So this morning I started watching a new girl... 2 year old and super cute. Mom came and toured with her on Saturday. She was already in another daycare but mom didn't like it and wanted a new one. I saw some red flags but was hoping I was wrong.

First red flag was that she wasn't giving the other daycare notice. But then I asked what the issues were and she said the lady has 14 daycare kids and are all kept in a small gated room... never leave that room and gets super hot and too many kids. So ok... I guess thats legit.

Another red flag was that the mom is young and I hate to say but that kinda scares me sometimes. Maybe 20 years old? I was a young mom too but I dont know... people are so different these days then in my younger days.

Anyway... she brought her this morning and she cried a bit but then was fine. Shes having a blast with the other kids right now.

But now i'm seeing other red flags... Since it was such a short notice to start here, I asked mom to bring her immunization record and all her paperwork this morning. So as I'm checking her shot record - which is actually really worn and torn... she is missing some important things. She just turned 2 last month and she hasn't had her MMR vaccine... or her Varicella... or her 4th DTP and 4th Hib. Should I even be letting her be here? I've never had a child come here without their shots all up to date already.

Then when I changed her pull up (UGH I hate when parents put pull ups on a toddler that isn't even starting potty training)... She had poop and as I'm changing her I noticed a horrible diaper rash by her butt crack. Her mom had this ointment called Gelmicin in her bag. So I called her to ask her about it and she said she gets rashes sometimes right there and thats the only stuff that works for her. Has anyone heard of this med?

I also noticed her fingernails are dirty - and toenails too... and long. Her hair is a mess. Like shes just not bathed and taken care of very well. Not stinky or filthy... just not fresh like my other daycare kids always are

Anyway... Shes super sweet and getting along great with the kids... but I'm seeing some concerns.

I'll have to give mom the list of shots she needs and discuss her rash some more. Ugh. Shes a sweet girl so it sucks when there are little issues like this that I have to deal with right off the bat. Especially since my website and contract say that all immunizations must be up to date before they even start here. Maybe she didn't realize since mom is so young. How much time do you give a parent to get those up to date once they start coming?

Reply

Unfortunately in my experience the really neglected kids are always the sweetest things with a break your heart smiles... I have had 2 little girls in my 5 years that came in sounding exactly as you are describing her. In both cases I enforced my rules for the safety and well being of the child (must be clean, must have on fresh clothing, must take care of medical issues, etc) and in both cases they pulled w/ no notice as they didn't want to do those things. One of them (the first, when I was new) I let get behind on payments so I was out money too.

Be careful!

Reply

Thanks... thats good to know. I have been lucky to not have these situations in the past. She is actually really sweet and great so far. It's just the little signs of her maybe being a little neglected that bother me. I hate having to tell the mom to bathe her kid and fix her hair... lol Maybe if I trim her nails the mom will get the hint? Or will she be like "oh cool - she'll do it for me!" haha... I hope it works but I guess time will tell.

Reply

I see no signs of neglect.


Dirty nails means the girl gets to play outside, so good on mom for that.

And the delay with vaccines could be entirely intentional.

My regs state I cannot allow a child into my care that isn't either caught up, has the notarized statement for non vaxers or have a note from doc explaining why a child is somewhere in between. I don't care which, but I have to have one before the child is left in my care for event a single minute.

That she pulled her child from an overcrowded situation before, or that she's younger, would not raise any red flags for me. Nor would the rash, as mom is obviously aware of it and had the where with all to make sure you had the necessary ointment to keep proper care of it.


(JMO )

Reply

I guess I'm just used to really clean kept children here. I dont see why her nails would be so long though... Doesn't take that long to trim... or clean? Especially her toenails.

I am thinking she just didn't take her to her last scheduled dr appointment. But I'll find out. Hopefully she'll get the shots done asap. I would hate to terminate due to not having shots updated. I'm in California - so I need to find out what the rules are for those shots not being done and coming to daycare. I've just never had to ask those questions before because like I've said.. I've always had children start with their shots up to date and never had to worry about it.

About the rash - what raised red flags to me was that she didn't tell me... I didnt know till I changed her. It's reaaaaally a bad rash... not minor. Like literally can see red spots where her skin is gone in some areas. So definitely something she should have told me ... in my opinion.

Reply

if you have a gut feeling, I would call the previous provider. Just because a parent says something doesn't mean its true.

the rash. I looked up the cream and its anti fungal. I have a feeling that she isn't being wiped properly because that is a wierd place to have a rash. Also she may be sitting in a wet diaper for long periods of time.

I would bring up the immunization and let her know that they need to be up to date, and give her a dead line this way she has to get them done or if she chooses not to get them done then she needs a drs note.

as for her being dirty, give it a week and then see, maybe they were in a rush this morning.

Reply

In WI the parents get 30 days to turn in the Immunization form so sometimes I don't even know if they are up to date for 30 days. Most parents bring that right away but I've had some who haven't.

Reply

Thank you everyone who gave me helpful advice. It's nice to get advice on here and not just opinionated little responses with the "IMO" at the end. Thank you for your help!

Reply

I was only trying to help but alrighty then......

There is an ignore feature on your user CP, feel free to add my name to your list if you thought what I had to offer was so incredibly useless

Reply

Thanks for the advice

Reply

I would have her do the immunizations update pronto! Either get the shots or have the appropriate paperwork if they are objecting to this round of shots. I would give her until xx date and if not done they can't come until they are. Some licensors are more strict than other, though, if yours is lenient, you could give it more time.

The nails thing wouldn't bother me. Heck, I forget to check my kids' all the time! But they are otherwise immaculate, I just tend to forget to check the nails. If hygiene in general becomes a major issue, I would certainly address it. Some parents just aren't as conscientious as others. She may need some guidance.

Reply

I'm having trouble seeing how Willow's post was offensive.

By all means keep an eye on the child if you feel something is amiss, and raise any concerns you have with the mom.

We all must follow our instincts, but try not to be quick in jumping to conclusions.

Reply

I am with Willow - I don't see any real red flags here either.

It's really important for forum users to understand that when they seek other people's opinions and advice... that's what they are going to get.

Reply

I also don't really see any red flags. If the other daycare was as bad as mom is saying then the rash could be from poor hygeine at the other daycare.

Dirty, long nails and slightly unkempt hair, well, sometimes in life things slip and parents aren't perfect 100% of the time. Hell sometimes I can't remember exactly when my kids last each had a bath! And sometimes I don't notice their nails need trimmed until they accidentally scratch me, kwim?

Life happens.

Reply

I am a full time stay at home mom right now, and sometimes, my son has dirty nails. Well, we spent 4 hours at the park and I didn't clean them immediately after. Not a red flag to me. She provided cream for the rash. I really agree with Willow and a few others. If your gut is churning, I would do what feels right to you. Me, I would highlight the drop-off standards in the contract like clean, trimmed nails, hygiene, etc. and see what happens in the next couple days. I don't even see the Vax thing as an issue. 90% of my mom friend either do a delayed schedule or don't vax entirely. I would just politely re-inform her of your policies and give her a few days to get everything straightened out. My son hasn't been vaccinated at all since 15 months but I have several copies of the notarized exemption on file, because I have ran out. You just never know.

Reply

I'm jumping in the no red flag wagon too.

Both of my daycare moms are young. One family of two kids always come clean but I do trim nails on them twice a week. Mama works two jobs and has two small kids, one medically fragile.

The other ones don't take baths as frequently as some. They don't smell or anything gross. But she doesn't comb their hair EVER. or do their nails. So I do all of that.

None of what you have mentioned would be a red flag to ME.

Immunizations aren't required everywhere and some parents simply don't vax. I'd definitely ask mama what's up with that but the rest all seems normal.


And, for the record, IMHO ...you come to this forum, assembly, to get the viewpoint of others? Sooooooooo.... That's what you got

Reply

Did I ever say Willow's post was offensive?

When I posted this, I was venting and asking a few questions if anyone knew the answers. I wasn't asking the opinion if anyone agreed with what "I saw" were red flags...

The only questions I was asking were should I be letting her bring her here without having those shots up to date (in California) and also if anyone heard of that medication she uses (Gelmacin)... and lastly how much time do you guys give a parent to get their shots up to date once they start. I wasn't asking IF anyone agreed with what I saw as red flags or their opinion on that. Just those questions I asked. I've been doing daycare long enough to know what red flags are to me.

Anywho... I did my own research today and found my answers. I found out that the mom had flaked on her daughter's dr appointments and just hasn't made another appointment (in her own words)... also found out that the DCG has diaper rash because the mom says the dad never changes her diaper when he has her so she struggles with rashes.

Next time - if I ever post on here again with questions - I'll be more direct with my questions and not open & feel like I can come here to vent.

Reply

I can't speak for the others, but it was the post below that gave me the impression you didn't appreciate Willow's POV, especially since hers was the only post with anything close to "IMO" at the end.

Glad you got the information you needed, though, however it came about .

Reply

First of all, since you are in California, I would make sure the diaper bag is outside or the diaper rash cream is locked up. You could get a violation for the medicine being in the daycare area.

Second, I wouldn't worry too much about the finger nails. As Willow said maybe she just plays a lot and if dcm is young she probably just hasn't realized they have gotten so long. I've trimmed many a dck nails before and dcp have never said anything!!!

Third, with the immunizations, since you're in California you might get a violation you might not get a violation!!!
I would have dcm sign a form saying she is aware the vaccinations are due and will have dcg to the doctor to get said vaccinations within 30 days, first thing tomorrow.

Good luck

Reply

I have a child who comes here and always has long nails and they also have dirt under them (I've had to cut them before due to him accidentally scratching me), his hair is always a mess, he has food on his face sometimes when he arrives and his clothes don't always go together or aren't right for the weather and his shots aren't up to date.

But I know that his parents aren't neglecting him. They simply are very busy people- mom was getting her BA and looking for a job, dad working full time to support them, they also have a 3 year old and I think that they tend to forget about things like the nails (I sometimes also forget about my kids' nails..even my own ). And dad gets dcb ready so that accounts for the clothing thing and the food on his face...lol (I'm not saying that dads are all like this, but there are some...like my husband who can't match a child's outfit for the life of him...lol).
As for the immunizations, they just have him on a delayed schedule.

At first I thought that he was being neglected in some way, but after seeing how this family works, I now understand. I just cut nails, comb hair and wash his face now without thinking about it.

Reply

Thank you! This is good to know. I will definitely write up a document for her to sign when she comes back on Wednesday. I talked to her about it at pick up but she didn't seem to understand that I reaaaally need it. She said she was taking her in 3 months for her next appointment and I said she needs it like now lol... I think if she has this "official" type of notice then she'll pay attention more. And great advice about the diaper bag. Thanks so much for your help!

Reply

I can say that I do understand where you are coming from. I have a new DCB, who has dirty fingernails sometimes and his feet look dirty a lot of the time. I don't think he is neglected, but it does shock me because I am not used to it. All of my other kids come in "fresh" as you stated. So I can really get where you are coming from on that.

The little boy I have isn't neglected. He just has parents with older kids (he was a surprise baby), and they are busy. All of my other DCK are first borns, with parents whose full attention is on keeping up that child. I'm not saying it's okay to let caring for one child go by the wayside, it just seems to be something that happens.

Reply

I had a child neglected so badly that CPS got involved. None of what you described would concern me. The mom I had didn't even LOVE her son according to her. HE was LONELY and wouldn't do anything but sit there with his blanket clutched to him silently crying. He was dirty and filthy and smelled really bad. NOTHING we could do would get him engaged. We tried for A YEAR. He never laughed, never smiled when mom was around. Wouldn't laugh or smile for ME. He DID laugh at my older daughter and the other kids, but it was rare. This child was incredibly unhappy and it was the SADDEST experience I had ever had aside from my daycare children moving away after years of caring for them.

This woman's child in the OP is not neglected if I base my opinion on the post ONLY.


A little dirt and obviously being allowed to play? Maybe lazy here and there-not neglectful. Observe to make sure it's not everyday

Long nails- Ever try to cut MY kids nails? Wasn't gonna happen with those wiggle worms. I could only file down and that was a feat. those kids never let me clip anything. So, the risk? Clip their finger tips off or skip it. I skipped it! lol

As far as diaper rash: My 2nd dd was allergic to her poop. She had to have antibiotic diaper rash cream and need to be changed the second I smelled her urine OR feces! If I didn't, the allergy would erode her skin immediately. We checked her once per hour at night even though SHE never blinked. Not necessarily neglect, and obviously a prescription medication was given to her for this purpose. IDK if maybe she thought you'd just see and use the cream or if she simply forgot to tell you about the diaper rash. It happens- not neglect.

My kids are also very messy eaters! IF they don't have food on their face, hands, clothes: I assume they haven't eaten! lol Same with hair: It's unruly. They have THIN hair, I can't do a thing with it. I could braid it and 20 seconds later, it looks as if I have never brushed my girls' hair (boys are shaved) a day in their lives. I really do! I do not dress them fancy. What's the point? They went in holy, stained clothes so that they could use them for the purpose of getting down and dirty at preschool (paint/dirt/mud/sand/food/etc). No need to do extra laundry by sending two pairs either! I'd just wash them and their clothes up after school.

The point is this: Mom doesn't sound unlike any other working and busy mom. I'm not seeing neglect based on the post I have read. perhaps there are other things we don't have in the way of information


ETA: No opinion on vaccinations. Many parents don't even do any at all.

Reply

I'd think if all I REALLY wanted was the answer to two questions, I'd have simply said...

"Have any of you ever heard of X MEDICATION for a diaper rash?? And question 2, how long do I give a parent, once enrolled, to get their vaccinations up to date in California"

Maybe then people would have simply answered your questions?

Dunno, just a thought.

Reply

This. My DD has crazy curly hair and will not let me brush it unless its wet. We actually think her wild hair is cute. Its just her personality. We also play outside all the time and her nails are always dirty. They also grow like wildfire because she eats so healthy. I have to clip her nails every Wednesday when she gets back from her dads and it seems by that time they are noticeably grown out. And pretty much ALL of my dcks have long nails. I clip them. I have no concerns that my dcps are being neglectful but to be honest, many kids dislike getting their nails cut and parents don't want to fight with them. For some reason the kids let me do it and its a pet peeve of mine. I don't mind. Oh, and the toes are always the worst.

Reply

Yep... that is what I'm doing for now on. Straight to the point questions if I was to have any in the future. No more venting for me on here! lol

Reply