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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Curious - Do You Respond?
Baby Beluga 09:47 AM 03-15-2019
When a caregiver (parent, grandparent, nanny, etc) is asking you a question, but directs it at the child (who cannot yet understand/respond) do you answer? Or do you wait for the adult to ask you directly?

Ex: These questions are directed at a new 2 yr old. Adult picks child up and says "Hi Johnny! How was your day? How did you nap?"
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Cat Herder 09:54 AM 03-15-2019
I don't.
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hwichlaz 10:19 AM 03-15-2019
no, if htey are truly asking the child...I'm not part of the convo and it'd be rude to insert myself. If they are being passive aggressive and asking THROUGH the child I handle it differently.
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Jupadia 10:23 AM 03-15-2019
I dont respond verbally bit I do fill out a small report "what I did today" sheet to parent of child for the most part is non verbal.
It just lists diaper changes, supplies needed, what they ate and 2 to 3 things they did that day.
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Baby Beluga 10:34 AM 03-15-2019
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
no, if htey are truly asking the child...I'm not part of the convo and it'd be rude to insert myself. If they are being passive aggressive and asking THROUGH the child I handle it differently.
May I ask how you handle it?
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Baby Beluga 10:37 AM 03-15-2019
Originally Posted by Jupadia:
I dont respond verbally bit I do fill out a small report "what I did today" sheet to parent of child for the most part is non verbal.
It just lists diaper changes, supplies needed, what they ate and 2 to 3 things they did that day.
I have a sheet too. So far I haven't been responding because I feel the same as PP's do - I think it's rude to insert myself. Eye contact is being made with the child who is being asked and the child is being asked directly.

In this particular situation I feel like there is some energy undertone that makes me feel like it is a passive aggressive question to me and I am supposed to answer - instead of just being asked directly. Was just curious what other providers do
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Baby Beluga 10:38 AM 03-15-2019
Side note, totally laughing at the "awkward silence" tag. That is exactly what it is! Awkward silence when the adult asks the child (but is really asking me) and I don't answer until I am asked directly.
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Cat Herder 10:46 AM 03-15-2019
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
Or do you wait for the adult to ask you directly?

Ex: These questions are directed at a new 2 yr old. Adult picks child up and says "Hi Johnny! How was your day? How did you nap?"
Now that I have a minute everyone is asleep.

This is a huge pet peeve of mine.

I stand with awkward silence until they make direct eye contact with me. This usually prompts them to stop the baby talk, I assume it is my expression, IDK. I then greet them as if they have just arrived and ask for their signature on the sign-out sheet. Conversation flows naturally from there. Most get it pretty quickly.
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Cat Herder 10:51 AM 03-15-2019
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
Side note, totally laughing at the "awkward silence" tag. That is exactly what it is! Awkward silence when the adult asks the child (but is really asking me) and I don't answer until I am asked directly.
That was me. Sorry, only had a quick sec to get my thought across earlier.

Awkward silence is an amazing tool when applied correctly.
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springv 11:03 AM 03-15-2019
For younger children we do a what I did today sheet and leave it at that
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Baby Beluga 11:27 AM 03-15-2019
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Now that I have a minute everyone is asleep.

This is a huge pet peeve of mine.

I stand with awkward silence until they make direct eye contact with me. This usually prompts them to stop the baby talk, I assume it is my expression, IDK. I then greet them as if they have just arrived and ask for their signature on the sign-out sheet. Conversation flows naturally from there. Most get it pretty quickly.
It is irking me. Speak to me as an adult. I always greet each adult when they arrive. It seems like it would just be a natural progression for the adult to return by greeting and then say "How was DCK today? He did sleep well?"
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missmisty 11:45 AM 03-15-2019
Nope. If they have a question for me, they need to ask me. I have no problem occupying myself while they wait for their non-verbal child to answer lol. I only have one parent who occasionally did this but after a while they stopped since they realized I wouldn't answer direction until spoken to directly.
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Mom2Two 01:12 PM 03-15-2019
It's a funny habit some people have. I guess they are uncomfortable being direct? Or maybe they think it's cute. ???

As others said, I probably wouldn't answer. Or if I otherwise liked the person, I might answer the first time then start weaning the adult off the behavior with some comments.

After a few comments where I felt I'd made my point, I think it's a great idea to gracefully exit at that point and let the adult put the shoes on...and have a fantastic one-sided conversation with the little.
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hwichlaz 02:22 PM 03-15-2019
Originally Posted by Baby Beluga:
May I ask how you handle it?
"I'd appreciate it if you spoke to me directly."
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Blackcat31 02:44 PM 03-15-2019
Originally Posted by hwichlaz:
"I'd appreciate it if you spoke to me directly."
I agree.

However, in most cases I think it's just a weird habit that parents have...

I'd probably not reply at all or I'd bluntly ask "Are you actually asking them and expecting an answer or are you really asking me but through them?"

Then again, depending on my smart-alec level at the time I might even reply back also using child as a means of speaking"Say yes, Johnny. Tell mommy you had a great day and that you napped well too. And don't forget to remind mommy to bring Miss BC a check tomorrow as tomorrow is pay day."
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Ariana 02:51 PM 03-15-2019
I answer through the kid! So if she said “johnny did you sleep today” I answer “no grandma I was too cranky to sleep” or whatever passive agressive remark I can come up with at the time and then I laugh! I am lucky that I have only dealt with this with one parent and they are gone
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hwichlaz 04:08 PM 03-15-2019
I think most of the time they are actually talking to the child. We're supposed to talk to them as if they understand us and will answer. It's how they learn to interact appropriately. I got a very delayed 3 year old off her bus today, and asked her all about her day as i was carrying her inside and hooking her up to her feeding pump. I don't expect an answer, but i think it's part of showing her respect.
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Indoorvoice 05:16 PM 03-15-2019
I don't answer. If they have a question for me, they ask. I have a parent who would talk to his baby like that, and when dcb didn't answer (obviously) dcd would turn to me and say "so DID he have a good day today?" and then I would answer. It took several weeks to catch on. I don't care if he wants to talk to his son obviously, but if he wants answers from me he can ask me as if I'm a person.
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flying_babyb 06:46 PM 03-15-2019
Originally Posted by Ariana:
I answer through the kid! So if she said “johnny did you sleep today” I answer “no grandma I was too cranky to sleep” or whatever passive agressive remark I can come up with at the time and then I laugh! I am lucky that I have only dealt with this with one parent and they are gone
I do this daily with a few kids. One mom does it daily but she truly waits for the kid to answer (he babbles at her) then she will look up and ask me directly how his day was
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AmyKidsCo 01:25 PM 03-19-2019
Originally Posted by Cat Herder:
Now that I have a minute everyone is asleep.

This is a huge pet peeve of mine.

I stand with awkward silence until they make direct eye contact with me. This usually prompts them to stop the baby talk, I assume it is my expression, IDK. I then greet them as if they have just arrived and ask for their signature on the sign-out sheet. Conversation flows naturally from there. Most get it pretty quickly.
Me too. I don't answer for the child, I wait it out.

Another pet peeve is when I ask the child a question "Good morning, how are you today?" and the parents answers.

Edited to add that I think it's a lack of respect for the child. We wouldn't like it if someone asked us a question and our spouse or friend jumped in to answer, so why do it to children?
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Baby Beluga 01:38 PM 03-19-2019
Originally Posted by AmyKidsCo:
Me too. I don't answer for the child, I wait it out.

Another pet peeve is when I ask the child a question "Good morning, how are you today?" and the parents answers.

Edited to add that I think it's a lack of respect for the child. We wouldn't like it if someone asked us a question and our spouse or friend jumped in to answer, so why do it to children?
Yes to both! I feel like if as adults we are not asking children these questions, they children will never learn the ways of conversation.

Yesterday she asked him the same thing. For the first time I said "DCB, are you going to answer Sally? She asked how your day was."

Of DCB didn't answer, he doesn't know to yet. But for the first time ever she looked at me and asked me directly how DCB's day was

Hoping this worked. I certainly don't want the adult thinking I a rude by not answering her. But at the same time she is asking the child and not me, therefore I am not going to answer.
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ardeur 05:30 PM 03-20-2019
I honestly assume the parent is talking to the child (a healthy thing) even when the child is too young to answer. We are encouraged to talk to our babies and I see more and more parents doing this.

So no, I don't answer and the parent always turns to me if they need to ask ME a question.
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Tags:awkward silence, baby talk, communicating with parents, parents - don't communicate, passive aggressive, pet peeves
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