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  #1  
Old 09-19-2014, 09:30 AM
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Default Am I Being Too Hard on DCG?

For the past week dcg has thrown a terrible temper tantrum every time I try to a bib on her. She is 2, just turned. A full on temper tantrum. And then no one wants to wear a bib and everyone gets stains on their outfits.

Today I decided I had had enough and told dcg if she didn't put her bib on, she couldn't have lunch. I feel kind of terrible. And I'm also wondering if it's even legal to do that. We were having white chicken chili, and dcg is wearing a white shirt. I don't want her to starve (she chose not to eat), but I really need her to wear the bib, and I feel like I'm not approaching this the right way. I don't want food to be a reward/punishment. Help!!!
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Old 09-19-2014, 09:33 AM
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Originally Posted by midaycare View Post
For the past week dcg has thrown a terrible temper tantrum every time I try to a bib on her. She is 2, just turned. A full on temper tantrum. And then no one wants to wear a bib and everyone gets stains on their outfits.

Today I decided I had had enough and told dcg if she didn't put her bib on, she couldn't have lunch. I feel kind of terrible. And I'm also wondering if it's even legal to do that. We were having white chicken chili, and dcg is wearing a white shirt. I don't want her to starve (she chose not to eat), but I really need her to wear the bib, and I feel like I'm not approaching this the right way. I don't want food to be a reward/punishment. Help!!!
I wouldn't withhold the food, but I'd tell her she would have to leave the table if she was throwing a fit. Then try again in a few mins after she cooled down.
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Old 09-19-2014, 09:39 AM
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I wouldn't have withheld the food. Can you give her an option "You can wear this bib or this one."

or maybe an oversized tshirt? That's what I use- works great.
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Old 09-19-2014, 09:39 AM
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Eh, she doesn't want a bib she doesn't get a bib. If it was a nicer shirt I might see about changing it out for a not so nice one while eating.

This is one of those hills I'm not willing to die on. (not a health or safety issue)

And I can't withhold lunch because the child refuses to wear a bib.
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Old 09-19-2014, 09:40 AM
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No withholding food a consequence.

Instead maybe give her the option " It's lunch time dcg, as soon as you have your bib on you may eat" Or something similar. Let her know she has the option to eat

Or maybe put on a tshirt over her clothes instead of a bib.

Personally, I would probably just take her shirt off
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Old 09-19-2014, 09:50 AM
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I'm not big on bibs, not for any age. I put them on, and if they come off, oh well. I would tell dcm that the child doesn't want a bib, and you can't force her to wear it, so she may need to pack extra clothes and expect her to get a little messy. My ds makes a huge mess everyday with lunch. I either do what crafty mom said, and take the shirt off completely, or I just change his shirt. Sure, it's more laundry, but I already do a thousand loads a week anyway Oh, and my state we can't withhold food.
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Old 09-19-2014, 09:58 AM
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Once they take a bib off, I don't put it back on.
Not my problem if their shirt gets dirty. I tell my parents to only send their kids in clothes that they mind getting stained.
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Old 09-19-2014, 10:03 AM
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Originally Posted by CraftyMom View Post
No withholding food a consequence.

Instead maybe give her the option " It's lunch time dcg, as soon as you have your bib on you may eat" Or something similar. Let her know she has the option to eat

Or maybe put on a tshirt over her clothes instead of a bib.

Personally, I would probably just take her shirt off
That's what I said. Okay, anytime you put your bib on, you can eat. Then I asked her every 2 minutes for the rest of lunch.

I thought about taking her shirt off but it was white chicken chili and I didn't want it to fall on her skin if it was warm.

I like the oversized t-shirt idea, I may need to get some extra ones.
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Old 09-19-2014, 10:04 AM
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I would just put the bib on and keep putting it on until it stays on. The bib isn't what is important, but following directions is. At 2, the child can understand that you are the one in charge.
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Old 09-19-2014, 10:06 AM
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It's funny, I'm really relaxed about 99% of things. But the bib thing gets to me. I know my dcp's work hard, and we have a good relationship. I feel awful sending their kid home in stains all the time. But I do warn them ... Send in play clothes.
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  #11  
Old 09-19-2014, 10:09 AM
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I don't ask. As they come to the table, I put a bib on each one. Fasten it and away we go. You can declare that you do not wish to wear it, but if you do so too loudly you are excused from the table to try again when you have settled down. I would not withhold food, but it may get delayed a bit until they get themselves settled, and understand I will not remove the bib until meal time is over.
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Old 09-19-2014, 10:12 AM
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Originally Posted by midaycare View Post
For the past week dcg has thrown a terrible temper tantrum every time I try to a bib on her. She is 2, just turned. A full on temper tantrum. And then no one wants to wear a bib and everyone gets stains on their outfits.

Today I decided I had had enough and told dcg if she didn't put her bib on, she couldn't have lunch. I feel kind of terrible. And I'm also wondering if it's even legal to do that. We were having white chicken chili, and dcg is wearing a white shirt. I don't want her to starve (she chose not to eat), but I really need her to wear the bib, and I feel like I'm not approaching this the right way. I don't want food to be a reward/punishment. Help!!!
I might threaten it, but I wouldn't follow through all the way. Just don't give her the messy stuff. What does mom say? I mean, really, a white shirt on a 2 year old
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Old 09-19-2014, 10:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Shell View Post
I'm not big on bibs, not for any age. I put them on, and if they come off, oh well. I would tell dcm that the child doesn't want a bib, and you can't force her to wear it, so she may need to pack extra clothes and expect her to get a little messy. My ds makes a huge mess everyday with lunch. I either do what crafty mom said, and take the shirt off completely, or I just change his shirt. Sure, it's more laundry, but I already do a thousand loads a week anyway Oh, and my state we can't withhold food.
Same here!
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Old 09-19-2014, 10:38 AM
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But I do warn them ... Send in play clothes.

This is one of the things that I make sure to mention at interviews!
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Old 09-19-2014, 10:39 AM
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I think withholding food(or using food for reward or punishment) is one of the worst things a caregiver can do. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, but it's a reality. The kids don't need to "earn" food here. Food is available for those who want it.

Though I won't give a child a special treat if they are misbehaving (like cupcake if a child was hitting, etc.). I don't make them do things to eat meals.

How would the daycare parents react to knowing you withhold lunch?
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Old 09-19-2014, 10:45 AM
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I would've just shrugged my shoulders and said ok. then taken her shirt off. Food might be warm but it shouldn't be hot enough to burn anyways. Lord knows we have thousands of issues to deal with every single day, this is a teeny one and one I feel maybe the child could have a little control over.
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Old 09-19-2014, 10:49 AM
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How about using one of the art smocks that you have to put your arms through, or the ones that tie at the back of the neck?
Add extra reinforcement with more Velcro at the back, put the ties in knots, all to make sure she can't get it off ....
If you are going to take on the power struggle, go big and win! ....
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Old 09-19-2014, 10:59 AM
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I would spend every day bibbing and unbibbing her... hundreds of times.
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Old 09-19-2014, 11:09 AM
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I would spend every day bibbing and unbibbing her... hundreds of times.
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Old 09-19-2014, 11:11 AM
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Originally Posted by JenNJ View Post
I think withholding food(or using food for reward or punishment) is one of the worst things a caregiver can do. I'm not saying that to make you feel bad, but it's a reality. The kids don't need to "earn" food here. Food is available for those who want it.

Though I won't give a child a special treat if they are misbehaving (like cupcake if a child was hitting, etc.). I don't make them do things to eat meals.

How would the daycare parents react to knowing you withhold lunch?
This is why I asked for help on the issue. It doesn't make me feel bad. I don't think I handled it correctly, so I asked for help. Food was always available - of she wanted to wear a bib. It was sitting there, on her tray, ready for her whenever she chose to put her bib.

When I tell dcp's (because I will today at pickup), they will probably laugh. Dcg is very stubborn and prone to fits when she doesn't get her way. They also really respect me, so I think it's a non-issue with the parents.
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Old 09-19-2014, 11:13 AM
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Originally Posted by Leigh View Post
I would just put the bib on and keep putting it on until it stays on. The bib isn't what is important, but following directions is. At 2, the child can understand that you are the one in charge.
This what I do. If they continually do it, they get a snap bib. I'm the boss, applesauce!
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Old 09-19-2014, 11:20 AM
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I don't think you handled it terribly. This is a power struggle, not about a bib. I don't with hold food, but they get it when bibs are on, if they take them off I ask if they are done. If not remind them as I put it back on, bibs stay on until we are done. If they throw a fit, I take the food and keep reminding them they will get it when they leave their bib on. It doesn't take long for them to learn they have to wear it too eat.
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Old 09-19-2014, 11:37 AM
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I have a rule here that kids need to remain seated to eat. No walking around with food. No getting up and coming back to eat, back and forth. If they get up it means they are done and I take the food away, so when they come back it is gone. They are reminded as soon as they try to walk away that their food will be gone when they come back. They usually sit right back down.

With new starts I give them 3 chances (since they are new to this rule and most of them walk around with food at home). The first couple of times they are reminded to stay seated to eat, if they get up it means they are done. After the 3rd chance the food is taken away. They catch on quickly. I also am not with holding food, but they have to sit down to eat it.

Kind of the same concept for you, here is your food, but you need to wear your bib. That is the rule.
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Old 09-19-2014, 11:37 AM
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I don't think you handled it terribly. This is a power struggle, not about a bib. I don't with hold food, but they get it when bibs are on, if they take them off I ask if they are done. If not remind them as I put it back on, bibs stay on until we are done. If they throw a fit, I take the food and keep reminding them they will get it when they leave their bib on. It doesn't take long for them to learn they have to wear it too eat.
That is exactly what I did. Maybe I'm just wording it wrong!
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Old 09-19-2014, 01:04 PM
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Once they take a bib off, I don't put it back on.
Not my problem if their shirt gets dirty. I tell my parents to only send their kids in clothes that they mind getting stained.
This....you can offer them a bib to wear, you can't force them to do it. I would try to put it on and if it gets pulled off, then let it go and give her the food.

Let the parents deal with the clothing issue.

*****By any chance to do you tell parents NOT to send their children in nice clothing to daycare for the simple reason that it WILL get ruined? I tell all new enrollments this and even have a section in my PHB that I will not be responsible for clothing that gets ruined. They were told.

Tuesday, we went to the park and I had a child wearing white on white when we left and when we came back she was wearing brown on green.... Not my problem, the parents were already warned.
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Old 09-19-2014, 01:47 PM
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This....you can offer them a bib to wear, you can't force them to do it. I would try to put it on and if it gets pulled off, then let it go and give her the food.

Let the parents deal with the clothing issue.

*****By any chance to do you tell parents NOT to send their children in nice clothing to daycare for the simple reason that it WILL get ruined? I tell all new enrollments this and even have a section in my PHB that I will not be responsible for clothing that gets ruined. They were told.

Tuesday, we went to the park and I had a child wearing white on white when we left and when we came back she was wearing brown on green.... Not my problem, the parents were already warned.
Me too, I have a line that says I will not be responsible for "good clothes being ruined".

Sometimes when kids do where something silly for daycare, like a frilly dress with white tights, I secretly hope they get extra dirty that day
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Old 09-19-2014, 01:50 PM
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What does the child's mother/father say about her wearing a bib?

If they don't care, then why fight with her?

I DO agree about her learning to follow directions and rules but if this isn't a big deal to the parents, then I'd pass on using the bib as a way to teach her about following directions.

If her parents DO care, then I'd ask her so that NO MATTER what her choice is, she wears a bib. "Do you want this bib or that bib?" "Do you want to try putting it on yourself or do you want me to do it?" etc....

If the other kids start being copy cats, I use it as a teachable moment and talk/discuss with the kids about making our own choices and then if necessary ask them the same "winning" questions...
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Old 09-19-2014, 05:29 PM
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I don't see it as with-holding food. I see it as she made a choice.

The bib and the food are not offered separately. She either chooses them as a pair or she doesn't.

Food program rules say you must OFFER food. You did. Food was in front of her. It is not unreasonable to expect her to wear a bib. The rules do NOT say that the child gets the food on THEIR terms.

What if the child refuses to eat unless she gets a red plate.......or insists she sit by the window.......or has her peas in an artistic design on the plate....???...

We do NOT have to cater to their every whim when it comes to food.

Offer it the way you want to (with a bib). She can take it or leave it. This is nothing more than a power struggle. She is enjoying the drama.
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Old 09-19-2014, 06:29 PM
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I had some brand new, white, Ralph Lauren jeans accompany some spaghetti sauce to school this week. (parents provide lunch, so it wasn't MY doing).
DCG2 managed to pull it off without a spot.
I won a $5 bet with my husband on this. I called no stains.
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Old 09-19-2014, 06:48 PM
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I always take shirts off for lunch, I hate to send kids home in dirty clothes. And its so much easier to clean the kids up after they eat. A clean washcloth for each one and I'm done.
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Old 09-19-2014, 07:38 PM
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Wow! Everyone has such different opinions on this. I do appreciate all the feedback
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Old 09-19-2014, 08:00 PM
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I am in the you did offer food camp. I am also in the "fine you can eat naked camp". Of course then if you get copy cats, you have an issue and my DD would have wanted to copy cat she hated clothes when she was little.
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Old 09-20-2014, 07:43 AM
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Wow! Everyone has such different opinions on this. I do appreciate all the feedback
I want to know what the parents think?

Do they care about the messy/stained clothes?

If mom/dad don't care.....the effort and attention to this subject is not worth it.
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