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  #1  
Old 03-26-2015, 06:46 AM
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Laura5287 Laura5287 is offline
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Default Parent telling son to push back

This has been going on for some time now. I have lost all control over this situation. I have been posting over several weeks (maybe months) now about biting, pushing, scratching. At the time, the 2 1/2 year old was biting, scratching, kicking the other child. I felt horrible in having to tell the child's parents that this was happening on a daily basis. The 2 1/2 year old was very quick and even if I was in the room it would still happen. So, I shadowed like people on here suggested and gave lots of choices. Now the child is 3 and the other just turned 5. Everything that I have done has worked and it was much calmer until now the 5 year old is pushing the other child. I have been working on them using their words and I have now had to talk to the 5 years old parents because he is pushing so much and for no reason. (This is the same parents that are giving me the silent treatment). They did not like the fact that I was now having to talk to their child about being aggressive. The shoe is now on the other foot. I have given him warnings and set him in time out. He told me today that his mom told him to push back when the other child hits, kicks or bites. BUT, that is not happening. He will push the other child for no reason. He also told his mom that the other child says bad words to him which is not the truth because I do not put up with that. He is starting to lie. I am not sure how to handle this since it seems like things just keep happening over and over. Any suggestions????
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Old 03-26-2015, 06:50 AM
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IMHO, term. I cannot handle a child when they start lying. They're getting the wanted attention at home for it and it will only escalate.
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Old 03-26-2015, 06:55 AM
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Originally Posted by sharlan View Post
IMHO, term. I cannot handle a child when they start lying. They're getting the wanted attention at home for it and it will only escalate.
I'd have to agree. I honestly would have done it a while ago.
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Old 03-26-2015, 06:56 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Laura5287 View Post
This has been going on for some time now. I have lost all control over this situation. I have been posting over several weeks (maybe months) now about biting, pushing, scratching. At the time, the 2 1/2 year old was biting, scratching, kicking the other child. I felt horrible in having to tell the child's parents that this was happening on a daily basis. The 2 1/2 year old was very quick and even if I was in the room it would still happen. So, I shadowed like people on here suggested and gave lots of choices. Now the child is 3 and the other just turned 5. Everything that I have done has worked and it was much calmer until now the 5 year old is pushing the other child. I have been working on them using their words and I have now had to talk to the 5 years old parents because he is pushing so much and for no reason. (This is the same parents that are giving me the silent treatment). They did not like the fact that I was now having to talk to their child about being aggressive. The shoe is now on the other foot. I have given him warnings and set him in time out. He told me today that his mom told him to push back when the other child hits, kicks or bites. BUT, that is not happening. He will push the other child for no reason. He also told his mom that the other child says bad words to him which is not the truth because I do not put up with that. He is starting to lie. I am not sure how to handle this since it seems like things just keep happening over and over. Any suggestions????
Oooh, I agree with Sharlan... I won't keep kids that lie about that type of thing.

As for the pushing and mom telling kid to push back....

Id be calling that mom the second her child pushed and have her pick up. Then I'd tell her EVERY.SINGLE.TIME her child pushes another child, the parents will be called for immediate pick up since that is the advice they have given their child verses trusting you to give him to tools and made changes (as you clearly did) to solve the issue.

ANY parent that tells their child to be aggressive on purpose is setting their child up for failure and will drag you down with them.

I am thinking it's time to let this family go. They are no longer worth the income you are receiving from them.

The silent treatment and added aggression is too high of a price to pay.
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Old 03-26-2015, 07:17 AM
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I am thinking it's time to let this family go. They are no longer worth the income you are receiving from them.

The silent treatment and added aggression is too high of a price to pay.
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Old 03-26-2015, 07:25 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Oooh, I agree with Sharlan... I won't keep kids that lie about that type of thing.

As for the pushing and mom telling kid to push back....

Id be calling that mom the second her child pushed and have her pick up. Then I'd tell her EVERY.SINGLE.TIME her child pushes another child, the parents will be called for immediate pick up since that is the advice they have given their child verses trusting you to give him to tools and made changes (as you clearly did) to solve the issue.

ANY parent that tells their child to be aggressive on purpose is setting their child up for failure and will drag you down with them.

I am thinking it's time to let this family go. They are no longer worth the income you are receiving from them.

The silent treatment and added aggression is too high of a price to pay.
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Old 03-26-2015, 07:40 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sharlan View Post
IMHO, term. I cannot handle a child when they start lying. They're getting the wanted attention at home for it and it will only escalate.


I can work with several unpleasant behaviors, but I draw the line at (3yr and older) lying! ...even when the parents are well aware that their kid makes up stories, there will always be someone who has doubts, I don't need that!
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Old 03-26-2015, 07:50 AM
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It sounds like these people are EXTREMELY immature. It sounds like they are doing this to you to get back at you...

Parents are thinking she told us no, so we are not going to help her any more why should we. She didn't listen to us, we are not going to listen to her.

Personally, I don't have the patience for adults who act like this. GROW up...

I would tell them, we don't condone violence here, I think it's best for everyone that we part ways. Effective March 31, I will no longer be able to provide care for your child. Here is the number for resource and referral.

Kids who can make things up, can bring you down faster than one would think. TRUST us when we tell you this...
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Old 03-26-2015, 08:20 AM
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I agree you need to term. I understand the financial side, but what happens to you financially when he says you abused him?
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Old 03-26-2015, 08:27 AM
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I already said to term in your last thread, this is just more reinforcement
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  #11  
Old 03-26-2015, 08:38 AM
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THIS......it will be your word against the child's and the parent is always ALWAYS going to side with their child.
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  #12  
Old 03-26-2015, 08:57 AM
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I think I will have a conversation with the parents tonight about the pushing. I know what they will say. Well, so and so, pushed and bit and scratched and you didn't get rid of him. At the time, the little one was 2 1/2. I wrote each parent a letter stating what was going on and why 2 1/2 years old do this. They do not have the speech quite yet to tell us what they want and they sometimes don't have the control over not doing it. The note was sent after I had conversations with each parent. The dad of the 5 year old has been with me for almost 2 1/2 years now...he knows how things work here but he came in after one incident and asked what I was doing about it. Did I talk with the other parents and so on. Without really saying it out right, he was saying that I was not watching them. That is when the letter went out...He read it right then and there and said...so that is how 2 1/2 year olds act. I said yes, most of them. Now this is coming from a family that has had problems with the 5 year old since I can remember with him hitting them and yelling at them even in my home at pickup. There is a lot going on at home with discipline most that I don't agree with but have never said anything since it is not my place.
I will see what happens when I bring this up. I hope that I will have enough guts to let him go. Money is not a problem. And I am sure I can get a replacement soon. It usually doesn't take long. Cross your fingers that I can get a backbone.
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  #13  
Old 03-26-2015, 09:04 AM
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sorry i would not be banking on HOPE or CROSSED fingers....this family has WAY over stepped their boundaries .....the parents and the kid need to go.... BOTH are issues and HUGE liability for you
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