Daycare.com Forum
Heart12 03:24 PM 09-27-2016
I have posted here before about a DCB (just shy of 5mos) having a rough time in my daycare. I absolutely love the parents but Im not sure how much longer I can handle this.
DCB has been here for 4wks now & Im ashamed to say that Ive had to send her home at least once a week every week.
Each time Ive sent her home its been because she is overly tired, not sleeping, crying hysterically & disrupting the other kids. Ive tried everything I know, asked the family for advice & was still unable to console her. After 2wks I was at my witts ends & ready to term-but I love the parents so I kept pushing through. Beginning of week 3 was awesome! I thought that she was finally getting used to daycare. Then I ended up having to send her home last Friday & today!
So what do you think? Should I shoot for 6wks & then reassess the situation? I feel sooooo horrible & honestly kinda like a failure that Ive had to send this baby home so many times. Ive never sent a kid home before! The parents always apologize when this happens but I feel awful for not being able to get it under control.
DCB has been here for 4wks now & Im ashamed to say that Ive had to send her home at least once a week every week.
Each time Ive sent her home its been because she is overly tired, not sleeping, crying hysterically & disrupting the other kids. Ive tried everything I know, asked the family for advice & was still unable to console her. After 2wks I was at my witts ends & ready to term-but I love the parents so I kept pushing through. Beginning of week 3 was awesome! I thought that she was finally getting used to daycare. Then I ended up having to send her home last Friday & today!So what do you think? Should I shoot for 6wks & then reassess the situation? I feel sooooo horrible & honestly kinda like a failure that Ive had to send this baby home so many times. Ive never sent a kid home before! The parents always apologize when this happens but I feel awful for not being able to get it under control.
Mike 04:15 PM 09-27-2016
If you and the parents together can't make an improvement, and she is causing disruption, you need to set a fixed deadline as to when to call it quits. Sometimes, due to circumstances beyond our control, there are things we just can't do. I would say set it for 6 weeks and that's it.
daycare 05:31 PM 09-27-2016
how many days a week does the child attend?
how many hours?
what is your environment like?
how many kids do you have? what are their ages?
environment is everything to a child, I am sure you are already aware of this. If it's too over stimulating for a child you may see a reaction like what you are seeing now.
if the child is not attending enough days, there just may not be enough consistency.????
how many hours?
what is your environment like?
how many kids do you have? what are their ages?
environment is everything to a child, I am sure you are already aware of this. If it's too over stimulating for a child you may see a reaction like what you are seeing now.
if the child is not attending enough days, there just may not be enough consistency.????
Heart12 06:57 AM 09-28-2016
Thanks for the response. She is here Monday-Friday 8am-5pm. I only have 3 kids (including her) in my daycare, so it doesnt get too loud or crazy in here. Im at a loss
childcaremom 08:28 AM 09-28-2016
If the parents are willing to pick up, etc, and you are ok to continue, then I would tell them that you are willing to work with her for 2 more weeks but if she is not showing signs of a complete transition (or very close to) that you will no longer be able to care for her as of x date.
If you have had enough (and it's ok if you have
), then I would tell mom and dad it's not a good fit and term.
If you have had enough (and it's ok if you have
), then I would tell mom and dad it's not a good fit and term.
daycare 09:06 AM 09-28-2016
Originally Posted by childcaremom:
If the parents are willing to pick up, etc, and you are ok to continue, then I would tell them that you are willing to work with her for 2 more weeks but if she is not showing signs of a complete transition (or very close to) that you will no longer be able to care for her as of x date.
If you have had enough (and it's ok if you have), then I would tell mom and dad it's not a good fit and term.
I agree with PP.If the parents are willing to pick up, etc, and you are ok to continue, then I would tell them that you are willing to work with her for 2 more weeks but if she is not showing signs of a complete transition (or very close to) that you will no longer be able to care for her as of x date.
If you have had enough (and it's ok if you have
), then I would tell mom and dad it's not a good fit and term.It sounds like you have a nice small group that would be great for an infant.
We are not superhero's although there are days I sure feel like one....We can't win them all. YOU need to do what is best for you and your program. I can tell you really care about the kids in your care to try and get ideas to help them.
one member here, BC, she gave me a good idea of putting a star on my calendar that I resembled my last day that if things were not better by the date that I put that star, I would terminate care.
Hugs to you, I can't imagine how hard this must be.
Heart12 11:48 AM 09-28-2016
Thank you all so much! 
I feel so guilty because the parents are so nice & they dont know why this is going so badly either. I think theyre also getting worried that I am going to term soon too. They have been saying certain things & even mentioning that their only other option is for one of them to quit their job to stay home with her. Ugh. I guess I will see how the rest of the week goes & then I may have to send home THAT letter.
Does anyone have an idea of what this letter should even say? Why do I feel so mean when I know Ive tried everything?!!
I feel so guilty because the parents are so nice & they dont know why this is going so badly either. I think theyre also getting worried that I am going to term soon too. They have been saying certain things & even mentioning that their only other option is for one of them to quit their job to stay home with her. Ugh. I guess I will see how the rest of the week goes & then I may have to send home THAT letter.
Does anyone have an idea of what this letter should even say? Why do I feel so mean when I know Ive tried everything?!!
MunchkinWrangler 11:59 AM 09-28-2016
It's tough, it really is. I had that situation with the first baby I had. It was a rough 8 months, I felt like there was something wrong with me and my caregiving because all she did was scream... fed, changed,and rested. And I'm not just talking about fussy. Screaming...like I was murdering her. To the point where she was a little red ball of fury. I literally had to just leave her in a playpen alone because my heart was beating so fast and I was so stressed it made me cry. So I did what I had to do.
I learned that it wasn't me, just the personality of the child. The attachment parenting and baby wearing that was happening at home that I couldn't do because I had to care for my own son.
I would never do it again. Ever. I haven't had another like that one, hence knowing that it wasn't normal.
Don't feel bad. You have to do what is best for your group and for you to be the best caregiver possible. If you feel you need to term than I do believe putting that star on the calendar will help you with that answer.
I learned that it wasn't me, just the personality of the child. The attachment parenting and baby wearing that was happening at home that I couldn't do because I had to care for my own son.
I would never do it again. Ever. I haven't had another like that one, hence knowing that it wasn't normal.
Don't feel bad. You have to do what is best for your group and for you to be the best caregiver possible. If you feel you need to term than I do believe putting that star on the calendar will help you with that answer.
daycare 12:07 PM 09-28-2016
sorry if this has been asked already, but have you talked to them about what they are doing at home? Are they willing to make some changes at home that might help the child adjust?
Sunchimes 12:36 PM 09-28-2016
I'm there now, and envious that you have the option to term. Do it. I've done it once before, and life is so much better.
Mine now is only part time, but 12.5 hours on those days. I know that is a recipe for disaster with an infant, and it is. Constant crying all day. But, the grandparents have been friends since before the mom was born, and it's only until Christmas. If it was going to be long term I would have already termed them, friends or not. It's not good for me, the other kids, or the baby.
Mine now is only part time, but 12.5 hours on those days. I know that is a recipe for disaster with an infant, and it is. Constant crying all day. But, the grandparents have been friends since before the mom was born, and it's only until Christmas. If it was going to be long term I would have already termed them, friends or not. It's not good for me, the other kids, or the baby.
Heart12 12:53 PM 09-28-2016
I have talked to the parents & they swear that she is not held all of the time & that she doesnt scream & cry all day. They have now told me to just do whatever I think is going to help her get through the day. I really have zero issues with the parents. If I give them advice, they try it. I cant really ask anymore of them. Its upsetting to them as well, which makes this even harder!
Blackcat31 01:30 PM 09-28-2016
Originally Posted by Heart12:
I have talked to the parents & they swear that she is not held all of the time & that she doesnt scream & cry all day. They have now told me to just do whatever I think is going to help her get through the day. I really have zero issues with the parents. If I give them advice, they try it. I cant really ask anymore of them. Its upsetting to them as well, which makes this even harder!
Do you believe them? I have talked to the parents & they swear that she is not held all of the time & that she doesnt scream & cry all day. They have now told me to just do whatever I think is going to help her get through the day. I really have zero issues with the parents. If I give them advice, they try it. I cant really ask anymore of them. Its upsetting to them as well, which makes this even harder!
I have a family that I've had in care for almost 2 years now and I have their second child (5 months) enrolled as well as their oldest, although the oldest did not start until age 13 mos.
These parents are super nice and I really like them (the DCD is actually an ex of my DD's....lol! I know, long story) but I really like both mom and dad but the baby is TOUGH!
Won't sleep, wants to be held alot and has some behaviors that tell me what the parents aren't saying.
Sometimes actions speak louder than words.
*My parents say baby does not get held 24/7. truth.
buuuuut mom, baby and older sibling spend 75% of the day on the floor snuggled up together in what mom calls their "nest" (baby might not be held 24/7 but thinking the "nest" is pretty much the same thing
)*My parents say baby sleeps all night without issues and they do not co-sleep. truth.
buuuuuut baby sleeps in a rock and play next to the parent's bed and mom has made mention on more than one occasion how her arm is bruised from being draped over and onto the rock and play alllllllllll night.
*My parents said baby has torticollis and PT said as much belly time as possible so they are working on it. truth.
buuuuuuuut baby screeches the second their belly touches the floor and older sib says "Momma doesn't like when baby cries so Miss BC will have to work in some belly time"
There is more but you get the point.......
The kicker for me is DCD's mom is a 31 yr veteran child care provider herself and I know that she has counseled ALL her children about the do's and don't of being a daycare parent. DCD knows what daycare life is like (for both provider and for child).... DCD also knows the laws on safe sleep and yet all of that knowledge has escaped him.
So, just wondering if you believe the parents and what they say or is baby's behavior telling you something they are not??
daycare 01:44 PM 09-28-2016
BC---sooooooooo true. Parents will tell us what they want us to hear. Some will think that it's no big deal and are just saying words to please us. I don't really think that they are thinking it's such a big deal.
In the end the truth always comes out becuase actions do speak louder than words.
Client of mine swore that the child sleeps from 7p-7a daily. Child has been in my program almost a year and has never made it to lunch time do to falling asleep prior to. I started calling for pick up every time the child fell asleep during class time, DCM eventually got sick of it and pulled the plug herself.
So maybe they are not telling you what really really is happening?????
In the end the truth always comes out becuase actions do speak louder than words.
Client of mine swore that the child sleeps from 7p-7a daily. Child has been in my program almost a year and has never made it to lunch time do to falling asleep prior to. I started calling for pick up every time the child fell asleep during class time, DCM eventually got sick of it and pulled the plug herself.
So maybe they are not telling you what really really is happening?????
Heart12 07:15 AM 09-29-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Do you believe them?
I have a family that I've had in care for almost 2 years now and I have their second child (5 months) enrolled as well as their oldest, although the oldest did not start until age 13 mos.
These parents are super nice and I really like them (the DCD is actually an ex of my DD's....lol! I know, long story) but I really like both mom and dad but the baby is TOUGH!
Won't sleep, wants to be held alot and has some behaviors that tell me what the parents aren't saying.
Sometimes actions speak louder than words.
*My parents say baby does not get held 24/7. truth.
buuuuut mom, baby and older sibling spend 75% of the day on the floor snuggled up together in what mom calls their "nest" (baby might not be held 24/7 but thinking the "nest" is pretty much the same thing)
*My parents say baby sleeps all night without issues and they do not co-sleep. truth.
buuuuuut baby sleeps in a rock and play next to the parent's bed and mom has made mention on more than one occasion how her arm is bruised from being draped over and onto the rock and play alllllllllll night.
*My parents said baby has torticollis and PT said as much belly time as possible so they are working on it. truth.
buuuuuuuut baby screeches the second their belly touches the floor and older sib says "Momma doesn't like when baby cries so Miss BC will have to work in some belly time"
There is more but you get the point.......
The kicker for me is DCD's mom is a 31 yr veteran child care provider herself and I know that she has counseled ALL her children about the do's and don't of being a daycare parent. DCD knows what daycare life is like (for both provider and for child).... DCD also knows the laws on safe sleep and yet all of that knowledge has escaped him.
So, just wondering if you believe the parents and what they say or is baby's behavior telling you something they are not??
DCM swears that she is not held all of the time & that she is a happy baby at home. I believe that she is not held all day, but now that you mention it I can almost guarantee that they are in that child's face 24-7. DCM has made comments before about the other baby in my daycare being so happy & swears that her daughter is the same way at home. Even sending me pictures & videos of her at home laughing/smiling. Do you believe them?
I have a family that I've had in care for almost 2 years now and I have their second child (5 months) enrolled as well as their oldest, although the oldest did not start until age 13 mos.
These parents are super nice and I really like them (the DCD is actually an ex of my DD's....lol! I know, long story) but I really like both mom and dad but the baby is TOUGH!
Won't sleep, wants to be held alot and has some behaviors that tell me what the parents aren't saying.
Sometimes actions speak louder than words.
*My parents say baby does not get held 24/7. truth.
buuuuut mom, baby and older sibling spend 75% of the day on the floor snuggled up together in what mom calls their "nest" (baby might not be held 24/7 but thinking the "nest" is pretty much the same thing
)*My parents say baby sleeps all night without issues and they do not co-sleep. truth.
buuuuuut baby sleeps in a rock and play next to the parent's bed and mom has made mention on more than one occasion how her arm is bruised from being draped over and onto the rock and play alllllllllll night.
*My parents said baby has torticollis and PT said as much belly time as possible so they are working on it. truth.
buuuuuuuut baby screeches the second their belly touches the floor and older sib says "Momma doesn't like when baby cries so Miss BC will have to work in some belly time"
There is more but you get the point.......
The kicker for me is DCD's mom is a 31 yr veteran child care provider herself and I know that she has counseled ALL her children about the do's and don't of being a daycare parent. DCD knows what daycare life is like (for both provider and for child).... DCD also knows the laws on safe sleep and yet all of that knowledge has escaped him.
So, just wondering if you believe the parents and what they say or is baby's behavior telling you something they are not??
Im tired of hearing things like, "I just dont know why she wont sleep for YOU" ETC. Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem. It has been a rough morning already. DCB did not nap this morning so I brought her back out to play & another parent was dropping off & said, "I thought this was her nap time?" I freakin burst into tears
I do feel like I can talk to this Mom, but still how freakin unprofessional! Ugh. DCB is screaming in the exersaucer & Im crying. I am mortified!I feel like when I tell the parents something positive thats happened, they cancel out how stressful the rest of the day has been. Like she could be crying all day, but the second I say something like, I just gave her a bottle & now shes playing. Theyre like, whew! So glad its going well! Meanwhile, Im ready to pull my hair out strand by strand it took 40min of screaming & a bottle to soothe her.
So Im at the point where I feel like I need to send a letter home tomorrow. Im just not sure what it should say?? I dont want to come off like, "you have 2wks to fix this or I have to term" because I genuinely dont think that they know what else to do! Mom cried at pick up yesterday because she said shes worried that she wont adjust & that if she doesnt Mom will have to quit her job to stay home. This makes me feel awful! Im thinking they feel like I am going to term soon because they have really been laying it on thick with the compliments.
Also, yesterday DCB took 3 naps, all 30min long. When I told DCD yesterday he was relieved that she slept. Am I being selfish for feeling like 30min naps are just not going to work here? The frustration I feel right now is so real.
BlackCat, do you have any advice on what to say in a letter to the parents?
Thank you for all of your advice, I dont know what I would do without this forum!
SignMeUp 07:39 AM 09-29-2016
A little off topic, but I have heard that sleeping in a rock n play may cause torticollis.
ljohnson81 07:50 AM 09-29-2016
I’m a former Head Start director and we wasn’t allowed to send a child home unless he or she was sick. This taught me much patience and helped me to gain a lot of experience dealing with many temperaments. Soothing music helps. We also shared the CD with the parent and asked her to play it at home. This helped the child to become familiar with the sound in his environment. Vibration is also another soothing method. If you or the parent has a bouncer or such that you can place the child in that vibrates will be great! Another method that may sound silly is a blanket with the parent’s scent. It doesn’t have to be a smoke smell or strong perfume or colognes, but something that you can use to place on her to calm her. It really depends on how much effort, time, or patience you have. It takes time for infants to get adjusted to different environments. If the child goes to another daycare more than likely she will repeat the same behavior. Don’t feel bad about getting exhausted it happens to us all! I’m just looking forward for my opportunity on my opening date for my center!
Blackcat31 07:53 AM 09-29-2016
Originally Posted by Heart12:
DCM swears that she is not held all of the time & that she is a happy baby at home. I believe that she is not held all day, but now that you mention it I can almost guarantee that they are in that child's face 24-7. DCM has made comments before about the other baby in my daycare being so happy & swears that her daughter is the same way at home. Even sending me pictures & videos of her at home laughing/smiling. Im tired of hearing things like, "I just dont know why she wont sleep for YOU" ETC. Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem.
It has been a rough morning already. DCB did not nap this morning so I brought her back out to play & another parent was dropping off & said, "I thought this was her nap time?" I freakin burst into tears I do feel like I can talk to this Mom, but still how freakin unprofessional! Ugh. DCB is screaming in the exersaucer & Im crying. I am mortified!
I feel like when I tell the parents something positive thats happened, they cancel out how stressful the rest of the day has been. Like she could be crying all day, but the second I say something like, I just gave her a bottle & now shes playing. Theyre like, whew! So glad its going well! Meanwhile, Im ready to pull my hair out strand by strand it took 40min of screaming & a bottle to soothe her.
So Im at the point where I feel like I need to send a letter home tomorrow. Im just not sure what it should say?? I dont want to come off like, "you have 2wks to fix this or I have to term" because I genuinely dont think that they know what else to do! Mom cried at pick up yesterday because she said shes worried that she wont adjust & that if she doesnt Mom will have to quit her job to stay home. This makes me feel awful! Im thinking they feel like I am going to term soon because they have really been laying it on thick with the compliments.
Also, yesterday DCB took 3 naps, all 30min long. When I told DCD yesterday he was relieved that she slept. Am I being selfish for feeling like 30min naps are just not going to work here? The frustration I feel right now is so real.
BlackCat, do you have any advice on what to say in a letter to the parents?
Thank you for all of your advice, I dont know what I would do without this forum!
DCM swears that she is not held all of the time & that she is a happy baby at home. I believe that she is not held all day, but now that you mention it I can almost guarantee that they are in that child's face 24-7. DCM has made comments before about the other baby in my daycare being so happy & swears that her daughter is the same way at home. Even sending me pictures & videos of her at home laughing/smiling.
Im tired of hearing things like, "I just dont know why she wont sleep for YOU" ETC. Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem. It has been a rough morning already. DCB did not nap this morning so I brought her back out to play & another parent was dropping off & said, "I thought this was her nap time?" I freakin burst into tears
I do feel like I can talk to this Mom, but still how freakin unprofessional! Ugh. DCB is screaming in the exersaucer & Im crying. I am mortified!I feel like when I tell the parents something positive thats happened, they cancel out how stressful the rest of the day has been. Like she could be crying all day, but the second I say something like, I just gave her a bottle & now shes playing. Theyre like, whew! So glad its going well! Meanwhile, Im ready to pull my hair out strand by strand it took 40min of screaming & a bottle to soothe her.
So Im at the point where I feel like I need to send a letter home tomorrow. Im just not sure what it should say?? I dont want to come off like, "you have 2wks to fix this or I have to term" because I genuinely dont think that they know what else to do! Mom cried at pick up yesterday because she said shes worried that she wont adjust & that if she doesnt Mom will have to quit her job to stay home. This makes me feel awful! Im thinking they feel like I am going to term soon because they have really been laying it on thick with the compliments.
Also, yesterday DCB took 3 naps, all 30min long. When I told DCD yesterday he was relieved that she slept. Am I being selfish for feeling like 30min naps are just not going to work here? The frustration I feel right now is so real.
BlackCat, do you have any advice on what to say in a letter to the parents?
Thank you for all of your advice, I dont know what I would do without this forum!
First off, you need to stop taking ANY of this personal. Some kids really are just not cut out for daycare. Your answer is in your post. You just don't see it because your heart is standing in front of your brain.
You said: "Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem."
That IS the answer.
You are NOT the problem nor are you being overly sensitive.
This baby is NOT adjusting to daycare.
This baby is NOT happy at daycare.
IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
But it does mean she does not belong in your daycare.
The ONE thing I wish other providers would have told me when I first started this was that it is NOT MY job to fix, endure or put up with anything longer than I am emotionally and/or physically capable of.
If this baby is stressing you out. STOP!
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to endure.
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to continue trying.
There is NO reason you have to give other than baby is NOT happy here and you can NOT provide for her the care/attention she needs.
It does NOT mean you failed.
It does NOT mean you are wrong/bad or mean.
It means this kid needs X and you can't offer that.
Whatever X is, makes NO difference in the grand scheme of things. It's NOT a measure of YOUR success or failures.
It just is what it is and I guarantee that EVERY.SINGLE.ONE of us has been there. We've all felt bad, felt like failures, felt like we are doing something wrong of felt like we aren't doing enough right.
We have ALL also forgotten WHY we are in this business.
..to enjoy the kids
..to enjoy our own kids
..to provide loving care/attention to other's kids
..to be the boss/in charge
There are many reasons and they are all as unique and personal as the provider themselves but there does come a time when we have to realize and accept that some kids just aren't cut out for what we offer/provide and nothing we do can change that. Once we realize and accept that those kids do not equate to failure on our part, this job becomes easier.
I know you said you like the parents and they are very nice but you need to set that aside and decide based on fact whether or not you want to keep dealing with this and keep the baby or if you just don't see it getting any better....
Depending on what you want to do, I will absolutely help you write a letter saying so....
When you "think" about what decision you want to make, make sure you consider your family too... as well as the other kids. YOU maybe able to endure the stress etc but can your family? Can the other kids? How you feel (whether you wear your heart on your sleeve or keep it hidden makes no difference) kids can "feel" your stress and anxiety.....
Sorry for the novel but you NEED to hear that this situation (this baby and family's behaviors) is NOT tied to you or your actions..... it's NOT personal and it's NOT a pass or fail in regards to you/your program.
NeedaVaca 07:59 AM 09-29-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
First off, you need to stop taking ANY of this personal. Some kids really are just not cut out for daycare.
Your answer is in your post. You just don't see it because your heart is standing in front of your brain.
You said: "Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem."
That IS the answer.
You are NOT the problem nor are you being overly sensitive.
This baby is NOT adjusting to daycare.
This baby is NOT happy at daycare.
IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
But it does mean she does not belong in your daycare.
The ONE thing I wish other providers would have told me when I first started this was that it is NOT MY job to fix, endure or put up with anything longer than I am emotionally and/or physically capable of.
If this baby is stressing you out. STOP!
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to endure.
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to continue trying.
There is NO reason you have to give other than baby is NOT happy here and you can NOT provide for her the care/attention she needs.
It does NOT mean you failed.
It does NOT mean you are wrong/bad or mean.
It means this kid needs X and you can't offer that.
Whatever X is, makes NO difference in the grand scheme of things. It's NOT a measure of YOUR success or failures.
It just is what it is and I guarantee that EVERY.SINGLE.ONE of us has been there. We've all felt bad, felt like failures, felt like we are doing something wrong of felt like we aren't doing enough right.
We have ALL also forgotten WHY we are in this business.
..to enjoy the kids
..to enjoy our own kids
..to provide loving care/attention to other's kids
..to be the boss/in charge
There are many reasons and they are all as unique and personal as the provider themselves but there does come a time when we have to realize and accept that some kids just aren't cut out for what we offer/provide and nothing we do can change that. Once we realize and accept that those kids do not equate to failure on our part, this job becomes easier.
I know you said you like the parents and they are very nice but you need to set that aside and decide based on fact whether or not you want to keep dealing with this and keep the baby or if you just don't see it getting any better....
Depending on what you want to do, I will absolutely help you write a letter saying so....
When you "think" about what decision you want to make, make sure you consider your family too... as well as the other kids. YOU maybe able to endure the stress etc but can your family? Can the other kids? How you feel (whether you wear your heart on your sleeve or keep it hidden makes no difference) kids can "feel" your stress and anxiety.....
Sorry for the novel but you NEED to hear that this situation (this baby and family's behaviors) is NOT tied to you or your actions..... it's NOT personal and it's NOT a pass or fail in regards to you/your program.
First off, you need to stop taking ANY of this personal. Some kids really are just not cut out for daycare. Your answer is in your post. You just don't see it because your heart is standing in front of your brain.
You said: "Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem."
That IS the answer.
You are NOT the problem nor are you being overly sensitive.
This baby is NOT adjusting to daycare.
This baby is NOT happy at daycare.
IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
But it does mean she does not belong in your daycare.
The ONE thing I wish other providers would have told me when I first started this was that it is NOT MY job to fix, endure or put up with anything longer than I am emotionally and/or physically capable of.
If this baby is stressing you out. STOP!
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to endure.
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to continue trying.
There is NO reason you have to give other than baby is NOT happy here and you can NOT provide for her the care/attention she needs.
It does NOT mean you failed.
It does NOT mean you are wrong/bad or mean.
It means this kid needs X and you can't offer that.
Whatever X is, makes NO difference in the grand scheme of things. It's NOT a measure of YOUR success or failures.
It just is what it is and I guarantee that EVERY.SINGLE.ONE of us has been there. We've all felt bad, felt like failures, felt like we are doing something wrong of felt like we aren't doing enough right.
We have ALL also forgotten WHY we are in this business.
..to enjoy the kids
..to enjoy our own kids
..to provide loving care/attention to other's kids
..to be the boss/in charge
There are many reasons and they are all as unique and personal as the provider themselves but there does come a time when we have to realize and accept that some kids just aren't cut out for what we offer/provide and nothing we do can change that. Once we realize and accept that those kids do not equate to failure on our part, this job becomes easier.
I know you said you like the parents and they are very nice but you need to set that aside and decide based on fact whether or not you want to keep dealing with this and keep the baby or if you just don't see it getting any better....
Depending on what you want to do, I will absolutely help you write a letter saying so....
When you "think" about what decision you want to make, make sure you consider your family too... as well as the other kids. YOU maybe able to endure the stress etc but can your family? Can the other kids? How you feel (whether you wear your heart on your sleeve or keep it hidden makes no difference) kids can "feel" your stress and anxiety.....
Sorry for the novel but you NEED to hear that this situation (this baby and family's behaviors) is NOT tied to you or your actions..... it's NOT personal and it's NOT a pass or fail in regards to you/your program.
Seriously! Stop worrying about how the parents will feel and think about yourself and your well being as well as the other kids in your care, you are crying...it's time to let them go! Once this child is no longer in your care you will see how much happier your days are
It's hard to do but the relief is immediate!!
childcaremom 08:48 AM 09-29-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
First off, you need to stop taking ANY of this personal. Some kids really are just not cut out for daycare.
Your answer is in your post. You just don't see it because your heart is standing in front of your brain.
You said: "Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem."
That IS the answer.
You are NOT the problem nor are you being overly sensitive.
This baby is NOT adjusting to daycare.
This baby is NOT happy at daycare.
IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
But it does mean she does not belong in your daycare.
The ONE thing I wish other providers would have told me when I first started this was that it is NOT MY job to fix, endure or put up with anything longer than I am emotionally and/or physically capable of.
If this baby is stressing you out. STOP!
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to endure.
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to continue trying.
There is NO reason you have to give other than baby is NOT happy here and you can NOT provide for her the care/attention she needs.
It does NOT mean you failed.
It does NOT mean you are wrong/bad or mean.
It means this kid needs X and you can't offer that.
Whatever X is, makes NO difference in the grand scheme of things. It's NOT a measure of YOUR success or failures.
It just is what it is and I guarantee that EVERY.SINGLE.ONE of us has been there. We've all felt bad, felt like failures, felt like we are doing something wrong of felt like we aren't doing enough right.
We have ALL also forgotten WHY we are in this business.
..to enjoy the kids
..to enjoy our own kids
..to provide loving care/attention to other's kids
..to be the boss/in charge
There are many reasons and they are all as unique and personal as the provider themselves but there does come a time when we have to realize and accept that some kids just aren't cut out for what we offer/provide and nothing we do can change that. Once we realize and accept that those kids do not equate to failure on our part, this job becomes easier.
I know you said you like the parents and they are very nice but you need to set that aside and decide based on fact whether or not you want to keep dealing with this and keep the baby or if you just don't see it getting any better....
Depending on what you want to do, I will absolutely help you write a letter saying so....
When you "think" about what decision you want to make, make sure you consider your family too... as well as the other kids. YOU maybe able to endure the stress etc but can your family? Can the other kids? How you feel (whether you wear your heart on your sleeve or keep it hidden makes no difference) kids can "feel" your stress and anxiety.....
Sorry for the novel but you NEED to hear that this situation (this baby and family's behaviors) is NOT tied to you or your actions..... it's NOT personal and it's NOT a pass or fail in regards to you/your program.
First off, you need to stop taking ANY of this personal. Some kids really are just not cut out for daycare. Your answer is in your post. You just don't see it because your heart is standing in front of your brain.
You said: "Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem."
That IS the answer.
You are NOT the problem nor are you being overly sensitive.
This baby is NOT adjusting to daycare.
This baby is NOT happy at daycare.
IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
But it does mean she does not belong in your daycare.
The ONE thing I wish other providers would have told me when I first started this was that it is NOT MY job to fix, endure or put up with anything longer than I am emotionally and/or physically capable of.
If this baby is stressing you out. STOP!
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to endure.
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to continue trying.
There is NO reason you have to give other than baby is NOT happy here and you can NOT provide for her the care/attention she needs.
It does NOT mean you failed.
It does NOT mean you are wrong/bad or mean.
It means this kid needs X and you can't offer that.
Whatever X is, makes NO difference in the grand scheme of things. It's NOT a measure of YOUR success or failures.
It just is what it is and I guarantee that EVERY.SINGLE.ONE of us has been there. We've all felt bad, felt like failures, felt like we are doing something wrong of felt like we aren't doing enough right.
We have ALL also forgotten WHY we are in this business.
..to enjoy the kids
..to enjoy our own kids
..to provide loving care/attention to other's kids
..to be the boss/in charge
There are many reasons and they are all as unique and personal as the provider themselves but there does come a time when we have to realize and accept that some kids just aren't cut out for what we offer/provide and nothing we do can change that. Once we realize and accept that those kids do not equate to failure on our part, this job becomes easier.
I know you said you like the parents and they are very nice but you need to set that aside and decide based on fact whether or not you want to keep dealing with this and keep the baby or if you just don't see it getting any better....
Depending on what you want to do, I will absolutely help you write a letter saying so....
When you "think" about what decision you want to make, make sure you consider your family too... as well as the other kids. YOU maybe able to endure the stress etc but can your family? Can the other kids? How you feel (whether you wear your heart on your sleeve or keep it hidden makes no difference) kids can "feel" your stress and anxiety.....
Sorry for the novel but you NEED to hear that this situation (this baby and family's behaviors) is NOT tied to you or your actions..... it's NOT personal and it's NOT a pass or fail in regards to you/your program.
So true and such good advice.
Op, I have been in your position many times.
Tried longer than I should have, for whatever reason. Felt like I could/should/had to fix things, felt like I would be a failure if I gave up, kept trying indef. because I really liked the parents, etc etc.I bolded the above paragraph because this is a really good barometer to keep in mind. I know how I feel when dealing with a child going through a tough transition. I gauge how everyone else in my group is handling it. Is the excessive crying/screaming/whatever stressing them out? How is my mood at the end of the day? Do I have patience left for my own children, husband and commitments?
Because it isn't easy, no matter what you decide.
Heart12 09:27 AM 09-29-2016
Originally Posted by ljohnson81:
I’m a former Head Start director and we wasn’t allowed to send a child home unless he or she was sick. This taught me much patience and helped me to gain a lot of experience dealing with many temperaments. Soothing music helps. We also shared the CD with the parent and asked her to play it at home. This helped the child to become familiar with the sound in his environment. Vibration is also another soothing method. If you or the parent has a bouncer or such that you can place the child in that vibrates will be great! Another method that may sound silly is a blanket with the parent’s scent. It doesn’t have to be a smoke smell or strong perfume or colognes, but something that you can use to place on her to calm her. It really depends on how much effort, time, or patience you have. It takes time for infants to get adjusted to different environments. If the child goes to another daycare more than likely she will repeat the same behavior. Don’t feel bad about getting exhausted it happens to us all! I’m just looking forward for my opportunity on my opening date for my center!
Parents gave me a copy of a cd that they play at home for her. It has helped her get through some self-soothing difficulties! Although she doesnt like to be reclined or in a bouncy seat unfortunately. Mom also sent her shirt & own crib sheets which didnt seem to have any affect. Thanks so much for your advice! I’m a former Head Start director and we wasn’t allowed to send a child home unless he or she was sick. This taught me much patience and helped me to gain a lot of experience dealing with many temperaments. Soothing music helps. We also shared the CD with the parent and asked her to play it at home. This helped the child to become familiar with the sound in his environment. Vibration is also another soothing method. If you or the parent has a bouncer or such that you can place the child in that vibrates will be great! Another method that may sound silly is a blanket with the parent’s scent. It doesn’t have to be a smoke smell or strong perfume or colognes, but something that you can use to place on her to calm her. It really depends on how much effort, time, or patience you have. It takes time for infants to get adjusted to different environments. If the child goes to another daycare more than likely she will repeat the same behavior. Don’t feel bad about getting exhausted it happens to us all! I’m just looking forward for my opportunity on my opening date for my center!
Heart12 09:41 AM 09-29-2016
Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
First off, you need to stop taking ANY of this personal. Some kids really are just not cut out for daycare.
Your answer is in your post. You just don't see it because your heart is standing in front of your brain.
You said: "Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem."
That IS the answer.
You are NOT the problem nor are you being overly sensitive.
This baby is NOT adjusting to daycare.
This baby is NOT happy at daycare.
IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
But it does mean she does not belong in your daycare.
The ONE thing I wish other providers would have told me when I first started this was that it is NOT MY job to fix, endure or put up with anything longer than I am emotionally and/or physically capable of.
If this baby is stressing you out. STOP!
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to endure.
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to continue trying.
There is NO reason you have to give other than baby is NOT happy here and you can NOT provide for her the care/attention she needs.
It does NOT mean you failed.
It does NOT mean you are wrong/bad or mean.
It means this kid needs X and you can't offer that.
Whatever X is, makes NO difference in the grand scheme of things. It's NOT a measure of YOUR success or failures.
It just is what it is and I guarantee that EVERY.SINGLE.ONE of us has been there. We've all felt bad, felt like failures, felt like we are doing something wrong of felt like we aren't doing enough right.
We have ALL also forgotten WHY we are in this business.
..to enjoy the kids
..to enjoy our own kids
..to provide loving care/attention to other's kids
..to be the boss/in charge
There are many reasons and they are all as unique and personal as the provider themselves but there does come a time when we have to realize and accept that some kids just aren't cut out for what we offer/provide and nothing we do can change that. Once we realize and accept that those kids do not equate to failure on our part, this job becomes easier.
I know you said you like the parents and they are very nice but you need to set that aside and decide based on fact whether or not you want to keep dealing with this and keep the baby or if you just don't see it getting any better....
Depending on what you want to do, I will absolutely help you write a letter saying so....
When you "think" about what decision you want to make, make sure you consider your family too... as well as the other kids. YOU maybe able to endure the stress etc but can your family? Can the other kids? How you feel (whether you wear your heart on your sleeve or keep it hidden makes no difference) kids can "feel" your stress and anxiety.....
Sorry for the novel but you NEED to hear that this situation (this baby and family's behaviors) is NOT tied to you or your actions..... it's NOT personal and it's NOT a pass or fail in regards to you/your program.
THANK YOU!!!!!! First off, you need to stop taking ANY of this personal. Some kids really are just not cut out for daycare. Your answer is in your post. You just don't see it because your heart is standing in front of your brain.
You said: "Maybe I am just being sensitive, but this makes me feel like Im the problem."
That IS the answer.
You are NOT the problem nor are you being overly sensitive.
This baby is NOT adjusting to daycare.
This baby is NOT happy at daycare.
IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE THE PROBLEM.
But it does mean she does not belong in your daycare.
The ONE thing I wish other providers would have told me when I first started this was that it is NOT MY job to fix, endure or put up with anything longer than I am emotionally and/or physically capable of.
If this baby is stressing you out. STOP!
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to endure.
There is no set amount of time you HAVE to continue trying.
There is NO reason you have to give other than baby is NOT happy here and you can NOT provide for her the care/attention she needs.
It does NOT mean you failed.
It does NOT mean you are wrong/bad or mean.
It means this kid needs X and you can't offer that.
Whatever X is, makes NO difference in the grand scheme of things. It's NOT a measure of YOUR success or failures.
It just is what it is and I guarantee that EVERY.SINGLE.ONE of us has been there. We've all felt bad, felt like failures, felt like we are doing something wrong of felt like we aren't doing enough right.
We have ALL also forgotten WHY we are in this business.
..to enjoy the kids
..to enjoy our own kids
..to provide loving care/attention to other's kids
..to be the boss/in charge
There are many reasons and they are all as unique and personal as the provider themselves but there does come a time when we have to realize and accept that some kids just aren't cut out for what we offer/provide and nothing we do can change that. Once we realize and accept that those kids do not equate to failure on our part, this job becomes easier.
I know you said you like the parents and they are very nice but you need to set that aside and decide based on fact whether or not you want to keep dealing with this and keep the baby or if you just don't see it getting any better....
Depending on what you want to do, I will absolutely help you write a letter saying so....
When you "think" about what decision you want to make, make sure you consider your family too... as well as the other kids. YOU maybe able to endure the stress etc but can your family? Can the other kids? How you feel (whether you wear your heart on your sleeve or keep it hidden makes no difference) kids can "feel" your stress and anxiety.....
Sorry for the novel but you NEED to hear that this situation (this baby and family's behaviors) is NOT tied to you or your actions..... it's NOT personal and it's NOT a pass or fail in regards to you/your program.
Youre right about everything, & I definitely needed to hear that! All of it. It really is affecting me (obviously when Im crying infront of other parents
) I know for a fact that its starting to affect the other baby because hes getting woken up, & sometimes the crying is just so bad that it sets him off. Today I ended up calling the Mom to come pick her up again. Same story. Not sleeping & constant crying. Mom stayed for about an hour to watch how she was doing & saw first hand. She seemed to understand & said she may just keep her home tomorrow. I think Im ready to write that letter BlackCat! If you have time to help, I would so appreciate it!
Heart12 09:43 AM 09-29-2016
Originally Posted by childcaremom:
So true and such good advice.
Op, I have been in your position many times. Tried longer than I should have, for whatever reason. Felt like I could/should/had to fix things, felt like I would be a failure if I gave up, kept trying indef. because I really liked the parents, etc etc.
I bolded the above paragraph because this is a really good barometer to keep in mind. I know how I feel when dealing with a child going through a tough transition. I gauge how everyone else in my group is handling it. Is the excessive crying/screaming/whatever stressing them out? How is my mood at the end of the day? Do I have patience left for my own children, husband and commitments?
Because it isn't easy, no matter what you decide.
You all are SO RIGHT. Its not just about me! I am so grateful for this forum!!!! So true and such good advice.
Op, I have been in your position many times.
Tried longer than I should have, for whatever reason. Felt like I could/should/had to fix things, felt like I would be a failure if I gave up, kept trying indef. because I really liked the parents, etc etc.I bolded the above paragraph because this is a really good barometer to keep in mind. I know how I feel when dealing with a child going through a tough transition. I gauge how everyone else in my group is handling it. Is the excessive crying/screaming/whatever stressing them out? How is my mood at the end of the day? Do I have patience left for my own children, husband and commitments?
Because it isn't easy, no matter what you decide.
daycarediva 10:10 AM 09-29-2016
I did this for 9 months. Parents did/said all the right things. Baby never adjusted. He was my last infant.
I was just going to suggest to have Mom come in and observe.
Some children are simply NOT cut out for dc. It's NOT you.
I was just going to suggest to have Mom come in and observe.
Some children are simply NOT cut out for dc. It's NOT you.
Nurse Jackie 10:31 AM 09-29-2016
Heart I truly understand your pain. I too am going through something similar. Fortunately my dcb has improved however I have come to the conclusion that I will not be enrolling another infant under 12 mos.I agree with what pp said about parents not being truthful. It happens all the time here. I had a parent tell me just last week that when dck is home dck never naps then turn around and tell me 5days later that she takes 4 hour naps at home 
. I think that we sometimes tend to make parents problems ours and we shouldn't. I don't go to a them and expect them to take on my problems. The hardest part is to term but once you get the words out you immediately feel better
. I think that we sometimes tend to make parents problems ours and we shouldn't. I don't go to a them and expect them to take on my problems. The hardest part is to term but once you get the words out you immediately feel better
LostMyMarbles 10:50 AM 09-29-2016
I had a baby that cried all day for the first three days. I flat out told the mom on the 4th day that this is not working and after Friday I was done. I explained that every child need a turn at attention and every minute of my day is not the baby's turn.
She begged me not to release them. She confessed that dcd hold her all the time, and any noise dcb maked he picked her up. Mom stated she couldn't not even take a shower without baby crying. She asked me what they needed to do to stay.
I told her if baby is fed, changed, and safe, she doesn't not need to be picked up. The first week of parental changes did the trick. She ended up being a gem!
Sometimes you need to force the parents hand because they lie. It's like poker. The house always wins!
If they don't agree to changes at home, then take your chips and move along! There are others who want to play.
She begged me not to release them. She confessed that dcd hold her all the time, and any noise dcb maked he picked her up. Mom stated she couldn't not even take a shower without baby crying. She asked me what they needed to do to stay.
I told her if baby is fed, changed, and safe, she doesn't not need to be picked up. The first week of parental changes did the trick. She ended up being a gem!
Sometimes you need to force the parents hand because they lie. It's like poker. The house always wins!
If they don't agree to changes at home, then take your chips and move along! There are others who want to play.