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  #1  
Old 03-08-2011, 04:31 AM
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Default Opinions on Parents & Kids Bathing Together?

What are your thoughts on this? I've known several families who bathe or shower with their kids, but I've always been of the opinion that it was incredibly inappropriate. And if you're okay with it, what would be the age cut-off for it (since I'm assuming that there IS an age where it is no longer appropriate at all)? And does the gender of the parent and the child matter (ie. is it okay for a mom to bathe with her son and vice versa)?

Most importantly, when does it become so inappropriate that it should be reported? Or am I just too much of a prude?
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Old 03-08-2011, 04:34 AM
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We stopped doing that when ours were around 2. We let them bathe together until they were 4 or 5 (same sex). I think it's fine until they start making comments or when (as in our case) they start thinking that naked Mom and Dad are funny.
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Old 03-08-2011, 04:44 AM
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I'm on a parenting forum where this was just asked and a lot of parents said they stopped around 5 or so. I was a little surprised by this because I no longer bathe with my daughter who's two. But, she does come in the bathroom when I bathe and such still. I think there's a huge range of people's comfort level with this, as some families are just very comfortable with their own nakedness. I would say that obviously, if the child is starting to feel uncomfortable with it, but I think that wouldn't happen until they're older maybe 7, 8 or 9.

When I was a girl there were times when I showered with my older sister when she was probably 8 and I was 6. It was always like a 'hurry up and shower we have no time for separate showers' thing.
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Old 03-08-2011, 05:10 AM
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Never did it don't like the idea of that!!
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Old 03-08-2011, 05:21 AM
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I never did it because I was always afraid he'd pee in the tub. But I see nothing wrong with it. A kid will know and tell their parents when they are ready for privacy, sometimes it will be age 2 sometimes age 6. Sometimes the parents take the firs step which is fine, it is what they are comfortable with. Everyone has their own comfort levels and that is FINE and none of your business. I'm actually appalled you think it should be reported! Wow!!! Children need to learn that our bodies are not just sexual objects. Being naked is NATURAL for Pete's sake. Are you going to go to Africa or wherever and tell them to put clothes on themselves and their kids? NO because they don't have the same stigma on nudity we do here. Hence why breastfeeding here is such a hot topic. But sould it be? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! Breastfeeding is a natural way to feed a baby, and heaven forbid a couple people get a peek at a boob. Seriously, I don't get the big deal. At all.
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Old 03-08-2011, 05:23 AM
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When either the child or the parent starts feeling uncomfortable with it. I would say that's likely to happen by age 6 or 7. Of course, that's my opinion, given that I don't think I will personally feel comfortable with it much past that age.
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Old 03-08-2011, 05:39 AM
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i think that's up to the individual, my sons are 8 and 1 and they sometimes bath together...all though there isn't much scrubbing, mostly bubbles, dyed water, and toys....my older son used to shower with my husband when he was younger because it was just easier and faster for my hubby to get in there with him to scrub him up...but since he's been 6 he's known how to shower by himself, i would supervise, then when he was 7 he started doing it on his own, we just say "go shower" and that's it...I have no issues with co-showering if everyone is comfortable, but I've personally never showered or bathed with either of my kids
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Old 03-08-2011, 05:39 AM
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This isn't really black and white when you say something like reporting it. Like actual signs if abuse? I mean really if people are going to start reporting a parent for bathing with their child at a young then where does it end. I think adults sexualize things that are not sexual in nature and I think that is what is sick about it. If there are no signs of abuse then I think yes you are being unreasonable.
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Old 03-08-2011, 05:43 AM
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totally missed the reporting reference...not to be rude but it kind of isn't your business...what a family chooses to do in their home is their business, and while we as providers are technically with the kids more than parents, and we get attached...we need to draw the line somewhere and realize they are not our kids, we are not their parents, and we don't have a say in what parents choose to do outside of daycare...showering by itself is not something you should report
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Old 03-08-2011, 06:07 AM
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Wow way to much of a prude I think..........I bathe with my kids, they are 4(son), and almost 2 (daughter), Its a bath, geez, I take a bath everynight for myself, my kids sit and bang at the door for 15 minutes to get in, husband lets them in, and they jump in, I get them washed, then I get out, to me its just easier to wash them while I'm in there, there is no akwardness about it, They are kids, and my kids at that, I find bath time a great time to talk about inappropriate touch actually, I still wash my sons hair, but he washes his own penis, and at this time, we always talk about how nobody should touch him there and so on, and we also then talk about strangers, I find bath time a very bonding time with my kids, I have bathed with them since they lost their belly buttons, and it will stop eventually, I'm not going to be bathing with him probably after he starts school, maybe soon after 5, I don't really know, I will judge that for when I think he could get uncomfortable with it, And when I dont bathe them in the tub, my husband does, there is absolutly nothing sexual about it, and I think it is so incredibaly judgemental to jump to that conclusion.....maybe if its a 10 yr old girl and her dad, but man come on. I should also note, I have a very large tub.
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Old 03-08-2011, 06:09 AM
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I didn't read all the posts.

I grew up with a mom who was VERY open about nakedness. Bathed/went potty with the door open. Aunts who did much the same. My mom was the last of 14 kids born, no bedrooms in a farm house, just an attic, living room, and kitchen. So there was no privacy.

DH can't stand it, but often when we are home I just run to the bathroom. I stopped closing the door behind me because the door is situated RIGHT by the toilet. So when you are on the toilet and someone throws open the door, YES THROWS IT OPEN, screaming mommy, it hits you in the head or clips your toes.

THE SECOND I have a privacy moment, the entire household is in demand for me. DH has hit me many times in the head while I was undressing/dressing for/from a shower, or using the potty. So I don't bother anymore. It's a safety issue

As for bathing/showering, my children still shower with me. A bath is a little inappropriate I'd say opposite sex around 2 yrs old, same sex 4 yrs old. Just due to lack of room in a tub. ALL my children still jump in shower with me IF it's necessary only, but usually they shower on their own. My daughter is turning 7 and she's just starting to want the privacy somewhat, but often asks me to shower with her, and I tell her no, because we no longer let her bathe with her brothers. She often feels like she is "alone" because the boys bath together, but she does by herself.

I agree with the mentions about it's a comfort thing. There is an inappropriate age, but I think it varies greatly on the maturity of the people involved.
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Old 03-08-2011, 06:49 AM
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I don't think it is inappropriate until the child wants their own privacy. Obviously forcing nakedness on someone who is not comfortable with it is wrong. My daughter is 7, and still occasionally sees me naked, although we don't bathe together anymore (that stopped around 3-4 because I wanted my privacy back). We (DH and I) still bathe with our DD2. I think reporting the family would be a terrible thing to put them through over nothing!!
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Old 03-08-2011, 06:52 AM
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I grew up in a family that was very open about nakedness. We did family showers (our shower was large enough to fit 2 adults and 3 children easy) until I was 8 or 9....but those were mostly in the summer after working outside all day, and we were hurrying to get ready to go out to eat. I bathed with my father until I couldn't fit in the tub with him anymore...as did my sister and brother. He would happily play Barbie and superheros in the bubble bath with me as a kid Even when I was in H.S. I could (and felt comfortable) going into the bathroom when dad or mom were the tub to talk to them about things that were bothering me. Never thought twice about it. It was never viewed as sexual or uncomfortable by me.

I have bathed with each of my children from birth to around age 5 or 6. My son (5) just jumped in the bath with me yesterday, as a matter of fact. I was almost done, and he got in so I could wash his hair, I got out and he played for another 30 min or so with his toys.

My husband is much more prude about nakedness. He has just now become comfortable with the kids seeing him in his boxers (if they happen to be at the bedroom door in the morning begging him to get up)...but naked? Never with the girls...and even with my son he has a hard time with it....although he has become better because I made him allow my son in the potty with him when he was training so he could see how daddy pees in the potty, and it worked like a charm to get him trained.

I think it all depends on how you were raised. I think being open about our bodies is VERY important, so the kids won't feel uncomfortable asking about sex or body changes when they are older; I want them to know that all bodies are different shapes and sizes, and it's OK to be different from what is labeled as "normal". It was something my parents felt was important, and an issue that was stressed in my Human Sexuality course in college. It works for me, and my girls know they can ALWAYS ask me questions about their bodies. Bonus is they know all the proper nouns for body parts, as I will not allow them to use vulgar nick-names.
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Old 03-08-2011, 07:03 AM
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Just to clarify: it was a hypothetical question -- I'm NOT planning on reporting any families. I totally agree that this IS a private parenting preference and none of my business.

However, I have missed the signs of sexual abuse by a father in the past. I have that on my conscience and I would be remiss if I did not keep an eye open for any similar situations.

Since it's something I am not comfortable doing with my own children (or any one else's for that matter ), I was just looking to see what opinions are out there for those who are. For example, at what age should a father stop bathing with his daughter? Is 6 okay? 9, 10? And is it just dependent on the child's preference for privacy? If that's the case, I know some 10 year old boys that have no sense of privacy -- is it generally accepted as okay for them to still be showering with their parents? And what if both parents are in the shower at the time?

I guess the reason for asking the question is that I feel it could be construed as inappropriate and I'm wondering if it is a borderline issue that parents should be aware of. I totally trust all of the families that I know, and I know they would never do anything evil to their children. But then again ... I trusted that one dad, too. He's in jail now .
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Old 03-08-2011, 07:22 AM
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I'm not sure when it becomes innappropriate..........I know my daughter is almost 2, and I'm sure my Husband will loose his comfortableness with her soon, my Son is 4, and still has no issues with privacy, but that is just with his dad and me, I teach him to be more private around others, but I don't want him to be shy around us, not yet, not at this age, It will come naturally, and I know I will be able to tell when it does, I would never want another adult to bathe with him, as I would never feel comfortable bathing with someone elses child, that would be weird to me. I also came from a very open home, and have never been shy about my body, I have a large walk in bathroom, and have been in there taking a bath, and all of the sudden, my two sisters and my cousin(all girls) were all in there sitting and chatting with me, This is just how we all were raised. I still have no problem if mom walks in the bathroom if I'm taking a bath(we do livew seperate, but this did happen when my son was a baby) But my son will need to bathe by himsself starting soon, I don't want him to be in school and tell another kid his bathes with his mom, eventually their will be a stop and I'm guessing by the time he is five, but thats just with me, not his father, but boys are always going to the bathroom right next to each other.
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Old 03-08-2011, 07:41 AM
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I guess I have no opinion on this since my own kids are grown and I haven't had any issues even remotely similar in child care but just out of curiosity, I asked one of my dcm's who is a Kindergarten teacher and she said if a child came to school and told her they bathed with a parnet of the opposite sex, she would immediately call CPS.....she said it is on the list of things they are suppose to report. So I don't know if it is a rule for just here or everywhere...but that was the response I got from a Kindergarten teacher.
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Old 03-08-2011, 07:47 AM
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I guess I have no opinion on this since my own kids are grown and I haven't had any issues even remotely similar in child care but just out of curiosity, I asked one of my dcm's who is a Kindergarten teacher and she said if a child came to school and told her they bathed with a parnet of the opposite sex, she would immediately call CPS.....she said it is on the list of things they are suppose to report. So I don't know if it is a rule for just here or everywhere...but that was the response I got from a Kindergarten teacher.
That's exactly what I was wondering (although I sure did go about it in a round-about way ). I would hate for a close friend to be investigated for something completely innocent, when I could have warned her that something she was doing might be seen as reportable, kwim?

One more question for everyone: would it be okay for a child who normally bathes with his/her mother, to also bathe with his/her step dad or with mom's boyfriend (or girlfriend, just to be pc)?
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Old 03-08-2011, 07:50 AM
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One more question for everyone: would it be okay for a child who normally bathes with his/her mother, to also bathe with his/her step dad or with mom's boyfriend (or girlfriend, just to be pc)?
Still, I'd say it's a family comfort thing, but a child of ANY age bathing with someone not blood related (same OR opposite gender) would skeeve me out a lot more than doing the same with a biological parent (unless the non-bio adult had raised the child from infancy/been a stable part of child's life from infancy).

Wait...was that confusing?
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Old 03-08-2011, 08:00 AM
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i know what you're saying...like a stepdad and stepson might seem weird, unless stepdad has been "dad" to the kid since they were like...6 months old or something....right?
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Old 03-08-2011, 08:05 AM
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i know what you're saying...like a stepdad and stepson might seem weird, unless stepdad has been "dad" to the kid since they were like...6 months old or something....right?
yeah, exactly! It just came out all garbled. My brain is fuzzy today...I think I need a nice caffeine-and-chocolate hit. Vanilla Coke here I come (it's my drug of choice, lol)
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Old 03-08-2011, 08:23 AM
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I think that if I had the past experience you have had with a parent I would be very cautious too with anything that has to do with body, nude, or anything of nature that could lead or looked as abuse . I was not trying to be rude in my earlier post at all, I just wanted to let you know that I think once the child wants privacy for showering, taking baths together it should stop. My girls wanted this around the time they went to school, I will still go in and wash their hair out and make the soap is all out, but my oldest likes to lock the door and sing in the shower, then take her time getting out and putting lotion on she even wanted the Girls secret anti-persperant the other day shes growing up and
I take my cues from that when mom needs to step back
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Old 03-08-2011, 08:29 AM
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I think there is no "age limit". I think that it is when either child or parent is uncomfortable with it. For instance, last summer when we were camping, my daughter who is 11 and I showered together in the shower house. There were only 2 stalls and a waiting line to shower. I actually took that time to show her how to shave her legs, and it was a nice mom/daughter moment. It wasn't about nakedness. My kids all still come into the bathroom while I bathe to tell me something or ask me for something. They know that when they go to the bathroom they close the door, they change clothes in the privacy of their rooms when there are people other than our family in the house (this mostly goes for our 4 year old). I think to each their own. It doesn't matter to me if my neighbor showers with their 5 year old, as long as the 5 year old is fine with it. Or their 7 or 8 year old. Whatever!
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Old 03-08-2011, 08:49 AM
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i never bathed with my kids after they were around 1 just because i rarely take baths and when i did take a bath it was to get in, do what i needed to do, and get out. they would also want out right when i got out which was annoying bc the plan was for them to play while i got dried/clothed. it just wasn't something i enjoyed.

my husband did take baths with our son (never our daughter) until he was early 3's. he was just saying a few nights ago (we were watching predator RAW) that our son asks him to take a bath with him sometimes and he "can't" because of sick people like THAT. he just doesn't want to put himself in a position that someone could look at as "inappropriate" which is why he doesn't bathe with our son anymore and never bathed with our daughter.
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Old 03-08-2011, 08:58 AM
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I guess everyone is different from mine. I grew up with my mom who are very open mind to show naked when she gets out of shower and I also grew up with my step dad who always sleep in with underwear. EWWW! When I was 7 years old and my sister was 3 years old that we took a shower with my step dad (my sister's real father) that we have hurry up for some reason. I hate it, it is disgusting!

Now I have two daughters and I used to take a shower with my girls up to 20 months old. They are not allowed to take a shower with me or see me naked at all after 20 months old. Sorry I am not comfortable at all. My husband and I took our first daughter when she was 2 months old shower together once. My husband is not comfortable and he decided he will never take a shower with our daughters. I am totally different from my parents. Now my parents are not doing it anymore since all of us got married and have children. Both of my daughters are not taking a bath together when they were 4 an 5 years old. If I have a son and I would never take a shower with him if he is become a year old. Sorry it is my thing...
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Old 03-08-2011, 09:14 AM
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My daughter got kicked out of her dad's shower at about 20 months. When she reached up and grabbed and yanked LOL! Dad yelled very loudly, "come get this girl!" That was the last shower she took with her Dad!
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Old 03-08-2011, 09:45 AM
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I guess everyone is different from mine. I grew up with my mom who are very open mind to show naked when she gets out of shower and I also grew up with my step dad who always sleep in with underwear. EWWW! When I was 7 years old and my sister was 3 years old that we took a shower with my step dad (my sister's real father) that we have hurry up for some reason. I hate it, it is disgusting!

Now I have two daughters and I used to take a shower with my girls up to 20 months old. They are not allowed to take a shower with me or see me naked at all after 20 months old. Sorry I am not comfortable at all. My husband and I took our first daughter when she was 2 months old shower together once. My husband is not comfortable and he decided he will never take a shower with our daughters. I am totally different from my parents. Now my parents are not doing it anymore since all of us got married and have children. Both of my daughters are not taking a bath together when they were 4 an 5 years old. If I have a son and I would never take a shower with him if he is become a year old. Sorry it is my thing...
i'm just curious as to why "20 months" - it's such an odd number? why did you decide 20 months?

even though our kids don't bathe with us, they still bathe together and they are opposite sex. i told them they needed to stop bathing together because my oldest is 6, almost 7 - but my son would just sneak in and get in there with her because they wanted to play! nothing sexual about it. i haven't gotten too serious about it because the purpose of splitting them up to bathe is kind of defeated when one of them comes running through the house butt naked - even right after they get out of the shower. i think pretty soon my daughter will stop allowing him in the tub with her but as long as they're both fine with it and there's no "experimenting" going on - i don't have an issue.
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Old 03-08-2011, 09:52 AM
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For my nationality and customs, it custom to take sauna bathes with your entire family naked because you can't take an effective bath with a swim suit on. It's the way it's been done since the beginning of time. So I don't think anything of having to bathe with my preschooler in a time crunch, since it's quicker for me to wash him than to run a seperate bath and then wash him. Bathing is largely based on customs and culture, etc. and better to be discussed privately with the parents before even considering reporting them.
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Old 03-08-2011, 10:13 AM
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I know my last bath with my dad was when I was 2...I have no memory of this but my mom told me that right around my 2nd birthday, i was in the tub with dad and I started asking questions...he yelled for my mom to come get me out of the tub NOW!! lol My last shower with mom was when I was about 6...and not to be mean or anything but it was because my mom was a bit....er....chubby let's say...and there wasn't room for 2 anymore lol

I grew up in a very religious household where we were taught to keep our bodies covered, we never saw dad naked, not even in undies...ever to my knowledge...but i think that was because we were girls...

Now in my household, I'm the only girl so I"m the most private, I always close the door to use the bathroom, shower, get dressed, etc...I do sleep in undies and a tank top on the weekends but I'm up hours before my oldest son and I put on pj bottoms before getting the baby out of the crib in the morning....my husband sleeps butt nekkid or in undies at the most, and he's less guarded about being seen naked...i guess because they all have the same equipment? Who knows
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Old 03-08-2011, 10:40 AM
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For my nationality and customs, it custom to take sauna bathes with your entire family naked because you can't take an effective bath with a swim suit on. It's the way it's been done since the beginning of time. So I don't think anything of having to bathe with my preschooler in a time crunch, since it's quicker for me to wash him than to run a seperate bath and then wash him. Bathing is largely based on customs and culture, etc. and better to be discussed privately with the parents before even considering reporting them.
I'm a Finlander through and through....My grandmother came to the U.S from Finland when she was a young adult. We took saunas naked together from birth to elderly but only with same sex relatives/family members. We also used saunas as a relaxation/recreation thing to open our pores and cleanse our skin, not necessarily as our bath/shower to get clean since it is so sweaty and I doubt one feels clean after sweating so much....LOL!

I do think how families each bathe is a cultural thing and I guess is left to each family to decide what works for them and what doesn't.
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Old 03-08-2011, 11:18 AM
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I grew up in a very religious household where we were taught to keep our bodies covered, we never saw dad naked, not even in undies...ever to my knowledge...but i think that was because we were girls...
Me too. My dad always had on shorts or pants. I never remember seeing him in his boxers. My DH wore the tightie whities when I married him. I made him were the comical boxers over those around our girls. It didn't bother him to be in tightie whites, but I thought it would be less embarassing for the girls as they got older.
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Old 03-08-2011, 11:40 AM
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To answer your question about what age it becomes inappropriate enough for you to report: when the child in question is in raging puberty but still showering with either parent. I say raging puberty because some kids start showing signs of puberty very early on but are still young enough to want to shower or bathe with you--or have you sit in the bathroom with them to keep them company while they take a relaxing bubble bath. Even then, it might come down to significant cultural differences and different levels of comfort with the topic. If you're taking care of little ones and there are no signs of abuse, then I'd leave it alone. It's not your business.

I wish I could remember the culture, but I read an article about a people who actually build huts for their daughters when they hit puberty. The purpose of the hut is to allow the girl to bring boys home for sexual activity and experimentation. In their culture, it actually empowers the girls, helps them fit in better socially, and allows them a better opportunity to choose a mate for marriage.

It's an idea that would probably horrify many parents in our country, but that doesn't give us the right to judge another culture for how they do things.

This is kind of the same thing.
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Old 03-08-2011, 11:57 AM
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For myself, I stopped bathing with my daughter when she was old enough to sit in the tub without me actually being in the tub with her. I never left the bathroom or anything like that, I just wasn't in the tub with her, just beside it. My husband never bathed with her. He felt really uncomfortable with it so he just didn't do it. The biggest reason that I hated doing it is because bath time for me is supposed to be relaxation time and how can I relax with my kid in the tub with me, throwing water on me and basically just wanting to play!
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Old 03-08-2011, 01:36 PM
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i'm just curious as to why "20 months" - it's such an odd number? why did you decide 20 months?

even though our kids don't bathe with us, they still bathe together and they are opposite sex. i told them they needed to stop bathing together because my oldest is 6, almost 7 - but my son would just sneak in and get in there with her because they wanted to play! nothing sexual about it. i haven't gotten too serious about it because the purpose of splitting them up to bathe is kind of defeated when one of them comes running through the house butt naked - even right after they get out of the shower. i think pretty soon my daughter will stop allowing him in the tub with her but as long as they're both fine with it and there's no "experimenting" going on - i don't have an issue.
That is when I stopped breastfeeding. I am sure there is nothing wrong with it but it is just my thing since I wasn't comfortable to see my parents when I grew up. I do not want to do that to my kids. I also refused to have s** with my husband until they are sleeping. We never do that front of them because I have seen my parents many time and it is so gross.
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Old 03-08-2011, 02:46 PM
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That is when I stopped breastfeeding. I am sure there is nothing wrong with it but it is just my thing since I wasn't comfortable to see my parents when I grew up. I do not want to do that to my kids. I also refused to have s** with my husband until they are sleeping. We never do that front of them because I have seen my parents many time and it is so gross.

Well I would hope no parents have se...x in front of their kids, I'm all for bathing but thats a bit different.
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Old 03-08-2011, 02:50 PM
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I think that it has to do with each child and their interest level. I stopped at age 2 when all the questions started..... same with my older kids.
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Old 08-22-2011, 03:07 PM
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Every family is different, I personally bathed with my daughter until she was 5 but she also bathed with her father in their swim suits. I would think kids at that age are already asking questions about their bodies and our adult bodies and think over 5 is time to let them grow and bath alone. Although I don't think it is worth reporting unless there are signs of abuse or if the child has told you they have been touched inappropriately. Good Luck
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Old 08-22-2011, 04:48 PM
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I bathe with my kids on occassion. All the time when they are babies. Occassionally until they are in grade school. The older they get, the less it's together.

I would be concerned if the child was, say, 12 and it was the oppposite sex. For sure if it's the opposite sex and the child is over 5. IF the child mentions and inappropriate type of touch then certainly that's cause for concern.
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Old 08-22-2011, 09:00 PM
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I also refused to have s** with my husband until they are sleeping. We never do that front of them because I have seen my parents many time and it is so gross.
oh wow; that's terrible!! And just not right!
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Old 08-23-2011, 07:00 AM
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I never bathed with my son but I have held him in the shower when he was a baby but I wore a t-shirt for 2 reasons. 1 afraid he would slip and 2 I just didn't feel right. I know it's just me but I have issues due to childhood memories of inapropriate touching so that's me and just the way I am. I couldn't even breastfeed my child because of the issue/memories. As for other adults bathing with their babies I think it's ok. As for kids bathing with kids I think it's fine for kids to bathe together from babies to preschoolers as long as they don't have a problem with it. If they are shy or uncomfortable then they shouldn't bathe with another child.

Children are learning much more and SEEING much more at earlier ages and I am just cautious of how certain situations are handled. A few years ago I had 6 yr old neighbor telling the other kids about his Dad's X video and what he saw people doing!! I flipped out and my son was not allowed to be around him unless they were right with me and even then I hung on every word. Luckily he moved soon after. Ya just never know how much a kids knows and what they will teach or do to others. Sad but true.
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Old 08-23-2011, 07:04 AM
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I didnt read through all the comments. But up until age 1 or 2, I took a bath with both of my kids, BUT i wore a bathing suit. The bath wasnt to get me clean, since I dont think I can get fully clean in a tub, so then I would get child wiped up and set up and then shower myself. Usually its to make bath fun, or to hold them up. But my kids did bathe together until about age 6 for son and 2 for daughter.

I think being naked with them in the bath is not really appropriate, but I think age 1 shoudl be the cut off?? Not really sure about that since each family is different and each bond is different.
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Old 08-23-2011, 09:26 AM
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I think it all depends on the family and their comfort level. What is right for you is not right for anyone else.

I take showers with all of my grandkids (15 yo girl, 5 yo girl, 4 yo boy, and 3 yo boy). I should rephrase that, they all take showers with me. I can be in the shower alone and end up with 2 or 3 kids before I'm done. I showered with the eldest when we went camping a few weeks ago as only one shower was working. It will stop when they become uncomfortable with it.

4 yo showers with his dad every night. Sometimes on the weekend he'll shower with his big sissy. Once she becomes uncomfortable with it, he'll stop. 15 yo showers with her mom on the weekends when they're in a hurry.

3 and 5 yo still shower with their dad several times a week. On the weekends, all 4 will shower together if they're in a hurry.

I had a gf that was so self conscious that she showered and only changed clothes in a locked bathroom. Her dh of 6 yrs had never seen her totally naked. He had never seen her change her clothes.
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Old 08-23-2011, 11:33 AM
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We've never bathed with our children since I find that weird. My girls (ages 8 and 6) still take a shower together. (They soap themselves and I spray them off to make sure all the shampoo is out). They sometimes take showers by themselves too. Just depends on the amount of time we have that night.
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Old 08-23-2011, 01:23 PM
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I see nothing wrong with bathing with your children, regardless of what sex the parent or the child is. I bathed/showered with both of my parents, and often with my siblings and cousins when I was growing up. As an adult I bathed with my nieces and nephews (who are like my own) up until age 5. We're a family that's very comfortable with our bodies, nudity, teaching about appropriate beahviours/inappropriate behaviours and not sexualizing things that need not be sexualized.
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Old 08-23-2011, 01:37 PM
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I would stop once they turn 2. Even earlier if it's a girl with dad. Somehow a boy with mom might be able to continue slightly longer than a girl with dad. Hypocritical? Maybe. Not sure why I see it that way, but I do.

What it really boils down to is whatever is comfortable for YOUR family. My opinion above only works for me, and might be totally different for you. Live and let live.
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Old 08-25-2011, 10:20 AM
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i dont take baths with my kids and never really did because I was afraid they would, you know, go potty! My son and daughter still take baths together sometimes. they should probably stop soon, as my dd is 8 and ds is 5, but they dont reference parts, so i let them. I am careful to make sure that my dd is properly dressed when her father is around. She needs to learn to be modest around ANY males.
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Old 11-28-2011, 01:07 PM
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I totally understand and agree that its fine to bathe with your children but there has to be a level of respect. I think that once the child starts to want to touch and feel that it should he the stopping point. As with my gf who's daughter is 7 shares a bath but the daughter wants to share the bath plus she touches he mums blobs and EVOn dosn below. Sadly the mum has no control over this and doesn't understand why I an bothered when she does the. Even to the point of sticking her index finger out out and rubbing. Obviously the mum stops her but not like I would stop my on children by means of pushing their hands away and telling them off.
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Old 10-20-2012, 03:46 PM
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Hello, I am entering to give my opinion on the topic of a 10 year old boy bathing with his mother. First I would like to say that my English is not the best, so please try to understand me. Second, I am a doctor of gynecology and have been for many years. I see women naked every day. Some women are fine about it and others just deal with it. I feel that there are many issues here that most of the people need to learn to deal with. I feel that there is nothing wrong with family members being naked together. I feel that society in a whole and mostly in the U.S., the people for the most part are short on maturity, and it is much worst in Latin America, which is where I am from. I feel that it is a sad thing that we are living in a world where when a person exposes a part of skin, and the first thing that comes into the minds of many people is…SEX, or SOMETHING BAD, DIRTY, WRONG. These attitudes are all wrong. The human body is a wonderful work of art, beautiful in every aspect. What are wrong are the minds of most of the people. I will give you an example. I travel all over the world talking about the women’s body or bodies of both sexes and what I have found is that most people have trouble saying the words vagina or penis. You want to tell me that the minds of the people are healthy when they can’t even talk about the parts of their body without acting weird.
In my opinion this should not be about a mother and her son, but about the unhealthy attitude that most people have about something that is as natural and beautiful as human nakedness. But, this is a topic for another area and time.
I say there really is no age limit if the children are raise with right values. By "right values" I mean that they are taught respect and have a healthy wholesome attitude toward the body. Many families and cultures bathe together all over the world, many skinny dip together. I agree with what was said....people have funny ideas on this subject. In American history, privacy wasn’t always an option and families shared every room in the house. In Japan, families bathe together regularly. It is entirely up to the individual as when they do or don’t feel comfortable with nudity. Children are natural "nudists" so to speak....they are taught all of the attitudes and beliefs about nudity (especially coed nudity) through badly informed family, friends, and society.
We wonder why there are so many problems with teenage sex, when we can’t even talk about the word vagina or penis. We teach our kids ridiculous words for those parts of the body rather than using the time or question to address the real issues. Kids understand everything if you talk to them.
I asked many of my patients to give me their opinion on the same subject. All of the information was in Spanish and was translated to English. Here are a few…
I wish I had a bigger shower! We shower with the kids in the summer… as soon as our kids were able to sit on their own, we plopped them in the shower while we showered. Even when they were newborn, I couldn’t figure out how to use the baby bathtub, so I used to just take baths with them. It was so peaceful and relaxing. I remember one time when my newborn Little M caught my gaze and just held it when we were relaxing in the tub together, and I felt like he was looking into my soul…
I do love this idea! We all bathe together, though us parents haven’t done so in a long time. I actually thought about this the other day, that it would be nice for the kids to have a bath with Daddy, if not every bath, then at least once in a while. Kiddos love stuff like that! As for when its “inappropriate” I think it depends on the family…for us, the body is a normal, natural thing and we don’t make a big deal about nude-ness. So our kiddos see us getting dressed, getting out of the shower or using the bathroom. It makes sense to me for them to see us doing things they are going to have to learn anyways…
We do the shower-bath, too! Mikko loves the handheld shower sprayer for washing us off. I have to admit, sometimes I purposely choose a time to shower when he’s not around just for the solitude, but he always wants company when he bathes. I remember showering with my parents when I was very young (preschool-age), and I remember wishing for company long after that…
I really enjoyed reading this mostly for sheer evidence that other people do this too. I have “shower bathed” as Jenna & Claire say as well since my son was very young I think it that helps keep him warm plus he’s able to play and splash still! Every time I have mentioned this to other people they seem to find something wrong with it and just down right dumbfounded by it. I don’t think people even think to bathe together especially with young children. I would bring my son in the bath with me and hold him and then when he could sit in the “bumbo” seat I would put him in there and start “shower bath” time. I actually just recently noted how my son still showers with either his Dad or I (or both!) I wish more people would, as it would help them to develop a healthier attitude about nudity…
We have always showered/bathed together. We don’t even think about it, it’s just a normal thing that happens on a daily base. No second thought is wasted on it, when its shower/bath time we all go in the bathroom and clean up. It’s so much fun playing in the water together, talking about the day, teaching proper hygiene by example, and it saves sooo much time!!! All of us love it. I do accept that others are uneasy about it and if you don’t make a big deal out of it, it won’t be. Try it sometime … You might be surprised…
I asked 250 persons to give me their opinion on families bathing together at any age. The results were 92% said that there was nothing was wrong if all persons were comfortable with it, many adding that it would help develop a healthier attitude towards nudity. And 8% said that they would not or that it was wrong. Most of those surveyed were upper middle class to upper class (economically speaking).
There is soooo much to say, but for lack of time, it all depends upon what you feel, right or wrong. I think that so many people have not learned to make their own decisions, and rely on facebook or some blog to tell them what they should do or not to do. What will happen when these people have to talk face to face with God? God will ask why and they will answer? “ “I read it on facebook or in a blog!”
I will close with one last thing. The bible says in Galatians 5:22, The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, 23 meekness, self-control: against such there is no law. I think that if we all had these qualities in our lives, we would not be worried about a mother or father bathing with their children.
By the way, I normally do not participate in blogs or facebook type of things. I am just doing this to support a group of friends that I have that do. Sorry if I offended any person.
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Old 05-11-2015, 04:14 PM
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My son recently learned that his 8-year-old son has started bathing with his mother. They live in different states and are preparing for a custody battle. She has an admitted history of incest with an adult nephew. She had been molested by. an older half brother when she was a teenager. This recent change in her behavior with my grandson has alarmed me, as well as my son. She has also begun taking the boy to a therapist for "defiant" behavior, even though my son has always known him as a very cooperative child when he's with his dad. Another circumstance that has changed in the last year is that my son's ex cut off all connection with her own mother and everyone in her biological family, citing her bitterness that her mother did not protect her from the abuser when she was a teenager. So my grandson is now isolated from his maternal grandmother, who had spent a lot of time caring for him since he was a baby. He was also cut off from his cousins, aunts and uncles. Am I just overreacting to this recent changel?
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Old 05-11-2015, 04:53 PM
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I bathed with my DD until 4 or 5. With my son I cut it off much sooner, 2 or 3. I am not funny about nude, I don't see a human body as dirty and I don't see sex as dirty. I am a Christian and think as God intended it, it is a beautiful wonderful thing and am trying to teach my DD who is 16 that. Sadly, many times it is not as God intended it and that is a whole different story. I would never "have sex" in front of my child, but they better knock or they might get a surprise.

It really does differ a ton with different families and cultures. I would only report if I thought something abusive was really going on. I take ANY abuse very highly and will not overlook it, but I won't file a false report either. If the child is not okay with it, I would bring it up to the parent.
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Old 05-11-2015, 05:48 PM
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I never bathed with my son. It's not for me. I think age two for opposite sex is about right. Age three or four for same sex.
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Old 05-11-2015, 08:25 PM
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I remember showering with my mom when I was maybe 4.
I lived with my cousins and showered with my girl cousin (same age as me) until we were around 13/14. I think we stopped when my cousin stated her menstrual cycle. Neither of us had issues showing together at that age.
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Old 05-12-2015, 10:36 AM
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I did with my daughter until she was 8 or 9. We are very open around each other, even now. Sex talk has always been a open subject as well. I don't want it to be taboo.
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Old 05-12-2015, 08:47 PM
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Wow. It's up to the parents and child. In my Japanese culture families bathe together. It's kinda like the "suppertime/dinner table" conversation time here in America. It is a family bonding time. Their shower rooms are built to family size. It's kinda like someone here posted about African cultures/tribes. Ya gonna call cps to haul a bunch of kids away from their moms because of nakedness there? I understand that it is something that you might not be comfortable with, but it does not mean it is wrong.
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Old 11-12-2015, 05:23 PM
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Ok so, first things first.... maybe other mothers have differing experiences with their children. And right now I only have a two year old daughter, I do have another one on the way, and she will be here in Febuary. That being said I was sexually abused as a child. That's right. I said it. There's a stigma too about being abused as a child. Many people act or speak as if it is inevitable that you will hurt YOUR children the same way you were and so for the longest time when my little one was born I suffered from feeling as if EVERYTHING was inappropriate. I was afraid of what other people would think of me, I was afraid that someone would take my kid away, because I'D been hurt as a child. Skin to skin? I felt akward and uncomfortable. I felt that it was innapropriate. Breastfeeding? I've never had a problem when other women did it but I was afraid if I did it, it would be horribly inapropriate. And I regret that. I did still do those things. But it was tarnished for me by opinions of people who obviously sexualize things that shouldn't be, or by people who have little thought for the feelings of a frightened child. I swear becoming a mom was ten times scarier for me, and it shouldn't have had to be. But I know now. I have learned to be comfortable in MY opinions, and I have learned to be comfortable in the fact that I am not my abuser. My daughter is a happy, healthy girl. She's super affectionate, friendly, gentle with other children. She is well behaved and well adjusted. And people always compliment me on it. But what they don't know is that I don't always feel as awesome as they say I must be as a parent. I still bathe with my daughter and honestly I intend to continue to do so until she wishes it otherwise. It is a wonderful bonding oppurtunity! On top of which it is water effecient and when you are like me and cannot bend over the tub it really makes things a lot easier. I am comfortable with it, because I know that there is nothing sexual about it. And if she asks questions, when she asks questions...well I'd rather her hear alll about it from me and not someone else. That is MY job after all. I really do appreciate the fact that you actually came forward and asked though. There are many people who bash mothers or parents in general for their decisions as if they have all the answers to everything, but the fact that you asked means that you are at least trying to be open minded and I am so very grateful to you for that. Honestly, we really need to stop judging each other. We really oughtta stop waiting, poised and ready to call the authorities for every little thing. If there is no abuse, and there is love, what does it matter that she chooses to breastfeed or bottle feed? What does it matter if she chooses to bathe with her kiddo or leave the door open when they use the toilet (i do by the way. my bathroom doors don't lock and little one will barge on in anyways so whats the point? I'm a stay at home mom, at least this way if she isn't in the rest room I can also hear what she is doing). This judgemental thing we do... it sometimes destroys other families and we might not even give it a second thought. It makes mothers unconfident, and scared. And mothers who cannot be confident cannot raise confident children. As mothers we are terrified to say anything because we will be judged, and who knows what comes with said judgement? When my toddler hits me and I spat her hand I should not be worried that the lady in the grocery store next to me is going to call cps on me. We should be more supportive of each other.
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Old 11-12-2015, 05:28 PM
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And my personal experience, that my pregnancy brain completely erased from my last message, is that honestly there is nooooooo such thing as privacy as a momma. I cannot poop in peace, I cannot change in peace, and my lap no longer belongs to me. Oh and personal space. HA! My toddler laughs at the notion of this personal space you think exists lol. But honestly it doesn't bug me and I don't see anything wrong with it. This is a child that I carried inside of my body, I mean thats about as close as someone can ever be to being a PART of you.
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Old 11-12-2015, 06:19 PM
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And my personal experience, that my pregnancy brain completely erased from my last message, is that honestly there is nooooooo such thing as privacy as a momma. I cannot poop in peace, I cannot change in peace, and my lap no longer belongs to me. Oh and personal space. HA! My toddler laughs at the notion of this personal space you think exists lol. But honestly it doesn't bug me and I don't see anything wrong with it. This is a child that I carried inside of my body, I mean thats about as close as someone can ever be to being a PART of you.

Interesting that you found this thread from 2011. Did you find it from a search? If so, I would be interested in the search words you used.
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Old 11-12-2015, 06:39 PM
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Old thread, but still interesting. I'm definitely not the "norm", I guess. I thought about logging out, but ... no offense, I just don't care what others think, I guess. DS is 8. We just showered together a few days ago. We bathed together until he was 6, and only stopped because of a space issue. He BEGS to shower with me.

I am not a model. I have fat and stretch marks, 20 lbs extra, and jiggle in some places. Although I'm conservatively dressed when out and about (just my style), when I'm home, I relax and wear less. If DS sees me naked, I don't hide. I want DS to learn that women are not perfect "10's", photoshopped and always amazing looking. When you love someone, you love ALL of them.

I also don't shy away from questions re: body parts or anything else that comes up. I want DS to have a clear understanding of how things are, and not be ashamed of his body.

Long story short,I love our shower time. It's never inappropriate, but that's becaise DS has seen all of it, so it's not a shock. He talks to me about his day, his dreams, hopes, and we are writing a story together, so a lot of times we do that - think of ideas.
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Old 11-12-2015, 06:48 PM
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That's exactly what I was wondering (although I sure did go about it in a round-about way ). I would hate for a close friend to be investigated for something completely innocent, when I could have warned her that something she was doing might be seen as reportable, kwim?

One more question for everyone: would it be okay for a child who normally bathes with his/her mother, to also bathe with his/her step dad or with mom's boyfriend (or girlfriend, just to be pc)?
That actually kind of makes me really sad that step parents are lumped in with boyfriends and girlfriends. My husband is not my first childs biological father. I was... not always a good person it's true. But my husband... when we got together he was good to me, and believed in me. He saw in me what nobody else had and he makes me a better person. When we found out that I was pregnant (we were engaged shortly after this discovery and to be honest I'd known the guy for 4 years so it wasn't like I didn't know him please don't misunderstand), he's been my daughters daddy since before we knew she was a girl. He has never seen her as anything other than his own, flesh and blood or not. And to be honest we don't ever tell people that she isn't biologically his kid and it's hilarious how many people say that she looks like her daddy (obviously untrue she is the spitting image of mommy lol). Point is I know there are some bad step parents out there but then there are men like my husband and he really deserves an award. It takes a lot of love and courage to raise someone elses kid, and it takes a lot of love to see them as your own even when the world considers you less than a parent because the child isn't the fruit of your OWN loins. If anything it endears him to me even more.
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Old 11-12-2015, 06:50 PM
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Interesting that you found this thread from 2011. Did you find it from a search? If so, I would be interested in the search words you used.
Yes I was searching on google, out of curiousity for how many people consider bathing with their children to be inapropriate.
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  #60  
Old 11-14-2015, 12:58 PM
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I bathed with my daughter until she was about 4 maybe 5. My son is 9m old so I bathe with him in the tub but I will probably stop bathing with him by the time he is 2 or 3 simply because he is a boy and will start to become more 'aware' of that fact by this age and start to ask about differences. However, my husband would never bathe with my daughter at any age but he has bathed with our son often. I find this to be pretty normal arrangement for most parents.

I'm not ashamed about my body at all though and don't believe that children should be kept so much in the dark about certain things either (my own children anyway) so I don't ignore questions about the differences. When my daughter started to ask how my body was different than hers and how boys were different I gave the best (kid friendly) answer I could without too many details but added more information over the years as the questions were brought up again and new ones were asked. I'll do the same with my son but let his daddy fill him in on the more awkward bits
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Old 11-14-2015, 01:00 PM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
That actually kind of makes me really sad that step parents are lumped in with boyfriends and girlfriends. My husband is not my first childs biological father. I was... not always a good person it's true. But my husband... when we got together he was good to me, and believed in me. He saw in me what nobody else had and he makes me a better person. When we found out that I was pregnant (we were engaged shortly after this discovery and to be honest I'd known the guy for 4 years so it wasn't like I didn't know him please don't misunderstand), he's been my daughters daddy since before we knew she was a girl. He has never seen her as anything other than his own, flesh and blood or not. And to be honest we don't ever tell people that she isn't biologically his kid and it's hilarious how many people say that she looks like her daddy (obviously untrue she is the spitting image of mommy lol). Point is I know there are some bad step parents out there but then there are men like my husband and he really deserves an award. It takes a lot of love and courage to raise someone elses kid, and it takes a lot of love to see them as your own even when the world considers you less than a parent because the child isn't the fruit of your OWN loins. If anything it endears him to me even more.
YES! My son is my hubbys but my daughter was from a failed relationship. My husband adopted her when we got married and has raised her as his own from the beginning.
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Old 11-15-2015, 06:39 AM
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Such an interesting, albeit old, thread.
As a child, I continued to shower with my sister til we were both in high school. We were best friends, and only had a one bathroom house.
As a mother, I haven't hit a stage where Im uncomfortable. My eldest is turning 9 this month. My only son is still a baby, but I imagine it'll be many years til I stop being naked around him. Whenever he is uncomfortable.
My husband, otoh, stops around the age of 2. He also asks our daughter to get dressed quickly. Prude.

I feel that the 'stop when they start asking questions' just continues the idea that our bodies are bad (and I strongly feel that they AREN'T). Quick! Hide the skin! Don't say "penis" in any context!
lol
My 5yo knows that if we are talking about changing her brothers diaper, saying penis is totally fine. If we are in the middle of a restaurant, it's not appropriate.
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Old 11-15-2015, 11:26 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa's Little Lambs View Post
Such an interesting, albeit old, thread.
As a child, I continued to shower with my sister til we were both in high school. We were best friends, and only had a one bathroom house.
As a mother, I haven't hit a stage where Im uncomfortable. My eldest is turning 9 this month. My only son is still a baby, but I imagine it'll be many years til I stop being naked around him. Whenever he is uncomfortable.
My husband, otoh, stops around the age of 2. He also asks our daughter to get dressed quickly. Prude.

I feel that the 'stop when they start asking questions' just continues the idea that our bodies are bad (and I strongly feel that they AREN'T). Quick! Hide the skin! Don't say "penis" in any context!
lol
My 5yo knows that if we are talking about changing her brothers diaper, saying penis is totally fine. If we are in the middle of a restaurant, it's not appropriate.
ITA with everything here. My husband is also a "prude", haha. He was raised strict Dutch and it is hard to get a hug from any of his family!!! I am the polar opposite.

If you take the fascination away about differences and body parts, it just becomes second nature. My DS won't go around acting immature about his body part, like some of his friends. I also found it really helpful when DS came to me earlier this year when he had questions about the birds and bees. Some older boy gave him mis-information, so we had to have "the talk". DS feels like we can talk about things, because body parts and birds and bee stuff isn't embarrassing or something to hide.

But I'm not advocating for bathing and showering together. It just works for us. And we certainly don'tdo it all the time anymore. Mama wants her privacy to think once in a while!
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Old 11-15-2015, 11:38 AM
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I carried one of my son's friends home the other day and the mother could not come to the door. She sent her teenage daughter to let us in because the mom was in the bathtub with the 4 yr old son and 1.5 year old daughter....the teenager said the kids were nursing in there and it was easier for the mom to just take a bath with them so she could get it all done at once. Yep, I just left my son's friend there and walked back to the car and left...
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Old 10-05-2016, 11:01 AM
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Ok different situation. Question! My 7 yeAr old granddaughter informed me this wknd that the man who lives with her and her mother bathes and washes her at bath time.
Am I over reacting by being upset about this?
I tried to speak with the mother but her response was "if you don't like it take me back to court" My son is her father
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Old 10-05-2016, 11:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
Ok different situation. Question! My 7 yeAr old granddaughter informed me this wknd that the man who lives with her and her mother bathes and washes her at bath time.
Am I over reacting by being upset about this?
I tried to speak with the mother but her response was "if you don't like it take me back to court" My son is her father
Talk to your son.

It's his situation to address as it is his child.

I understand that you are the grandparent but in most cases, the grandparent does not have the authority to DO anything.
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Old 07-05-2017, 11:35 PM
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I shower with my 3.5 year old son sometimes. If we both need a cleaning, it's faster and more fun for him cause he loves showers (vs baths) and it's some 1-on-1 time that he craves now being a big brother to a 9 month old.

Nudity in and of itself is not dirty. If I'm bathing my child's naked body (if he were solo), is that considered inappropriate too?

I have a more relaxed idea about nudity than most people in the US.
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