Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Feel Like Some Parents Are Toooo Reliant On Daycare...
TSDaycare 04:05 AM 07-11-2017
Just like kids these days growing up in the electronics era rather than spending time outside, I feel like the parents are going in the same direction with needing a sitter for their kids ALL the time!

What I mean by this, I have a few sets of parents who cannot or refuse to do anything other than stay at home with their children on the weekends. They won't go shopping, won't take them out to eat, won't go anywhere unless their children are at daycare. Like it's completely impossible. And they have to do it during the week, and their kids has to come EVERY SINGLE DAY I'm open, even if they have to get up and get dressed to bring them here, just to go back home after drop off to clean, or tend to animals, or cut grass, or wash cars; but the kids gotta come to daycare first! Or even bring them out in the pouring, flooding rain just so you can go back home amd enjoy a "me" day being lazy.

I may only have 2 children, but they do everything with me. I don't have the luxury to drop them off at daycare and go dress shopping or sit by the pool and tan.

Sometimes I want to tell these parents in a round about way it, their children may really enjoy a special day with them!
Reply
Josiegirl 04:13 AM 07-11-2017
Yep, I've had those parents too. I think their mindset is 'I pay for it so I'm going to use it', which I guess I can understand. Even my dental hygienist asked about dc the last time I went. I told her I charge for enrollment, she'd pay for a ft slot. So she said even though she only works 3 days a week she might as well bring them all week then right? I'm smh and only said, 'well, some parents feel that way'.

But yes, so many parents bring their child to dc so they can go back home and clean house or whatever. Geesh, how'd I ever do it??
Reply
midaycare 05:30 AM 07-11-2017
It's an issue and a well discussed one! Just search this forum or be on any fb group for 5 minutes.

I go back and forth with this. Sometimes I could care less. I mean, they pay for the slot and I have to work all day anyway...what do I care if their kid comes?

I also like all my families in different ways and think they are all good people. Most parent different from me, and I expect that. In home daycare, most of us are so hands on that we chose to work from home to spend more time with our kids. So paying for someone else to raise them is...kind of unimaginable! The sacrifices we make in our home and career for our family are enormous. *That's not to say we can't have a successful business. I do, and I'm proud of it. But I lost 1/3 of my home to daycare space and figuring out how to do it was a challenge at first*.

I have come to believe this is not a new thing, but I keeping up with the Jones's thing. Wealthy people have always had nannies and sent their children off to boarding schools at young ages. Wealthy women have lots of "excess" time. Middle class men and women (mostly women) want this too. To "keep up". Free time is the new luxury.

Well...the laugh is on them! The middle class women doing this in my daycare are nowhere near wealthy and all have money issues. How do I know? They have a payment issue once or twice a year. Emergency items (car repairs, home repairs) can really mess them up. But I'm using the money they pay me to pay off my home 20 years early 6 more years to go!!!

I'm sure some of you have wealthier families who do this...but I really think the whole "me time" thing is just people trying to keep up with others who actually can afford it, thereby putting them in debt.
Reply
Ariana 06:05 AM 07-11-2017
My parents spent zero time with me and this was before the era of electronics really. We had some tv in the mornings while my mom cleaned and the rest of the day was spent outside completely unsupervised. Either way we were not spending time with our parents.

I think it takes a certain type of person to give up their career to stay home with their own kids and take care of other peoples kids. We just have a different mentality. I think if I had a daycare provider that I trusted and my kids had lots of friends at daycare I wouldn't feel guilty about sending them because they are having fun. Having said that I sometimes keep my kid out of school just to spend the day with her so I guess I am not really similar to 'those' parents!
Reply
Cat Herder 06:17 AM 07-11-2017
I find it interesting how quickly Childcare went from a luxury to "Quality" Childcare being a basic human "right".

Again, I defer to the book: https://www.amazon.com/Mothers-Job-H.../dp/0195111125

and : https://www.amazon.com/Promise-Presc...Elizabeth+Rose


Reply
Cat Herder 06:24 AM 07-11-2017
Many parents earn just enough to pay someone to watch their kids. Who sold them on this idea? They would be better off working small trade (or odd hours/split shifts) from home or saving for a few years before having kids. So few do the math or planning anymore. Mob think or easy out?
Reply
TSDaycare 06:39 AM 07-11-2017
Originally Posted by midaycare:
It's an issue and a well discussed one! Just search this forum or be on any fb group for 5 minutes.

I go back and forth with this. Sometimes I could care less. I mean, they pay for the slot and I have to work all day anyway...what do I care if their kid comes?

I also like all my families in different ways and think they are all good people. Most parent different from me, and I expect that. In home daycare, most of us are so hands on that we chose to work from home to spend more time with our kids. So paying for someone else to raise them is...kind of unimaginable! The sacrifices we make in our home and career for our family are enormous. *That's not to say we can't have a successful business. I do, and I'm proud of it. But I lost 1/3 of my home to daycare space and figuring out how to do it was a challenge at first*.

I have come to believe this is not a new thing, but I keeping up with the Jones's thing. Wealthy people have always had nannies and sent their children off to boarding schools at young ages. Wealthy women have lots of "excess" time. Middle class men and women (mostly women) want this too. To "keep up". Free time is the new luxury.

Well...the laugh is on them! The middle class women doing this in my daycare are nowhere near wealthy and all have money issues. How do I know? They have a payment issue once or twice a year. Emergency items (car repairs, home repairs) can really mess them up. But I'm using the money they pay me to pay off my home 20 years early 6 more years to go!!!

I'm sure some of you have wealthier families who do this...but I really think the whole "me time" thing is just people trying to keep up with others who actually can afford it, thereby putting them in debt.

These are also the ones looking for cheaper rates in my experience.....wanting discounts for less hours, pulling out so they don't have to pay full tuition for summer bc kids are doing this and that and won't be in care everyday, so why have to pay for it!
Reply
Snowmom 06:55 AM 07-11-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Many parents earn just enough to pay someone to watch their kids. Who sold them on this idea? They would be better off working small trade (or odd hours/split shifts) from home or saving for a few years before having kids. So few do the math or planning anymore. Mob think or easy out?
So true. Easy out!

I had a family like this and the mom just very happily announced that she was becoming a stay at home mom. Only, now her oldest is in 3rd grade and the youngest is going into Kinder. No more kids planned.

I'm just sitting here scratching my head.
Reply
midaycare 07:01 AM 07-11-2017
Originally Posted by Snowmom:
So true. Easy out!

I had a family like this and the mom just very happily announced that she was becoming a stay at home mom. Only, now her oldest is in 3rd grade and the youngest is going into Kinder. No more kids planned.

I'm just sitting here scratching my head.
Being an actual SAHM is hard work. There is budget planning (couponing, thrift store buying for needs to make up for the loss of income), daily cleaning, volunteering in the schools, making homemade meals, etc. You can work hard with kids in school, but something tells me this is not the case here
Reply
hwichlaz 07:42 AM 07-11-2017
Originally Posted by Snowmom:
So true. Easy out!

I had a family like this and the mom just very happily announced that she was becoming a stay at home mom. Only, now her oldest is in 3rd grade and the youngest is going into Kinder. No more kids planned.

I'm just sitting here scratching my head.
I know someone like this, but youngest is in 6th grade. She deserves it. She worked MORE than full time with three kids to help her husband's dental school loans get paid off earlier so that they could afford for her to stay home. She now teaches yoga part-time as a way to keep busy while the kids are in school. It's more of an early retirement for her...she's nearly 50. But I think putting her husband through dental school.....damn, she earned it.
Reply
daycare 07:57 AM 07-11-2017
get this one. my daughter is a nanny and the mom is home....

there are two kids that my daughter watches and the mom is home the whole time. while my daughter is there, the mom cleans and tends to the house. They will even go to the park and the mom goes too. she pays my daughter some pretty good money.

Even my daughter who is only 19 was shocked by this. She doesnt understand why she needs her there.
Reply
Cat Herder 08:11 AM 07-11-2017
Originally Posted by daycare:
get this one. my daughter is a nanny and the mom is home....

there are two kids that my daughter watches and the mom is home the whole time. while my daughter is there, the mom cleans and tends to the house. They will even go to the park and the mom goes too. she pays my daughter some pretty good money.

Even my daughter who is only 19 was shocked by this. She doesnt understand why she needs her there.
Lonely introvert. wants companionship, but on her terms. I'd love the option some days...
Reply
daycare 08:11 AM 07-11-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Lonely introvert. wants companionship, but on her terms. I'd love the option some days...
lol thats what I said to my daughter. It has to be something....
Reply
KIDZRMYBIZ 08:21 AM 07-11-2017
Originally Posted by TSDaycare:
Just like kids these days growing up in the electronics era rather than spending time outside, I feel like the parents are going in the same direction with needing a sitter for their kids ALL the time!

What I mean by this, I have a few sets of parents who cannot or refuse to do anything other than stay at home with their children on the weekends. They won't go shopping, won't take them out to eat, won't go anywhere unless their children are at daycare. Like it's completely impossible. And they have to do it during the week, and their kids has to come EVERY SINGLE DAY I'm open, even if they have to get up and get dressed to bring them here, just to go back home after drop off to clean, or tend to animals, or cut grass, or wash cars; but the kids gotta come to daycare first! Or even bring them out in the pouring, flooding rain just so you can go back home amd enjoy a "me" day being lazy.

I may only have 2 children, but they do everything with me. I don't have the luxury to drop them off at daycare and go dress shopping or sit by the pool and tan.

Sometimes I want to tell these parents in a round about way it, their children may really enjoy a special day with them!
Yep, most parents have their kids with me all my open hours regardless of what they are doing. It used to gripe me so much and I would feel so bad for the LO, but I think I just got used to it and accept that it is their choice and that I'm not going to charge less if they keep them home, so be it.

They will be with me 90% of their waking hours during the week, and then often go home to a teen babysitter so DCM and DCD can go out for dinner, or even to a family member for an overnight or two on the weekend. It's a complete contrast to how I feel about wanting to be with my own children, ever since they were tiny babes to now as teenagers!

For some of the parents, they honestly seem to think they cannot manage their children in public. They don't take them many places, and definitely not without the aid of the other parent or a grandparent. Which is fine if the way they discipline (or DON'T discipline) in my presence is the same everywhere, then they shouldn't inflict their offspring on the general public!
Reply
mommyneedsadayoff 08:45 AM 07-11-2017
My nanny families, the woman was a significant earner in the family, but all but one worked from home, so they were around and involved quite frequently, but also would go get nails/hair done, grocery shop (sometimes I did this for them, but most did it themselves), run errands, ect, while I was there with the kids or we would all go. Anyway, they spent the most money, but were involved the most. Not necessarily because the money allowed them to be, but also because they just really wanted to be.

My daycare families have been a mix of income levels, but for the most part, one spouse is working for income, the other is working for benefits. They also work a little because of the keeping up with the jones thing, but benefits like health insurance seem to also play a big factor. They paid the least amount, but needed me the most and I would say about half of them would have used me longer hours if I did not limit them. I could tell with a few that the struggle between making it financially and trying to be a parent (with little NO experience with children) was tough and they tended to take full advantage of any babysitting source so they could get a break from both at the same time.

It never made sense for me to work outside the home and I just didn't want to. I told my husband that being home was a priority to me and he was completely on board, so we had to do without and while our friends were having huge weddings and buying big houses, we were renting a one bedroom and driving our 10 year old honda because it was paid off. I think it is interesting how much you can actually save by staying home. We only had one car, one insurance pymt, mostly home cooked meals, less laundry and less having to buy new clothes, ect. Sometimes I thought of going back to outside work, but I like daycare and I like being home with my kids, so it works well for us.
Reply
Leigh 09:08 AM 07-11-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Many parents earn just enough to pay someone to watch their kids. Who sold them on this idea? They would be better off working small trade (or odd hours/split shifts) from home or saving for a few years before having kids. So few do the math or planning anymore. Mob think or easy out?
I had a mom of 3 who told me that her paycheck JUST covered what she paid me. I asked her why she didn't just stay home with them, and told her that she would come out ahead by saving money on eating out and on dress clothes for work, etc. She said "I COULDN'T handle being home with them all the time-I'd go crazy!" She'd rather work for someone else at a job that she was underpaid for (and basically UNPAID for, since it was a wash after paying me) than watch her kids grow up. It broke my heart.
Reply
Ariana 09:48 AM 07-11-2017
How much of this is about feminism too? The idea that you are a loser if all you are is a SAHM. I definitely feel this pressure to be making money AND raising my kids. Its freaking hard as heck!! My poor wasted potential and all that jazz the feminists sold me on! I respect the rights of moms who want to work but a lot are working that don't want to be or feel insignificant as a SAHM.
Reply
Cat Herder 10:02 AM 07-11-2017
Originally Posted by Ariana:
How much of this is about feminism too? The idea that you are a loser if all you are is a SAHM. I definitely feel this pressure to be making money AND raising my kids. Its freaking hard as heck!! My poor wasted potential and all that jazz the feminists sold me on! I respect the rights of moms who want to work but a lot are working that don't want to be or feel insignificant as a SAHM.
Yeah, that pizzes me off, too. We can have it all. We don't have to do it at the same time, though. Men should not be made to feel obligated to support us, either. They want kids for the same reasons we do. Both should plan to financially support and nurture as primary caregiver.

What is wrong with planning ahead, saving up a bit and having each parent stay home a year or two during those first years? Each parent chooses their favorite age to nurture. Parenting. Together. On Purpose.
Reply
Indoorvoice 01:55 PM 07-11-2017
I don't mind so much the need to use me when off work, but the blatant disregard of the fact that I run this out of my home with my own children is what I dislike. That's great you had a day off and decided to bring your kid when you knew she was the only one in my care, but then maybe plan to drop off late or pick up a little early? I can't believe the thought never crosses their mind that since they got a day off, maybe we would like an unexpected day off too. Everything is "get my money's worth".
Reply
Ariana 02:45 PM 07-11-2017
Originally Posted by Indoorvoice:
I don't mind so much the need to use me when off work, but the blatant disregard of the fact that I run this out of my home with my own children is what I dislike. That's great you had a day off and decided to bring your kid when you knew she was the only one in my care, but then maybe plan to drop off late or pick up a little early? I can't believe the thought never crosses their mind that since they got a day off, maybe we would like an unexpected day off too. Everything is "get my money's worth".
Yep! Teachers are the worst. They get paid for the holidays but don't want to pay you and if they do pay you they bring their kids even if they are off. A parent asked me if .i was taking March break off and said that if I wasn't and she had to pay she would send her kid. So I took it off to spend time with my kids and lost a week of income. Some people say "well if they have to pay they may as well use it" but I don't see it that way at all. They value money over time with their kids.
Reply
midaycare 05:13 PM 07-11-2017
I'm most irked about the people who are home all day, and they show up 5 minutes after closing. Are you kidding me?!?!
Reply
Leigh 06:24 PM 07-11-2017
Originally Posted by KIDZRMYBIZ:
Yep, most parents have their kids with me all my open hours regardless of what they are doing. It used to gripe me so much and I would feel so bad for the LO, but I think I just got used to it and accept that it is their choice and that I'm not going to charge less if they keep them home, so be it.

They will be with me 90% of their waking hours during the week, and then often go home to a teen babysitter so DCM and DCD can go out for dinner, or even to a family member for an overnight or two on the weekend. It's a complete contrast to how I feel about wanting to be with my own children, ever since they were tiny babes to now as teenagers!

For some of the parents, they honestly seem to think they cannot manage their children in public. They don't take them many places, and definitely not without the aid of the other parent or a grandparent. Which is fine if the way they discipline (or DON'T discipline) in my presence is the same everywhere, then they shouldn't inflict their offspring on the general public!
My sister has stayed at home since 1989 when she got married. Her son was born in 2003. She wouldn't go ANYWHERE without my mom because she needed my mom to be there to help with her son-even when he was 8 years old! She couldn't go to the grocery store alone with him-nothing.
Reply
renodeb 09:57 PM 07-11-2017
My sister is a SAHM and she is so busy with everything. Both kids in sports, bills to pay, etc. I had one family years ago that came to me ft and then most nights went home to a sitter. So sad but it happens.
Reply
284878 06:38 AM 07-12-2017
I have a dcd that texted and asked if he could come early to get his child. When he arrived he thanked me for letting him come early, he explained that he got done early and did not want to go home, just to come back to get him. I commented back, that any time he wants his child he can come get him. So now randomly, I get a text from dcd that says I will be there at xx time to get him. DCD has p/u at noon before just to take his child to the zoo.

I interviewed with this one family and DCM got upset when I explain contracted hours and a cap of 10 hours per day. She expressed that she wanted a dc that was open 12 hours a day and was very upset that I was not willing to do that. She honestly did not care anything about my dc, just that I did not provide unlimited care for her.
Reply
Mummy101 08:10 AM 07-12-2017
I understand if a DCP pays for the spot, they may feel obligated to use it. But what do you feel about those that do not actually pay for anything, and use vouchers? I am inclined to feel resentment toward this situation. (Iím working on that)

I have a DCP who drops off weekly without fail on days off. This same DCP picks up two hours after they get out of work every single day. I have tried so hard to explain that it is in the childís best interest to spend as much time as possible with parent, yet to no avail. I even added to my handbook. My heart breaks for this child. DCP even blatantly tells me they are shopping, hiking, doing errands and taking naps etc. I have since given up on changing this though.
Reply
Mad_Pistachio 08:11 AM 07-12-2017
I think this subject is raised 3-4 times a year here.
tired yet?..
Reply
hwichlaz 08:40 AM 07-12-2017
Originally Posted by Mummy101:
I understand if a DCP pays for the spot, they may feel obligated to use it. But what do you feel about those that do not actually pay for anything, and use vouchers? I am inclined to feel resentment toward this situation. (Iím working on that)

I have a DCP who drops off weekly without fail on days off. This same DCP picks up two hours after they get out of work every single day. I have tried so hard to explain that it is in the childís best interest to spend as much time as possible with parent, yet to no avail. I even added to my handbook. My heart breaks for this child. DCP even blatantly tells me they are shopping, hiking, doing errands and taking naps etc. I have since given up on changing this though.
Our voucher program only allows reasonable travel time to and from work...that would be fraud here. Can you switch to contracted times and charge them a late pick up fee out of pocket for abusing it?
Reply
Ariana 09:10 AM 07-12-2017
Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio:
I think this subject is raised 3-4 times a year here.
tired yet?..
Yep because its a topic that people need to get off their chests 3-4 times a year
Reply
Mummy101 09:15 AM 07-12-2017
I wish I could! But I work with an agency for some of my spots and they apparently see no issue with this. They basically make the policy for "their" children. I felt like it is a loophole at best.

Sorry if my post is redundant and makes some of you tired, I am new here.
Reply
Mad_Pistachio 10:11 AM 07-12-2017
Originally Posted by Mummy101:
Sorry if my post is redundant and makes some of you tired, I am new here.
Me? I'm fine and well-rested, thank you. My DC doesn't give a hoot what I do while my daughter is there, as long as I break no policies. And in the last 2 years my opinion hasn't changed.
Reply
Cat Herder 10:21 AM 07-12-2017
Originally Posted by Mummy101:
I wish I could! But I work with an agency for some of my spots and they apparently see no issue with this. They basically make the policy for "their" children. I felt like it is a loophole at best.

Sorry if my post is redundant and makes some of you tired, I am new here.
No worries. It is a topic that is discussed a lot because it is so important.

Some subsidy programs require the child to attend full time because it is lobbied/funded by those who believe a universal approach to "raising" children will create an equal class system and more perfect society.

The old "quality early childhood education can wipe out cultural and financial issues and bring equality to the classes". Short version: Equal start = Equal outcome.The best chance is for children to be out of their home environment for the majority of their waking hours.

It has been disproven many times, but a better solution simply isn't available. Check out the 2 history books I posted, this discussion has been going on before my great-grandmothers time. No end in sight.
Reply
Cat Herder 10:40 AM 07-12-2017
Originally Posted by Mad_Pistachio:
. My DC doesn't give a hoot what I do while my daughter is there, as long as I break no policies. And in the last 2 years my opinion hasn't changed.
I also agree with you.

As long as my clients pick up before closing, I don't care what they do. I strongly encourage them to take some days off with their spouse, only. I offer parents nights out as well. I believe in supporting the marriage, since I feel THAT is what provides the best outcomes for children.

Luckily, it works for me.
Reply
Mummy101 10:46 AM 07-12-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
No worries. It is a topic that is discussed a lot because it is so important.

Some subsidy programs require the child to attend full time because it is lobbied/funded by those who believe a universal approach to "raising" children will create an equal class system and more perfect society.

The old "quality early childhood education can wipe out cultural and financial issues and bring equality to the classes". Short version: Equal start = Equal outcome.The best chance is for children to be out of their home environment for the majority of their waking hours.

It has been disproven many times, but a better solution simply isn't available. Check out the 2 history books I posted, this discussion has been going on before my great-grandmothers time. No end in sight.
Thank you for the input! Most parents WANT to be with their children. I guess I just get overly offended by the ones that do not.
Reply
Cat Herder 10:52 AM 07-12-2017
Originally Posted by Mummy101:
Thank you for the input! Most parents WANT to be with their children. I guess I just get overly offended by the ones that do not.
Many do, it is a natural response for someone who wants to be with their kids more BUT must work.

Try to think of it as a good thing the kids are with you. If the parent does not want them underfoot, the kid feels it. The child will have a much better day that is planned around them, with you. Kidcentric.
Reply
hwichlaz 03:20 PM 07-12-2017
It does kind of make sense that it puts them on an equal footing....but even school closes at 3pm 10-12 hours is unnecessary even if you're following that line of thinking right? The people who thought that way, way back when, also advocated family dinners and early bedtimes. So I guess kids would get home from child care or school, have an early dinner, then to bed by 7pm? I remember reading some very similar things about the origin of Waldorf education.
Reply
Ariana 06:16 AM 07-13-2017
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
It does kind of make sense that it puts them on an equal footing....but even school closes at 3pm 10-12 hours is unnecessary even if you're following that line of thinking right? The people who thought that way, way back when, also advocated family dinners and early bedtimes. So I guess kids would get home from child care or school, have an early dinner, then to bed by 7pm? I remember reading some very similar things about the origin of Waldorf education.
It is better for conditioning children to become "workers". Indoctrinate them early. Studies have proven over and over that by grade 1 kids who stayed at home with parents were on equal footing to peers so in the end the "head start" didn't really help much.

The biggest difference they saw is when children attended school all year round. Especially for low income families who cannot afford extra schooling or camps during the summer months. They found that low income families started in September well below their richer classmates and spent many months trying to catch up.
Reply
Cat Herder 07:30 AM 07-13-2017
Originally Posted by Ariana:
The biggest difference they saw is when children attended school all year round. Especially for low income families who cannot afford extra schooling or camps during the summer months. They found that low income families started in September well below their richer classmates and spent many months trying to catch up.
Not to mention the nutritional, emotional and social stability year round school provides. For some it can be literal physical safety that makes the difference. Being in a secured school building the majority of waking hours can be the difference in life or death in some neighborhoods or families. It is heartbreaking to think about.

Blanket approaches across all regions and families can't work, though. EX: Year round school at 50 hours a week here (rural agricultural town) would simply prevent families from bonding across the generations. Our youth would no longer see the value in family farms and our heritage. It would break down our culture in one generation.
Reply
Ariana 08:42 AM 07-13-2017
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Not to mention the nutritional, emotional and social stability year round school provides. For some it can be literal physical safety that makes the difference. Being in a secured school building the majority of waking hours can be the difference in life or death in some neighborhoods or families. It is heartbreaking to think about.

Blanket approaches across all regions and families can't work, though. EX: Year round school at 50 hours a week here (rural agricultural town) would simply prevent families from bonding across the generations. Our youth would no longer see the value in family farms and our heritage. It would break down our culture in one generation.
Agree completely not to mention school being only one small parametre by which to measure success. I often feel that most of the research is conducted to bolster low income families because they really have it so tough and need all the help they can get but it is certainly not a one size fits all scenario across the board, absolutely.
Reply
Tags:gentrification, history, me time, universal childcare, universal preschool
Reply Up