I have watched a 2 year old boy since August and he loved coming here every day he had a big smile on his face coming up the stairs. In the last 3-4 weeks every single day when his mom turns down my street he starts to cry and get upset in the car. She then has to carry him while he kicks and whines all the way into my house. She quickly gives him to me and goes out the door to try and not make a big deal about it. He crys for maybe a minute and then is usually right to playing or atleast stops crying. He doesn't speak but a few sounds and I can hear no and yeah from him.

I honestly don't know what could have started this but his mom feels really bad about it and always asks if he is okay after she leaves. Has anyone went through this sort of situation? I have tried a lot of things like getting a new book with his favorite character on it or having his favorite toy waiting for him. Telling him that we can wave bye to his mom out the window. Nothing works he just tries to go back down the stairs until I show him his mom is gone out the window.

Any advice I can get is appreciated I'd like to help make his morning start more positive as soon as I can.

Reply

First, reassure mom that a majority of children go through this at some point. Second, he is likely missing mom. Chance are, she has been busy and going, going over the last few weeks (holidays.)
I would gently suggest to mom that the behavior is probably due to the business of the holiday season, and most likely as she gets back to the normal schedules and such, and he gets more time with mommy, things will settle down and be ok again. You don't want to make it sound like she is doing something wrong, but he really needs to spend some one on one time with mommy.

Reply

Young kids go through this phase and it's actually pretty normal. I have a section in my handbook that covers this.

Smooth Separation
When a parent departs, the child may cry and protest. This is what psychologists call separation distress. It is a part of the normal development process of establishing independence and autonomy. The intensity of a child’s distress seems to depend mainly on the child’s personality and temperament. It also depends on the manner in which the adults handle the anxiety and the way in which they leave.

Through experience the childcare provider has found that it is in the child’s best interest if, when arriving, the child is given a quick farewell hug and kiss, reminded that the adult will return and then followed by a quick exit. While there may be tears prolonging the departure only creates more stress on the child. While sometimes a stressful departure cannot be avoided, adults can however make it shorter. Children are resilient and adapt very quickly after an adult has gone and usually within minutes have begun to play.

Reply

Thanks for that info!

I've been doing home daycare for almost 3 years and this is my first experience where this seperation distress starts well after the child has been coming to my daycare. I guess I just felt like there was something else I could be doing on my end of the stress for him. I will just keep reassuring him that his dad will pick him up and hopefully he will get past his distress at drop off.

Reply

was there some prolonged period of time he wasnt in daycare?
i have a child that did that in the beginning..then he was good after the first month.. BUT after being home for christmas for a few days, he did it again yesterday..sighhhhhhhhhhhh.. just takes some time to get back in the routine and schedule i guess..

Reply

text mom a photo of him when he stops crying so she knows it is literally one minute after she leaves. that will make her feel better!

Reply

I have two kids that are like this too. any time off from daycare out of the norm and they freak out crying the first few days back. Christmas has been hard on them and I am sure new years will be too....

I would just try to comfort the mom as much as possible and do as others suggest

Reply

Yup, any distruption in routine or schedule stinks for kids too. I had the same thing happen to my dcb after Christmas break and he has been here a year solid without tears at drop off since week 1! Plus, they were REALLY enjoying the extra Mom time at home, the new toys from christmas and my dcb was EXHAUSTED from being so busy. This is day two back and he is on hour 3 of his nap and never sleeps more than an hour.

Reply

I like the idea of texting mom a picture as soon as the crying stops - I know this is common depending on developmental stages, what is going on at home, etc - but even knowing this, when my son was in care & suddenly started being upset at drop-off I always worried about what might be happening at his daycare. Not that you are doing anything wrong, but be aware that this may be in mom's head

Reply

This only started about 3 weeks ago. His dad switched jobs and had taken a week off in between it. So a couple of those days he stayed with his dad or left early for those days. The next week is when he started throwing a fit and not wanting to be here. He is fine right after she goes and plays right away or eats breakfast. I just don't understand what could be causing it. His dad said they want to have me over on Wednesday to talk about it and get some ideas out there that I can maybe try. So I really hope it will help make things be more positive for all of us.

Reply

I had a DCG pull this after being here for over a year. She is super manipulative and controlling, first born no siblings. Per her parents request I punished her for acting up at drop off. Sure enough she stopped after a lil more then 1 week of doing it. What I did, if she started crying or was still crying when dad shut the door was put her her time out. She stayed till quiet for 2 minutes.

I didn't like the idea at first but after two weeks of reassuring her I was ready to try something else.

Reply

I have had some kids like this. I have one now that will try to follow mom out the door if I don't hold him back sometimes. Before she even gets to the car, he is often back to playing. This child will be fine one day and the next will cry and carry on when mom tries to leave. It is totally normal behaviour not to want mom to leave. Whenever I have a child that is upset at drop off, I always put a note on their daily sheet to tell the parents that he/she calmed down quickly and was fine. It helps to make the good byes short in the morning, too. I have found that the longer mom lingers, the more likely it is that the little guy I have now will start crying.

Reply

I have 3 boys right now that do this ALL the time. It drives me absolutely crazy. I have been off since the Friday before Christmas and i start back up on Wednesday and i am dreading it. I know it's going to be hell. All 3 of the boys are totally fine by the time the parent gets to the car and that is what makes me even crazier. Two of them are under 2 and one is just under 3, but boy can they manipulate already! How do you handle this with kids so young that don't understand time out? I'm afraid if I do a time out as soon as mom or dad leave then that will make them more upset. I have tried the pass off at the door and they still cry. Any tips for younger ones?

Reply

Oh, children definitely go through phases and stages. Been there!

Get the parents to work with you to downplay the problem. I have a Days of the Week song that I use to teach the children but it also works great in this type of situation. I use 5 fingers of my right hand to show the dcdays and 2 fingers on my left hand to show the Mom/Dad days. I show them the Sat/Sun that they spend with Mom&Dad and the 5 daycare days and all the fun we will have. So on the Mon-Fri days I list my plans, Mon is for the library, Tues is for crafting, Wed is for the park, etc.

If I have a child start to go through a phase with anxiety I ask the parents to reinforce with my method and show them the day of the week and our plans.

Reply