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  #1  
Old 09-09-2019, 01:58 PM
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Default Daycare Is Being Investigated, Isn't Honest About Situations, What to Do?

The investigation is related to time outs/discipline policy. It's a licensed daycare, not a home daycare. My sons name specifically came up. Someone reported that he was made to stand in a corner for 40 mins. When he doesn't eat as fast as the other kids (he's a very poor eater) he was forced to sit alone at a table while the other kids would play.

My son has never told me any of this. He has mentioned time outs (which I'm fine with if it's done correctly, a few mins not 40 mins) but when I brought it up with the teachers they say they don't do time outs. Their policy states they don't do time outs and they legally have to follow their policy.

My son likes his daycare and he's happy to go there, he likes his friends. There are things I've noticed he says but I just thought he was making it up as 3 year olds often do. He wears dresses and "girly" clothes. He says that his teachers tell him he's not allowed to wear dresses and that only girls wear dresses. When they're in front of me, they comment on how nice his dresses are and deny ever saying anything negative about it. This one time when I brought him in to daycare, he started crying and wouldn't let go of me, saying that his friends will make fun of his dress and his teachers will laugh. I thought he was just faking it because he wanted to stay home and watch his shows.

I'm super worried about all this. I'm pretty sure it was a teacher who reported all this. They had a new teacher who was only there for about a month. It obviously wasn't a parent since they're not there. They don't take reports from kids. The lady I spoke to said my son isn't in any immediate danger and that all these issues will be addressed and they'll need to come up with a plan to change what they're doing. I'm worried that it won't change and they might even be mad about this investigation and take it out on the kids. They've always been really nice, I've never had any bad feelings from them. I don't even know what to think now. I want to send him in with a hidden camera or something to see if all he says is true.

Any opinions or advice is appreciated.
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Old 09-09-2019, 02:51 PM
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Blackcat31 Blackcat31 is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
The investigation is related to time outs/discipline policy. It's a licensed daycare, not a home daycare. My sons name specifically came up. Someone reported that he was made to stand in a corner for 40 mins. When he doesn't eat as fast as the other kids (he's a very poor eater) he was forced to sit alone at a table while the other kids would play.

My son has never told me any of this. He has mentioned time outs (which I'm fine with if it's done correctly, a few mins not 40 mins) but when I brought it up with the teachers they say they don't do time outs. Their policy states they don't do time outs and they legally have to follow their policy.

My son likes his daycare and he's happy to go there, he likes his friends. There are things I've noticed he says but I just thought he was making it up as 3 year olds often do. He wears dresses and "girly" clothes. He says that his teachers tell him he's not allowed to wear dresses and that only girls wear dresses. When they're in front of me, they comment on how nice his dresses are and deny ever saying anything negative about it. This one time when I brought him in to daycare, he started crying and wouldn't let go of me, saying that his friends will make fun of his dress and his teachers will laugh. I thought he was just faking it because he wanted to stay home and watch his shows.

I'm super worried about all this. I'm pretty sure it was a teacher who reported all this. They had a new teacher who was only there for about a month. It obviously wasn't a parent since they're not there. They don't take reports from kids. The lady I spoke to said my son isn't in any immediate danger and that all these issues will be addressed and they'll need to come up with a plan to change what they're doing. I'm worried that it won't change and they might even be mad about this investigation and take it out on the kids. They've always been really nice, I've never had any bad feelings from them. I don't even know what to think now. I want to send him in with a hidden camera or something to see if all he says is true.

Any opinions or advice is appreciated.
First off, do NOT send him in with a hidden camera.
You could be arrested for violation of privacy.
Here is a story of what happened to one parent for doing that.

Second, I would trust your instincts. If you feel your child is being put in a lengthy time out, remove him from care.

I understand him liking his friends and all that but what's more important? His friends or the treatment he is receiving from the adults in his classroom?
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Old 09-09-2019, 07:05 PM
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springvalley112 springvalley112 is online now
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Yes I DEFINITELY agree with blackcat31, please don't send him with a camera but instead remove him from care if possible and find somewhere else for him to attend and maybe have a playdate with his classmates since they've became friends
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Old 09-10-2019, 02:00 AM
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lblanke lblanke is offline
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Kids that age make new friends quickly. He will probably make new friends at his new place.
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Old 09-10-2019, 03:40 AM
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That is a hard one. I agree to go with your gut instincts. Parents have a way of knowing. I'd also suggest arriving at unexpected times to pick up your ds to see how his day is going. Can you have conversations with other dcparents?
IF these issues were brought up by a former teacher who was only there for a month, I would be very apt to believe what's going on, especially since the center is saying now they're working on improving them. But it'd be terribly hard for me to trust a place, even with improvements, now that I suspected 40 minute TO's, etc.
Good luck! And yes, your little guy would make new friends and adjust to a new place, if that's the path you're taking.
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Old 09-10-2019, 10:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Josiegirl View Post
That is a hard one. I agree to go with your gut instincts. Parents have a way of knowing. I'd also suggest arriving at unexpected times to pick up your ds to see how his day is going. Can you have conversations with other dcparents?
IF these issues were brought up by a former teacher who was only there for a month, I would be very apt to believe what's going on, especially since the center is saying now they're working on improving them. But it'd be terribly hard for me to trust a place, even with improvements, now that I suspected 40 minute TO's, etc.
Good luck! And yes, your little guy would make new friends and adjust to a new place, if that's the path you're taking.
agreed here!

They also most likely will not terminate the teachers under investigation, and if what they're saying is accurate, there is no way they should be working in ECE.

Yes, 3yo's make things up, but where did he hear that his teachers would make fun of his dresses? Any adult making fun of a child should change careers.

Most providers live in fear of an unfounded complaint, so we are very careful to word things appropriately so that they cannot be misconstrued and to use conscious/positive (non shaming) discipline techniques as well.

Example- A former dck of mine had a mom who used to joke with him when he was injured that she would just 'cut off the leg' and even pretend to saw it off until he was cracking up. When they moved and he started a new dc, the provider called cps because he walked over to an injured child and modeled this behavior and then told her "Im hurt and mommy cuts me" and THEN and ONLY THEN did that Mom send me a message saying that she understood that although effective, I would not be pretending to saw off her child's extremities.
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