because they don't want to follow my rules. Remember my post the other day about the potty training girl who doesn't communicate with me and mom wanted her in only undies?

She came this morning with a spare potty chair (which is fine) and told me how the girl has not had any accidents at home all weekend and is in undies. I asked if there are pull ups or diapers in the bag. She said "well, i know you don't want her in underwear until she hasn't had an accident here in a while, but I didn't want to buy any more for at home and she's been doing great at home so she only has underwear." Keep in mind she's only gone in the toilet once here. Every time I ask her she says yes but won't go.

I told her again that I'll have to put a diaper on her because I can't scrub carpets and she is not telling me she has to go. She said "well of course she's going to pee in a diaper. and she doesn't tell us at home either, we just have to keep asking and taking her in." Again I said that she has to wear pullups or diapers here. She left steaming mad.

DCD calls and gives me a speech about how I should respect their wishes. He then says that they found another daycare closer to home.

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Don't be mad! Be happy that you got rid of that mess! I have no idea how you dealt with it that long.

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I wouldn't be mad, I'd be rejoicing! You don't need to work for families that won't comply with your requests! It's YOUR home and YOUR rules.

In the future, if a parent tries this, I would tell them that in order for you to meet their needs of Sally being in undies all day, you need a $200 cleaning deposit on file. If she has an accident, you will call Stanley Steamer and it will come out of their deposit.

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No. They don't respect YOUR wishes. How dare they expect you to put her on the potty every 5 minutes so she doesn't have an accident!!! You are not their personal nanny, you have many children to care for.

Let's see how the new provider feels about their little girl peeing and pooping on her carpets.

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Thanks ladies! I thhink I'm mainly upset because they have been the best daycare parents I've had up until now. And she was my 1st daycare kid!

I think next time I have a parent say they are starting, I'm going to print off my potty training rules for them again. I just can't believe how demanding and disrespectful they are being.

Off to enjoy a cup of coffee!!

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I had almost an identical situation a few months ago. Sweetest parents ever til I questioned readiness for underwear in my house. Same disrespect for my home and rules. They also left very angrily. I was very hurt and upset for about a week, but then I figured, hey, they showed their true colors and I have been having much more relaxed, enjoyable days since they are gone. I am enjoying the other children now that I could not fully engage with when this family's kids were here. I learned that some parents can be nice and act like they appreciate you, but, if you dare not agree 200% with what they want you to do, they will turn on you in a second.

So, enjoy your new peace and enjoy that cup of coffee...I will be right there with you enjoying mine and rejoicing in the fact that my other dck's can actually get my attention. And...my carpet and furniture is not stinky or dirty from "accidents".

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Right after mom said "I know you want her in underwear... BUT..." I would have sent her on her merry way WITH HER CHILD to go and fetch some pull-ups. It is completely mind-blowing to me that they EXPECT you to just sit her on the potty every five minutes - that's not potty training, that's ridiculous!

When dad insisted respecting their wishes, I would have replied with "I wish you would respect my wishes... and my experience and knowledge as a childcare provider- she's not ready. In any event, you need to provide your notice of termination in writing. Thanks."

BE HAPPY - one less set of defiant parents for you to deal with Best of luck filling the space!!

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Littlemommy; I agree that it is completely unreasonable for the parents to insist she stay in underwear and that you take her every five minutes to the potty. As daycare providers, we just don't have the time for that b/c we have many other children to care for.

I don't know what conversations you have had with the parents... I didn't read your other post. But, playing devil's advocate here, I do understand why the parents got a little frustrated. They are working hard to potty train at home, and their belief is that if she is put in a pullup or diaper; she will soil it because she can. I do think they are right. They need to be put in underwear and that is how they learn to start communicating the need to go to the potty; so that they don't have to soil themselves.

But where the communication breakdown happened I think is for them to understand that their idea of being ready and yours is completely different. She may be going potty at home; but she is not ready for underwear at daycare yet b/c she does not communicate the need to go to the potty yet. In a daycare setting, it is impossible to take her so often to the potty, and the environment must be kept very clean... so allowing her to have multiple accidents with nothing to soak it up except your carpet is just NOT an option. I think I would have explained this, and that when she starts doing that at home; then she may go without a diaper at daycare. If you have already had this conversation (maybe explained in the other post?); then I'm sorry for the long rant and it's good that you don't have to worry about it anymore! I was just trying to bring up the other perspective on this one, and where it seemed like maybe the communication breakdown occurred.

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Filling the spot won't happen since we're moving to another city once our house sells. DCD told me that that's why they found another daycare...but how ironic that he had to scold me about not wanting to help potty train her first? I know that's why they are leaving. Good luck to the new provider!

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Respect their wishes.....with urine and fecal matter on your floors.

In GROUP CARE?

C'mon...really?

Don't let the door hit ya, DCD.....

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I feel ya, and although I know you're sad right now, you'll probably be grateful to not have that stress.

As I keep telling my one family that insists that if dcg could just wear undies, she'd do great! Well, with accidents every now and then...

"I'm glad she's doing so well at home! Now we just need her to start telling me HERE before she has to go and we can try the next step. If we can just get her to vocalize that she needs to go BEFORE she goes, we can have her in undies with a pull-up over them while she's here!"

I mean, I accept poop-trained and trained-while-naked-or-wearing-undies, but this kid can't even tell me accurately whether or not she has poop in her pull-up! Half the time she can't even accurately tell me whether she has JUST GONE in the potty while she's sitting on it!

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I did tell them that when I know that she can communicate to me and not have accidents here that she can wear underwear. She has only pooped in the toilet once at home. I'm not cleaning up poop here...and the child needs to be able to tell me when they need to go. She's not even doing that at home-they just keep taking her in. I also explained that she'll get distracted here while playing and have accidents.

They are thinking I don't even try...but I am. I just can't do everything they expect. She even brought a potty chair in today, even though I told her 2 weeks ago that she will be using one on the big toilet because we don't have room on the floor for one.

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I believe the girl doesn't have accidents at home, My own daughter never has accidents until all the daycare kids are here, and when they are all here, she never makes it to the bathroom, because she wont stop playing. She always poops in the potty though, but during the day, I prefer to keep her in a pull up most of the time, because I got tired of cleaning so much pee, my . I think this would be a hard thing for parents to understand though, If I had my kid in daycare, and at home they were perfect at the potty, I would be upset at the daycare for putting her in a pull-up, I would consider her to be lazy, and not wanting to spend the time helping me, if you tell her, her daughter never makes it to the bathroom at your house, she is just thinking its your fault, your not spending the time with her, and then your just being lazy and putting her in a pull-up, which is going to make her regress, and take away all their hard work, she will never understand you telling her the daughter wont go while playing, my own daughter is even perfect when were out in public, she always tells me she has to pee, only and I mean ONLY when they daycare kids are here, she doesn't make it sometimes. I'm just playing devils advocate here, She can not see your side on this, I never read the other post. But when I had my son in daycare, He was fully potty trained at home, but I know she kept him in diapers at daycare, and it infuriated me, but I see now by doing daycare, that he probably had a harder time there, but I would never have known that until doing daycare myself, try to look at it from their point of view.

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Yep, what you say here is EXACTLY the stuff my former dcm said to me and EXACTLY the stuff she could not understand when I told her. We were at an impass. Although I was willing to try the underwear. (I think in my case the dcb was not as trained at home as well as mom was saying so she knew "trying" here would result in me insisting on diapers.) Many parents are not capable of seeing the provider's side or that it is different in daycare than at home.

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I say almost this exact phrase. Also, the moment a parent mentions the potty, I pull out my binder and hand them the potty training policy. And I email a copy later that day.

No problems yet but I think that is because I state in the letter that in order for all the kids to have a clean and safe play area I insist on these guidelines for every child. So they are assured a clean area for their child as well.

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I'm going to add that to my contract! My husband asked me if I learned anything from this situation. All I've learned is to stick to my rules-I'd rather see them leave for not respecting my business/home than to clean up pee/poop every day!!

I do understand why they are so upset, but I wish they could just see it from my point of view.

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Yep I had this too. Until we got to potty training they were the same way. They are fine again now that she is potty trained.

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I classify these types of parents in the "Fair Weather Parents" catergory. You know the type, super nice and sweet, until you bring up something not so pleasant, and then they turn aweful! If it wouldn't have been this, it would have been something else.

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I had a fair weather parent too. Boy they sure are different when they suddenly don't get their way. I would imagine that they have lied to their next provider and said that their child is potty trained. I can't imagine that they wouldn't have to deal with the potty training issue at another place but there are usually plenty of new providers around that are willing to deal with whatever parents want in order to get clients in the door. Anyway, I wouldn't at all be surprised if you hear from them again in the future.

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I have a potty training clause in my contract that states that children must be able to tell me that they have to potty, and be accident free for 2 weeks until I allow underwear only. I actually got that idea from this forum, and was able to incorporate it into my handbook this past January. Thank goodness, because I am training 3 kids right now.

A child that you have to take every 1/2 hour or even every hour is not potty trained, even if they go when you take them. They have to be able to tell you.

My goodness, how would you ever take the kids outside to play if you had to run in every 30 minutes to see if this child has to go to the potty. I wonder that the other provider agreed to do. They probably said she was fully potty trained.

Consider yourself lucky you can avoid having to clean up pee pee and poo off of your couches and floors!

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If they tell you that they are trained at home, I would agree with them. Then, ask them if they are trained:

-When they go to the mall. Oh, you don't go to the mall on the weekend? You just stayed home...

-How about at a birthday party? That's what daycare essentially is, right? A 50 hour a week birthday party!

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After drop off today I was wondering if they even left the house all weekend!

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viewing things from someone elses point of view is just not that possible, you can't see it if you don't live it, Its like people telling you before you have your first baby, that you are going to be tired, you really can't picture it until it happens, you can't possibly imagine the love you will have for your child until you have them, I think everyone always gets so upset at parents because they don't understand, but thats not their fault, they do not know what its like to be in the daycare, they can only picture their own child with you, they don't picture the other 6, you can't put yourself in the view of someone whos lost a child, the only view we can have is our own, we just can't fully see someone elses side.you dont know something until you experience it yourself.

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I would be upset that they pulled that crap on me, but would be happy to rid of the disrespect of my rules. You really don't want to work with people like that.

I had an incident occur almost 2 years ago with one of my favorite families. We were both PT the daughter, she was almost 3 at the time. Well mom forgot to put a pull up on her and forgot to tell me too.

Everything is great. We are having our tents and tunnels play time. All of a sudden I smell poop. I start to do diaper checks to see who did it. Instead, as I stick my head into one of the tunnels, I see poop every where. I crawl out and tell all of the kids to come out. Some comply some don't. Next thing I see. Several of the kids are COVERED in POOP. Poop was everywhere.

OMG talk about a mess. Luckily my husband was just on his way to work and was able to have him come back to help me. I had to take all of the kids outside in the some what warm/cold weather, strip them down, wash them off with the hose and then make way back into the front of the house, redress all of them and keep them all out of the daycare room. My husband was nice enough to call in late to work to finish helping me. I could not have done it without him.


I had to throw away all of the tents and tunnels. they were so destroyed. I also had to have my carpets cleaned and spent hours cleaning the DCR.

I was very lucky that all of the parents understood why I said Pull UP over diaper until completely PT. The DCF was super nice about it and felt really bad. They bought me all new tents and tunnels and paid for my carpet cleaning bill. Thank god none of the kids smeared poop in their eyes or anything else like that.

I will tell prospective clients this story if they start to argue the point. It helps them understand really quick.

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You can tell them from the point of view that the poop is some OTHER child's poop and it could have been all over THIER child.

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DCG did go twice on the toilet today and didn't wet her diaper which was much better than she did last week! Now if the communication were there she could be diaper free in 2 weeks if this kept up. She didn't tell me she had to go, but every time I asked she said yes and tried-with 2 successful times.
Funny thing though, when I asked who pooped she instantly came over for me to check her. Then I asked if it was her (knowing it wasn't) and she told me yes. That happened twice today. Her mom said she gets farting confused with pooping. I asked what she does for pooping at home and she said she hasn't told them she has to go, but has gone once on the toilet when they take her in there.

I told DCM that I don't want something like this to be the reason they leave. We both explained our wants and needs to each other, and she said that they will still be leaving. They found a daycare closer to home that will work better when she is in preschool next year. Hopefully she can learn to use a regular cup before then. I'm guessing that's a requirement for school? At lunch time she acts like she doesn't know how to drink from a regular cup with no lid. Spills it every day.

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One of the things you really need to put in your contract is that you require a calander months notice and notice is only received on Fridays. You need for there to be some serious CASH involved if they just up and leave.

With a month notice on a friday you would have gotten a full four weeks more of pay and they wouldn't have been able to just get another provider because the new provider wants the kid right away.

In that case you could have just paid out for a couple of packs of diapers to use during the month and then sent them on their way. It would have been cheaper for you to just pay a buck or two a day for the diapers to give you time to replace them. They wouldn't have been so eager to disrespect you if they would have known they have to come up with twenty something days pay after they staked their claim.

The kid isn't trained and the new providers not going to allow undies after they get a hold of the truth. If the provider has experience she will know the truth before the kid even starts. She will most likely just supply the diapers out of her fee and tell the parents what they want to hear. The parents will believe their kid is trained, the provider will get a new kid, and keep the kid until she offers them a no they don't want. That will most likely be nap time no.

If you are going to do child care with this generation of parents you have to really understand that there are a huge percentage of them who have been raised to say what they want, expect it, and not to be challenged. They have a high level of confidence in their ways even though the confidence has come from words... not actual acheivement. They are bombarded with information that tells them that they know their child best and they are the authority on what should happen with their child. Very little is out there to explain how that is true when they are the sole provider of care in their own home but when they step out of their house with their child they no longer are the sole authority.

They like the part about "respect my wishes... I'm the parent" but they don't like the part of "respect the other kids and the provider... we are a group".

Potty training is one of the highest time for parental exaggeration and direct lying. It's also a high time for using poor technique that results in the actual training taking weeks, month, year longer. To a newbie parent two days is a lifetime of acheivement. To us... two weeks with the child telling the adult they have to go before they go is a minimum requirement achievement.

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no advice but I have posted on my poopy pull up girl. So you are not alone. Again today she stood at the end of the table and was pooping in her pull up. I think she is doing this because she can.

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I read the post a few days ago but can't remember...are you requiring pull ups until she is able to tell you and go on the toilet? That would stink for you to have to clean up that poop in she were in underwear!

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