So I am wondering what you guys would do in this situation.... I have a 4 yr old dcg who comes at 11:30 - 12:00. Of course this is right when nap/quiet time. I thought that it would not interfere with nap time because she is older goes to school and should be used to a schedule/structure.

Anyway when the child comes in she is told everyday it is nap time you can sit quietly and watch the movie or play quietly in the toy room. At this time I am either cleaning up, rocking a baby or doing my paperwork. You know having a moment to myself when the day is finally quiet.

Dcg comes in and as to be inches away from me at all time. I rock a baby she stands next to me staring at me. I have gates that block off the kitchen, she stands by the gates watching me as I clean up from lunch. I have said please go and play or watch the movie it is quiet time. I have tried being more stern with her, not saying please.

I could deal with it mostly until last Friday. I go into the bathroom and she is crying because I close the door and she cant stand inches away from me. I was doing laundry which is in the kitchen and she is crying because I have the gates up. I dont feel the daycare kids need to be in the kitchen where there is nothing for them to play with, also a safety for them with oven going and stove.

She starts crying and I ask her what is wrong she says nothing, I dont know.

Well dcm drops off dcg yesterday and says to me "dcg is scared when you go to the bathroom, go into the kitchen, or let the dogs outside. Can you please allow her to be with you at all times and remove your gates??"

This is a family who has their sac dropped off at my home without notice also.

Do I keep this family? I feel their are many issues, but if I cant go pee without have this one child by while doing, I feel it is a bit much

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Well dcm drops off dcg yesterday and says to me "dcg is scared when you go to the bathroom, go into the kitchen, or let the dogs outside. Can you please allow her to be with you at all times and remove your gates??"

Wow, no way! How inappropriate that would be to take a child that age into the bathroom with you
This sounds just like the girl someone was discussing on another thread! She should NOT be scared just because you cross over a gate, especially since she can see you!
I would tell mom that you can not remove the gates-it is a safety issue not only for her daughter, but for all of the other kids. I also would not let this child stand at the gate and watch whatever you're doing. That would be so irritating! I would give her the choice to "go play or take a nap like the other kids".
This family sounds like they might really not be worth all the hassles they're going to put you through.
Good luck!

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I think I would have to say,.. Im sorry but that isnt allowed, she can either sit on the couch and wait for me to come back,..without crying, lay down and nap, or sit on the couch and wait for nap to be over. If these things arent acceptable then maybe you should seek other care arrangements. I will never take a child to the bathroom with me. That is asking too much. I wont allow her into the kitchen to stand beside me while I clean up. First of all, I use spray cleaners for tables and chairs, and I am not chancing her getting sprayed, and second of all, a kitchen is no place for a child to play. I am also not taking her with me to let out the dog, I am not, will not or ever have I threatened to leave. I am always here. I never leave. She has to get used to the fact that she will not get what she gets at home at daycare. She needs to learn the security of knowing Im in the other room but Im not gone.

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I did tell the mother I was not taking her to the bathroom with me and that the gates would stay up. I told the mom I would announce where I was going to the child and make sure she knows I will be right back. Should I have to announce to a child I'm going to the bathroom or I'm going to clean the kitchen? I am the adult and I feel like if its quiet time she needs to stay quietly in a room and play or sleep. I am visible at all times except bathroom. Its like the mom undermines what nap quiet time is and that her child should be a growth on me at ll times. Maybe I am just being too mean about and annoyed by it????

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In my house during nap time you have a couple of choices at that age.
You lie down and take a nap
You sit and read books
or you sit and watch a movie
You do NOT get up and walk around my house
I would let her mom know that it is quiet time and she needs to do as you say or she will have to lie down with the other children.

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I'm sorry but even at 4 years old, the staring thing would kind of creep me out. Maybe I'm not suppose to say that as a dcp but it would.

A few questions though:
How long have you had her? It might just be a phase until she gets to know you and your surroundings. Not saying it's ok but that it may not last.

Is she an only child? I'm an only child and when we moved when I was 5 I never left my mom's skirttail long enough to do anything by myself because it was all so new....so sort of like the above.

Either way, I would definitely work with the little girl but be blunt with mom about her not being able to do things. So, if she leaves it's on them, not you.

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She has been here since being of august and has siblings. Nothing going on t home that I know of that would explain this behavior.

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Mmmmmm still, I wouldn't write her off quite yet. I would be firm with mom that following you around the entire time she's there is not acceptable but especially during nap/quiet time. If dcm is asking this of you, chances are that it's what they do at home. I'm sorry, I'm no further help. Good luck!

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I would give her a mat and books and tell her that she is to stay there until the other kids wake up. Anytime she got up I would sit her back down on it and remind her of the rules even if she was crying or throwing a fit. I would stick to it for a minimum of two weeks before offering extra incentive for staying put.

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Exactly how I would do it for that age.

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Thank you for the advice I will try out the mat and books. The only concern I have is her playing the I'm scared card. Throwing a fit will disturb the other children, so I will try to be more firm with child and mom. Thank you again for the ideas

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Let us know how it goes. There were a couple days we had an 8 yr old sibling of a toddler in our care during a school break for some reason. Anyway, she sat on her cot during nap time. She just wrote in a notebook, colored and read. Not a single complaint from her. But we've had other school agers who would follow us around talking, or get too loud playing, so we soon learned it didn't work for school agers to be moving around during nap time, so they now either take a nap like everyone else (some of them actually like nap time!) or they have to lay on their cot quietly reading or some other quiet activity. But they are not allowed free reign during nap! Two options: Sit on cot doing a quiet activity or go to sleep.
With a 4 yr old, in our program, they especially are required to either nap or lay quietly. It doesn't matter how late they get there, they participate in nap/quiet time just like everyone else. That is the "activity" at that time. If she goes to preschool before coming to your house, she should be tired enough that she could sleep. But if she's just at home, getting up late and all, then I guess that wouldn't work. But quiet activities on a cot is what I would make them do, in that case. You will have to be firm with her though that the new rule is that she has to sit on a cot like everyone else. If she cries and says she's scared, ask what she does at bedtime at home. The parents sound like they'd probably have her sleeping with them! You could pat or rub her back for a few minutes so she calms down. Then gently but firmly explain that you have to clean the kitchen, but will be right back. Check back often so she knows you aren't going anywhere, then eventually maybe she'll get used to it...

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Have you asked her what she' s scared of? My DD (about 2-3yrs old) was terrified of something at a friend's house and every time we would go there, she would FLIP out at this one corner of the room, and I couldn't figure it out and she wouldn't tell me what it was.
Years later, when we went back, she told me that there was a part in a painting that had something that creeped her out.
It made no sense, but it was very real to her. Maybe this girl needs to be talked to about what has her bothered. If it IS something, maybe she'll tell you. If not, I agree with the other posters about the mat.

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