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Preschool/daycare teacher 08:40 PM 08-18-2011
I need some really good advice. We have a 3 yr old dcg. She was always the most sweetest, loving, polite little girl you've ever met. But the last several months she's changed. And each day is worse than the day before. She bites, hits, pulls hair, slaps, kicks, pinches, spits at, etc. And not half hearted either. She goes full force, chomps down and then hangs on, biting down harder the longer she's "attached". I try my best to find positive things to say to her, but it's like she never stops. And if I get eye level with her to talk to her (or even praise her for something!), she'll do it to me. She chases the children around to hurt them, and if someone gets in her path, she does it to them, and then continues on her way to her original target. She can't be distracted once she decides to target someone and go for them. If I try to hold her back from hurting someone, she'll bite, pinch, slap, pull hair, kick, spit at, or hit ME. If I try to place her in time out, it's the same thing. And she REFUSES to do time-out by just telling her to sit down. It's a never ending thing, all day long, it seems. If she's not hurting someone, she's throwing toys everywhere and refusing to clean up, or spitting just for the fun of it, or "poking" someone just to annoy them.
Her parents can't figure it out either, but they're doing everything they can to work with us. They are very good parents, and really good with her, but she's acting like this at home too. The other children are starting to be scared of her, and one mom (of another 3 yr old) has given us "one last chance". But I love this little girl (even with her acting this way). She feels like a part of me. It hurts so much to even think of having to terminate this family. Plus they are "the perfect" family. ALWAYS pays on time, follows the policies to the letter... you know what "perfect" looks like Help?
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cheerfuldom 09:03 PM 08-18-2011
well they aren't the perfect family anymore because this girl has turned into a terror. I can't imagine that there is not some trigger to this and perhaps the parents are lying about something, who knows. Either way, eventually you ARE going to lose other kids because of her. It won't take long for one or two kids to leave and then she move on to new targets. You can't fix every situation and either she fits in your program or she doesn't. Do you really want to run the risk of her seriously injuring another child or worker and you will be liable because this behavior is a pattern at this point. As bad as you feel, you really need to let them go.
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familyschoolcare 09:11 PM 08-18-2011
This child needs help. Something happened in the child's life to trigger the change in behavior. Most likely something is going on in the child's life that she does not like but does not have the ability to explain/tell you. That is my take. But I would like to see what Nannyde says.
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Michael 10:35 PM 08-18-2011
Originally Posted by familyschoolcare:
This child needs help. Something happened in the child's life to trigger the change in behavior. Most likely something is going on in the child's life that she does not like but does not have the ability to explain/tell you. That is my take. But I would like to see what Nannyde says.
Exactly right.
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Cat Herder 05:50 AM 08-19-2011
My standard plan for this kind of thing is:

1. An after hours parent conference
2. MANDATORY pediatrician consult
3. Written disciplinary plan approved/signed by pediatrician/psychologist.
4. Probationary period

Your first priority, though, is keeping the group of innocent children safe.

If you can't do both....then you have to protect them, first.

It is MOMS responsibility to "save" her child, not yours.

Please don't try to take all the hard work for yourself out of guilt or for financial reasons.
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pfund2233 07:19 AM 08-19-2011
I careD for a 4.5yr old boy like this one time. He was the sweetest most polite little boy ever!! Parents were the ones you wanted all to be like too!! I had this fella for almost a year and then it was like someone flipped a switch. He became very violent and angry or some days the exact opposite. Very scared and reserved. I met with mom and dad to talk about this strange all of a sudden behavior. They said it was going on at home and they didn't know why. I suggested that the child see a local psychologist who deals with only kids. They took me up on that advice and low and be hold 3 months into counseling the little boy confided in the Dr. The little boy was being molested and threatened by an older boy who's parents were friends of the family!!! This made me terribly sad, angry, hurt.... probably all the things he was feeling and didn't know how to cope. Needless to say things got taken care of and he is getting back to his old self... slowly. He still goes to counseling and loves school. He's a fighter and I think he will do great in life.

Hope it's nothing like this and GOOD LUCK FOR YOU AND THE FAMILY!!!
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meganlavonnesmommy 07:43 AM 08-19-2011
I love Catherder's ideas! I would follow her guidelines, they are fair, and the best for the family, the child and your home and children. If the parents are the great parents you said they are, they will be just as relieved as you to get to the reason for her behaviour.
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Tags:3 year old, aggressive behavior, behavior - aggressive, behavior - effecting others, biting, special needs, violent, violent behaviour
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