Why the Outbursts?

Logged out for privacy. Dcg is fine at drop offs, but pick ups are kinda crazy. She refuses to leave my house. It’s strange though. I get these vibes that she doesn’t always like it at my house. It takes a lot of guidance from me to get her to listen to me. She will sneak and do things. It’s like if it’s not her idea to do something, she simply doesn’t want to do it. She shared with me how happy she was about getting a present from Gma and gpa. When I asked her to share it with one of the other children (thinking it was something she might like to share), she wouldn’t and then acted out a little. I didn’t tell her she HAD to, but for some reason stuff like that causes her to act out. She is very strong willed as well. When mom or another family member picks her up, she runs and hides, throws fits, tries to prolong the stay. It takes forever for them to get her out the door. Finally, Ive just taken it into my hands and would find her, take her by hand to the door and put on her shoes. This last time though on the way out, she grabbed a toy and bit it hard enough to break it in anger? In defeat? I don’t really know? Im mostly just Concerned about the reason behind the behavior. It puzzles me. Dcm tells me that she loves it here??? She is 4.

[Play Care]

Because it's attention.
They call it the "effing 4's" for a reason.

For pick ups, I would do bye bye outside. Have the parents text when they pull in, you get her ready and hand her out the door to them.
The toy thing I wouldn't even give more thought to. She probably misunderstood and thought you were telling her she had to share a toy she was given.

(She probably misunderstood and thought you were telling her she had to share a toy she was given.)

Oh no, it was deliberate. I talked to her earlier in the day about handling the toy improperly and that she might break it by squeezing it so hard. But later in the day when it was pick up time, it literally was an on the way out snatch that same toy within seconds, bite down on it, and break it. I saw her trying to and successfully break the toy. My mistake was that this time I allowed her to follow me out of the room instead of taking her by the hand. It was so fast. I mean she wasn’t even playing with it when I found her hiding. She just grabbed it on our way to the door. 😦 Why would she do this???

[Blackcat31]

What do her parents or the adult picking her up do when she runs amok and doesn't listen?

Sounds like this child runs the show and simply doesn't like being told what to do.

She is in charge and when you try to take control she shows you it's not what she is used to.

At 4 she knows full well what your expectations are and if it were me, I'd start reducing her privileges at daycare until she can show you she can follow instructions.

She'll pick up really quickly what appropriate behavior is when an adult instructs you to do something.

The picking up adults would follow her around telling her it’s time to go. She would say, no, or would quickly run over to a toy and say I’m not done doing this and start to play. It would go on forever. Mommy saying in a nice voice, I know you want to stay sweetie but yada, yada. Eventually they would have to just grab her and she would throw a fit screaming, etc. one time she smacked her mom in the face and I heard the mom use her mom voice and put her in the corner, but that was really the only time she disciplined her about the behavior.

Oh also, i watched this child before but they moved. Now they are back and I was hoping the behavior would change because she was older. She is still the same.
Things that happened on that day:
1. In the morning I announced that my room was off limits because she got into trouble in that room the day before. (Probably should have established that earlier )
2. Had to warn her that she needs to listen to me or go to time out several times. She was doing flips on my daughters bottom loft bunk bed rail. I told her that she could not do that, then caught her doing it again.
3. She also lost a privilege because she disobeyed repeatedly during nap time.
4. The breaking of the toy in my daughters room at pick up.

I’m also watching her baby sibling so grandma is trying to gather the baby and things and is hollering for her to come to her which is why I started getting her for them since she runs and hides.

[knoxmomof2]

As I've learned from Nannyde, she's trying to figure out who is in charge when there are 2 authority figures in one place. You just have to control the situation if they won't. If that means picking her up and carrying her to the door and telling her and her adult goodbye or removing a toy from her hand, do it. I have a 4 year old who loves to play around in the side room (where pick up and drop off happen). I just tell her when her Mom pulls in "remember, we don't play at pick up. I have things to do and it's time for you to go home." If she starts acting crazy, I remind her that it's not playtime. If she continues, I hand Mom the bag and tell them I'll see them in the morning and head back into the daycare room.

DCM is horribly distractable and wants to have an hour long conversation (which is one of the reasons I moved pick up and drop off to the side room), so I just say" well, I need to get back to the other kids" or "okay then, I need to get to the store", etc.

[Ariana]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

What do her parents or the adult picking her up do when she runs amok and doesn't listen?

Sounds like this child runs the show and simply doesn't like being told what to do.

She is in charge and when you try to take control she shows you it's not what she is used to.

At 4 she knows full well what your expectations are and if it were me, I'd start reducing her privileges at daycare until she can show you she can follow instructions.

She'll pick up really quickly what appropriate behavior is when an adult instructs you to do something.

Bingo! I have the same issue with a sibling set. The transition to home is my daily problem area. Just anticipating going home sends them into defiant, anxious crazies. At home they rule the roost. At my house I am in charge. Just the other day the boy, also 4, was telling me he loved me and loved coming to my house. Then when mom was in my porch he was licking out his tongue at me and giving me dirty looks. I told him off in front of mom (because mom does nothing) and then the next day I took away a priviledge (I had moved his cot to another area as a favour to him so it got moved back) Guess who changed attitude at pickup yesterday?