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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>So Disappointed in Myself :(
godiva83 07:57 PM 04-26-2012
So I really just wanted to vent!
I have a child whom I work with twice a week and do ABA therapy with, this child is on the 'Autisim Spectrum' he is pretty high functioning, but non verbal.

Anyway, this wee guy has reached so many goals since coming here, he is beginning to socialize with others, enjoys parallel play, can use the PECS (picture exchange communication system) rather well and over all just a great kid.

So today we were all outside enjoying the sunshine when a neighbour approached and infront of everyone said, " gee, when are you going to speak kid - your a little slow aren't you."
At first I wanted to slap her, then cry as my heart shattered!
I couldn't stand to look at her and was so disappointed in myself for not standing up more for this little boy - I was supossed to protect him and be his words .. I was just so shocked I just stood there as time went by, finally I wrapped my arm around him gave him a squeeze and asked all the kids to come in. I should have told her to immediately leave my property and mind her own business!

I think I will write a letter to her explaining just how rude, inconsiderate and ignorant her remarks were.
What would you have done or do in this situation?
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permanentvacation 08:15 PM 04-26-2012
Like you said, you were shocked that the neighbor said that. You probably honestly could not express your thoughts at the time. And it might actually have been a good thing that you just walked away. If you started expressing yourself, the children might have seen you telling that person off like a dog!

To one degree, we have no business telling our client's business to anyone. However, if that neighbor comes around often, I would have to inform them about the child's situation, and something to the effect that each child with or without developmental delays develop at their own pace and then let them know that you were offended by their negative comment and that you believe in positively encouraging children rather than degrading them.
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permanentvacation 08:18 PM 04-26-2012
You might not want to write a letter. Then they have proof you discussed a client's private imformatiom with someome else. I would verbally tell the neighbor the next time I see them.
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godiva83 08:26 PM 04-26-2012
Thanks for the great advice.
You are right, I needed to walk away instead of lay into her!

She also doesn't need to know that this child has Autisim - there really is no excuse for the ignorance she demonstrated today! Gosh I am still so bothered by this.

I also didn't tell his parents about this incidence ... I want to protect them from as much stupidity as I can I guess. The child really wasn't paying any attention to what this lady was saying and I don't think was bothered but of course I will look for signs in the coming days.
Should I have mentioned it ... The parents are extremely sensitive still as it is a rather new diagnosis
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Meeko 08:30 PM 04-26-2012
Just wanted to say he is so blessed to have you in his life.
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Kaddidle Care 05:26 AM 04-27-2012
I just audibly gasped when I read that. Who talks to children like that? Does this woman have children? Wow, just wow.

I think that all I would say to her is to please watch what she says to the children as that particular comment was very hurtful and was said directly to the child.

If she continues to come over and say comments like that I'd tell her that for regulation purposes, you are not allowed to have guests during Daycare hours for the safety of the children.
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permanentvacation 06:46 AM 04-27-2012
Since you said that the child didn't seem bothered by what the neighbor said, I don't think I would say anything to his parents about it. You took care of the situation at the time by removing the children from the neighbor so the neighbor could not continue to say harmful things to them. Parents put their kids in our care and trust us to take care of them. That's what you did. Parents do not expect a play by play report of who did or said what throughout the day.
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DaisyMamma 06:59 AM 04-27-2012
The parents will experience on their own how rude people can be. They dont need to know.
Next time you see the neighbor you should tell her nicely that she needs to be careful what she says in front of kids, they can hear her, and she doesn't know if there might be a problem.
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MyAngels 07:13 AM 04-27-2012
Maybe you could use this as an opportunity to educate your neighbor. She's obviously ignorant, at least about this particular subject, and may not have even realized that she said anything out of line.

I'd pull her aside and explain in general terms why what she said was inappropriate. JMO, for what it's worth.

The little guy is lucky he has someone like you in his life .
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MizzCheryl 10:03 AM 04-27-2012
yes, the others are right. No need to upset the parents. You are upset enough for everyone.
Some people are just insensitive #*&%%$.
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safechner 10:08 AM 04-27-2012
Originally Posted by godiva83:
So I really just wanted to vent!
I have a child whom I work with twice a week and do ABA therapy with, this child is on the 'Autisim Spectrum' he is pretty high functioning, but non verbal.

Anyway, this wee guy has reached so many goals since coming here, he is beginning to socialize with others, enjoys parallel play, can use the PECS (picture exchange communication system) rather well and over all just a great kid.

So today we were all outside enjoying the sunshine when a neighbour approached and infront of everyone said, " gee, when are you going to speak kid - your a little slow aren't you."
At first I wanted to slap her, then cry as my heart shattered!
I couldn't stand to look at her and was so disappointed in myself for not standing up more for this little boy - I was supossed to protect him and be his words .. I was just so shocked I just stood there as time went by, finally I wrapped my arm around him gave him a squeeze and asked all the kids to come in. I should have told her to immediately leave my property and mind her own business!

I think I will write a letter to her explaining just how rude, inconsiderate and ignorant her remarks were.
What would you have done or do in this situation?

I know what you are going through. I have been through a lot of times with rude people who walk up to my daughter who has PDDNOS on Autism Spectrum. I do speak up for my daughter to get them out and sometimes I smart @$$ to people who stared at my daughter pretty longer like 15 mins. It doesn't bother my daughter very well but it does bother me if they tried to do something or give dirty face to my daughter so I stand up to them, anyways. Truth is, I am not afraid of those rude people.

You should have told his parents about it. The parents will have experience like I do. If I were his parent, I would want to know and I will go to her house or something like that.

Next time, you see her go on your property and tell her to get out of your property and tell her that she doesn't need to talk to your daycare child like that.

Please do not write a letter to her but you would need to speak up yourself to her.
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Ariana 10:34 AM 04-27-2012
I think a letter in her door would be a good approach but anyone who would have the nerve to say this likely doesn't care. Who says that these days

I would have been shocked and likely wouldn't have said anything either.....so sad
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godiva83 10:55 AM 04-27-2012
Thanks everyone!

I love all my DCK's and am usually a big old Mumma bear and I just was in such shock!

I think if it is to happen again I will have a sit down with the parents, but this time your right... Right now I think it will just do more harm then good.
I am also going to help them by understanding the diagnosis a bit better and more of a support to them not just their son.
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littlemissmuffet 11:03 AM 04-27-2012
I would never tell the parents what was said.

I would, however, go to the neighbor's house after daycare hours and tell her that the comment she made was rude, hurtful and completely uncalled for. I would also educate her in letting her know that a) all children (and adults even) develop at diffrent stages and b) that it is inappropriate to make comments like that in the event that a child has some sort of developmental issue.

I'd leave it at that.
No letter.
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e.j. 07:23 PM 04-27-2012
If the child heard what the neighbor said, I would mention it to the parents so they would be prepared to handle any emotional fall out that might come. Since the child didn't appear to here anything, though, I wouldn't say anything to the parents. There really isn't anything they can do about it other than feel upset about how your neighbor treated their child so nothing positive would be accomplished.

I would visit the neighbor, saying something like, "I just want to check on you to make sure you're feeling okay. You seemed out of sorts earlier. I was caught off guard when you said.....Why would you say something like that? Please don't do it again." Hopefully, she's feeling like an a$$ and apologizes.

By any chance, is she elderly and maybe losing it a little? Or maybe she's on the spectrum somewhere herself and lacking some of the filters most people have that would stop her from saying what she said? Still wouldn't make it acceptable but maybe a bit more forgivable?
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Tags:autism spectrum disorder, inconsiderate, neighbor issue
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