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daycare 08:53 AM 05-03-2012
OK so some of you know about my serious issue with one of my kids that has anxiety with food.

For the past 6 months day in and day out, every single meal we go through screaming. I don't force the child and I dont really do anything other than set the food in front of the child and walk away. No joke, 9 out of 10 times I throw the food away, all of it.

So I have discovered that if I bribe the child ( i know this is bad) and feed the child myself, the child will eat. It takes me about 45 min to get him to eat a small bowl of cereal. But with 6 kid here and I am alone, I can't sit and feed this child every meal. I don't know how some of you do it with the littles and mixed age groups.

The child is 2years 3 months.

I just don't know what to do anymore and am thinking that I may have come to the end of my rope.

The parents have the same issues at home.

I don't want to cut ties, but is there anything else that I can do?

I really can't continue with the way things are now. It's taking a toll on me, but mostly the kids. When dck cries at the table or even at his own table, it upsets the whole room.

My hair is standing up on my back from the loud screaming.

I want to help, I just dno't know how.
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Ariana 09:13 AM 05-03-2012
Do they bribe and feed him at home? That's likely why it's working as it's a pattern that he has set up. We had a boy who refused to eat as well and some of the teachers would spoon feed him and play airplane and bribe him etc. I personally didn't do it but they chose to.

If it were me personally and I couldn't deal with spoon feeding this kid I'd have no choice but to either put up with the screaming or let him go. I'm not sure what else you can do.

I'm just gonna throw this idea out there!! What about bits of food cut up that he can eat while he's playing or something? I know this wouldn't work here because everyone would want to do it but maybe your situation is different...that is if he'd even eat....
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daycare 09:16 AM 05-03-2012
Originally Posted by Ariana:
Do they bribe and feed him at home? That's likely why it's working as it's a pattern that he has set up. We had a boy who refused to eat as well and some of the teachers would spoon feed him and play airplane and bribe him etc. I personally didn't do it but they chose to.

If it were me personally and I couldn't deal with spoon feeding this kid I'd have no choice but to either put up with the screaming or let him go. I'm not sure what else you can do.

I'm just gonna throw this idea out there!! What about bits of food cut up that he can eat while he's playing or something? I know this wouldn't work here because everyone would want to do it but maybe your situation is different...that is if he'd even eat....
I will try the toy..I have had to resort to putting him back in the highchair.

two weeks ago he threw such a tantrum that he kicked over the entire table full of food.

He is very very small for his age, so he fits right in.

I didn't think of allowing the toy if he is sitting in the highchair....I will try that.

Thanks for the advice....I am desperate....
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daycare 09:23 AM 05-03-2012
ahhahhahahahhah


It worked!!!

As soon as I gave him the toy.....it was like a magic potion was placed on him and the screaming stopped!!! I am still having to feed him, but it's not screaming and bribing every bite.
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Ariana 09:25 AM 05-03-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
ahhahhahahahhah


It worked!!!

As soon as I gave him the toy.....it was like a magic potion was placed on him and the screaming stopped!!! I am still having to feed him, but it's not screaming and bribing every bite.
YAY!!! Hope it continues!!
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meganlavonnesmommy 09:27 AM 05-03-2012
Have the parents had him evaluated for sensory disorder? I had a boy like that in care a few years ago. He had sensory issues, and I believe autism, but he was not diagnosed yet. He was with me for 2 years and never ate a single meal at my house.
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daycare 09:48 AM 05-03-2012
Originally Posted by meganlavonnesmommy:
Have the parents had him evaluated for sensory disorder? I had a boy like that in care a few years ago. He had sensory issues, and I believe autism, but he was not diagnosed yet. He was with me for 2 years and never ate a single meal at my house.
I think that it is too early to tell if he has sensory issues or not.

He is very well behaved in all other areas but food. Anything to do with food gives him major anxiety.
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countrymom 09:55 AM 05-03-2012
he doesn't have anxiety about food, I know what they do at home (my sister is the one who has a kid with the same issues)

1.I bet you they feed him at home
2.I bet you that 9 out of 10 he doesn't sit in a high chair and is fed while being chased
3.I bet you they dump toys or a portable dvd infront of him so he eats

my sister feeds her 4 yr old dd, yup you read this right. She puts a bib on her and literally hand feeds her, also she will sit infront of the tv or a protable dvd while being fed.
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bice99 10:22 AM 05-03-2012
I had a family that was spoon feeding their 18 month old Gerber #3 baby foods while she bathed because they couldn't get her to sit and eat at the table. She always ate at the table for me. No other way she was getting food. And she ate well. Crazy!
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daycare 11:02 AM 05-03-2012
Originally Posted by countrymom:
he doesn't have anxiety about food, I know what they do at home (my sister is the one who has a kid with the same issues)

1.I bet you they feed him at home
2.I bet you that 9 out of 10 he doesn't sit in a high chair and is fed while being chased
3.I bet you they dump toys or a portable dvd infront of him so he eats

my sister feeds her 4 yr old dd, yup you read this right. She puts a bib on her and literally hand feeds her, also she will sit infront of the tv or a protable dvd while being fed.
I bet you are 100% right.... my SIL has a little girl who is almost 5 and they do this to her.....it's so hard to watch.....Every week they get a phone call from her daycare saying that she is not feeding herself or eating....

Yeah that won't ever happen here...

So I spoke to soon. snack time is back to H3ll...................ugh

I think that I need to really find out the truth about what is going on at home and if it is the case of the chase and feed, then i am going to start sending DCK home.....
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daycare 11:03 AM 05-03-2012
Originally Posted by bice99:
I had a family that was spoon feeding their 18 month old Gerber #3 baby foods while she bathed because they couldn't get her to sit and eat at the table. She always ate at the table for me. No other way she was getting food. And she ate well. Crazy!
parents do some crazy stuff.... If they only knew how easy it is to set a routine and stick to it, their kid would eat without issues... No negations.
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My3cents 12:02 PM 05-03-2012
at that age, he understands. I think you should set up how meals are going to be. Put out foods that he can pick up or use a spoon and let him eat what he does. If he chooses to not eat, don't push it and don't give a meal until next go meal time. He will figure this right out fast. It has become a game to him.

If not then yes other issues are involved-

be consistent and don't fall for his manipulations. He will eat when he is hungry. Give him food first, then his milk. He might be on liquid diet at home. At this age you should not have to feed him.
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jojosmommy 12:44 PM 05-03-2012
I would serve the food, ask if he wants to join, if he says no or screams then he can go read. I wouldn't even force him to be present at the table. This way he can choose on his terms if he wants to eat. If he does he must do it himself while seated. If not, no issue, move on. Sounds like he has food issues, anxiety about meal time, or is engaging you in a power struggle.
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MrsB 07:49 AM 05-04-2012
I am so excited for you daycare! Hope this little boys success continues!

It sounds like this little boys issues are not sensory related, but 2 years is not too little to be diagnosed with sensory issues. My DD was diagnosed with sensory issues at 10 months old.
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daycare 09:23 AM 05-04-2012
Originally Posted by My3cents:
at that age, he understands. I think you should set up how meals are going to be. Put out foods that he can pick up or use a spoon and let him eat what he does. If he chooses to not eat, don't push it and don't give a meal until next go meal time. He will figure this right out fast. It has become a game to him.

If not then yes other issues are involved-

be consistent and don't fall for his manipulations. He will eat when he is hungry. Give him food first, then his milk. He might be on liquid diet at home. At this age you should not have to feed him.
I agree with you 100% BUT
The issue is that he will scream and cry and yell for cookies or candy as soon as I say it is time to eat.,

All of the other kids are upset by his outburst and then i have all of the kids on massive melt down mode.

I will place the food in front of him and leave it. I have even tired serving things such as pancakes with lots of syrup, (not normal for me here) and still nothing.

As soon as I let this child down the screaming stops...

The other issue I have is that because of the lack of food, the child is not able to keep up with the rest of the group. Just does not have the energy.

He will either have massive melts downs shortly after we have served breakfast and as soon as I serve food 2 hours later, its back to the screaming again. 8 out of 10 times the child falls asleep in the chair at morning snack.

i am on the food program, so there is 2 hours between each meal. I don't do meals outside of those times... If I do, I don't get credit for them.
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Ariana 09:33 AM 05-04-2012
So he will eat junk food totally fine and scream free? That would make me pretty ticked off!! If he doesn't scream with junky food then this is 100% the parents fault IMO. He has learned this behavior.
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daycare 10:13 AM 05-04-2012
Originally Posted by Ariana:
So he will eat junk food totally fine and scream free? That would make me pretty ticked off!! If he doesn't scream with junky food then this is 100% the parents fault IMO. He has learned this behavior.
yes and I have talked to the parents a million times about it....and still 6 months later I am dealing with it....

As for whoever said to give the child the choice if they want to eat or not, I can't do that. My meal times are set and they have to sit down at the meal times and be served. food Program rules. I don't want to open a can of worms of speical for one child, because if one child is allowed to choose to play instead of eat, then all of the children will choose this and then i am going to have to deal with fighting everyone to eat when it is meal time.
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MizzCheryl 10:31 AM 05-04-2012
http://main.zerotothree.org/site/Doc...pdf?docID=7961

I have a child with sensory dysfunction.
As a baby and toddler she had severe oral aversions.
Feeding time could be awful and so could the rest of the day as she was hungry.
Sometimes just the smell of the food is enough to upset them. She had to have a feeding tube because there was no getting her to eat. She is 12 now and eats wonderfully, praise the lord.

Of course it could be that he gets his way at home but it would seem he would figure out that won't go with you. Does he drink? Would he take pediasure?
Does he mouth things? Are there things he puts in his mouth?

He may need a screening. She was diagnosed by the time she was 2 but her mama was a real advocate for her. I mean she had to raise some cain to get her child the help she needed.

If the parent cannot see that there is a real problem you have to think of yourself first and your other kids.
Ideally they would get checked out and get him some help, but, if they won't there is not much you can do.
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jojosmommy 06:47 AM 05-05-2012
Originally Posted by daycare:
yes and I have talked to the parents a million times about it....and still 6 months later I am dealing with it....

As for whoever said to give the child the choice if they want to eat or not, I can't do that. My meal times are set and they have to sit down at the meal times and be served. food Program rules. I don't want to open a can of worms of speical for one child, because if one child is allowed to choose to play instead of eat, then all of the children will choose this and then i am going to have to deal with fighting everyone to eat when it is meal time.
You ARE already doing special. You are allowing him to ruin lunch for everyone already. His screaming creates stress. No doubt the kids are affected.

You already showed him his screaming works. You conceeded and added a ton of syrup to bribe him to eat. Once you make food an issue you'll have long term problems. He knows this is working. If nothing else he is getting ALL your attention.

And I'm on the fp too. The rules aren't that strict. Call your rep. I know mine wouldn't say the point is to torture everyone by allowing this kids shenanigans to continue. All we have to do is offer/serve. They don't have to remain at the table (screaming nonsense) while the others eat.

And one time your kids will care he got told to read. After that they will enjoy their meal and then be excused to read too. Best part is, you get to clean up and they get nice and sleepy for nap.
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DCP 11:44 AM 05-07-2012
oh goodness I went through that and still do occasionally!!! After conversation after conversation with the parents I found out that at 2 yrs old..the parents were doing one or all of the following...spoon feeding - in front of tv - what she demanded for food and mostly baby food!! Yes baby food. The child was not eating table food at home except for an occasional bite. In fact at that time I also found out that they were still giving her a bottle of formula in stead of milk!! I did not find out about this for a year because she was part time - when she became full time and not eating...I began questioning.
She became a 10 hr per day child and would scream through lunch & snacks. When I had all the kids present I would simply remove her from the table and prepare her by herself for nap. If I was low on kids - I let her sit there. She had to be hungry but I refused to give her anything she wanted and she only got what the others did.
Now she eats most of what I serve - but for a year she refused most. Would not eat a sandwhich unless it was cut up into bite size pieces..pizza same way!
After repeatedly expressing my concern to the parents - they finally changed their methods at home..but do not follow it 100%. I can always tell when they get off schedule because she will not eat for a week! (Even snacks!)
She also refuses to paint with her hands or feet - will not touch glue, mud etc. If the food touches her skin...she will start screaming all over again to this day!
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Tags:food issues, not eating, spoon feeding
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