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Bethers1980 06:10 PM 05-22-2017
Hi everyone!! I'm new to this forum and I have a difficult situation. My son was in an "overpopulated" daycare at 1.5 and it was a free for all. He learned some aggressive behaviors to communicate, including biting, in the very short time he was enrolled. We took him to a smaller place around his second birthday and explained to the director at length his issues. She said she would do everything to work with us. He did great in the under 2 room and was moved into the 2-3 yo room within 3 weeks. In his first week he began to bite...like at least twice a week. Tried time outs, redirects, a shadow and it slowly tapered off to maybe once a month. We thought okay we're getting through this. Then he bit one little boy. Rightfully so his mother was not pleased and citing my son's previous record demanded he be unenrolled. The director asked us to only take him thursdays and fridays as that one particular boy was not there on those days and then in june he would return to full time if his record stayed clean. This is all correspondence via text and email. We are now entering June and my son's communication skills have quadrupled. We and his teacher believe he's ready for full time. I texted the director and asked if June means the week of may 30th or the following week june 5th. She replied that she moved some of the younger kids around and now there's no spot for him full time!! Is this legal?! I'm not trying to sue or something ridiculous i just want my boy back with his friends and teacher. I signed no documents that he was officially part-time and all messages state this was temporary and he would return full time in june. I don't know what even to say to the director! Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance
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CityGarden 11:12 PM 05-22-2017
I feel for you as a parent.

From a safety (and liability) prospective though I would not tolerate a child in group care who repeatedly bites... I would have terminated your son's spot and suggested one-on-one care until he was a bit older or required you to provide a shadow for him the entire time he was in care at your cost. It is simply not fair to the other child any other way. Parents often see growth that they desire to see and it does not always display that same way in a group setting. Don't take that as a failure on your part as a parent but do consider the idea that your son may need one-on-one care until a little older OR a different sort of structure in the school/daycare.

I cannot answer if what the director is doing this is legal as it really depends on the contract you signed however IF your son has bitten multiple children the director also has an obligation to those other children. What you can look at is what sort of deposit you may be able to have applied to your last month tuition or refunded. I would also be looking into other care options ASAP.
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Blackcat31 11:17 AM 05-23-2017
Originally Posted by Bethers1980:
Hi everyone!! I'm new to this forum and I have a difficult situation. My son was in an "overpopulated" daycare at 1.5 and it was a free for all. He learned some aggressive behaviors to communicate, including biting, in the very short time he was enrolled. We took him to a smaller place around his second birthday and explained to the director at length his issues. She said she would do everything to work with us. He did great in the under 2 room and was moved into the 2-3 yo room within 3 weeks. In his first week he began to bite...like at least twice a week. Tried time outs, redirects, a shadow and it slowly tapered off to maybe once a month. We thought okay we're getting through this. Then he bit one little boy. Rightfully so his mother was not pleased and citing my son's previous record demanded he be unenrolled. The director asked us to only take him thursdays and fridays as that one particular boy was not there on those days and then in june he would return to full time if his record stayed clean. This is all correspondence via text and email. We are now entering June and my son's communication skills have quadrupled. We and his teacher believe he's ready for full time. I texted the director and asked if June means the week of may 30th or the following week june 5th. She replied that she moved some of the younger kids around and now there's no spot for him full time!! Is this legal?! I'm not trying to sue or something ridiculous i just want my boy back with his friends and teacher. I signed no documents that he was officially part-time and all messages state this was temporary and he would return full time in june. I don't know what even to say to the director! Any guidance would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance
What state are you in? Were you paying a full time rate or just the part time rate?

I don't think what happened is illegal but I can understand why your son was "passed" over for full time space.

It doesn't make it easier to deal with but from a provider perspective a child that bites is a HUGE liability and cause massive amounts of unhappy clients when their children are the "victims" of a biter.

That makes me vulnerable to losing clients. I.E. Losing income and I can't afford to lose income because YOUR (general you) child bites.

I am sorry you are having to experience this though...I know it's tough for parents in this position.
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Bethers1980 05:28 AM 05-24-2017
Thank you for the responses but I don't think I mentioned he's not biting anymore (knock on wood). He was put on the modified schedule for two months and based on whether he had incidents or not he would return to a full time schedule on june first. 2-3 months is a lot of time developmentally for a toddler...Thanks again though!
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mommyneedsadayoff 08:32 AM 05-24-2017
Originally Posted by Bethers1980:
Thank you for the responses but I don't think I mentioned he's not biting anymore (knock on wood). He was put on the modified schedule for two months and based on whether he had incidents or not he would return to a full time schedule on june first. 2-3 months is a lot of time developmentally for a toddler...Thanks again though!
Were you paying full time rate even though he was only coming on a part time, or modified schedule? Are you prepaid for the next few weeks? I think they owe you any money paid and I would be very upset. Legally, unless they owe you money, there is nothing you can do, but I think it is bad business. They may have been trying to weed your son out due to the biting, but they should have been upfront if that was their intention. It sounds like you did what they asked and your son is in a better place behaviorally, so they should have honored what they said they would do and have a spot available. I know it is frustrating, but there is not a whole lot you can do, so I would try to brush it off and move onto a different provider. Kids are resiliant and he will make more friends and bond with new teachers. Sorry that happened, but sometimes when one door closes, another one opens, so I hope you find a better fit! Good luck!
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Tags:behavior - effecting others, biter, excuses, liability, violent behaviour
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