Biting

[girlmomma]

Looking for advice on whether or not to term a biter.

This started last November with a DCB who is now 21 months old. I advised DCM in December (after the third incident) that if it happened again, DCB would be termed... there was no more biting after that because the previous bitee, a 9 month old, isn’t enrolled anymore because of conflicting schedules.

Last week, the biter bit another DCB (age 2) on the arm and caused it to bruise. This past Wednesday, the biter bit the same DCB on the knee cap, this time leaving teeth marks. The bitee did nothing to the biter, the biter simply walked up and bit the boy right in front of me.

I informed DCM Wednesday at pick-up that if there is another incident, DCB will be termed immediately. DCM has told me so many different stories about how DCB only bites at home, or doesn’t bite anyone but his brother, or he only bites her. It’s very frustrating.

DCM comes in today (they don’t attend Thursday) and asked if I could set up a camera because her 21 month old told her “****** hit me” so DCM thinks her son is being provoked. I explained whether he is provoked or not, he’s still biting and it’s getting more aggressive with each bite. I told DCM that he needs more attention than I can give him, being an in-home center with a 1:6 ratio. I explained he needs worked with on it. She asked me if I could work with her and I told her no, I’ve given her since November to correct this behavior.

Now I’m second guessing that decision because I know it could pit her in a tough spot. Thoughts?

You did the right thing by terminating care however, after the second incident is when you should've terminated because it was obvious by her reaction coupled with the behavior of the child it wasn't going to work period. She sounds like someone who will be getting her child out of every little problem no matter the situation

[Michael]

Welcome to the forum. We have some good threads on biting. Here are a few:

https://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=6

https://www.daycare.com/forum/tags.p...minate+-+biter

[Blackcat31]

Biting is THE worst behavior to have to manage in a group setting and unfortunately it's not a behavior that parent's can really correct too much.

Biting occurs for so many different reasons and many of the triggers can't be replicated at home so most times biting incidents don't happen at home. I know you said this child does bite at home but that doesn't mean he's doing it for the same reasons.

Given his age, he may be biting due to lack of vocabulary or as a means of conflict resolution and while it is developmentally common to bite at this age, it's not acceptable.

If you do not want to terminate the family, I would make the DCB your shadow and not allow him to be more than an arm's length away from you at any given time so you can be available to intervene if he does go in for a chomp on another daycare child.

If you'd rather terminate care, just let the parents know you need to do what's best for the group as a whole and are unable to do that when you are "connected" at the hip to DCB in order to stop the biting before it happens.

It's tough for the parents but honestly I can't image how hard it is for the parents of the kid(s) that are being bitten in care. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

[284878]

I agree with BC.

The act of biting is on the same level as a child that hits, pushes, kicks, licks, spits or scratches. To the child they see no difference, All of this behaviors are a cry for help or attention and none should be treated differently.
To adults we see the mark a bit leaves, the damage that could be done, not to mention the possibility of bodily fluids being exchanged.

With that said I found this resource helpful when I dealt with a biter.

https://www.zerotothree.org/resource...right-response

[grandmom]

I agree with BC.

But, I'd never terminate a biter - unless it was a much older child - like school age. Biting is normal for toddlers. Yes it hurts and leaves bruising, but it's no different than most other toddler behavior.

[coloradoprovider]

Originally Posted by grandmom

I agree with BC.

But, I'd never terminate a biter - unless it was a much older child - like school age. Biting is normal for toddlers. Yes it hurts and leaves bruising, but it's no different than most other toddler behavior.

Biting elicits an emotional reaction and we react to it based on emotion. Young biters are acting on impulse, we need to keep cool and act swiftly to firmly say "no, biting hurts," help the victim (have the biter help the victim with a cold cloth) and stay with victim until victim feels better. I show the biter the mark and again say something like: "ouch, biting hurts, we don't hurt our friends." I hand out information to both sets of parents on why biting occurs and how to properly deal with it.

[Former Teacher]

Originally Posted by girlmomma

Looking for advice on whether or not to term a biter.

This started last November with a DCB who is now 21 months old. I advised DCM in December (after the third incident) that if it happened again, DCB would be termed... there was no more biting after that because the previous bitee, a 9 month old, isn’t enrolled anymore because of conflicting schedules.

Last week, the biter bit another DCB (age 2) on the arm and caused it to bruise. This past Wednesday, the biter bit the same DCB on the knee cap, this time leaving teeth marks. The bitee did nothing to the biter, the biter simply walked up and bit the boy right in front of me.

I informed DCM Wednesday at pick-up that if there is another incident, DCB will be termed immediately. DCM has told me so many different stories about how DCB only bites at home, or doesn’t bite anyone but his brother, or he only bites her. It’s very frustrating.

DCM comes in today (they don’t attend Thursday) and asked if I could set up a camera because her 21 month old told her “****** hit me” so DCM thinks her son is being provoked. I explained whether he is provoked or not, he’s still biting and it’s getting more aggressive with each bite. I told DCM that he needs more attention than I can give him, being an in-home center with a 1:6 ratio. I explained he needs worked with on it. She asked me if I could work with her and I told her no, I’ve given her since November to correct this behavior.

Now I’m second guessing that decision because I know it could pit her in a tough spot. Thoughts?

At my former center, we termed a child 2 years old (give or take) because of the constant biting. We wanted to work with him but his parents were in a bind. It was made worse because the parents were laughing it off.

We did the shadowing, we did EVERYTHING. And he still bit. It was finally when the whole class got together and told the director either he goes or they go. So he went.

It's tough all around.

[Rockgirl]

Originally Posted by grandmom

I agree with BC.

But, I'd never terminate a biter - unless it was a much older child - like school age. Biting is normal for toddlers. Yes it hurts and leaves bruising, but it's no different than most other toddler behavior.

I get that it’s developmentally normal, but I would absolutely terminate a habitual biter. I do what’s best for my group, and a biter isn’t good for my group. I can’t imagine telling the parents of a repeated bitee that it’s normal toddler behavior.

That’s just me personally....I’m not willing to risk it.

[flying_babyb]

i would make him your buddy. Does he understand why he cant bite? Has he ever been bit? Mabey he dosent understand that biting hurts, just knows it gets a reaction?

[284878]

Originally Posted by Rockgirl

I get that it’s developmentally normal, but I would absolutely terminate a habitual biter. I do what’s best for my group, and a biter isn’t good for my group. I can’t imagine telling the parents of a repeated bitee that it’s normal toddler behavior.

That’s just me personally...I’m not willing to risk it.

I was listening to a radio program once, the guest said that most people will punish only the child that ... first and never the one that ... back. He said that both kids should be punished equally. This made so much sense to me, both parties are equally at fault, and both need to be punished equally.

I know from my experience, the biter may have a reason why they bit, (just like the hitter, pusher, licker, and so on...), and in one case terming the reason and not the biter stopped the biting. Keeping the reason meant keeping the stress/tension. So terming the biter is not always the answer.

[Blackcat31]

Originally Posted by 284878

I was listening to a radio program once, the guest said that most people will punish only the child that ... first and never the one that ... back. He said that both kids should be punished equally. This made so much sense to me, both parties are equally at fault, and both need to be punished equally.

I know from my experience, the biter may have a reason why they bit, (just like the hitter, pusher, licker, and so on...), and in one case terming the reason and not the biter stopped the biting. Keeping the reason meant keeping the stress/tension. So terming the biter is not always the answer.

I understand what you mean but biting is in NO WAY even close to hitting etc.
A human bite is dangerous and can be traumatizing as well. A hit, push or kick is not even comparable in my opinion.

Terming the biter is sometimes the only answer.

[Rockgirl]

Originally Posted by 284878

I was listening to a radio program once, the guest said that most people will punish only the child that ... first and never the one that ... back. He said that both kids should be punished equally. This made so much sense to me, both parties are equally at fault, and both need to be punished equally.

I know from my experience, the biter may have a reason why they bit, (just like the hitter, pusher, licker, and so on...), and in one case terming the reason and not the biter stopped the biting. Keeping the reason meant keeping the stress/tension. So terming the biter is not always the answer.

OP stated that the biter sometimes just walks up and bites a child unprovoked. I wouldn’t term a child for a first bite, but I said I would term a habitual biter....especially one who did it unprovoked.

[284878]

Originally Posted by Blackcat31

I understand what you mean but biting is in NO WAY even close to hitting etc.
A human bite is dangerous and can be traumatizing as well. A hit, push or kick is not even comparable in my opinion.

Terming the biter is sometimes the only answer.

Yes in my first post I said that. To us adults, we see the long term effects but the toddler that bites is the same as a child that hits. They are doing it to get their way, as a way of self defense or for attention... not because they see the long term effects.

We agree that terming the biter is not the only option we just worded it differently.

Originally Posted by 284878

I was listening to a radio program once, the guest said that most people will punish only the child that ... first and never the one that ... back. He said that both kids should be punished equally. This made so much sense to me, both parties are equally at fault, and both need to be punished equally.

I know from my experience, the biter may have a reason why they bit, (just like the hitter, pusher, licker, and so on...), and in one case terming the reason and not the biter stopped the biting. Keeping the reason meant keeping the stress/tension. So terming the biter is not always the answer.

I’ve recorded the children (per the request of both parents) and the bitee will bite for no reason at all. The bitee’s mother tried to say that the child was being bullied. She quickly saw that that was not the case. This mother also likes to laugh off bad behavior & she’s now frustrated that I won’t work with her anymore on the biting. So far the child hasn’t bitten again, but he will be termed if he does. Or should I say WHEN he does.

[Cat Herder]

IME, most biters change behaviors in new settings. Terming a biter can be in the best interest of the child.

Sometimes it isn't about the room, toys, activities or routine at all. Sometimes it is simply about rank. If a child is the oldest at home, used to leading and is now expected to yield and dismissed as "the baby" they lash out to get back out front. If a child is the youngest and used to be protected/guided and is now expected to lead feels unprepared and lashes out for safety, "who's got my back??". Familial roles and group rank are still an important part of human development.

You know you see it in the workplace, too, when you get new leads or assistants.

If you can't support rank needs by making some changes (ratio, space), then allow them to join another group where they feel comfortable, safe, wanted and appreciated.

I got rid of biting many years ago by only enrolling infants. I did not fully comprehend how it worked at first, it was just a theory I had, but it has panned out beautifully. When I do have to fill a toddler spot (rare), I try to choose the personality/rank that will best support the group and individuals needs. I tell the parents why so they can consider it, too. It matters in all of their playgroups.

I hope that made sense. I am overcaffeinated this morning, admittedly.

[coloradoprovider]

https://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families...iting-081.aspx