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Unregistered 02:52 PM 06-14-2018
I was just approached by one of my mom with a "problem". Basically, she's upset she's seen me "not sharing" with kids. I had no idea what she was talking about. I asked her what she meant. She said "I've noticeD when you have a toy, you don't give to my child when they want it. I started watching. You don't share with none of the kids". She said "noticed" really sarcastically. I explained why I don't just give a toy away. She lectured me on why I should share because I'm an adult. Also, her child is five. I'm pretty sure has been kicked out of other programs around here. Anyway, do you guys "share"? I feel like terming, but not sure if this is just one of those things.
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hwichlaz 03:13 PM 06-14-2018
Totally not getting what you mean. My toys are for every one. That doesn’t mean that I give it to the squeaky wheel. Some toys are for specific activities or ages. Others are out all of the time.
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Josiegirl 03:31 PM 06-14-2018
If I'm playing with the kiddos, such as building block towers or whatever, and 1 of them grabs a toy from me, I'll tell them I wasn't done with it yet but if they ask nicely they can have it as soon as I'm done. Kids think nothing of grabbing toys out of anyone's hands, even mine, so I let them know, it's not appropriate to do it to anyone. And it shows them that's how it should be handled.
Is that what you mean? Is dcm always nitpicky like this? Does she expect her ds to get everything he wants or demands? I have found there is nothing wrong with children learning to wait; there is definitely too much instant gratification, too much giving into demands without expecting manners, etc. Just because a child says "I want" doesn't mean they're going to get it.
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Unregistered 04:08 PM 06-14-2018
Yes, sorry. I mean, if I'm playing with them and everyone has a toy, I don't give mine away even if asked nice. I explained the developmental reasons, but honestly I don't do it because there's always a student who wants the teacher toy. Even if I pick the toy no one ever plays with, I have six kids vying for it. Another reason I don't give it for asking is it turns into everyone trading toys over and over again or "I asked nice! X didn't give me their toy!" (of course complainer never shares).

The mom is snotty. I can tell she thinks she's better than us.
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Pestle 05:54 PM 06-14-2018
"Sharing" in her sense is not appropriate. She means that she wants her kid to be the biggest fish in the pond.

I enforce "no taking a toy until the other child has finished with it."
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jenboo 07:38 PM 06-14-2018
I don't make anyone share, myself included.
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kendallina 07:57 PM 06-14-2018
I don't 'share' until I'm done with the toy. I teach the children to ask for a toy they want. The child playing with the toy is then to say either, "Yes" or "You can have it when I'm done". I do not give a toy to a child who is taking it from my hand. EVER. I'm too interested in teaching them the proper way to be than to give into their every whim.
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Leigh 09:16 PM 06-14-2018
Originally Posted by Pestle:
"Sharing" in her sense is not appropriate. She means that she wants her kid to be the biggest fish in the pond.

I enforce "no taking a toy until the other child has finished with it."
Absolutely! This parent doesn't want OP to "share", this child wants OP to be obedient to her child. Maybe the conversation with the parent should be about who the adult in charge is and whether a child should dictate to an adult what will happen and when.
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coloradoprovider 06:49 AM 07-06-2018
Originally Posted by kendallina:
I don't 'share' until I'm done with the toy. I teach the children to ask for a toy they want. The child playing with the toy is then to say either, "Yes" or "You can have it when I'm done". I do not give a toy to a child who is taking it from my hand. EVER. I'm too interested in teaching them the proper way to be than to give into their every whim.
I agree - I teach children the same thing. The parent needs to be educated. I would bring up the issue again with the parent. Preface the conversation by stating that you want to give a more complete response to her question. Then proceed to explain how you define "sharing," and how it differs from giving a child whatever they want when they want it. Explain that you are intentional about this because you want children to learn that others' desires matter and you want children to learn how to appropriately request toys and it empowers children to be assertive in their response - no means no (if the request is denied).
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racemom 07:01 AM 07-06-2018
Originally Posted by coloradoprovider:
I agree - I teach children the same thing. The parent needs to be educated. I would bring up the issue again with the parent. Preface the conversation by stating that you want to give a more complete response to her question. Then proceed to explain how you define "sharing," and how it differs from giving a child whatever they want when they want it. Explain that you are intentional about this because you want children to learn that others' desires matter and you want children to learn how to appropriately request toys and it empowers children to be assertive in their response - no means no (if the request is denied).
Each month for the daycare newsletter each teacher writes somethiing about their class. This seems like a great lesson for the parents as I am getting a younger group and have been worjing on sharing, do you mind if I steal your wording and use this?
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Ariana 08:54 AM 07-06-2018
I actually tell my parents not to share unless asked politely and I encourage them to say “no when I am finished”. It is all about building their social skills. Most parents think they know everything so most of them think it is silly eventhough it is highky developmengally appropriate to build those social skills. Asking nicely and waiting is the biggest part of social play. Grabbing and whining is not!

I wouldn’t change what I was doing and since you have already explained yourself I would let it go. Chances are she is not going to pull her from your care because eventhough she thinks she is the “expert” here she is not willing to do childcare
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coloradoprovider 03:25 PM 07-06-2018
Go ahead and use my wording.
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Tags:sharing, sharing - toys
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