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Old 01-05-2012, 07:50 AM
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SilverSabre25 SilverSabre25 is offline
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Default Throwing, Throwing, And More Throwing

One DCB, who is 3.5, is having major issues with throwing. He keeps throwing toys AT other children, often blocks, and usually in the other child's face!!! We've had 1-2 incidents a week for several weeks now and I am at my wits' end. Fortunately there has been no bloodshed (yet) but I can't figure out how to get it through his thick skull that this is NOT OKAY. Nothing seems to faze him. After this morning's thrown block, DCB earned himself a position as my shadow and will not leave my sight at all today...I'm also making him last for everything (except going down for nap...he's going down first for that because he hates nap and resists it) and each step along the way I am repeating and repeating and repeating WHY he has to come and WHY he is last ("Throwing things is NOT okay, it HURTS people.)

What else can I do? I've never had this issue before. He honestly doesn't seem to understand, to grasp what the problem is. He just stares at me blankly.
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Old 01-05-2012, 08:01 AM
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in my house he would visit the corner and i would be on him like glue, the minute I would see a toy in his hand that looked like it would go flying he would go to the corner, after a while they will get it, trust me.
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Old 01-05-2012, 10:12 AM
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This child would spend the day on the naughty mat, which is nothing more than a small blanket folded up and placed off to the side....in the room with everyone, but they can't get off of it, and I will choose what they get to play with while sitting there. Old enough to understand and know better. A few days of sitting on the naughty mat and he should get it.
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Old 01-05-2012, 10:19 AM
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The consequence has to be immediate and it has to relate to the "crime". So if he throws a toy, he doesn't get to play with that toy anymore. If it means he cannot play with any toy then so be it. I would also start doing time-outs. I'm not a big supporter of time-outs but for a 3 year old still exhibiting 18 month old violent behavior I'd start doing it.
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Old 01-05-2012, 11:16 AM
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I like the idea of taking the toy away if he throws it. "you have lost the privilege of playing with that toy"

Are there things he CAN throw? I know it seems silly with a child this old, but maybe you could install a small nerf basketball hoop somewhere? It sounds like he's doing it when having a fit or to show you up, but at least you could say blandly, "if you are going to throw, her is something you CAN throw" Maybe tell him ahead of time, not in the moment.
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Old 01-05-2012, 12:58 PM
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We've done the toy taking, we do time out but they have little to no effect for this particular offense. Keeping him my shadow for the day is at least a logical consequence from the standpoint that I can't trust him not to hurt his friends, so he has to stay where I can watch him. At one point this morning when he spent a prolonged time separated from the group (and sat on the couch unable to play with toys during this time), I did hear him say very quietly and to himself, "I'm not going to throw again." So maybe it's sinking in?

I would love to intercept the thrown objects haven't been able to predict it. He'll be playing and then all of a sudden the toy is sailing through the air at a friend. Usually there's not even any frustration or anger or anything of that nature...it's unexpected and out of the blue.

Putting out a "can throw" zone or some "can throw" objects isn't a bad idea. I'll have to work on that this weekend, or get them outside for some directed throwing time.

I'm afraid that at least some of these incidents are caused by the boy's poor grip (this is the one who has low muscle tone or something similar) and that might explain his seeming lack of comprehension. It's almost always the hard, heavy wooden unit blocks that get thrown at friends. He doesn't hold things very well.
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Old 01-05-2012, 08:06 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SilverSabre25 View Post
We've done the toy taking, we do time out but they have little to no effect for this particular offense. Keeping him my shadow for the day is at least a logical consequence from the standpoint that I can't trust him not to hurt his friends, so he has to stay where I can watch him. At one point this morning when he spent a prolonged time separated from the group (and sat on the couch unable to play with toys during this time), I did hear him say very quietly and to himself, "I'm not going to throw again." So maybe it's sinking in?

I would love to intercept the thrown objects haven't been able to predict it. He'll be playing and then all of a sudden the toy is sailing through the air at a friend. Usually there's not even any frustration or anger or anything of that nature...it's unexpected and out of the blue.

Putting out a "can throw" zone or some "can throw" objects isn't a bad idea. I'll have to work on that this weekend, or get them outside for some directed throwing time.

I'm afraid that at least some of these incidents are caused by the boy's poor grip (this is the one who has low muscle tone or something similar) and that might explain his seeming lack of comprehension. It's almost always the hard, heavy wooden unit blocks that get thrown at friends. He doesn't hold things very well.
Have you asked him (assuming he could even articulate) why he throws things? Does he seem to be doing it out of aggression?

I can be a tough guy sometimes, but the one thing I remember about being a kid (so very long ago) that really, really, hurt my was being unfairly accused of a "crime". If I was yelled at for doing something, and I either didn't do it, or didn't do it purposely (it was an accident or I meant well and failed), I remember feeling so misunderstood.

Is this a sudden thing, or a new thing? I get the impression now that he not be doing it purposefully...IDK...I also have empathy for the motor skill challenges because one of my grown sons really struggled with it.
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Old 01-05-2012, 08:45 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bbo View Post
Have you asked him (assuming he could even articulate) why he throws things? Does he seem to be doing it out of aggression?

I can be a tough guy sometimes, but the one thing I remember about being a kid (so very long ago) that really, really, hurt my was being unfairly accused of a "crime". If I was yelled at for doing something, and I either didn't do it, or didn't do it purposely (it was an accident or I meant well and failed), I remember feeling so misunderstood.

Is this a sudden thing, or a new thing? I get the impression now that he not be doing it purposefully...IDK...I also have empathy for the motor skill challenges because one of my grown sons really struggled with it.
I have asked him, although it's pointless because at 3.5 he really doesn't answer that sort of question well *at all*. He can barely respond accurately to concrete concepts, let alone abstract ones like that. "Why do you throw things, dcb?" gets me a shrug, a look off to the side, above my head, and maybe a muttered, "dunno" or "because that's why".

I have seen him throw out of aggression. I have seen him throw on purpose while playing (the doll hurled onto the top shelf of the playroom two days ago, for example). I have also had times (usually when my back is turned) when someone gets clonked by a toy and there was no fight whatsoever going on at the time.

Part of me wants to think some of these are accidents. But this kid, for all that I love him dearly, is a bit crafty, and I can see him throwing on purpose because he KNOWS my back is turned. Mom arrives and he doesn't want to leave...until I tell him to start helping clean up and then he's all smiles and trotting off to get his coat and shoes, saying, "I can't! It's time for me to go home!". That's just one example of some VERY bright and high-level thinking going on...and then there are the times when it feels for all the world like I am talking to a brick wall.
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Old 01-06-2012, 05:58 AM
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Good morning,
I have had similar children and it is very frustrating. I remember going to a training and they said that children who use their hands alot in inappropriate ways like this one need to have their hands kept busy doing stuff like playdough, pegs, sandtable(in his case could be disastrous!)etc it does seem to help
good luck
Rachel
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Old 01-06-2012, 10:20 AM
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Does he watch a lot of violent tv programs? Sometimes pointless agression comes from that. I hate cartoons where someone gets bonked on the head and there are no consequences for it. It's always seen as funny and the person getting bonked doesn't even say "ouch" half the time. It sounds to me like he may either find this funny or has some sort of developmental delay which is impeding his impulse control. Does he exhibit other behaviors that are 'young' for his age?

My friend was complaining about her 2.5 yr old son being super agressive and she tells me "I have no idea where this is coming from" I then find out that this kid is watching Ultimate Fighting Championship (or whatever it's called) with his dad all the time. Ummmm hello?? THAT might be what's casuing it LOL
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Old 01-06-2012, 12:38 PM
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Ariana, there's nothing like that going on. I know this family pretty well and they don't watch TV much *at all* and what DCB watches is along the same lines as what I let my DD watch (which is carefully chosen and very well controlled). They don't play video games or watch cartoons or anything like that, although that was an excellent thought.

As far as "young" behaviors...I dunno. He's fully potty-trained and has been for, gosh, almost a year? His speech seems to be lagging a bit, but every time I start thinking I should mention it to mom he seems to make another lurch forward. He is very hard to understand though and has a VERY hard time answering questions, and his pronunciation is a bit off in some odd ways. He has definite muscle tone and fine motor issues. He has some gross motor issues that are most likely related to the muscle tone. The speech stuff might be a "bottom end of normal" butting up against my experience with my DD's "very high end of normal", I'm not sure, but I am aware of that possibility.

Although come to think of it, maybe the aggression is his speech troubles bumping up against another dcb's more profound speech troubles and dcg's bossy personality...
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