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Parents and Guardians Forum>Looking For Advice Please!!
new unregistered 04:26 PM 08-23-2011
hello all! I'm new to the forum, but I'm at a dead end of what I should do and just need advice or was wondering if anyone else has been in a similar situation. My son is 2 years 3 months. He has been at the same home daycare provider since he was 3 months old. She is the wife of a guy I work with (not closely, but at the same company), and lives right around the corner. At first she was awsome! She would have certain time set aside to learn with the kids and always feed them really good and organic foods. She was really loving and caring and my son never wanted to leave when I went to pick him up because he loved it, and I loved that. I raved to everyone about how great she was. Now things have taken a drastic turn.

I had become friendly with her because she was so great with the kids and a really nice person, and I also became close with one of the other mothers (who I used to work with and hers son is the same age as my son). The mother that I became close with was laid off about 8 months ago and ever since she has not taken her son out of the day care and the day care provider has now assumed the resposbility of being his mother. The boy has not left her home in months. He sleeps there, she buys him clothes, food, etc. All while his mother goes out on dates, goes to the gym, and does her own thing. Because the child is living there, he is now bullying all the kids because he thinks all the toys and things in the day care/house belong to him. It has been 3 seperate occasions within the last 8 months that my son has come home with scrathes on his face. Among other bumps and bruises, but I am mostly concerned with those on his face. It happened again yesterday and I'm sure the day care provider lied to me and told me that he was rubbing his eye and that's how he got scratches under his eye. My son (who is very advanced in speaking and thinking skills for his age) told me that the little boy grabbed his faced (he showed me what he did), and scratched his eye. But the day care provider is now telling me that there was no way he could have done it because he was in the kitchen with her. I know that he did not get scratches from rubbing his eye...but the provider is sucked so far into thinking this is her child that she won't see anyone elses side. As we were talking this morning, the little boy walked over to the 1 year old girl that was sitting on the floor playing with a doll and just pushed her over for no reason. When i pointed to it she told me "he's just aggressive." She says she will keep an eye on the boys more, but I don't think she thinks it's a big deal. I asked her if she thought that maybe because he's living there he thinks everything is his and she got defensive right away and said "no, he's always been agressive." My biggest fear is he is going to push my son or one of the other kids down the stairs one day. Instead of blaming on this child, she acts like they are all pushing and hitting each other, but it's really that the kids have gotten upset with the boy bullying them that they have begun to push and hit him back...but then she blames both parties and not just the little boy.

I tried talking to his mother today this afternoon and she just didn't think it was a big deal telling me that "both of them leave marks on each other" even though no one has ever brought to my attention that my son has left a mark on her son (other than 1 bite mark I was shown over 6 months ago)

I'm not sure what I should do. He only has 1 more year before preschool and he loves it at this place, he's comfortable and I don't want to traumatize him by taking him out and putting him somewhere else just yet.

Is what she's doing even legal? can you have a child of the daycare (that is not yours or in any way related) living at your house?

can you anonymously report a day care, so the company that regulates her will do a pop up visit and check it out?

any advice would be great!
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Tags:adult bully, aggressive behavior, bruises, bullying, friends/neighbors/relatives kids - risk, new member, provider - burnout risk, provider - friends
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