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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>"Your so Strict"
jojosmommy 11:02 AM 05-03-2011
I just updated my policies and have added about 6 things: footwear, binky policy, your responsible for your kids when you pick up drop off, lengthened the leave notice time, tightened the sick kid policy and added to refrain from asking me to spank your child.

One family said nothing, signed happily and moved on. Another family has bothered me about everything in the policy- old stuff and some of the new stuff. Dcm even said, "are all daycare providers SO STRICT?" I quickly replied politely, "some are even worse!" So now at least 2x a week she has to add something at drop off of pick up that I am so strict on the kids, so tough on the parents, so.....

Lets be honest, the reason I am so strict and firm with the kids is because of her kid who lives by no rules and does as he pleases. (Same child who I posted earlier about running away while at the park and on walks).

How do I politely tell her that since they are in my care 55hrs a week I will discipline them in that time. I am tempted to say, "look I dont tell you how to do your job so unless you want to run this business take your comments elsewhere."

Do I just suck it up and deal with it or do I stick up for myself? To complicate matters this is a family member .
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daycare 11:15 AM 05-03-2011
I have explained to my DCP that without rules there would be chaos. ITs not realistic to do anything without rules...heck even games have rules and you have to play by them.

the number one priority that we are all tyring to accomplish here is the safety of the children. Without set rules and policies we can't do this.

I sent this along with my new PHB

While some of these rules and changes may seem a bit harsh, please do your best to understand my position and where I am coming from. Even though I own and operate the childcare, I am still controlled by the food program, the state and licensing. Therefore, there are some rules that I cannot bend on.

In the past, I have not enforced a lot of the rules in this book, however, this year I will be enforcing everything in it. So please make sure that you are aware of everything in this book. If ever in doubt, please feel free to call me or email me with questions or concerns.

I wear many hats to make this business run smoothly and I cannot do it without your understanding, support and cooperation.



I found this one on a site.....

I am a Professional Child Care Provider, not a babysitter. My goal is to provide your child with a clean, safe, comfortable environment where they can play and learn with guidance and loving care while you are at work or attending school. In order to make our relationship as enjoyable as possible the following are some mutual beneficial requirements that are necessary to assure that there are no misunderstandings between either party, that each party is aware of the requirements, and that these requirements are carried out in a businesslike manner. There is a lot of information here. Please read all of it. If any of my policies seem unfair or unnecessary, please take a moment to think about that policy and how it would apply to your current working situation… I’m sure it will make sense in that light. These policies are enforced for the same reasons policies are enforced in any job situation - for fairness and respect. If you have any questions please ask.
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MyAngels 11:15 AM 05-03-2011
My reply would be: "I prefer to think of myself as firm, but fair." With a big smile, of course.
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PitterPatter 11:15 AM 05-03-2011
Well I have a weak backbone so I can't help u in the normal situation for clients BUT if it's my family member I don't sugar coat very much and my backbone is stronger.

I haven't had that exact situation but I have had a client always making smart remarks about a dif subject. I ignored it for a long time and finally snapped and told her I was tired of the smart remarks and I felt it was best she find another provider. She tried to back pedal but I was done at that point. Once I start to put up with so much I end up disliking the person and just can't be kind anymore so it has to end. I hope she eases up on u!
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jojosmommy 11:23 AM 05-03-2011
She even went so far as to say, "Ill tell her how strict you are!" when I mentioned that I gave out her number as a reference to a potential client after an interview. She agreed a while back that it was ok to do so but now I am wondering if I shouldn't. That client did not ever sign up and said she picked another daycare....

My husband says I should tell her to take her kids elsewhere and she will quickly realize what issues her son presents and that most other providers won't put up with it. I am not about to start world war three so maybe she will figure it out when I am on maternity and she has to send the kids elsewhere.
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MsMe 11:26 AM 05-03-2011
I have never had anyone say to my face that I am too strict but I have gotten the 'look' before.

I politly remind them that while their ONE child maybe allowed to do XYZ at home it does not work for TWELVE children to be allowed the same freedoms in my care.

YES all sippies stay in the kitchen ALL the time
YES children are required to pick a room and stay there (for at least a reasonable time)
NO Power Rangers and gun play are NOT allowed at daycare.
NO eating outside of meal times

These are all things the kids are allowed to do at home but not at daycare...and that is the way it is ALWAYS going to be.
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daycare 11:30 AM 05-03-2011
Guess I missed that part about the mom saying it to your face.... I have the shivers.....lol I need coffee.

If anyone said that to my face, i would ask them to sit down and talk to me about what the issues are...... if you are so strict then why is her child there?

Most parents don't understand our situations...like the pp said home care is not "your home" care and there are things that are ok to do at home, but never here..

Maybe you can talk with her and let her know this......If she still thinks your TOO STRICT, then tell her she needs to find another place for her child.
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bice99 01:45 PM 05-03-2011
jojosmommy - would you be willing to PM me your handbook? I'm tweaking mine right now as well and would love to see some other ones. Thanks
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texascare 01:53 PM 05-03-2011
I had a similar situation. Mom kept complaing etc and i finally had my fill. I called her after I had calmed down and asked her if we could discuss what what was bothering her. As the conversation went on she was complaining more and more and i said, "if you don't feel that this is a good match for you then i think you need to look else where for care for your child". --mind you she had been here a yr......She agreed. However......15 mins later and I couldn't get off the phone with her or get a word in at all I finally said, "look. It is obvious that you are unhappy here. Please take this as your two weeks notice".......That was it~we were done!!! We have rules, or I do because things that have happenned in the past and things I have learned from. I keep 6 kids. If I didn't have rules it would be a zoo over here. I think if they are unhappy then they need to look else where for care.
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Lucy 01:57 PM 05-03-2011
My drama-free philosophy is, JUST SMILE AND NOD.

Really, how can they keep you engaged in debate if you do that? After awhile they will see they're not getting any result from their bitching, and maybe they'll quit. Also, it prevents you from saying something that will come up later in a dispute.
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AnythingsPossible 02:08 PM 05-03-2011
I think the key to your post is that you state at the end that this is a family member. In my experience family think they are entitled to not have to abide by any rules that are set.
By any chance does this same family get a break on daycare fees since they are family? If they do, tell them, "sorry you feel I am to strict! here are a list of other daycare providers and the rates they charge, feel free to contact them!"
I try very hard to not do business with friends or family.
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daycare 04:01 PM 05-03-2011
i totally missed that part.....family.....there is your first mistake right there...........the worst people to do business with, family freinds and from what I just learned neighbors............. I would be makin sure that the door hit them on the butt tonight... Thats just rude,.
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littlemissmuffet 05:18 PM 05-03-2011
Family or not, I'd tell her to take a walk.

I do not put up with ANY disrespect from ANYONE in MY home, particularily clients. Sne dher here, I'll show her what strict is
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Hunni Bee 05:21 PM 05-03-2011
I have a parent currently complaining to anyone who will listen (including other parents) about our shoe policy - no open-toe or open-heel shoe of any kind. She keeps asking why cant her kid wear sandals, and we didnt do it last year so why are we doing it now?

Um....# 1, you signed up in September, so you were not here last summer. Had you been here, you would know that we indeed enforced this policy last summer as well as the year before that.

#2, Because we love your daughter and also don't want any lawsuits, we're not going to allow her to scrape her toes and heels on the blacktop, slip and fall, trip down the stairs, lose her shoe and step on something like a rock or a bee, or any other calamity likely to happen when three-year-olds wear flip flops.
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nannyde 06:39 PM 05-03-2011
55 hours a week is a LOT of hours. That's eleven hours a day. I can't imagine what it would be like to care for kids that many hours a day five days a week. Are they working that many hours that they need that much day care?
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Lucy 09:28 PM 05-03-2011
I have 3 of my kids for 10 hours and 45 min per day. The 2 moms work at the same place from 8:00 to 5:00 (8 hour day with an hour lunch) and have 45 min commutes each way, but build in an extra 15 min in the morning in case of a wreck on the freeway or something. So yeah, I think that's totally normal.
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nannyde 05:23 AM 05-04-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
I have 3 of my kids for 10 hours and 45 min per day. The 2 moms work at the same place from 8:00 to 5:00 (8 hour day with an hour lunch) and have 45 min commutes each way, but build in an extra 15 min in the morning in case of a wreck on the freeway or something. So yeah, I think that's totally normal.
You know what I can never figure out with these long transport times built into day care? Why don't the parents find care by where they work? You would think they would want to be physically close to their child during the day.

I've had many parents contact me with scheudles like this and I won't even interview them. If they can work their lunch to a half hour instead of an hour and get one of the parents to do a later drop off or pick up then we can talk. I've had MANY parents switch their work schedule and their original plan of who drops off and picks up to get into my day care.

I can see it for people who live way out in the country in really rural areas but if they are travelling to a more populated area then why wouldn't they try to find care there?

Eleven hour days sound BRUTAL. I can't even imagine it.
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Meyou 05:44 AM 05-04-2011
All of my families made it work when I cut my hours. It's amazing how a parent can now get here at 5:10pm consistantly with a late fee in place but when my hours were longer and no fee they couldn't possibly make it before 5:45 pm and even that was pushing it so they were doing me a favor. lol
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dEHmom 06:09 AM 05-04-2011
i didn't read all the posts, but here's what i tell my families...

all the rules are there because someone at somepoint has created the need for them.

i also say, that for the most part, i myself have never had to pull out the handbook as a reminder, and that it's there simply to refer back to should the need arise.

i tell the parents that majority of the stuff listed is there as a safety net, and so that parents understand their responsibility when it comes to daycare and their child. all the areas of the handbook are there for the well being of everyone involved.
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MarinaVanessa 06:49 AM 05-04-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
You know what I can never figure out with these long transport times built into day care? Why don't the parents find care by where they work? You would think they would want to be physically close to their child during the day.
I've wondered about this also. I have a DC family that lives 30 minutes away, DCD works for the County Jail and DCM works in next town over (15-20min drive). I live about 5 minutes away from the Government center (where the county jail is) and they chose me BECAUSE I was so close to DCD's job. But then again these parents are ALWAYS keeping their child home when they get a day off, when he or anyone else in their family is sick, pick up early when they can etc. DCM drops off at 8:30am and goes to work, DCD is already at work and gets off on a regular day at 3:00pm but is out early alot and comes straight here to get DCB.

I remember my mom being the same way. We lived 65 miles from where she worked and my DC was 10 minutes away from her job. I don't see why more parents don't do that. It just makes more sense maybe? lol
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SandeeAR 07:46 AM 05-04-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
You know what I can never figure out with these long transport times built into day care? Why don't the parents find care by where they work? You would think they would want to be physically close to their child during the day.

Because then on their days off, it is only a few minutes away to take the kid to day care!
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momma2girls 08:16 AM 05-04-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
55 hours a week is a LOT of hours. That's eleven hours a day. I can't imagine what it would be like to care for kids that many hours a day five days a week. Are they working that many hours that they need that much day care?
This is what I was wondering? Many families will take advantage of your opening and closing times!! It's really pathetic- I highly doubt both parents work 10-12 hrs. a day.
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spud912 02:08 PM 05-04-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
You know what I can never figure out with these long transport times built into day care? Why don't the parents find care by where they work? You would think they would want to be physically close to their child during the day.
Back when I used to work and my mom watched my dd, I worked 4-10's (6:30 am to 5:00 pm, 30 minutes for lunch). I could have switched to 5-8's but then I would have had 1 less day with my dd (which made a huge difference in the # of awake hours I got to spend with her). The commute was 30-60 minutes to work. If I had to choose a daycare, I would have preferred one close to home to limit the amount of time she was stuck in a car because 1 1/2 hours daily in the car is a lot of time and stress on a baby. My husband and I always carpooled together to cut down on gas usage so we had the same schedule. That is how I can justify a schedule like that.

Now that I am a daycare provider, I am open 11 hours a day so someone in my prior situation could not use my services. It dawned on me a couple of months ago how much my mom did for me when I worked and I am forever grateful! Free one-on-one child care for 48 hours a week!!
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squareone 07:33 PM 05-04-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
You know what I can never figure out with these long transport times built into day care? Why don't the parents find care by where they work? You would think they would want to be physically close to their child during the day.

Me either!!! This is exactly what I did because I wanted to be near my kids. I wanted to be able to nurse my babies on my lunch break and take my kids to lunch or to the park for a short while. The center had an open door policy and I wanted to be able to take advantage of it! I had a 45 minute commute each way and it was never a concern for me that the kids were in the car for too long. Occasionally they would nap but most days we would sing our favorite songs, learn new words, talk about what they learned that day, name the colors of the cars passing by, etc. I considered this good, quality, awake time for us. It was an extra 1.5 hours that they got to spend with me rather than at daycare. Plus, I was never late picking them up because of being stuck in traffic.
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Lucy 01:32 PM 05-06-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
You know what I can never figure out with these long transport times built into day care? Why don't the parents find care by where they work? You would think they would want to be physically close to their child during the day.

I've had many parents contact me with scheudles like this and I won't even interview them. If they can work their lunch to a half hour instead of an hour and get one of the parents to do a later drop off or pick up then we can talk. I've had MANY parents switch their work schedule and their original plan of who drops off and picks up to get into my day care.

I can see it for people who live way out in the country in really rural areas but if they are travelling to a more populated area then why wouldn't they try to find care there?

Eleven hour days sound BRUTAL. I can't even imagine it.
The quick answer to that is you can't take your school-age kids to another town for Daycare. These 3 kids are 7, 6, and 3. I started them all as infants, and love to raise them for as many years as I can. I have another who has been here from birth and is now 11 1/2. (She pretty much only comes on no-school days now though.)

As far as the younger ones, we live in a somewhat rural town, which is to say it's not completely farms, it's more housing developments, but there is farming here, and we are cut off from surrounding towns by at least 3 miles in each direction. People who live here like that "homey" feel, and want their kids' Daycare to have that same small-town feel to it. Which is exactly how mine is. Picture Mayberry. They'd rather have them here than a larger town any day.

Also, I would not advocate a 45 min commute with children in the car 5 days a week. That's just crazy.
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cheerfuldom 01:42 PM 05-06-2011
yeah I bet a big part of it is because they wouldn't want their kids in the car for the commute each day.
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nannyde 02:15 PM 05-06-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
Also, I would not advocate a 45 min commute with children in the car 5 days a week. That's just crazy.
I would much rather have a kid in a car 45 min each way then have them in child care 11 hours a day. To me, that's just CRAZY.

There's SO many things parents can do to make the trips fun for the kids. I have kids now that commute 30 minutes every day. An extra fifteen minutes would be no problem.

The parents set up a mini toy room next to their seats. They stop on the way home half way to pick up this or that. They have portable DVD players and CD's to listen to. They talk to their kids.

It's not that big of a deal to commute with your kid. It's not ideal but it's better than being in child care for eleven hours a day. Kids need to be WITH their parents.

We have a history as a spiecies of children travelling with our parents to make a better life for the family. It's a "sacrifice" in this day and age and it was a risky sacrifice in the 1800's when families crossed the country in covered wagons. It's not a novel concept. If that's what the families HAVE to do in this day and age to propsper and be with each other then make the best of it and do what you have to do.

We are so spoiled it is rediculous.

Enough It's time we do what we HAVE to do. Family FIRST.
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Crystal 02:20 PM 05-06-2011
re. the commute.....when I needed care, as well as for many of my parents, it's about safety. It's about not having to risk driving 45 minutes each way and increasing the risk of my/their children being in an accident. I TOTALLY get that.
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QualiTcare 02:32 PM 05-06-2011
i drove 30 minutes to take my kids to daycare and then went back the way i came to go to school. why? because i moved and it was better for THEM to stay in the same place they knew and loved than it was for ME to save time and gas.
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Country Kids 02:41 PM 05-06-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
55 hours a week is a LOT of hours. That's eleven hours a day. I can't imagine what it would be like to care for kids that many hours a day five days a week. Are they working that many hours that they need that much day care?
I have two children that are here anywhere from 10-10.75 hours a day. Parents only work about 5 min. away but company works 10+ hours a day (mandatory overtime). Parents all work for the same company so one drops off and one picks up but still amounts to that amount of time. I charge by the hour so I make the money but am very, very tired by the end of the day. They are my first ones here and usually the last ones out of the door on most days. We have many companies in our town that are 12 hour shift places so what is a parent to do.
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Lucy 02:47 PM 05-06-2011
Originally Posted by nannyde:
I would much rather have a kid in a car 45 min each way then have them in child care 11 hours a day. To me, that's just CRAZY.

There's SO many things parents can do to make the trips fun for the kids. I have kids now that commute 30 minutes every day. An extra fifteen minutes would be no problem.

The parents set up a mini toy room next to their seats. They stop on the way home half way to pick up this or that. They have portable DVD players and CD's to listen to. They talk to their kids.

It's not that big of a deal to commute with your kid. It's not ideal but it's better than being in child care for eleven hours a day. Kids need to be WITH their parents.

We have a history as a spiecies of children travelling with our parents to make a better life for the family. It's a "sacrifice" in this day and age and it was a risky sacrifice in the 1800's when families crossed the country in covered wagons. It's not a novel concept. If that's what the families HAVE to do in this day and age to propsper and be with each other then make the best of it and do what you have to do.

We are so spoiled it is rediculous.

Enough It's time we do what we HAVE to do. Family FIRST.
Out of my whole post, you focus on the car ride portion? It was added as an afterthought. My main points were school, and having them in a small-town atmosphere rather than large town. It's just my opinion and the opinions of my DC parents. It's life around here and we love it.

That being said, I have to disagree about the long car rides. I feel it's more important to have them in a home environment than to be strapped in a carseat one and a half (or more) hours every day - five days per week. IMO it's not quality time with the parent, who is trying to concentrate on the traffic. And it's 1 1/2 hours more exposure to a possible car wreck. Again, just my opinion. My DC kids are like family to me, so it's not like sticking them in a center for 11 hours. While with me, they are in their 2nd home. With all the comforts of their own home. As a part of their "other" family.
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nannyde 04:14 PM 05-06-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
Out of my whole post, you focus on the car ride portion? It was added as an afterthought. My main points were school, and having them in a small-town atmosphere rather than large town. It's just my opinion and the opinions of my DC parents. It's life around here and we love it.

That being said, I have to disagree about the long car rides. I feel it's more important to have them in a home environment than to be strapped in a carseat one and a half (or more) hours every day - five days per week. IMO it's not quality time with the parent, who is trying to concentrate on the traffic. And it's 1 1/2 hours more exposure to a possible car wreck. Again, just my opinion. My DC kids are like family to me, so it's not like sticking them in a center for 11 hours. While with me, they are in their 2nd home. With all the comforts of their own home. As a part of their "other" family.
I get what you are saying. I do.

I'm saying that it's just too long to be away from parents. Parents need TIME with their kids.

I love the second family thing.. but that's it.. it has to be SECOND. I love my schmooks very much but nine hours a day five days a week is ENOUGH for them to be away from first family.

These kids need their PARENTS and to be in their SMALL family groups. They NEED their mothers.... they need their siblings... they need their Daddy. I can't ever be even close to that no matter how good I am and how nice my world is.

I can't even imagine having a kid here eleven hours a day five days a week. It's beyond my comprehension.
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Lucy 04:25 PM 05-06-2011
And I do see the validity to that as well. But parents do what they have to do. A job these days is a privilege, not a right, and unfortunately, they take what they can get. I was more focused on NOT being in the car that long than I was being with me a tad longer. But really, it's primarily the school issue. You must attend Daycare in your school district in order to ride the bus. It's as simple as that. And since they grow up at my Daycare, parents must choose a DC in our little town. No matter WHERE they work.
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nannyde 04:35 PM 05-06-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
And I do see the validity to that as well. But parents do what they have to do. A job these days is a privilege, not a right, and unfortunately, they take what they can get. I was more focused on NOT being in the car that long than I was being with me a tad longer. But really, it's primarily the school issue. You must attend Daycare in your school district in order to ride the bus. It's as simple as that. And since they grow up at my Daycare, parents must choose a DC in our little town. No matter WHERE they work.
I get it. I just couldn't provide that service.

I think I remember you saying that you have a small group. I have a big group and in a few months I will most likely expand to a bigger group. I wouldn't want a kid that many hours with this many kids. It's just too much. It wouldn't be good for any kid to be at my house for eleven hours a day five days a week.
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squareone 09:51 PM 05-06-2011
Originally Posted by Joyce:
The quick answer to that is you can't take your school-age kids to another town for Daycare.
Good point. My own haven't started school yet so I hadn't considered it.

Originally Posted by Joyce:
That being said, I have to disagree about the long car rides. I feel it's more important to have them in a home environment than to be strapped in a carseat one and a half (or more) hours every day - five days per week. IMO it's not quality time with the parent, who is trying to concentrate on the traffic. And it's 1 1/2 hours more exposure to a possible car wreck. Again, just my opinion.
I see both sides. I was just curious why more parents didn't do this and you gave a very vaild reason (school districts). I did what was best for my family situation. I was a new mom and wanted access to my children during the day. I could have pumped but I wanted to nurse, I wanted to pop in from time to time, I wanted to be available the instant I got that sick call, etc. You know how antsy the other kids get after the first kid gets picked up each day? I wouldn't have been able to stand the thought of my kids being last to be picked up at daycare every single day Even if my commute was an 1+ hours each way I wouldn't have changed a thing. JMO.
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jojosmommy 09:36 AM 05-08-2011
Thanks for all the info.

I did have one mom who drove 45 min to get to my house (then 3 min to work from here) and at 9 months old her daughter started screaming the entire way. She toughed it out for a number of weeks and eventually purchased a DVD player for the car. Quality time- not really. Eventually it got so bad even with the dvd that she quit and drops her off 3 min from home and commutes without her to work. And yes she drops her off on her days off!

My son screams the entire way to my moms house (1 hour 30 min) and the trip is terrible. We use herbal ginger drops to quiet what we believe is car sickness and it makes it tolerable but I would not want to do that everyday before work!
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dEHmom 08:07 AM 05-09-2011
Originally Posted by Crystal:
re. the commute.....when I needed care, as well as for many of my parents, it's about safety. It's about not having to risk driving 45 minutes each way and increasing the risk of my/their children being in an accident. I TOTALLY get that.
this is what i was thinking too...

i'm not saying i never travel with my children, we drive an hour to go visit grandparents on weekends, etc.

but when i learned to drive, my dad always said to me ..... don't drive just because you can. each time you get in the car, you are increasing your chances of an accident.

time in the car for children needs to be quality time, and they will need to be in the vehicles regardless. but more trips, longer trips, more often, is increasing the odds that they will be in an accident.

my dad has been driving for 50 yrs, and he hasn't had an accident in 30 yrs or more. he's a careful driver (we all know a lot of parents are not), and he avoids traffic as much as he can. if he has to go 5 mins out of his way to stay away from cars, busy intersections or anything else, he will. seems silly, but it works.

these days, there are too many careless drivers, texting, talking, playing with radio, drunk driving, and whatever else. i've been tempted to swerve in front of the cars with the texters on the highway (90% of my driving is hwy btw) just to get their attention. but i wouldn't do it.

when driving/walking/biking or whatever else, you need to worry about everyone else, not yourself. i wouldn't care if some poo head smashed into me because they were texting, as long as my children were not in the vehicle at the time. then i can get out, and give them a piece of my mind, without my children seeing me behave poorly alot of parent aren't afraid to behave badly in front of their children, and their children are going to act as their parents act. rude mom=ruder child.
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