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  #1  
Old 09-21-2012, 04:34 AM
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Default Do you feel obligated to invite your AS DCKS to your own kids' Birthday parties?

I need help!!
My daughter turned eight and is having her birthday party next weekend. I babysit two kids who are both in her her class so naturally I wanted to invite them to her party. They play together everyday afterschool but DD doesn't want to invite them....I know the moms really well and they are good kids but DD says she doesn't play with them at school. I pointed out that she sees them everyday here but she still wasn't interested.

The most difficult thing about it is that my two girls were born a couple of days apart and we decided to have their birthdays together this year ( I am getting old and I just can't handle 2 birthday parties that close together anymore.) The DCGs she doesn't want to invite also have big sisters who I babysit as well and are in my older DD's class....older DD is inviting the big sisters!

I am not sure how to deal with this...I hate birthday parties because I hate leaving kids out, also I really like my DCKs and hate for their feelings to get hurt.

I hate this!!! Do you worry about hurting kids' feelings when planning your own school age children's Bday Parties? I always end up inviting WAY too many kids and spending WAY too much $$ because of it. I told the kids they could each have 2 friends and I would take them to the movies...we are now up to 4 friends each AND a pizza party at our place afterwards for a couple of girls who couldn't come to the movies because of dance but who my girls just HAD to invite...

AAAHHHH!!!
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Old 09-21-2012, 04:38 AM
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I'm afraid that this is one of those rare instances when I'd have to over ride dd preferences and invite the younger 2. This is a good time to learn about putting other's feelings first. But that doesn't solve the problem of paying for it all.
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Old 09-21-2012, 04:38 AM
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I don't have children old enough to have been through this problem myself. But from what you're saying I think you do have to invite all the DCKs. It would be really rude I think to invite older DDs friends but allow the younger DD to not. JMO
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Old 09-21-2012, 05:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Soccermom View Post
I need help!!
My daughter turned eight and is having her birthday party next weekend. I babysit two kids who are both in her her class so naturally I wanted to invite them to her party. They play together everyday afterschool but DD doesn't want to invite them....I know the moms really well and they are good kids but DD says she doesn't play with them at school. I pointed out that she sees them everyday here but she still wasn't interested.

The most difficult thing about it is that my two girls were born a couple of days apart and we decided to have their birthdays together this year ( I am getting old and I just can't handle 2 birthday parties that close together anymore.) The DCGs she doesn't want to invite also have big sisters who I babysit as well and are in my older DD's class....older DD is inviting the big sisters!

I am not sure how to deal with this...I hate birthday parties because I hate leaving kids out, also I really like my DCKs and hate for their feelings to get hurt.

I hate this!!! Do you worry about hurting kids' feelings when planning your own school age children's Bday Parties? I always end up inviting WAY too many kids and spending WAY too much $$ because of it. I told the kids they could each have 2 friends and I would take them to the movies...we are now up to 4 friends each AND a pizza party at our place afterwards for a couple of girls who couldn't come to the movies because of dance but who my girls just HAD to invite...

AAAHHHH!!!
I'm going to be the odd man out here, but I allow my kids to pick out who they want to invite to their birthday parties. Just because your dd plays with the girls in the PM (really, what choice does she have?) does not mean she *has* to invite them to her party. I often find that kids have reasons for things that we, as adults, overlook. For instance my younger DD wanted only girls at her birthday party this year - despite the fact she is friends with the two dc boys in her grade who come every day *and* who invited her to their birthday party. She's just at that age. I did explain to her that she was not to talk about her birthday party with the dc boys and that they might feel hurt and left out because of it. She eventually explained that some times the boys play too roughly (true) and she didn't want her friends getting hurt at her party.
One thing I started doing from the get go is having a dc party on the kids actual birthday (for all the kids) and then keeping my kid parties separate from that. This way all the dc kids are invited to the "party" and I can keep the other birthday party guest list reasonable (with kids my own kids actually choose to be with) and limit hurt feelings.
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Old 09-21-2012, 05:45 AM
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I think you should either invite all or just have a party for them at the "daycare" and not invite any to the weekend party. As for inviting everyone, my DD will be 10 (not til next spring, thank goodness!) but I have always invited the whole class and I dont get rsvps and no one shows up so I am from now on not doing that! I also know that not everyone in her classes invites the whole class because she hasnt been to a bday party since 1st grade!
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Old 09-21-2012, 06:02 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chellenj View Post
I think you should either invite all or just have a party for them at the "daycare" and not invite any to the weekend party. As for inviting everyone, my DD will be 10 (not til next spring, thank goodness!) but I have always invited the whole class and I dont get rsvps and no one shows up so I am from now on not doing that! I also know that not everyone in her classes invites the whole class because she hasnt been to a bday party since 1st grade!
That is terrible That is what I am trying to avoid. I wish I could invite the whole class too...I made the mistake of thinking a movie party would be fun and simple because the girls both wanted their friends to spend the night. I should have done a crazy out of control at home party with a ton of kids instead. No sleepover, No hurt feelings....I make these mistakes every year.

Next year..it is everyone or noone.
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Old 09-21-2012, 07:23 AM
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I am with Rhymia here. The birthday belongs to the child and who he or she invites should totally be up to them.

I had a mom who believed that it should be everyone or no one and I have some serious bad memories about birthday parties because of it.

One day out of the year you get to do what YOU want and play with who YOU want and have the spot light be on YOU. Having people there that you didn't really want to invite or were "forced" to invite puts a huge damper on that.

I fully understand where you are coming from though as far as your viewpoint and how uncomfortable it might be to explain to the DC mom ect but honestly that is YOUR problem, not your DD's. The day is HERS.

(I don't mean that snarky...sorry if it sounds like it ). If the DCM asks why the older girls but not the younger one, I would simply shrug and say "I don't know, you know kids and I left it up to them. Unfortunately there was a limit on how many kids could be invited and the final say belongs to the birthday girl". and leave it at that.

I am sure not being invited to a birthday party is not the end of the world and not being invited to one that your older sister is, is a good time for the parent to help the child understand that life isn't always fair and things don't always include everyone all the time.

I NEVER allowed or disallowed my child to invite someone to their party or evn had a say in it. I set the limit for the number and provided the activites and paid for it all but the inviting was solely up to the birthday child.
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Old 09-21-2012, 07:34 AM
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Normally I am in the let them invite who they want camp but in this instance I would invite all 4 of the girls. I try to put myself in the other moms place and I would be very hurt if both my girls were in your girls classes and both came to your daycare and then only 1 was invited to the party. That would be like a neon sign that your dd doesn't like mine and I would be wondering if I should be looking for other daycare arrangements. You may say the girls get along ok after school but i think i'd wonder if that was really the case if I was the parent. JMO.
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Old 09-21-2012, 07:44 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chellenj View Post
I think you should either invite all or just have a party for them at the "daycare" and not invite any to the weekend party. As for inviting everyone, my DD will be 10 (not til next spring, thank goodness!) but I have always invited the whole class and I dont get rsvps and no one shows up so I am from now on not doing that! I also know that not everyone in her classes invites the whole class because she hasnt been to a bday party since 1st grade!
this is what I do....

My dd just had a bday and he really wanted only 1 of the DCK to come to his REAL bday party that we were hving with family and friends on saturday.

So I threw a party on friday with all of the DCK and then we had a party on sat where he invited friends from outside the dck.

I do this so that on one gets their feelings hurt. I also do not go to any of the dck parties either, I have one here
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Old 09-21-2012, 07:46 AM
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birthday parties are limited on how many people can come. She should be able to invite the friends she wants to invite. I would hate her to have to leave out one of her good friends because YOU feel bad . So if each girl can invite 4 friends, would these children be part of her 4 or will they be in addition to the friends she wants.

Also if she is leaving out good friend because you have to limit it will cause problems when they learn these other not so good friends were invited.


So let her choose who she wants to invite. It is her party
You could also tell the older dd she can not invite the siblings because younder dd does not want to invite the others as her friends this is sarcastice so not do not do that either
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Old 09-21-2012, 07:59 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chellenj View Post
I think you should either invite all or just have a party for them at the "daycare" and not invite any to the weekend party. As for inviting everyone, my DD will be 10 (not til next spring, thank goodness!) but I have always invited the whole class and I dont get rsvps and no one shows up so I am from now on not doing that! I also know that not everyone in her classes invites the whole class because she hasnt been to a bday party since 1st grade!
That sounds terrible!! If no one showed at my dd's party *and* she wasn't being invited to parties, I would wonder if there were other, more serious issues, such as bullying
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Old 09-21-2012, 08:51 AM
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I can see both sides here ... it IS the child's bday party and therefore the child should invite who she likes but how to you tell the parents and the 2 younger sisters of the older girls that will be invited that they aren't invited? I just wouldn't know how to word that KWIM? I suppose letting the girls give the invitation to the older girls personally (and hopefully not directly in front of the younger sisters) would be okay then you can just personally explain to the DCMs why they're not invited.

"Hey Sally ... Jen and Jamie are having a sleepover party on {date}. I let each of my girls invite [number] friends and Big sis Jen has chosen to invite Big Sis Samantha as one of her guests. I hope this doesn't cause an issue though because Jamie already chose who she wanted to attend and she didn't invite anyone from daycare. I already talked to my girls about not talking about the party in front of the other daycare kidds so that no one gets their feelings hurt. Maybe you can do the same? I don't want little sis suzie to feel bad .." blah blah blah. Something around those lines could work.

My concern is that the DCMs could feel that the younger girls are being left out and not understand even though they are adults and should be able to KWIM.
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Old 09-21-2012, 09:23 AM
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We dont invite them to ours, well our niece but not the other two. We celebrate birthday events during daycare for ours just as much as any of the other kids. Actually the other two have a birthday the same day next week so i better get working on that
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Old 09-21-2012, 10:54 AM
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Originally Posted by rhymia1 View Post
I'm going to be the odd man out here, but I allow my kids to pick out who they want to invite to their birthday parties. Just because your dd plays with the girls in the PM (really, what choice does she have?) does not mean she *has* to invite them to her party. I often find that kids have reasons for things that we, as adults, overlook. For instance my younger DD wanted only girls at her birthday party this year - despite the fact she is friends with the two dc boys in her grade who come every day *and* who invited her to their birthday party. She's just at that age. I did explain to her that she was not to talk about her birthday party with the dc boys and that they might feel hurt and left out because of it. She eventually explained that some times the boys play too roughly (true) and she didn't want her friends getting hurt at her party.
One thing I started doing from the get go is having a dc party on the kids actual birthday (for all the kids) and then keeping my kid parties separate from that. This way all the dc kids are invited to the "party" and I can keep the other birthday party guest list reasonable (with kids my own kids actually choose to be with) and limit hurt feelings.
exactly this. We have cake/small party on their birthday or the day before/after if it falls on a weekend but NEVER invite anyone my kids don't want there.

I would say that since you put the limit on 2 kids, your daughters get to chose which two. DCG had this problem recently and invited just my one DS (who gets along soooo well with him, and no one else from daycare), or my other kids. Fine with me, as ESPECIALLY with siblings, they get to invited to somewhere without the others and it makes it alllllll the more special!
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