Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Help Me Be a Good Daycare Parent!
happymom 10:39 AM 07-28-2016
I'm about to lose it with my little boy. He is 4 and he's about a month away from being moved to the pre-k class in his daycare center. He's with a lot of kids much younger than him at the moment and I honestly feel like he's matured out of the classroom, but they won't move him until the kindergartners start in the fall.
A child got upset with my son because he thought he heard him say a bad word (poop) when he actually said "I can't carry both". I 100% trust that this was the case given the context of the situation, not that he's an angel, but he doesn't use bad words and only talks about poop in the bathroom.
Well, my kid flipped, and lunged at the other child with both hands and "clawed" at his face, squeezed his cheeks with his fingernails. Another teacher had to tell me second-hand about it when I arrived to pick him up, but stated that he was so mad that his hands were shaking as he clawed his face. My child was told to take a time out, he refused and started attacking the teacher, another teacher had to get involved a physically put him in time out.
The other child wasn't hurt, but obviously this needs addressing.
We talked about how he need to use his words (he combated with the fact that he told him several times that he did NOT say poop, but the child kept saying over and over that he did) and how he needs to walk away (he couldn't because the class was lining up to get their mats for nap time) and how we can never resort to touching/hitting/grabbing.
He wrote letters to his teacher (sorry for being mean to the boy and for not listening to teacher) and to the boy (sorry for being mean). I made him do it 100% on his own, only telling him how to spell the words he wanted to write. He sealed them in envelopes and he told me he would apologize to his teacher and the boy and give them the letter.
When we got to class today he was acting out again. He was grabbing on to me, physically trying to make me stay with him. He wouldn't look at his teacher. I don't know what happened to his letters. I am so disappointed in him and in myself. What can I do to make this right? I really feel defeated, I thought everything was going to be better this morning.
A child got upset with my son because he thought he heard him say a bad word (poop) when he actually said "I can't carry both". I 100% trust that this was the case given the context of the situation, not that he's an angel, but he doesn't use bad words and only talks about poop in the bathroom.
Well, my kid flipped, and lunged at the other child with both hands and "clawed" at his face, squeezed his cheeks with his fingernails. Another teacher had to tell me second-hand about it when I arrived to pick him up, but stated that he was so mad that his hands were shaking as he clawed his face. My child was told to take a time out, he refused and started attacking the teacher, another teacher had to get involved a physically put him in time out.
The other child wasn't hurt, but obviously this needs addressing.
We talked about how he need to use his words (he combated with the fact that he told him several times that he did NOT say poop, but the child kept saying over and over that he did) and how he needs to walk away (he couldn't because the class was lining up to get their mats for nap time) and how we can never resort to touching/hitting/grabbing.
He wrote letters to his teacher (sorry for being mean to the boy and for not listening to teacher) and to the boy (sorry for being mean). I made him do it 100% on his own, only telling him how to spell the words he wanted to write. He sealed them in envelopes and he told me he would apologize to his teacher and the boy and give them the letter.
When we got to class today he was acting out again. He was grabbing on to me, physically trying to make me stay with him. He wouldn't look at his teacher. I don't know what happened to his letters. I am so disappointed in him and in myself. What can I do to make this right? I really feel defeated, I thought everything was going to be better this morning.
Cat Herder 10:57 AM 07-28-2016
Imagine you were forced to live in MTV'S house with six 18 years olds. You have to share everything, nothing in the house actually belongs to you. You want to please your husband, who wants you to finish this 12 month show. How long would it be until you snapped?
Sounds like DS is in an environment that is actually doing him more harm than good.
Sorry for blunt. It's hot and we just came in from water play. I am a bit worn out.
Sounds like DS is in an environment that is actually doing him more harm than good.
Sorry for blunt. It's hot and we just came in from water play. I am a bit worn out.
daycarediva 11:02 AM 07-28-2016
I guarantee he was embarrassed this morning.
Is there an area where he can be away from the younger kids? Mixed age groups are often blamed, but I don't always agree with that as long as he has a chance to act his own age.
Where was the teacher? I am assuming there was a steady escalation before your son snapped. Kids often yell, say no, stop, etc before resorting to violence.
I would reward for good behavior at the end of the day (watching a show before dinner, going to the playground, etc) AND at that age I would remove something for poor behavior- losing tv time, playground, etc.
also- thank you for trying to support his teacher! That means the WORLD to us!
Is there an area where he can be away from the younger kids? Mixed age groups are often blamed, but I don't always agree with that as long as he has a chance to act his own age.
Where was the teacher? I am assuming there was a steady escalation before your son snapped. Kids often yell, say no, stop, etc before resorting to violence.
I would reward for good behavior at the end of the day (watching a show before dinner, going to the playground, etc) AND at that age I would remove something for poor behavior- losing tv time, playground, etc.
also- thank you for trying to support his teacher! That means the WORLD to us!
Cat Herder 11:07 AM 07-28-2016
Originally Posted by daycarediva:
Where was the teacher? I am assuming there was a steady escalation before your son snapped. Kids often yell, say no, stop, etc before resorting to violence.
This was my over all concern as well. Where was the teacher? I am assuming there was a steady escalation before your son snapped. Kids often yell, say no, stop, etc before resorting to violence.
DS has to be able to get away from these kids when he needs a break. Someone should have noticed he really needed one (a break) and intervened.
happymom 11:18 AM 07-28-2016
The students were lined up getting their mats, I imagine his teacher would have been at the front of the line handing out mats as the kids got up front.
I agree that there was an escalation before he snapped.
Maybe I shouldn't have had him apologize first thing but let him do it on his own time?
Right now this is his class, it's not considered mixed age group, it is the 3-4year group and then there is a 4-5year group. He is 4 and a half. There are a couple of other kids in the same situation (about to move to the next class at the end of August)......but the children he considers his friends are all going to kindergarten this year. He does better with an older group. There are still kids who pee/poop their pants in his class.
I agree that there was an escalation before he snapped.
Maybe I shouldn't have had him apologize first thing but let him do it on his own time?
Right now this is his class, it's not considered mixed age group, it is the 3-4year group and then there is a 4-5year group. He is 4 and a half. There are a couple of other kids in the same situation (about to move to the next class at the end of August)......but the children he considers his friends are all going to kindergarten this year. He does better with an older group. There are still kids who pee/poop their pants in his class.
happymom 11:22 AM 07-28-2016
I don't want to place blame on the teacher, I'd rather use it as a learning opportunity. He was violent when he needed to use a different outlet.
I don't want to make excuses for him. I just want him to own up to it and do better next time.
I don't want to make excuses for him. I just want him to own up to it and do better next time.
happymom 11:30 AM 07-28-2016
All while trying to keep in mind that he is only four... 
Unregistered 11:47 AM 07-28-2016
I think it's great that you want to be proactive. The cheek scratching incident sounds pretty serious. It seems like your son is really struggling in his environment. At his age hopefully he can have some understanding of you have an open dialogue with him about his feelings and expected behaviour. I suggest keeping the topic open, discuss it often and validate the feelings he is having too. I agree the teacher should have been keeping a closer eye, he likely built up to that point and didn't jut start off o angry.
My own 4yo was having a very difficult time recently in my home daycare. What has helped is really making sure we have some one on one time, complimenting him when he has good/kind behaviour and talking about his feelings and what's going on in his world. I think a small reward for good behaviour will help and possibly a count down calendar until he gets to go to th big kids room.
For what it's worth, I don't view a "good daycare parent" as one who gets their kid to stop any negative behaviours immediately. A good daycare parent listen to the concern, doesn't place blame elsewhere and try's to proactively improve the behaviour. Those are all things your doing. It's taken a lot of effort by my son is improving and I'm sure yours can too.
My own 4yo was having a very difficult time recently in my home daycare. What has helped is really making sure we have some one on one time, complimenting him when he has good/kind behaviour and talking about his feelings and what's going on in his world. I think a small reward for good behaviour will help and possibly a count down calendar until he gets to go to th big kids room.
For what it's worth, I don't view a "good daycare parent" as one who gets their kid to stop any negative behaviours immediately. A good daycare parent listen to the concern, doesn't place blame elsewhere and try's to proactively improve the behaviour. Those are all things your doing. It's taken a lot of effort by my son is improving and I'm sure yours can too.