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  #1  
Old 02-09-2016, 01:49 PM
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Default How Should I Explain This Sensitive Matter

I have a dck that I pick up from school daily. the child is kinder and very large for their age. at age 6 this child is about 110lbs and about 4ft5

Well the dck broke the car seat on Friday, my DH is the one who picks up dck. My DH did tell me that it broke and that the child was too big for it we need another one. We

had some tragic issue occur over the weekend and I had a break down. I forgot all about the carseat issue.

Well yesterday my DH picked up DCK forgetting all about the seat. Of course DCK went and told the parents that they were transported without the seat, dcm came in today and went off on me.

100% my fault. I should have talked to the parents about it right away when I found out on Saturday.

The issue is that this child will only be with me for a few more weeks and I do not want to go out and buy another carseat for this child.

Obviously, I have to tell the parents why dck was not in a car seat and that I need for them to provide one for me.

how do you approach a very sensitive issue like this regarding the childs weight and the need for them to supply the seat???'
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Old 02-09-2016, 01:57 PM
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I have a dck that I pick up from school daily. the child is kinder and very large for their age. at age 6 this child is about 110lbs and about 4ft5

Well the dck broke the car seat on Friday, my DH is the one who picks up dck. My DH did tell me that it broke and that the child was too big for it we need another one. We

had some tragic issue occur over the weekend and I had a break down. I forgot all about the carseat issue.

Well yesterday my DH picked up DCK forgetting all about the seat. Of course DCK went and told the parents that they were transported without the seat, dcm came in today and went off on me.

100% my fault. I should have talked to the parents about it right away when I found out on Saturday.

The issue is that this child will only be with me for a few more weeks and I do not want to go out and buy another carseat for this child.

Obviously, I have to tell the parents why dck was not in a car seat and that I need for them to provide one for me.

how do you approach a very sensitive issue like this regarding the childs weight and the need for them to supply the seat???'
Well considering child is leaving anyway, I would term for "going off on me". If you can't speak to me respectfully, I can't provide care for your child.
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Old 02-09-2016, 01:58 PM
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I'd either ask the parents to let you borrow their seat or put the child in an inexpensive booster seat. This kid is almost big enough for a seat belt (4'9"). I'm curious, though, as to which carseat is actually rated high enough for a child of 110 pounds...I've not heard of one going over 90, and most don't go that high.
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Old 02-09-2016, 02:01 PM
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In our state, 110 lbs doesn't need even a booster.
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Old 02-09-2016, 02:11 PM
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My boosters are max of 100 pounds. The bigger issue seems to be mom's denial of his weight issue. A hundred ten pounds at 4'5" is a large child, so she may be getting angry at you over something she has lost control of.

Sorry you had a tough weekend and got yelled at to top it off! Hope all is well!
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Old 02-09-2016, 02:27 PM
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Here's how my conversation would go:

"DCM I was unable to really speak to you the previous day about the carseat issue because, of course, emotions were high so now I need to speak to you so you decide how to proceed. On [date] my carseat was broken when DCK [action: was getting in/out of it, jumped on it etc] and I completely forgot to talk to you about it.

I was able to do some research into replacing the car seat that I was using for him but I'm having a hard time finding a car seat with a back that is safe for his weight that's also affordable. The car seats with a back that I've looked into only go to the maximum weight limit of 100 lbs and retail for about $300 or more which just isn't an option for me. I did however find a booster seat that reaches 120 lbs so if you're okay with him using one of those and not having a back then I'll go out and get one. It'll run me about $30 at Target.

If you're not happy with that option you can always leave me a car seat every day or if you have a spare one you'd like to leave here until you don't need daycare anymore that will work too. What do you think?"

This way I'd be talking about the weight issue without talking about HIS weight kwim? Make it about the car seat.
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Old 02-09-2016, 02:27 PM
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I'd either ask the parents to let you borrow their seat or put the child in an inexpensive booster seat. This kid is almost big enough for a seat belt (4'9"). I'm curious, though, as to which carseat is actually rated high enough for a child of 110 pounds...I've not heard of one going over 90, and most don't go that high.
This is the same thing I was wondering/thinking.

I thought 80lbs was the max for HAVING to have a booster or car seat. ??
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Old 02-09-2016, 02:28 PM
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You don't really need to explain why it broke do you? Just explain you completely forgot that your booster seat broke because of some tragic issues going on at the time. But now that leaves you without a booster seat for him, could they leave theirs with you at d/o so you can pick him up from school(does he come before school?). OR they can pick him up themselves.

I'm sorry your weekend was a tough one, and hope you're okay.
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Old 02-09-2016, 02:34 PM
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This is the same thing I was wondering/thinking.

I thought 80lbs was the max for HAVING to have a booster or car seat. ??
It's different from state to state.

In CA for example we have stricter regulations.
- Children under the age of 8 MUST be secured in a car seat or booster seat in the back seat. Can't be in a front seat at all if there's a back seat.
- Only kids who are 8 years old or older OR are 4' 9"or taller can use a regular seat belt in the back seat. Weight is not an option.
- Infants under 2 years old have to ride in a rear-facing car seat unless the child weighs 40 or more pounds OR is 40 or more inches tall. And the child has to be within the seats' manufacturer requirements etc.

This 110 lbs kid would need one of those expensive car seats that have 120 lb weight limit on them otherwise the only other option would be to use a booster seat.
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Old 02-09-2016, 02:38 PM
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I would just tell them that he has outgrown the seats that you provide, and they will need to provide his seat from now on. Did you already give her a reason why he wasn't in a carseat?
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Old 02-09-2016, 02:57 PM
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Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
This is the same thing I was wondering/thinking.

I thought 80lbs was the max for HAVING to have a booster or car seat. ??
the law used to be 80 lbs. now its not by weight any more it's by height. I did talk to a "car seat tech expert" so he calls himself and he said you can find seats to suit a child that size, but they will cost you a pretty penny.

I did not tell them why dck was not in a carseat. I just told dcm that I would talk to my DH and ask exactly happened. I honestly still don't know how the seat got broken and my DH is the one who found it broken.
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Old 02-09-2016, 03:00 PM
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Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa View Post
It's different from state to state.

In CA for example we have stricter regulations.
- Children under the age of 8 MUST be secured in a car seat or booster seat in the back seat. Can't be in a front seat at all if there's a back seat.
- Only kids who are 8 years old or older OR are 4' 9"or taller can use a regular seat belt in the back seat. Weight is not an option.
- Infants under 2 years old have to ride in a rear-facing car seat unless the child weighs 40 or more pounds OR is 40 or more inches tall. And the child has to be within the seats' manufacturer requirements etc.

This 110 lbs kid would need one of those expensive car seats that have 120 lb weight limit on them otherwise the only other option would be to use a booster seat.
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the law used to be 80 lbs. now its not by weight any more it's by height. I did talk to a "car seat tech expert" so he calls himself and he said you can find seats to suit a child that size, but they will cost you a pretty penny.

I did not tell them why dck was not in a carseat. I just told dcm that I would talk to my DH and ask exactly happened. I honestly still don't know how the seat got broken and my DH is the one who found it broken.
Learn something new every day.

I don't transport daycare kids and I haven't had a child of my own need a booster/car seat since 1996 so...
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Old 02-09-2016, 03:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MarinaVanessa View Post
It's different from state to state.

In CA for example we have stricter regulations.
- Children under the age of 8 MUST be secured in a car seat or booster seat in the back seat. Can't be in a front seat at all if there's a back seat.
- Only kids who are 8 years old or older OR are 4' 9"or taller can use a regular seat belt in the back seat. Weight is not an option.
- Infants under 2 years old have to ride in a rear-facing car seat unless the child weighs 40 or more pounds OR is 40 or more inches tall. And the child has to be within the seats' manufacturer requirements etc.

This 110 lbs kid would need one of those expensive car seats that have 120 lb weight limit on them otherwise the only other option would be to use a booster seat.
This does not go into effect until 1/2017 I believe.
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Old 02-09-2016, 03:17 PM
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From the CHP website............


Children under the age of 8 must be secured in a car seat or booster seat in the back seat.


•Children who are 8 years of age OR have reached 4' 9" in height may be secured by a safety belt in the back seat.


•Passengers who are 16 years of age and over are subject to California's Mandatory Seat Belt law.


•Effective January 1, 2017 - Children under 2 years of age shall ride in a rear-facing car seat unless the child weighs 40 or more pounds OR is 40 or more inches tall. The child shall be secured in a manner that complies with the height and weight limits specified by the manufacturer of the car seat.
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Old 02-09-2016, 03:39 PM
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Aside from the carseat/weight issue, I would DEFINITELY contact your analyst to let them know what happened. I am not sure, but this could be considered an unusual incident, AND, because he was not in the carseat, you were not following regs. If Mom was as upset as you say, there is a very real possibility that she will report it. Better to self-report than have a substantiated complaint investigation.

Sorry you are having to deal with this
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Old 02-09-2016, 04:04 PM
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This does not go into effect until 1/2017 I believe.
Yep, for me it's nothing new since I don't flip kids under two around until 2 years anyway but not it's law that'll go into effect next year.
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Old 02-09-2016, 04:31 PM
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Aside from the carseat/weight issue, I would DEFINITELY contact your analyst to let them know what happened. I am not sure, but this could be considered an unusual incident, AND, because he was not in the carseat, you were not following regs. If Mom was as upset as you say, there is a very real possibility that she will report it. Better to self-report than have a substantiated complaint investigation.

Sorry you are having to deal with this
Not sure of what state OP is in, but she would not be breaking any laws in my state. CA seems to have much stricter laws, so if she is there, then yes, I would give them a heads up.
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Old 02-09-2016, 04:37 PM
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Not sure of what state OP is in, but she would not be breaking any laws in my state. CA seems to have much stricter laws, so if she is there, then yes, I would give them a heads up.
Yes, she is in Ca.
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Old 02-09-2016, 05:49 PM
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Thank you for this information. I didn't even think about the fact that we did something wrong in that sense.

I will call and talk to my licensor tomorrow. I did already talk to county health consultant she said that I should document it and fix the issue which I was obviously doing when I called to ask about what kind of car seat we needed for a child this size.
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Old 02-09-2016, 07:24 PM
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In our state, 110 lbs doesn't need even a booster.
The safely concern is more about if the child is ready to sit in a car seat without a booster.
There is a 5 step test to determine if a child is ready to sit without a booster.
1. Is the shoulder belt flat against the shoulder (not touching the neck).
2. Lap belt across thighs not abdomen
3. Bum all the way back in the seat
4. Knees bent beyond the seat edge, feet on the floor
5. Stay in position for entire ride.

So just because a child meets the weight requirement for the law, it doesn't mean they are ready to ride without a booster.

I would be furious if I found out my child rode without one when the provider knew they used one. Even if they are a big kid its a huge safety concern.

I would apologize and then ask the parents to provide a seat since there are only a few weeks left. Boosters are super easy to switch between cars.
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Old 02-09-2016, 07:59 PM
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The safely concern is more about if the child is ready to sit in a car seat without a booster.
There is a 5 step test to determine if a child is ready to sit without a booster.
1. Is the shoulder belt flat against the shoulder (not touching the neck).
2. Lap belt across thighs not abdomen
3. Bum all the way back in the seat
4. Knees bent beyond the seat edge, feet on the floor
5. Stay in position for entire ride.

So just because a child meets the weight requirement for the law, it doesn't mean they are ready to ride without a booster.

I would be furious if I found out my child rode without one when the provider knew they used one. Even if they are a big kid its a huge safety concern.

I would apologize and then ask the parents to provide a seat since there are only a few weeks left. Boosters are super easy to switch between cars.
Trust me I don't blame the parent for being mad. Despite the fact the child is only inches from the height requirements, he still needed to be in a car seat. I failed to properly train my husband (btw who has served as a firefighter prior to his MD) about what the new rules and regs state.
The school is 0.3 miles away, still the rules were not followed. I knew the laws had changed my husband didn't. Still not an excuse.

I'm not going to beat myself up over this. According to my husband he said the car seat he was in was unsafe either way as we don't have a seat that can support that weight. Even with the child on the seat we were still not In compliance here. The other seat max weight was 99 lbs. I didn't check it. I let this slip through the cracks . It's not like I didn't notice the child had gained weight in the last few months.

This has been a huge learning curve on my part. Sorry I don't need to get flamed for this. Regardless of this happening, me immediately fixing it, I'm dealing with a very tragic issue and don't need the continued reminder I made a mistake. I don't deny that. I am human.
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Old 02-09-2016, 08:11 PM
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Trust me I don't blame the parent for being mad. Despite the fact the child is only inches from the height requirements, he still needed to be in a car seat. I failed to properly train my husband (btw who has served as a firefighter prior to his MD) about what the new rules and regs state.
The school is 0.3 miles away, still the rules were not followed. I knew the laws had changed my husband didn't. Still not an excuse.

I'm not going to beat myself up over this. According to my husband he said the car seat he was in was unsafe either way as we don't have a seat that can support that weight. Even with the child on the seat we were still not In compliance here. The other seat max weight was 99 lbs. I didn't check it. I let this slip through the cracks . It's not like I didn't notice the child had gained weight in the last few months.

This has been a huge learning curve on my part. Sorry I don't need to get flamed for this. Regardless of this happening, me immediately fixing it, I'm dealing with a very tragic issue and don't need the continued reminder I made a mistake. I don't deny that. I am human.
I would not be upset with you if I was the parent. It's not like you strapped a one year old in to a regular seatbelt. Yes, CA law says you need him in a seat, but there are many other states where you would not be breaking any laws. I get sort of annoyed with all of it. Same as with ratios. Some states, you can only watch one kid and others, you can have up to 5. Not saying you shouldn't give licensing a heads up and try to fix the issue, but you are not a bad person or provider for doing something that is legal in numerous other states
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Old 02-10-2016, 02:35 AM
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Daycare, we're all human. No throwing tomatoes at you from me. When we're going through our own personal issues it's awfully hard to keep afloat sometimes. Take care of yourself too.
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Old 02-10-2016, 06:15 AM
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Trust me I don't blame the parent for being mad. Despite the fact the child is only inches from the height requirements, he still needed to be in a car seat. I failed to properly train my husband (btw who has served as a firefighter prior to his MD) about what the new rules and regs state.
The school is 0.3 miles away, still the rules were not followed. I knew the laws had changed my husband didn't. Still not an excuse.

I'm not going to beat myself up over this. According to my husband he said the car seat he was in was unsafe either way as we don't have a seat that can support that weight. Even with the child on the seat we were still not In compliance here. The other seat max weight was 99 lbs. I didn't check it. I let this slip through the cracks . It's not like I didn't notice the child had gained weight in the last few months.

This has been a huge learning curve on my part. Sorry I don't need to get flamed for this. Regardless of this happening, me immediately fixing it, I'm dealing with a very tragic issue and don't need the continued reminder I made a mistake. I don't deny that. I am human.
Daycare I hope you didn't take my response that way!! I was explaining to a pp why it's not just about the weight and why I would be upset.

Only the last little section about asking the parents to provide a seat was meant for you. We are all human, we all make mistakes. You are dealing with alot and it slipped your mind.
One time I drove 30 min before I realized that I had a child buckled into a carseat that wasn't buckled into the actual car
You already mentioned how you know you messed up. You aren't blaming anyone.
Please understand that I was talking to pps who didn't know there was more to booster safety besides weight.
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Old 02-10-2016, 07:20 AM
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Yes, we are all human, but I would expect a parent to understand that. I guess the part of the whole post that gets me is the "parent went off on me part". The rest is well trying to figure it out lol. I would ask the parent to provide the seat now though.
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Old 02-10-2016, 07:33 AM
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Daycare, we're all human. No throwing tomatoes at you from me. When we're going through our own personal issues it's awfully hard to keep afloat sometimes. Take care of yourself too.
And if dcm went off on me, well, I'm not sure I would have been able to compose myself.
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Old 02-10-2016, 07:54 AM
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If dcm went off on me, I would no longer discuss the issue in a sensitive manner. "Dcm, dcb exceeds the weight limit for my booster and consequently, it broke. I will need you to provide a booster that is acceptable for his size and if that is not possible, I will no longer be able to transport."
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:12 AM
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Trust me I don't blame the parent for being mad. Despite the fact the child is only inches from the height requirements, he still needed to be in a car seat. I failed to properly train my husband (btw who has served as a firefighter prior to his MD) about what the new rules and regs state.
The school is 0.3 miles away, still the rules were not followed. I knew the laws had changed my husband didn't. Still not an excuse.

I'm not going to beat myself up over this. According to my husband he said the car seat he was in was unsafe either way as we don't have a seat that can support that weight. Even with the child on the seat we were still not In compliance here. The other seat max weight was 99 lbs. I didn't check it. I let this slip through the cracks . It's not like I didn't notice the child had gained weight in the last few months.

This has been a huge learning curve on my part. Sorry I don't need to get flamed for this. Regardless of this happening, me immediately fixing it, I'm dealing with a very tragic issue and don't need the continued reminder I made a mistake. I don't deny that. I am human.
You're right not to beat yourself up over it. He had to make do, and he did. I am sure leaving the child behind wasn't an option, either. And, IF he had called the mom and offered her the choice of coming to pick up the child and transport him herself or putting him in a seat belt for the .3 mile ride, I am 99% certain that she would have OK'd the seat belt.
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Old 02-10-2016, 08:44 AM
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sorry for being overly emotional yesterday. The issue we are dealing with has really rocked me hard.

I talked to both parents about it yesterday and it sounded like their child really over exaggerated the whole situation and that the child was never in one to start with, which is not true at all.

I did talk to my LIC this morning and she asked me if I have corrected the issue and I told her yes, she told me to document it and show proof of correction. she said unless the parents call in to file a complaint, there is nothing more than can be done.

thanks again everyone and sorry for being so emotional
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Old 02-10-2016, 09:21 AM
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Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff View Post
My boosters are max of 100 pounds. The bigger issue seems to be mom's denial of his weight issue. A hundred ten pounds at 4'5" is a large child, so she may be getting angry at you over something she has lost control of.

Sorry you had a tough weekend and got yelled at to top it off! Hope all is well!
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Here's how my conversation would go:

"DCM I was unable to really speak to you the previous day about the carseat issue because, of course, emotions were high so now I need to speak to you so you decide how to proceed. On [date] my carseat was broken when DCK [action: was getting in/out of it, jumped on it etc] and I completely forgot to talk to you about it.

I was able to do some research into replacing the car seat that I was using for him but I'm having a hard time finding a car seat with a back that is safe for his weight that's also affordable. The car seats with a back that I've looked into only go to the maximum weight limit of 100 lbs and retail for about $300 or more which just isn't an option for me. I did however find a booster seat that reaches 120 lbs so if you're okay with him using one of those and not having a back then I'll go out and get one. It'll run me about $30 at Target.

If you're not happy with that option you can always leave me a car seat every day or if you have a spare one you'd like to leave here until you don't need daycare anymore that will work too. What do you think?"

This way I'd be talking about the weight issue without talking about HIS weight kwim? Make it about the car seat.
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Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff View Post
If dcm went off on me, I would no longer discuss the issue in a sensitive manner. "Dcm, dcb exceeds the weight limit for my booster and consequently, it broke. I will need you to provide a booster that is acceptable for his size and if that is not possible, I will no longer be able to transport."
I like all of this- but I would not be happy with how dcm spoke to me.

I find it so sad in our culture this is an issue- a child not fitting into a booster seat because of their weight, and being so large the child broke a seat! Mom has bigger fish to fry!
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  #31  
Old 02-10-2016, 10:42 AM
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laundrymom laundrymom is offline
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Hey. Goober (totally being sarcastic right now in calling you that!!)
Stop apologizing for being emotional. Good lord woman!
This could have been horrible. You deserve to worry and get upset.
I'm glad things seem to be progressing in a positive path. Is mom providing a seat?

I'm sure she knows you'd never put him in harms way intentionally. Just like we all do.
Big smooches and hugs headed your way from Indiana.
Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
sorry for being overly emotional yesterday. The issue we are dealing with has really rocked me hard.

I talked to both parents about it yesterday and it sounded like their child really over exaggerated the whole situation and that the child was never in one to start with, which is not true at all.

I did talk to my LIC this morning and she asked me if I have corrected the issue and I told her yes, she told me to document it and show proof of correction. she said unless the parents call in to file a complaint, there is nothing more than can be done.

thanks again everyone and sorry for being so emotional
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