Default Style Register
Daycare.com Forum
Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Would You Keep a Child Continuously for Nearly a Week?
Angelmichelle 12:01 PM 03-31-2016
A daycare mom whom I've known since before mom was a preteen (ironically, she used to babysit my kids when she was younger and I worked as a nurse overnights and needed to sleep in the morning while my hubby worked) has enrolled her infant. I love her and her family, in fact, her mom and my husband grew up together and still remain close. I have him 4 days per week, plus *some* weekends; he's considered full time but she has one weekday off from group and keeps him home that day. ANYHOW, yesterday she asked me to keep him overnight (not the first time, and I'm OK with that because of her substance abuse issues and I l love this love this him) because she hasn't been feeling well. He JUST had a 5 day inpatient stay in the hospital a few weeks ago. Much to my surprise, the day he was discharged she asked me if I could keep him shortly after she got home because she was afraid of caring for him because he still had residual illness and a few of his meds she was uncomfortable with administering). He was in attendance yesterday, and she asked if he could stay over because she was "overwhelmed" with her other children. Today she texted me and stated she's going out of town for 5 days and questioned if I would be willing to keep him until she comes back. She also said she'd come get him if I didn't want to. I don't mind... but I question if it's a bad idea. She's also very young, so I don't judge her at all. Would you do it?
Reply
Blackcat31 12:23 PM 03-31-2016
Originally Posted by Angelmichelle:
A daycare mom whom I've known since before mom was a preteen (ironically, she used to babysit my kids when she was younger and I worked as a nurse overnights and needed to sleep in the morning while my hubby worked) has enrolled her infant. I love her and her family, in fact, her mom and my husband grew up together and still remain close. I have him 4 days per week, plus *some* weekends; he's considered full time but she has one weekday off from group and keeps him home that day. ANYHOW, yesterday she asked me to keep him overnight (not the first time, and I'm OK with that because of her substance abuse issues and I l love this love this him) because she hasn't been feeling well. He JUST had a 5 day inpatient stay in the hospital a few weeks ago. Much to my surprise, the day he was discharged she asked me if I could keep him shortly after she got home because she was afraid of caring for him because he still had residual illness and a few of his meds she was uncomfortable with administering). He was in attendance yesterday, and she asked if he could stay over because she was "overwhelmed" with her other children. Today she texted me and stated she's going out of town for 5 days and questioned if I would be willing to keep him until she comes back. She also said she'd come get him if I didn't want to. I don't mind... but I question if it's a bad idea. She's also very young, so I don't judge her at all. Would you do it?
Nope.

I think that's beyond the scope of services I offer.

Also, the food program denies your ability to claim a child once they've (the child) been in care for more than 24 continuous hours. They then become residents of the household.

I would also check with your state....some family child care providers are not allowed to provide care for more than 24 hours.

I understand your wanting to help this mother but honestly, she's never going to learn to be a good mother if she's always got that safety net (you).

I'd offer my support and assistance where I could but i certainly wouldn't be doing anything I consider a parental responsibility.
Reply
hope 12:27 PM 03-31-2016
I think if you start caring for this child over night here, 5 days there, the dcm will continue to ask and increase the amount of time the child is with you. You mentioned she has other children. Where are they when you have dcb?
Reply
Angelmichelle 12:36 PM 03-31-2016
Thank you ladies. It gave me pause, that's why I questioned it. I believe the other children are going with mom for this trip. Daily they go to Early Head Start and then wraparound care. I've never asked where they went in the evenings but she has a large family so I would hope one of them. She denied this pregnancy for over six months. I'm not going to surmise that she didn't want him, but it sort of seems like it.
Reply
Thriftylady 12:51 PM 03-31-2016
Check first with licensing. I know when I was in Kansas we couldn't work daycare and/or any combination of jobs more than 18 hours per day. We also were not allowed to sleep with DCKs in care. Also, for me to do it, she wouldn't be able to afford it most likely. I am a 24 hour provider, but you pay for it if you have overnight hours and such. Are you sure you are charging her enough for all that you do?
Reply
Angelmichelle 01:13 PM 03-31-2016
Originally Posted by Thriftylady:
Check first with licensing. I know when I was in Kansas we couldn't work daycare and/or any combination of jobs more than 18 hours per day. We also were not allowed to sleep with DCKs in care. Also, for me to do it, she wouldn't be able to afford it most likely. I am a 24 hour provider, but you pay for it if you have overnight hours and such. Are you sure you are charging her enough for all that you do?
I will check licensing. She doesn't pay, child care assistance does. I've actually never charged her extra. I've always been of the mindset that if she's on a bender then the baby is safer with me. However, I do feel all is right that it's going to get worse and longer.
Reply
Thriftylady 01:19 PM 03-31-2016
Originally Posted by Angelmichelle:
I will check licensing. She doesn't pay, child care assistance does. I've actually never charged her extra. I've always been of the mindset that if she's on a bender then the baby is safer with me. However, I do feel all is right that it's going to get worse and longer.
Well check your contract with the state. They could make you pay back any money they pay while she isn't working and/or at school if they find out. Also, if the addiction is that bad, you need to consider a report for neglect. Leaving your child for days/weeks at a time IS neglect. I get you are trying to think of the child, but you may be doing more harm than good, and end up in a bind because of it.
Reply
BabyMonkeys 01:51 PM 03-31-2016
I would absolutely keep him. Although if this were a family that you didn't have an extensive prior relationship my advice would be different.

She knows that she needs help, and is asking for it. Not every parent would. She is uncomfortable caring for a child that was ill enough to have to spend 5 days in the hospital. She knows that you are a nurse, and would be able to properly administer medications, and know what reactions to watch for. You know what symptoms to watch for that might indicate he was getting worse. A sick baby can overwhelm anyone. Parents that get overwhelmed (particularly those with substance abuse issues) are more likely to abuse their children, or at least neglect them. Why risk it?

Are you enabling her? Probably. I'd rather do that than have to worry about the baby. You can figure out the enabling part in the future when she doesn't have such a sick baby.
Reply
Josiegirl 02:00 PM 03-31-2016
I have done it in the past but I think in your case I'd be very hesitant. She's going away even though her baby just got out of the hospital after 5 days? How far away will she be in case of an emergency?

I know you've mentioned how much you care about this family so I wouldn't try to advise you one way or the other. But if it were me, I'd be nervous about it.
Reply
MunchkinWrangler 02:02 PM 03-31-2016
My biggest question and I might be the odd one out here but why aren't you reporting this? If you know she has substance abuse problems she isn't a fit parent. Also, you are enabling her. What she is doing is neglect. Being young is no excuse. This situation is black and white to me. Her children aren't safe with her and she isn't parenting. What this mother needs is rehab not a 24 hour babysitter.
Reply
Jujube835 06:09 PM 03-31-2016
Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler:
My biggest question and I might be the odd one out here but why aren't you reporting this? If you know she has substance abuse problems she isn't a fit parent. Also, you are enabling her. What she is doing is neglect. Being young is no excuse. This situation is black and white to me. Her children aren't safe with her and she isn't parenting. What this mother needs is rehab not a 24 hour babysitter.


I agree with this. Sorry OP but this woman does not sound fit to parent. She needs a wake up call.

In regards to keeping a child overnight, I have and would again. I didn't consider it "childcare." I was basically keeping the children for a friend. They stayed at my house for 11 days/nights while the dad was on a business trip. I didn't charge him for the extra time. He just paid his weekly rate and then bought me some cool souvenirs from Texas. Lol
Reply
Blackcat31 07:23 PM 03-31-2016
Originally Posted by Angelmichelle:
I will check licensing. She doesn't pay, child care assistance does. I've actually never charged her extra. I've always been of the mindset that if she's on a bender then the baby is safer with me. However, I do feel all is right that it's going to get worse and longer.
This may be true but its also enabling mom.

I agree that it needs to be reported.
Reply
Unregistered 07:56 PM 03-31-2016
If you are a mandated reporter, you may have a responsibility to report if you suspect she is abusing drugs or alcohol. You may have liability if you have knowledge and do not report, so keep that in mind. You aren't doing anyone a favor by putting your license at risk.
Reply
LysesKids 04:29 AM 04-01-2016
Originally Posted by Angelmichelle:
A daycare mom whom I've known since before mom was a preteen (ironically, she used to babysit my kids when she was younger and I worked as a nurse overnights and needed to sleep in the morning while my hubby worked) has enrolled her infant. I love her and her family, in fact, her mom and my husband grew up together and still remain close. I have him 4 days per week, plus *some* weekends; he's considered full time but she has one weekday off from group and keeps him home that day. ANYHOW, yesterday she asked me to keep him overnight (not the first time, and I'm OK with that because of her substance abuse issues and I l love this love this him) because she hasn't been feeling well. He JUST had a 5 day inpatient stay in the hospital a few weeks ago. Much to my surprise, the day he was discharged she asked me if I could keep him shortly after she got home because she was afraid of caring for him because he still had residual illness and a few of his meds she was uncomfortable with administering). He was in attendance yesterday, and she asked if he could stay over because she was "overwhelmed" with her other children. Today she texted me and stated she's going out of town for 5 days and questioned if I would be willing to keep him until she comes back. She also said she'd come get him if I didn't want to. I don't mind... but I question if it's a bad idea. She's also very young, so I don't judge her at all. Would you do it?
I personally would say no... have you thought about what you would do if the child got hurt or really ill & needed hospital care? That could screw you because you wouldn't have power of attorney to get care, plus if you can't get a hold of mom, then what? Social Services steps in and not only does baby suffer until someone has authorization to treat, but mom could likely lose all kids to foster care once her excessive drinking is discovered; not to mention the nightmare you will have explaining to licensing how this came about to start with.

Being a mandated reporter, you should have already contacted someone to get the mom help
Reply
Second Home 06:23 AM 04-01-2016
I know you want to help her but I would think there is way too much risk in keeping the baby for a week straight .
I would not do it .
Reply
christine19720 06:59 AM 04-01-2016
No way.
Reply
daycarediva 09:52 AM 04-01-2016
Originally Posted by MunchkinWrangler:
My biggest question and I might be the odd one out here but why aren't you reporting this? If you know she has substance abuse problems she isn't a fit parent. Also, you are enabling her. What she is doing is neglect. Being young is no excuse. This situation is black and white to me. Her children aren't safe with her and she isn't parenting. What this mother needs is rehab not a 24 hour babysitter.
YES! This mother needs to be reported. It sounds like an unstable, unsafe situation for ALL of the children. Maybe you could register as a foster parent and dcm could voluntarily place the children with you until she is sober.
Reply
Ariana 10:38 AM 04-01-2016
I agree this would be enabling and I don't believe for a minute she is "going out of town". The lie would be my number one concern at this point.

I also agree with reporting and DaycareDiva's suggestion of registering to be a foster parent...if that is something you want to do. I don't want to judge either but who is caring for all of these children and since when does the right not to judge outweight the well being and safety of the children? It sounds like your conviction to not judge is actually clouding your judgement.
Reply
Alisyn 11:14 AM 04-01-2016
I personally would not. I'd rather not start being expected to do so again and again in the future.......that's just me though
Reply
Controlled Chaos 12:11 PM 04-01-2016
I have done overnights for dcfs when they are at the hospital having a new baby. I do it for free as a "friend" typically by this point they have been with me 1-3 years already. They typically pay me with gift cards and wine later.

In this case, no - I would call CPS.
Reply
Angelmichelle 12:30 PM 04-01-2016
CPS is involved; her mom has her older two children and the younger children are on a special program to keep families together through social services. One of the stipulations is attending group which she does regularly, except Fridays when group isn't in session. I feel like I am enabling her, absolutely, but I can't help feeling like I could be doing good for the baby as well. I called my licensor and asked her. She said it wasn't billable if county pays and wasn't recommended but if I felt comfortable to go for it. By "bender" I mean alcohol and hanging out all the time at parties, probably some marijuana too, but here they don't even start a CPS case if a newborn is born with it in their system so... To end it all, I declined and I'm glad because she's going a few hours away but she'll be with her mom whom will take excellent care of him. She just didn't want to take him at all.
Reply
Ariana 01:48 PM 04-01-2016
Originally Posted by Angelmichelle:
CPS is involved; her mom has her older two children and the younger children are on a special program to keep families together through social services. One of the stipulations is attending group which she does regularly, except Fridays when group isn't in session. I feel like I am enabling her, absolutely, but I can't help feeling like I could be doing good for the baby as well. I called my licensor and asked her. She said it wasn't billable if county pays and wasn't recommended but if I felt comfortable to go for it. By "bender" I mean alcohol and hanging out all the time at parties, probably some marijuana too, but here they don't even start a CPS case if a newborn is born with it in their system so... To end it all, I declined and I'm glad because she's going a few hours away but she'll be with her mom whom will take excellent care of him. She just didn't want to take him at all.
Ok this paints a much clearer picture! Sometimes it is hard to form an opinion when all of the facts are not there. I think in this case I would have taken him as it sounds like you have a very close relationship with them and CPS is already involved. I am glad that at least he is being taken care of by grandma.
Reply
valleygirl 11:17 AM 04-02-2016
Personally, I think you need to start setting boundaries with her, which is hard to do because you've known her since she was a teen. But if she is going to learn to be responsible and take care of her children, you need to stop taking care of her. If you start letting her have extra care for her infant outside of regular hours, she is probably just going to keep asking for more and more, and may use her "free time" for more drinking, drugs and parties. She wouldn't be able to get away with that if she had her baby at a daycare centre instead of a home-based daycare.
Reply
None 01:57 PM 04-02-2016
No.

I know a woman who agreed to do this for her dd who is similar to the description you posted. She never came back.
Reply
Thriftylady 03:30 PM 04-02-2016
Originally Posted by valleygirl:
Personally, I think you need to start setting boundaries with her, which is hard to do because you've known her since she was a teen. But if she is going to learn to be responsible and take care of her children, you need to stop taking care of her. If you start letting her have extra care for her infant outside of regular hours, she is probably just going to keep asking for more and more, and may use her "free time" for more drinking, drugs and parties. She wouldn't be able to get away with that if she had her baby at a daycare centre instead of a home-based daycare.
I agree with this. If people keep enabling her, she won't have any reason to change her ways.
Reply
proudmommyofthree 08:14 AM 04-04-2016
Could it be that she is suffering from postpartum depression? And maybe this is why she doesn't want to take care of the baby? Just a thought. It's the thing that came to my mind when reading your post
Reply
Silly Songs 09:55 AM 04-04-2016
You mention she is very young, but she has 4 children ? How old is she ?
Reply
Tags:long term, subsidy
Reply Up