I would warn mom ahead of time, that he will be going to try 15 (or 30 or whatever) minutes before she shows up. When she shows up for pick up, if he says he has to go, mom should say "Well let's hurry and get home then."

It sounds good but I don't know how practical it would be.

Would mom be onboard for that? I think if you present it to her as a power struggle over pottying, and that you want him to be able to be successful pottying at daycare..... ??? I don't know.
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Old 09-03-2015, 03:33 PM
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If it is a power struggle, I would nip that in the bud right now.

I would warn mom ahead of time, that he will be going to try 15 (or 30 or whatever) minutes before she shows up. When she shows up for pick up, if he says he has to go, mom should say "Well let's hurry and get home then."

It sounds good but I don't know how practical it would be.

Would mom be onboard for that? I think if you present it to her as a power struggle over pottying, and that you want him to be able to be successful pottying at daycare..... ??? I don't know.
I am going to make certain my staff has him go 10 min before pick up. I want them to st with him the entire time in the bathroom to make sure he goes. this way they can say sorry you just went. If you have to go again you will have to wait until you go home.

I hate when parents complicate something so simple...i am really frustrated right now.
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Old 09-03-2015, 03:41 PM
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I agree with what you are saying i really do.

the issue is that by already letting it happen how do I not take them in.

example, the past 3 days when dcm comes he says I have to pee, dcm takes him and according to her he is letting a river go. So he is holding out for the dcm and she knows that he is. I don't know if its a comfort thing or if the dcm promised treats so he wants to show dcm look I used the potty all day so now I get a treat. dck is pretty smart and is 3.5....

what do you think?
I would take dck to potty before dcm comes however many minutes before is up to you. If dck doesn't go then I would tell him, he will need to wait and go until mom takes him home.

My son is the same age and just started preschool. He refuses to go potty at school no matter how many times his teachers asks him to go throughout the day. He had one accident when he first started so I told him when he needs to potty then he goes so he doesn't have an accident which he hates being dirty. I even tell him his teachers will help him if he needs help. Still he refuses to go potty at school and holds it until I pick him up and bring him home. Even then he holds it for another hour or two. He is at school from 8am-2:15pm. I feel it is not the teachers job to make him go potty since he is completely potty trained and I know he can told it for a long time, so he knows he needs to wait until we get home if he chooses not to potty at home. In general my son hates public restrooms and prefers to wait until he can use at home, however if he really really needs to go when we are out of the house then he will.
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Old 09-03-2015, 03:52 PM
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I would take dck to potty before dcm comes however many minutes before is up to you. If dck doesn't go then I would tell him, he will need to wait and go until mom takes him home.

My son is the same age and just started preschool. He refuses to go potty at school no matter how many times his teachers asks him to go throughout the day. He had one accident when he first started so I told him when he needs to potty then he goes so he doesn't have an accident which he hates being dirty. I even tell him his teachers will help him if he needs help. Still he refuses to go potty at school and holds it until I pick him up and bring him home. Even then he holds it for another hour or two. He is at school from 8am-2:15pm. I feel it is not the teachers job to make him go potty since he is completely potty trained and I know he can told it for a long time, so he knows he needs to wait until we get home if he chooses not to potty at home. In general my son hates public restrooms and prefers to wait until he can use at home, however if he really really needs to go when we are out of the house then he will.
thanks for sharing this information. for the most part, he will go when he is only, but only when he is told. He just for whatever reason has started this habit of telling only mommy he has to go at pick up time. I believe he does it for attention to be honest with you.

if he was flat out refusing to go, I would never force him to go or would my staff.

i am the same way about public bathrooms...I hate them and would rather drive all the way home than use one. I have had to when I am a long ways from home, but I still really hate it....lol
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Old 09-03-2015, 03:52 PM
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I would take dck to potty before dcm comes however many minutes before is up to you. If dck doesn't go then I would tell him, he will need to wait and go until mom takes him home.

My son is the same age and just started preschool. He refuses to go potty at school no matter how many times his teachers asks him to go throughout the day. He had one accident when he first started so I told him when he needs to potty then he goes so he doesn't have an accident which he hates being dirty. I even tell him his teachers will help him if he needs help. Still he refuses to go potty at school and holds it until I pick him up and bring him home. Even then he holds it for another hour or two. He is at school from 8am-2:15pm. I feel it is not the teachers job to make him go potty since he is completely potty trained and I know he can told it for a long time, so he knows he needs to wait until we get home if he chooses not to potty at home. In general my son hates public restrooms and prefers to wait until he can use at home, however if he really really needs to go when we are out of the house then he will.
thanks for sharing this information. for the most part, he will go when he is only, but only when he is told. He just for whatever reason has started this habit of telling only mommy he has to go at pick up time. I believe he does it for attention to be honest with you.

if he was flat out refusing to go, I would never force him to go or would my staff.

i am the same way about public bathrooms...I hate them and would rather drive all the way home than use one. I have had to when I am a long ways from home, but I still really hate it....lol
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Old 09-03-2015, 06:18 PM
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Stop allowing daycare boy the option of using the bathroom at that time.

Mom arrives for pick up
DCB says "I have to go to the bathroom, mommy take me"

You say "Sorry DCB, you were just given the opportunity to use the bathroom. You do not need to go now. If you do, you best hurry and get going with mom so you can go at home. Have a good night! See you tomorrow!"

This is the exact same song and dance the kids put on in regards to needing a drink or being hungry the second their parent arrives.

He does not NEED to go. He just wants to use it as attention.

Tell mom he just had the opportunity before she arrived so you are not going to play into his game now.
Exactly, and you are not being paid to watch the older children either. Offer toileting just prior to pickup then no more. Sorry kiddo, better get home quickly.
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Old 09-04-2015, 10:26 AM
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Great advice. And at three I would tell him.
Josiah, this is the time to potty. When your mom gets here you are not getting another trip. You pee now or wait until you are home.
Do you understand? Pee now. Or wait until you are home. You are not using the potty when your mom gets here.
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Old 09-06-2015, 04:58 PM
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Default Oh Sh^t!

I had so many problems years ago with older kids coming in with the parent rough housing with the little ones. Bringing in suckers, and other food so I finally got smart and nipped it.
In my policy I have it written if they pickup with other kids, siblings then they need to wait outside and I will promptly deliver their child to them. I clearly explain why I have this policy so they can understand.

In this case the bathroom thing sounds like an attention getter especially if the child was taking that long. I agree 10-15 before pickup take him, otherwise he gets to go at home and mommy can take him!
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Old 09-08-2015, 01:33 PM
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well here is my only view on the bathroom. my staff can not 100% confirm that they were the last ones to use it. We still had 6 other kids in care at the time that could have been the ones to use it.

staff did ask all of the kids who used the bathroom last and no one spoke up, so we don't know for certain that dcm and dck did it or if one of the other dcks did it.

both staff said they were only 90% sure that it was dcm. they did not notice it for about 150-20 until after they left.

Our dcks are only supposed to use the bathroom by asking to leave the classroom area, but sometimes they just go without asking.

so i am not too sure how to approach that.
Now you know why there is crap all over when she goes. Look at what mom is teaching, leading by example....
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Old 09-08-2015, 01:35 PM
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Have him in the bathroom 'trying ' when mom arrives. Then he can wash up and leave!
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Old 09-08-2015, 02:55 PM
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Have him in the bathroom 'trying ' when mom arrives. Then he can wash up and leave!
problem is that dcm is not 100% consistent with pick up time. I only know by what time dck has to be picked up. sometimes she picks up early by 20 min and sometimes right on the dot.

so this past week it did not work out too well. dck begged to go and I was right. dcm is giving him treats at home and so he thinks he needs to show dck so that he makes certain he gets that treat.

I don't do treats of any kid we just do lots of verbal praise and that's it.

Friday I told dck no, you just went and mom checked him and he had pooped his pants. So of course she wanted to change it and I said no my staff will do it. so kid was changed and my staff made dck put on his own pull up after she cleaned him up...Whih is what we have all kids who are potty training do.

well of course kid returns to mom and mom checks the kid for some unknown reason and the kid put the pull up on backward. She asks if she can go and change him and turn it around, she does want him to have an accident on the way home. Again mys staff says no and that they will handle it. dck starts screaming his head off no mommy do it no mommy do it. My staff caved and let mom do it.

they were taking forever, so i went into the bathroom and said, xyz kid needs to use the toilet you need to go.

i am so frustrated with this whole situation.
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Old 11-13-2015, 08:46 PM
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well of course kid returns to mom and mom checks the kid for some unknown reason and the kid put the pull up on backward. She asks if she can go and change him and turn it around, she does want him to have an accident on the way home. Again mys staff says no and that they will handle it. dck starts screaming his head off no mommy do it no mommy do it. My staff caved and let mom do it.
It sounds like the mom is trying her hardest to use your bathroom too. Can she not take him out to the car and fix his pull-up out there? And if he's holding his pee until she gets there he can hold it until he gets home so there shouldn't be an accident if he has a treat waiting at home... Doesn't seem like she's being rational about this at all.
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Old 05-28-2018, 06:11 PM
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problem is that dcm is not 100% consistent with pick up time. I only know by what time dck has to be picked up. sometimes she picks up early by 20 min and sometimes right on the dot.

so this past week it did not work out too well. dck begged to go and I was right. dcm is giving him treats at home and so he thinks he needs to show dck so that he makes certain he gets that treat.

I don't do treats of any kid we just do lots of verbal praise and that's it.

Friday I told dck no, you just went and mom checked him and he had pooped his pants. So of course she wanted to change it and I said no my staff will do it. so kid was changed and my staff made dck put on his own pull up after she cleaned him up...Whih is what we have all kids who are potty training do.

well of course kid returns to mom and mom checks the kid for some unknown reason and the kid put the pull up on backward. She asks if she can go and change him and turn it around, she does want him to have an accident on the way home. Again mys staff says no and that they will handle it. dck starts screaming his head off no mommy do it no mommy do it. My staff caved and let mom do it.

they were taking forever, so i went into the bathroom and said, xyz kid needs to use the toilet you need to go.

i am so frustrated with this whole situation.
I'm reading through old threads.....So how did this play out?
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