When your own SA kid & a SA daycare kid dont mesh

[DaisyMamma]

I havent been on much this year but something is really troubling me and I need some advice from other DCPs that have school agers.
My dd is 8.
We switched her to another school last year but she still keeps in touch with her friends from the old school.
A new girl started at the old school and through girl scouts my dd learned about her. My dd actually felt a little like this girl took her "place"
Anyway I invited new girl to a sleepover party and ended up getting her as an after school kid. My hope was that they'd become friends..
New girl is only here for five to thirty minutes.
New girl still barely talks to dd after a month

I allow dd to have her old friends over after school still too. Yesterday one came over. New girl and friend ran off into the house after getting off the bus, neither one saying hi to dd. Left dd in tears in the driveway. When dd came into the house, I learned later, New girl rolled her eyes at dd.

What would you do?

[AuntTami]

Originally Posted by DaisyMamma

I havent been on much this year but something is really troubling me and I need some advice from other DCPs that have school agers.
My dd is 8.
We switched her to another school last year but she still keeps in touch with her friends from the old school.
A new girl started at the old school and through girl scouts my dd learned about her. My dd actually felt a little like this girl took her "place"
Anyway I invited new girl to a sleepover party and ended up getting her as an after school kid. My hope was that they'd become friends..
New girl is only here for five to thirty minutes.
New girl still barely talks to dd after a month

I allow dd to have her old friends over after school still too. Yesterday one came over. New girl and friend ran off into the house after getting off the bus, neither one saying hi to dd. Left dd in tears in the driveway. When dd came into the house, I learned later, New girl rolled her eyes at dd.

What would you do?

New girl wouldn't be allowed at my house anymore except for daycare purposes and that's ONLY if dd is okay with her being there for that time. Dd could do her homework or some other activity while DCG is there so they're not interacting. Dd is probably a little hurt especially since she feels DCG has taken "her place" chances are IMHO that they're not going to ever be friends. At least that's how i work/function.

As far as the attitude towards DD and the eye rolling, I would put a stop to that. It's rude. You're at MY house you respect MY rules and my family.

[DaisyMamma]

Originally Posted by AuntTami

New girl wouldn't be allowed at my house anymore except for daycare purposes and that's ONLY if dd is okay with her being there for that time. Dd could do her homework or some other activity while DCG is there so they're not interacting. Dd is probably a little hurt especially since she feels DCG has taken "her place" chances are IMHO that they're not going to ever be friends. At least that's how i work/function.

As far as the attitude towards DD and the eye rolling, I would put a stop to that. It's rude. You're at MY house you respect MY rules and my family.

I didn't see the eye rolling. Should I address her for it? Or her mother even though I won't see her until Friday (she does normally come every day, we just got lucky)
We have another sleepover planned for Friday and she's already invited . I'm seriously considering just cancelling the whole thing!

Yes I've considered having dd go to her grandmothe rs house next door or read while girl is here.

DD actually wants to be friends with new girl.

[laundrymom]

Originally Posted by DaisyMamma

I didn't see the eye rolling. Should I address her for it? Or her mother even though I won't see her until Friday (she does normally come every day, we just got lucky)
We have another sleepover planned for Friday and she's already invited . I'm seriously considering just cancelling the whole thing!

Yes I've considered having dd go to her grandmothe rs house next door or read while girl is here.

DD actually wants to be friends with new girl.

I would leave it up to DD. It's her home. Her space. Ive raised 4 kids with a childcare in my home and if one of them truly didn't enjoy one of the clients, they would be given notice. Just because she wants to be friends w her, doesn't mean she wants to share her home. My kids trump all normal guidelines I use regarding keeping a family.

[Rockgirl]

Originally Posted by laundrymom

I would leave it up to DD. It's her home. Her space. Ive raised 4 kids with a childcare in my home and if one of them truly didn't enjoy one of the clients, they would be given notice. Just because she wants to be friends w her, doesn't mean she wants to share her home. My kids trump all normal guidelines I use regarding keeping a family.

I agree. She shouldn't feel uncomfortable in her home because of a daycare child.

[Josiegirl]

Oh how I remember those days, when my own girls were around that age. And it seemed to continue right on into high school. So much back biting, so many games played. It was horrible watching my kids come home so sad. If it was affecting my own dd's feelings, the dcg would be gone. Was this mostly a one time thing or is it the start of a trend? Home is supposed to be our own family's safe place.

[Laurel]

Originally Posted by DaisyMamma

I havent been on much this year but something is really troubling me and I need some advice from other DCPs that have school agers.
My dd is 8.
We switched her to another school last year but she still keeps in touch with her friends from the old school.
A new girl started at the old school and through girl scouts my dd learned about her. My dd actually felt a little like this girl took her "place"
Anyway I invited new girl to a sleepover party and ended up getting her as an after school kid. My hope was that they'd become friends..
New girl is only here for five to thirty minutes.
New girl still barely talks to dd after a month

I allow dd to have her old friends over after school still too. Yesterday one came over. New girl and friend ran off into the house after getting off the bus, neither one saying hi to dd. Left dd in tears in the driveway. When dd came into the house, I learned later, New girl rolled her eyes at dd.

What would you do?

I like what one of my dcm's said to her son once. He was 4 at the time and he and another child weren't getting along. He complained to his mom and his mom said "Well you'd better find a way to get along because you will be spending all day together." I kind of liked that she was telling him to deal with the situation and try harder on his end.

I think in your case I might get the 3 girls together and have a talk with them. Something along the lines of " From this time to this time we are all together and I expect you all to get along with each other. There will be no excluding one and two of you just going off together. At this house, everyone is included and we all talk to each other." If it continues after that just make other arrangements. Either don't watch new girl or tell old girl she can only come over at times new girl isn't there. My daughter would be comfortable in her own home.

Laurel

[hope]

Girl relationships are way more difficult in 3's. I don't know why but 2 always pair up and leave one out. I suggest not having the non daycare friend over for a bit. Get an activity together for your DD and SA dcg to do together. Have a talk with them and say that they will both be spending some time together each day and they should work on being friends. Maybe if they do each others nails or do an art project together they will bond a llittle. If it doesn't seem to work itself out i would term though. Your DD should feel at ease in her own home.

[Ariana]

I have had to term because kids didn't mesh with my kid. It really sucks but the way I see it is that my kid didn't choose to be part of a home daycare and she shouldn't have to deal with that stress. I once held onto a horrible kid for 7 months trying to make it work. Never again!

[Laurel]

Originally Posted by hope

Girl relationships are way more difficult in 3's. I don't know why but 2 always pair up and leave one out. I suggest not having the non daycare friend over for a bit. Get an activity together for your DD and SA dcg to do together. Have a talk with them and say that they will both be spending some time together each day and they should work on being friends. Maybe if they do each others nails or do an art project together they will bond a llittle. If it doesn't seem to work itself out i would term though. Your DD should feel at ease in her own home.

I have also found that the number 3 is a difficult relationship. I had that happen at a preschool I worked at.

Laurel

Originally Posted by hope

Girl relationships are way more difficult in 3's. I don't know why but 2 always pair up and leave one out. I suggest not having the non daycare friend over for a bit. Get an activity together for your DD and SA dcg to do together. Have a talk with them and say that they will both be spending some time together each day and they should work on being friends. Maybe if they do each others nails or do an art project together they will bond a llittle. If it doesn't seem to work itself out i would term though. Your DD should feel at ease in her own home.

Yup! 3's are a bad idea!

[DaisyMamma]

Originally Posted by Rockgirl

I agree. She shouldn't feel uncomfortable in her home because of a daycare child.

Exactly. My first instinct was to call mom right then. I didn't, but if it ever happens again she's gone.

Originally Posted by Josiegirl

Oh how I remember those days, when my own girls were around that age. And it seemed to continue right on into high school. So much back biting, so many games played. It was horrible watching my kids come home so sad. If it was affecting my own dd's feelings, the dcg would be gone. Was this mostly a one time thing or is it the start of a trend? Home is supposed to be our own family's safe place.

This is the first occurance.

Originally Posted by hope

Girl relationships are way more difficult in 3's. I don't know why but 2 always pair up and leave one out. I suggest not having the non daycare friend over for a bit. Get an activity together for your DD and SA dcg to do together. Have a talk with them and say that they will both be spending some time together each day and they should work on being friends. Maybe if they do each others nails or do an art project together they will bond a llittle. If it doesn't seem to work itself out i would term though. Your DD should feel at ease in her own home.

I've arranged for new girl and dd to have time together alone before the sleepover and have a couple activities planned. Hopefully it helps.

[Heidi]

Been there!

My now 14 year old is sensitive, creative, and slightly OCD. When he was 10, I had a 10 year old 2nd shift kiddo (just starting back in to dc) who was physical, ADHD, and really into sports.

Add DCB to my son's room (the only place with "big kid" toys at the time), and it was NOT cool. I ended up blaming my husband, saying he didn't want me to do 2nd shift anymore, which was true...sort of.