Why Is It That One DCF Can Burn You Out??

Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Why Is It That One DCF Can Burn You Out??

wahmof3 03:55 PM 10-02-2012

I have posted about issues with this family before and had great feedback!

But I could just cry right now. I try really hard to be nice and professional and HATE coming across as the "babysitter with an attitude" (and that's putting it nicely)

I know this career is right for me at this moment, but some of these DCP make it very hard. I often ask myself if it IS the right thing for me.

I have this one family that Blackcat has helped me out so much with!!

But why is that some DCP just don't get how home child care works????

Today I finally verbally addressed the late pick up issue, but honestly I don't think they will get it and then complain because I am not flexible for them. This is the family that never gave me contracted hours in writing but said DCC would seldom be here past 345.

How do you NOT let ONE DCF burn you out and how do you prevent it for the next DCF you enroll??

I honestly don't think the concept of home child care is that hard to understand. IMO & I have been on both sides.

Thanks for the vent.

cheerfuldom 06:15 PM 10-02-2012

Do you have a written agreement now?

The only way to prevent this is to have EVERYTHING in writing before hand and hold the parents to it. Even then, there will be drama. Its part of the job. But holding parents to verbal agreements almost never works.

I am sure that BlackCat told you all those and your life will be much easier if you just hold fast to your policies. Term the drama families and start over if need be.

wahmof3 06:23 PM 10-02-2012

Yes we have a written agreement (which is getting re-written as we speak) & I have an excellent policy book, they just don't get it.

And what I don't get it why is it that when I do stand up for myself, contract, policy book I am the "bad guy"????

What is happening is that I am to the point that I don't care how *itchy I come across......... if this DCF decides to leave then see ya later!!

I hate feeling this way!

daycare 06:23 PM 10-02-2012

it does stink that one family can tear you down and take you out. As they say it only takes one to ruin it for everyone else.

I had this happen to me before.

If you don't already have their hours in writing, I would be making sure that I have it now. Meaning, pick up the phone, call the parents, talk to them about it, come to an agreement and let them know the consequences if they do not follow the contract. Then email the contract to them and tell them that they must have this turned in before you will provide care for the child. So if the child returns tomorrow, then they need that in your hot little hand first thing tomorrow morning. I would not beat around the bush about it anymore.

I think that we all often more times than not are very passive with our policeis and the parents just think oh well since she didnt' say or do anything it must not be a big deal.

I am sure that BC told you that communication is your golden ticket. You have to spell things out for some parents. If they are not following the rules, then you have to assume that they don;t get it and you need to just flat out spell it out for them.

Don't let one family get you down over something like this. Take control, tell them what you want and expect and if they don't comply, then get ready for the family to leave. One family that is a PITA is not worth having to deal with every day if you ask me. I would rather have less money in my pocket.....

Good luck to you.....

daycare 06:26 PM 10-02-2012

Originally Posted by wahmof3:
Yes we have a written agreement (which is getting re-written as we speak) & I have an excellent policy book, they just don't get it.

And what I don't get it why is it that when I do stand up for myself, contract, policy book I am the "bad guy"????

What is happening is that I am to the point that I don't care how *itchy I come across......... if this DCF decides to leave then see ya later!!

I hate feeling this way!

can I show you how I write letters to the families when things are not going the way that they should be..... I will PM it to you....this way you don't ever sound or feel like the bad guy.

momofboys 08:18 PM 10-02-2012

Originally Posted by daycare:
can I show you how I write letters to the families when things are not going the way that they should be..... I will PM it to you....this way you don't ever sound or feel like the bad guy.

Can you please PM me this letter also??? Thank you

daycare 08:23 PM 10-02-2012

I'm not at home right now but will do it first thing tomorrow
Promise.

daycarediva 05:23 AM 10-03-2012

I have a dcf that follows every single policy to a T, they never deviate, but the Mom drives me NUTS. She is nitpicky and ALWAYS asks for special. I am CONSTANTLY restating my policies to her, yesterday she said well we are on vacation next week what should your check be for? Me: Regular amount, have a great time on vacation! I mean, she has been here for two years, you would think she checked the parent handbook the FIRST time I said parent's don't have a vacation policy as you pay for a spot.

bunnyslippers 05:33 AM 10-03-2012

I don't know why it happens...but it sure does happen. I think it is that whole "one bad apple" thing. I had a family give me a hard time yesterday, b/c I have to close on Friday for a funeral. I told all the families that this was coming and to be ready for it over a month ago. Everyone took it well, except for ONE mother who was put off b/c it is a holiday weekend here and so she can't get time off on Friday. Every other family took it very well. I stewed about it for a while last night, and then decided that I just don't care. She can leave if she doesn't like how I do things.

I think in a situation like yours, it is best to address it directly. It is very difficult to do, but once you confront it head on, I think you will feel better. When it comes to pick up and drop off times, I think even the best families will take advantage if you let them. It is so important to be clear and make sure that you have it written down.

In the past, when I have had families that are chronically late, I make it a point in the morning to say, "Who is picking up this afternoon? Please make sure they are here by ___. I close at 4:00, and need to be in my car by 4:01. I can't have late pick-ups." This strategy worked well with my one very late family.

Good luck, and be direct!

wahmof3 06:34 AM 10-03-2012

Originally Posted by bunnyslippers:
I don't know why it happens...but it sure does happen. I think it is that whole "one bad apple" thing. I had a family give me a hard time yesterday, b/c I have to close on Friday for a funeral. I told all the families that this was coming and to be ready for it over a month ago. Everyone took it well, except for ONE mother who was put off b/c it is a holiday weekend here and so she can't get time off on Friday. Every other family took it very well. I stewed about it for a while last night, and then decided that I just don't care. She can leave if she doesn't like how I do things.

I think in a situation like yours, it is best to address it directly. It is very difficult to do, but once you confront it head on, I think you will feel better. When it comes to pick up and drop off times, I think even the best families will take advantage if you let them. It is so important to be clear and make sure that you have it written down.

In the past, when I have had families that are chronically late, I make it a point in the morning to say, "Who is picking up this afternoon? Please make sure they are here by ___. I close at 4:00, and need to be in my car by 4:01. I can't have late pick-ups." This strategy worked well with my one very late family.

Good luck, and be direct!

I can totally relate! This DCF had a fit because I had to go to jury duty a couple weeks ago. They were ticked bc they had to take that monday off & I wouldn't know for sure until Sunday evening if I was to report. What am I supposed to do? If I didn't show up I would be breaking the law!

Funny thing is the DCM took off thursday & friday that week!!!

My policy clearly states the DCP has to have a back up plan for days I need off- which aren't too many.

I like the way you addressed your late pick ups. This week I started hanging a sign on the door reminding them of required pick up times. I hate hanging signs on my door, but if it works.

wahmof3 06:38 AM 10-03-2012

Originally Posted by daycarediva:
I have a dcf that follows every single policy to a T, they never deviate, but the Mom drives me NUTS. She is nitpicky and ALWAYS asks for special. I am CONSTANTLY restating my policies to her, yesterday she said well we are on vacation next week what should your check be for? Me: Regular amount, have a great time on vacation! I mean, she has been here for two years, you would think she checked the parent handbook the FIRST time I said parent's don't have a vacation policy as you pay for a spot.

This type of DCM exhausts me. I really like this DCF, they just don't understand the whole concept. I am not confrontational, but I am pretty close to having the I just don't care if they leave attitude.

cheerfuldom 06:58 AM 10-03-2012

you'll get used to it

right now you are focusing more on being a people pleaser and not on being a business owner. You have to learn the skill that makes you feel confident in your decisions whether someone else likes them or not. Just because someone else is upset does not mean that you did anything wrong. Dont worry....pretty soon you will get better and better at it. It doesnt make you a witch or anything.

I am sure a lot of the time, parents get it but they still dont like it. Even adults throw tantrums and about 90% of this job is dealing with parents...the kids are the easy part most of the time.

wahmof3 07:24 AM 10-03-2012

Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
you'll get used to it

right now you are focusing more on being a people pleaser and not on being a business owner. You have to learn the skill that makes you feel confident in your decisions whether someone else likes them or not. Just because someone else is upset does not mean that you did anything wrong. Dont worry....pretty soon you will get better and better at it. It doesnt make you a witch or anything.

I am sure a lot of the time, parents get it but they still dont like it. Even adults throw tantrums and about 90% of this job is dealing with parents...the kids are the easy part most of the time.

This is EXACTLY me!! How can I "practice" being confident in my business??

I thought I did a decent job when DCD arrived late yesterday. He text me to see if DCM could pick DCC up at 4:45 & I replied No DCC needs picked up by 4:30. When he arrived still at 4:45 he said sorry was today an early pickup? I told him no I close at 4:30 and haven't told you that because when we met you told me that DCC would seldom be here past 3:45 and I don't typically give a closing time because I work on contracted hours. He said he had to stop at home and get DCC carseat that is why he is late. I REALLY REALLY wanted to say, sorry but that is not my problem. And why do I feel bad because I was responding to him being late with the facts they had told me? I didn't make up the whole seldom be past 3:45 pick up part.

I will put money on that the DCC is here until 4:30 everyday from here on out now.

I am revising their contract and giving this one more shot. If its not one thing with this DCF its another & its nothing personal. If that makes sense.

Blackcat31 09:06 AM 10-03-2012

Are you guys not seeing the correlation to how we have to treat parents and how parents treat their children?

They are "afraid" to say no or if they do, they don't do it firmly enough that the child some how feels there is room for negotiation so a struggle ensues and tantrums start until the parent can't take it any more and gives in.

That is EXACTLY what this family is doing to you. You are being firm but they are still testing and pushing boundaries because bottom line is your aren't being firm enough.

Sometimes you really do just need to say it and say it without mincing words or being polite and nice and all that jazz....kwim? Just say, "Late pick ups will NOT be tolerated. If you do it again, I will terminate." period.

Sometimes people will not listen to you until you are FIRM. They may hear you but they aren't listening so treat them like you would a daycare child or ayour own child and just tell them point blank.

You are at a definite advantage here as you are totally willing to risk them leaving so use this opportunity to tell them EXACTLY what you want and don't want them to do. Worse case scenario, they leave and you have practiced using your firmness and will now have the skills to do it in the future with anyone new who tries to push your limits.

I guess if worse comes to worse, you can give me their number and I will call them for you

Sometimes I think that would be the perfect job for me. I will call any family that needs to be reminded of the rules/policies they signed on to follow and that way the provider doesn't always have to be the bad guy.

cheerfuldom 09:24 AM 10-03-2012

the only way you will learn to do this is by doing it OP.....just like any other habit that needs to be formed. Most people are not born being authoritative, firm and confident....you have to learn how to be a leader. Non one likes confrontation and you cant wait until you like doing it in order to do it.

Life is doing things we dont like doing, right? Its just another thing. You dont like saying it, they dont like doing it.....so what, thats just life.

My3cents 10:02 AM 10-03-2012

Originally Posted by wahmof3:
I have posted about issues with this family before and had great feedback!

But I could just cry right now. I try really hard to be nice and professional and HATE coming across as the "babysitter with an attitude" (and that's putting it nicely)I never view myself as a babysitter. First of all babysitters get paid a lot more then I do!!! and..they do less work and time! They don't have all the requirements that I do to keep a license either. I don't even try to categorize myself along with a babysitter. A provider has more bond with a child then a babysitter because they do more time with the child. Attitude- well I do have plenty of that. It is all in how you manage your tude. Sometimes I am A game on and other times well not so much.

I know this career is right for me at this moment, but some of these DCP make it very hard. I often ask myself if it IS the right thing for me. you can't change others, but you can change yourself and how you view these parents and that can lead to change or not on the part of the parents.

I have this one family that Blackcat has helped me out so much with!!

But why is that some DCP just don't get how home child care works???? They are not in it, like we are. There minds are on whatever it is that they do. We are invested.

Today I finally verbally addressed the late pick up issue, but honestly I don't think they will get it and then complain because I am not flexible for them. This is the family that never gave me contracted hours in writing but said DCC would seldom be here past 345.
Take out another contract and have them sign it with the hours that are needed. Explain to them that you have a life outside of daycare hours and that you need to know what hours they need. If you don't act in a manner that is professional they will not treat you like you are. Rules, contract, handbook, policy book- and as you learn and grow be ready to make changes to all the above. Parent is late after you have this sign an updated contract, hand them an invoice with late fees. This will stop quick- or they can leave and you will find a family that will respect you and you can respect.
How do you NOT let ONE DCF burn you out and how do you prevent it for the next DCF you enroll?? see above- it was drilled into me from this board and so I say it often to help others, handbook, rulebook, policy book, and contract. The first few years you will grow and it will get easier. Verbal communication is key also- Parent keeps picking up late. Linda- I need you to pick up little Linda on time from now on. I can't keep running on over time. I have a family life outside of daycare and I need to be able to be on time for my family. Then you can tell her that you have to charge her late fees, or you can let it slide but next time I will be charging a late fee for late pick up. You have to be able to talk with your parents. She doesnt take you serious, you hand her an invoice the next time she does it. Three strikes and I will have to let you go and find a family that will respect me.

I honestly don't think the concept of home child care is that hard to understand. IMO & I have been on both sides.It is not, but we live in a world of entitlement- Usually when they see a dollar ammount added to them laughing in your face, they realize your not kidding around and that your a business.

Thanks for the vent.

Vent anytime- hopefully we are all a help to you here, and you will soon be helping others with wisdom you learn along the way or already know- Best-

My3cents 10:09 AM 10-03-2012

I don't always read ahead before I respond......sounds like your ahead of the game already.

They get it, they just choose to ignore it. This is where being kind but being firm and speaking your rules come into play. Linda if you look over my policy book you can see that I have late fees for past five. Say nothing then give her a chance to respond to this. Most likely you will get an....oh ok resonse. Conversation is out there and just hand her an invoice the next time she is late, with a note saying three strikes and you will need to pay me my two week notice and find other childcare. Saying this all nice but to the point.

I have it written in my policy book to please not put me in a position to have to ask for late fees. If your late please come with cash in hand because it keeps me happy and I have a life outside of daycare.

again good luck and best-

My3cents 10:11 AM 10-03-2012

I want this information too please-

My3cents 10:20 AM 10-03-2012

Originally Posted by cheerfuldom:
the only way you will learn to do this is by doing it OP.....just like any other habit that needs to be formed. Most people are not born being authoritative, firm and confident....you have to learn how to be a leader. Non one likes confrontation and you cant wait until you like doing it in order to do it.

Life is doing things we dont like doing, right? Its just another thing. You dont like saying it, they dont like doing it.....so what, thats just life.

I don't know if it about not liking to do it or more of being scared.

Scared of the reaction
scared of the confrontation
Scared they will pull the kid
etc...

completely right on ........you just have to do it and it will get easier and you will get better at it.

canadiancare 10:21 AM 10-03-2012

add me to the column of home day care providers who aren't good business owners. I am a door mat for any parent who is willing to take advantage. Luckily I only have one family that ever tests the limit as far as pay, hours etc. goes. Other people offer to pay my daughter (15) to take care of their child if they are going to be later than pick up (4 30).

I don't charge for days that I miss for illness or emergencies and that money saved can (in theory) pay for replacement care if the parent needs it so I don't have parents give me a hard time. I haven't had a sick day *touch wood* since 2008 when I had a kidney stone or a funeral since 2007 so this batch of kids has never seen me miss a day on short notice so I will not feel guilty if I wake up puking a lung tomorrow.....oh wait yes I will.

wahmof3 10:38 AM 10-03-2012

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Are you guys not seeing the correlation to how we have to treat parents and how parents treat their children?

They are "afraid" to say no or if they do, they don't do it firmly enough that the child some how feels there is room for negotiation so a struggle ensues and tantrums start until the parent can't take it any more and gives in.

That is EXACTLY what this family is doing to you. You are being firm but they are still testing and pushing boundaries because bottom line is your aren't being firm enough.

Sometimes you really do just need to say it and say it without mincing words or being polite and nice and all that jazz....kwim? Just say, "Late pick ups will NOT be tolerated. If you do it again, I will terminate." period.

Sometimes people will not listen to you until you are FIRM. They may hear you but they aren't listening so treat them like you would a daycare child or ayour own child and just tell them point blank.

You are at a definite advantage here as you are totally willing to risk them leaving so use this opportunity to tell them EXACTLY what you want and don't want them to do. Worse case scenario, they leave and you have practiced using your firmness and will now have the skills to do it in the future with anyone new who tries to push your limits.

I guess if worse comes to worse, you can give me their number and I will call them for you
Sometimes I think that would be the perfect job for me. I will call any family that needs to be reminded of the rules/policies they signed on to follow and that way the provider doesn't always have to be the bad guy.

OMG! I never thought of it this way. WOW brings a whole new perspective.

Thanks!! Let me get their number... give me a sec LOL!!!

wahmof3 10:41 AM 10-03-2012

Originally Posted by My3cents:
Vent anytime- hopefully we are all a help to you here, and you will soon be helping others with wisdom you learn along the way or already know- Best-

I am so glad I have found a place where people understand and I can vent it helps sooooooo much!!

wahmof3 10:45 AM 10-03-2012

Originally Posted by My3cents:
I don't know if it about not liking to do it or more of being scared.

Scared of the reaction
scared of the confrontation
Scared they will pull the kid
etc...

completely right on ........you just have to do it and it will get easier and you will get better at it.

I agree with this. Sometimes I let my emotions take over and my adrenaline kicks in and I start to shake AND I HATE EVERY MINUTE OF THAT!

Even yesterday- I KNOW I was right and I was still extremely nervous!!!

canadiancare 10:56 AM 10-03-2012

Chocolate STAT!

wahmof3 11:06 AM 10-03-2012

Originally Posted by canadiancare:
Chocolate STAT!

AMEN to that!!!!!

Blackcat31 12:04 PM 10-03-2012

Originally Posted by wahmof3:
I agree with this. Sometimes I let my emotions take over and my adrenaline kicks in and I start to shake AND I HATE EVERY MINUTE OF THAT!

Even yesterday- I KNOW I was right and I was still extremely nervous!!!

Hey, just so you know that isn't nervousness....that is your inner bitch hollering at you to let her out!!!

Kidding...... you don't have to be a bitch to be strong.

Take those feelings and instead of allowing them to make you feel flustered and nervous and let them empower you to be a strong business woman!!!

It really does feel good and the emotions you feel after standing your ground are a real adrenaline kick! It feels good to stand up for yourself and be a voice that is heard!

I used to pretend my children were watching me and I thought about how I would want them to behave if someone were taking advantage of them. I would want my children to be strong and not afraid to speak up so I tried to be the role model I wanted them to see me as.

daycare 12:29 PM 10-03-2012

Originally Posted by My3cents:
I want this information too please-

Sorry I just got back from a long field trip. Ill be sure to PM you here after the kids go down for a nap

wahmof3 02:10 PM 10-03-2012

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
Hey, just so you know that isn't nervousness....that is your inner bitch hollering at you to let her out!!! Kidding...... you don't have to be a bitch to be strong.

Take those feelings and instead of allowing them to make you feel flustered and nervous and let them empower you to be a strong business woman!!!

It really does feel good and the emotions you feel after standing your ground are a real adrenaline kick! It feels good to stand up for yourself and be a voice that is heard!

I used to pretend my children were watching me and I thought about how I would want them to behave if someone were taking advantage of them. I would want my children to be strong and not afraid to speak up so I tried to be the role model I wanted them to see me as.

I LOVE THIS!!!! I am going to print this up and refer to it when I need to

wahmof3 02:16 PM 10-03-2012

Little update:

DCD picked DCK up today at 4 and came in, almost like he had his tail between his legs.

I chatted with him like nothing happened yesterday..... meaning I dealt with it and I still respect them. Nothing personal. KWIM? Hope that makes sense.

I felt in control and it felt good.

THANKS AGAIN!!!!!!!

brookeroo 07:07 PM 10-03-2012

Originally Posted by Blackcat31:
I guess if worse comes to worse, you can give me their number and I will call them for you
Sometimes I think that would be the perfect job for me. I will call any family that needs to be reminded of the rules/policies they signed on to follow and that way the provider doesn't always have to be the bad guy.

Haaahahahahaaaaaaaa!

That is what you should do Blackcat. Start an answering service for all the daycare providers that need to "grow a set". We can all just let you do the dirty work. We can just program phone recordings that dial out to the parents.

"You are the weakest link... Goodbye..." CLICK!

I am sure you would make a fortune.

Tags:burnt out

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