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Daycare Center and Family Home Forum>Rude Grandparent?
SuperNinjaMommy 09:49 AM 02-15-2013
I have a dcb (9 months) who's grandma often picks up and is extremely rude. I kind of grit my teeth and bear it because quite frankly what she says doesn't matter, she doesn't sign my paychecks. However, she is "tattling" on me for things that I haven't even done. I drive my children to the bus stop in bad weather and one day she texted me to let me know she was on her way so I texted back and said ok but if I'm not there I'm at the bus stop and it shouldn't be long. She then called the mother and said that I had her son outside walking down to the bus stop. The mom was outraged and texted basically telling me off and I said no I drive and you are aware that I drive to the bus stop with him in the car. Then yesterday the grandma picks up and asks why it's so quiet in the house so I told her that they had a lot of treats today and so they are probably sugar crashed. Apparently I needed to be specific that I did not give the 9 month old sugar because she told the mother that I had given him cake. First off, this child is not developmentally ready for solids and even though the mother has told me he was allowed to have cheerios I told her I still don't quite feel comfortable giving them to him here so why she would think that I would give him cake is beyond me. Honestly, I've never had a parent question my abilities like this. I do my job extremely well and it's kind of insulting that they don't think I have more sense than this.
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Blackcat31 09:53 AM 02-15-2013
Personally, I would term. No way in he77 I would put up with that kind of direspect....especially from someone I never contracted with.
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MamaBearCanada 10:03 AM 02-15-2013
Hmmm... I wonder if the Grandmother is hoping to watch him?
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SuperNinjaMommy 10:08 AM 02-15-2013
grandma works full time so I don't think that's it. She comes off as one of those extremely critical people like nothing will ever be good enough. Even when it comes to her daughter and son in law, she always complains about the hat they brought or whatever. It's always something. I'm thinking of terming because they are only part time, I always have to ask for the paycheck each week and they always drop off during non-drop off time (I have a 30 minute block to get my children set for school take them to the bus stop and then bring everyone back safely in which they are more than welcome to bring him before this block and he would go with me to the bus stop or after I come back but he always come smack dab in the middle causing me to feel rushed to hurry and let them in the door when I come back)
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CedarCreek 10:21 AM 02-15-2013
I wouldn't give grandma any details.

"its so quiet in your house today" "yup".

"i'm coming to get dck" "not in right now but will be back in a few minutes"

Short and not even necessarily sweet
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Play Care 11:03 AM 02-15-2013
I agree with the pp about not giving anyone but the parents details. And had mom called to rip me about the bus stop situation I would have told her then and there that she was on notice, and any other incident would warrent immediate termination. And that would only be if the family was otherwise very good and the baby was a dream. Otherwise I would just term now and be done.
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akpayne 11:06 AM 02-15-2013
I would put them on probabtion. Tell them exactly why- the disrespect and rudeness youve recieved from grandma. Have them deal with her and if it doesnt change, term them....a paycheck isnt worth it
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SuperNinjaMommy 11:37 AM 02-15-2013
Yah now I just need to find that backbone of mine apparently.
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Starburst 11:50 AM 02-15-2013
If the mother is the one you have the contract with, you can tell the mom that this situation is not working for you because you have a contract with her not the grandma and it seems that her mother is disrespectful towards you and your rules/schedule/program and that it is causing issues between the family and yourself. and for now on either she talks to her mother about her behavior, she/dad pick up the child themselves, they find someone else (besides grandma) to pick the child up, or find a new daycare.

Maybe look into what your pick up or termination policies say about disrespect towards the provider by a drop-off/ pick up adult and look into adding something about having the right to restrict the number of adults or removing pick-up chaperones from the list if they show any threat or disrespect for you, your family/employees, your program, or children/families in your program. If you don't already have that in your contract put it in your contract and have families sign it. Anyone who is on your property during daycare hours (and even after) should follow your rules- even if they didn't sign a contract. This maybe a business but it is still your home and you have a right to have a say in what (or who) is/isn't allowed.
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Willow 12:32 PM 02-15-2013
If you don't straight out term for such a lack of trust you should point blank ask mom why the grandmother keeps lying and throwing you under the bus for no reason. I'd probably go so far as to ask if she's got all her marbles or what because the slanderous stuff she makes up out of nowhere is just so bizarre. Presented in a concerned tone would make your point and probably go over best.

Who knows, mom might have first hand experience with her doing the exact same thing to her and have no idea she tries to manipulate others in the same way.
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SuperNinjaMommy 12:59 PM 02-15-2013
One of my biggest points when I talk to my parents is that if at any time they don't have 100% confidence in me as a provider that they should immediately find care elsewhere because that to me is a huge concern. And for someone to keep their children in care in which they question is downright neglect in my book.
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Willow 01:10 PM 02-15-2013
Originally Posted by SuperNinjaMommy:
One of my biggest points when I talk to my parents is that if at any time they don't have 100% confidence in me as a provider that they should immediately find care elsewhere because that to me is a huge concern. And for someone to keep their children in care in which they question is downright neglect in my book.
Amen!!!
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SuperNinjaMommy 12:32 PM 02-19-2013
Fast forward to this morning... dcd drops off the baby on a day he wasn't scheduled to be here. Not only that but also arrived during my non-drop off time and let himself in before I got back from the bus stop. I mean are they trying to get terminated or are they really this inconsiderate? I reminded them that any schedule changes HAVE to be communicated then stuck a rule reminder sheet in their diaper bag. I think on the next rule break I'm terming. Should I give them two weeks or just say end of week because I'm positive they'll rule break again. Something tells me they just don't think rules apply to them. I don't want to deal with their inconsideration for my business or home anymore.
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Blackcat31 12:36 PM 02-19-2013
Originally Posted by SuperNinjaMommy:
Fast forward to this morning... dcd drops off the baby on a day he wasn't scheduled to be here. Not only that but also arrived during my non-drop off time and let himself in before I got back from the bus stop. I mean are they trying to get terminated or are they really this inconsiderate? I reminded them that any schedule changes HAVE to be communicated then stuck a rule reminder sheet in their diaper bag. I think on the next rule break I'm terming. Should I give them two weeks or just say end of week because I'm positive they'll rule break again. Something tells me they just don't think rules apply to them. I don't want to deal with their inconsideration for my business or home anymore.
Did you take the baby in? If so, I don't mean to be rude but they are breaking rules because you are allowing them to. kwim?

If you didn't then good for you! Parents will NEVER respect and follow your policies unless you do as well.

If you are going to term because of the constant rule breaking, I would give them two weeks WITH the added clause that if they break any rules during the final two weeks, then termination is immediate with NO refunds.
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SuperNinjaMommy 12:44 PM 02-19-2013
Oh for sure but I just don't really know how to handle this type of behavior because I've never been faced with it before.
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wdmmom 12:44 PM 02-19-2013
Originally Posted by SuperNinjaMommy:
Fast forward to this morning... dcd drops off the baby on a day he wasn't scheduled to be here. Not only that but also arrived during my non-drop off time and let himself in before I got back from the bus stop. I mean are they trying to get terminated or are they really this inconsiderate? I reminded them that any schedule changes HAVE to be communicated then stuck a rule reminder sheet in their diaper bag. I think on the next rule break I'm terming. Should I give them two weeks or just say end of week because I'm positive they'll rule break again. Something tells me they just don't think rules apply to them. I don't want to deal with their inconsideration for my business or home anymore.
Well...

Originally I was going to suggest that maybe granny's schedule changed and she now feels guilty for not watching the child and that he/she has to come to you. (At least that's what it sounds like to me.) Many grandparents get mad when dcm/dcd don't "allow" or suggest that they watch the child. I'm wondering if that's not what's going on here.

I would simply tell dcm/dcd that unless circumstances arise preventing them from picking up, you are no longer comfortable having granny come.

Considering the latest post...

I wouldn't even bring up the grandma situation. I would draw up termination papers and hand them to them Friday. Just make sure you do it AFTER you get paid!
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Blackcat31 12:50 PM 02-19-2013
Originally Posted by SuperNinjaMommy:
Oh for sure but I just don't really know how to handle this type of behavior because I've never been faced with it before.
It's amazing how much stuff some parents will try to squeeze past you!

Just when you think you ahve heard/seen/done it all another family will come along and "surprise" the heck out of you.

As you grow your business, you will find your handbook of rules/policies grwing as each new "surprise" comes along.

A good rule of thumb is to always rememeber that you aren't being paid to not hurt parent's feelings. You will AWAYS find yourself having to look out for YOU because rarely do parents put anyone's needs ahead of their own, so neither should you.
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Starburst 01:37 PM 02-19-2013
I would have termed him on the spot:
  1. He is not respecting your schedule and your policy
  2. He is breaking and entering to a private residence; which is illegal (this is still your home and you have a right to privacy and security)
  3. They obviously are taking advantage of your services- if he drops off the kid on his day off
  4. The whole family has been showing disrespect towards you and your business

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SuperNinjaMommy 01:42 PM 02-19-2013
Yah, I'm going to put them on probation. Does anyone have any good probationary notices they can give me as an example. I've NEVER had to deal with this kind of disrespect from a parent so I have nothing other than a list of rules.
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Lorna 01:52 PM 02-19-2013
Wow that is terrible. I thought the parent I was dealing with was bad. I would just terminate them.
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wdmmom 01:56 PM 02-19-2013
Originally Posted by SuperNinjaMommy:
Yah, I'm going to put them on probation. Does anyone have any good probationary notices they can give me as an example. I've NEVER had to deal with this kind of disrespect from a parent so I have nothing other than a list of rules.
I did it to a family many years ago.

I printed out another copy of my handbook and highlighted every section they violated.

I simply wrote something along these lines:

Dear DCF,

Within the past few months, there have been countless violations in policies while your child has attended daycare. (Please see parent handbook attached.) The highlighted sections are all policies you have not adhered to.

We have had numerous discussions regarding my rules and that they must be followed. At this time, I have no other choice but to place you on a 30 day probationary period. If during this time my policies are not followed, your contract will be terminated without further warning.

Please re-read and review my policies again and if you have questions, please feel free to ask.

Yours truly,
DCP
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SuperNinjaMommy 02:59 PM 02-19-2013
Originally Posted by wdmmom:
Dear DCF,

Within the past few months, there have been countless violations in policies while your child has attended daycare. (Please see parent handbook attached.) The highlighted sections are all policies you have not adhered to.

We have had numerous discussions regarding my rules and that they must be followed. At this time, I have no other choice but to place you on a 30 day probationary period. If during this time my policies are not followed, your contract will be terminated without further warning.

Please re-read and review my policies again and if you have questions, please feel free to ask.

Yours truly,
DCP
I love this, thank you so much!
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SuperNinjaMommy 03:04 PM 02-19-2013
I gave them a highlighted rule sheet in the bag today. I also did not give out any kind of any wording when the grandma picked up. I hated it because I'm a friendly and talkative person but apparently everything I say is being twisted. She came in with "man this is an awful big coat, your dad must have thought it was cold outside"... It's 25 and snowing. I felt like she was just fishing for something to tattle about.
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crazydaycarelady 04:26 PM 02-19-2013
I agree with Cedar Creek, keep your responses short and no extra details what-so-ever.
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SuperNinjaMommy 07:14 AM 02-20-2013
Boom! Put the rules reminder in their bag last night and this morning dad drops off during the non-drop off time. I only let him in because I had made a deal with another parent a week ago to let her drop off during that time because she lives an hour away and has court (and she asked if it was ok and she never does it). The sheet was gone this morning so they clearly got it. Should I text termination? How can I do it in the nicest way possible?
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Zoe 07:27 AM 02-20-2013
If they have been pushing the rules then they might claim that they never got a text and keep coming. I'd call and actually speak to someone and say, I sent you home a notification of probation and that if you broke any more rules I'd end care. Today a rule was broken. Childcare services will end at pick up today.
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momofboys 07:31 AM 02-20-2013
I would have called him on it, "John, you realize this is a non-drop-off time? I will not be able to accept your child for 15 min". I think they don't obey b/c u allow them to get away with it. The grandma thing is nuts, i had a situation like that, it was like having to please 3 parents, ughhh -
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momofboys 07:32 AM 02-20-2013
Originally Posted by Zoe:
If they have been pushing the rules then they might claim that they never got a text and keep coming. I'd call and actually speak to someone and say, I sent you home a notification of probation and that if you broke any more rules I'd end care. Today a rule was broken. Childcare services will end at pick up today.
good luck!!!
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NeedaVaca 07:36 AM 02-20-2013
I would type up the term letter and hand it to them at pick up. They have to know this is coming...I'm sitting here shaking my head,I can't believe the very next day they would do this, obviously they don't think rules apply to them. Are you doing immediate termination or giving 2 weeks? I would have a hard time with 2 weeks if they plan on breaking rules every day!
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TheGoodLife 07:36 AM 02-20-2013
Wow, people can be so rude! I hate confrontation, so if you can manage to wait until Friday, I'd suggest doing it then. You should verify that the parents got the probation sheet, though- Gma could have taken it out after she picked him up. It's awkward, but I would try making sure to say something directly ("I have a rule form in his bag for your family to review at home. Please let me know if you have any questions") or a call/text if DCP do not pick up that day. Good luck!!!
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SuperNinjaMommy 07:36 AM 02-20-2013
Originally Posted by momofboys:
I would have called him on it, "John, you realize this is a non-drop-off time? I will not be able to accept your child for 15 min". I think they don't obey b/c u allow them to get away with it. The grandma thing is nuts, i had a situation like that, it was like having to please 3 parents, ughhh -
I would have had another parent not been there. It would have seemed hypocritical for me to enforce it for him and not her but in reality she had permission a week in advance and he does it daily without permission. I agree though, I totally take responsibility for letting them get away with it. I'm more concerned about the grandma part because she clearly has no problem slandering.
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SuperNinjaMommy 07:38 AM 02-20-2013
Originally Posted by NeedaVaca:
I would type up the term letter and hand it to them at pick up. They have to know this is coming...I'm sitting here shaking my head,I can't believe the very next day they would do this, obviously they don't think rules apply to them. Are you doing immediate termination or giving 2 weeks? I would have a hard time with 2 weeks if they plan on breaking rules every day!
I'm not sure yet, I hate uncomfortable situations. I'm like sweating
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Blackcat31 07:50 AM 02-20-2013
If you don't want to call or speak directly to them, why not just send them both a quick text asking if they received and read the letter you sent home yesterday?

Depending on how they respond, you'll know what to do.

Honestly, it sounds as though you are simply done with this family whether they received the notice or not.

If that is the case, just do yourself a favor and term them.

Something short and sweet.

Dear DCF

Due to continuous disregard of my rules and policies, I feel it is best to term our agreement for child care services.

This termination is effective immediately.

Sincerely

Provider.


Hand the child's belongings to whomever picks up and the written letter of termination.

Done.

Breathe a sigh of relief and don't look back. Doesn't really matter what Grandma has to say to anyone. This family will make it's own reputation no maTter where they attend for care.
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SuperNinjaMommy 08:54 AM 02-20-2013
Ok so I sent a text to the mom (obviously boss) she works nights so I never actually see her exceptt on rare occassions. I just asked if she received the note I sent home and that I had concerns about those rules that I love being their provider but it's important that the rules are followed. She hadn't seen the sheet yet so she asked what it said so I explained. First she had no idea he brought him yesterday and she had no idea that there were issues with his drop off times. She said she took care of it and he would not be there in between those times ever again. Also that she was going to make sure that all schedule changes were communicated by her personally from now on. She seemed very understanding to me and over and over said how sorry she was and that she did NOT want to lose me as a provider. Made me feel a ton better. I didn't deal with the grandma issue because I think I can subside that by keeping communication low. I do feel better about everything though. What i've learned is not to tell this dad anything because he clearly doesn't get it.
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Blackcat31 09:02 AM 02-20-2013
Originally Posted by SuperNinjaMommy:
Ok so I sent a text to the mom (obviously boss) she works nights so I never actually see her exceptt on rare occassions. I just asked if she received the note I sent home and that I had concerns about those rules that I love being their provider but it's important that the rules are followed. She hadn't seen the sheet yet so she asked what it said so I explained. First she had no idea he brought him yesterday and she had no idea that there were issues with his drop off times. She said she took care of it and he would not be there in between those times ever again. Also that she was going to make sure that all schedule changes were communicated by her personally from now on. She seemed very understanding to me and over and over said how sorry she was and that she did NOT want to lose me as a provider. Made me feel a ton better. I didn't deal with the grandma issue because I think I can subside that by keeping communication low. I do feel better about everything though. What i've learned is not to tell this dad anything because he clearly doesn't get it.
Good for you! 99.9% or issues we have with parents are due to lack of, poor or no communication.

I am glad you decided to contact the mother. She sounds like the more logical and understanding parent.

Now, just make sure you enforce any policies they may break or bend in the future.
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SuperNinjaMommy 09:05 AM 02-20-2013
I will, thanks ladies for the advice and for letting me vent!
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Tags:grandparent - pick up, parents, parents - are clueless, schedules
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