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Old 03-23-2012, 01:07 PM
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Country Kids Country Kids is offline
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Default How Long to Cry

Ok another thread got me to thinking-how long should you let a child cry. If they won't stop, what do you do. This would only be for a child not getting their way on something.

Call parents to come and get them
Let them continue to cry
Give in
Ignore


What would you ladies do?

I had a child awhile back that didn't want to go outside. Refused to put boots and coat on. Child went outside and I put boots and coat right beside them. I let them know when they were ready they could do it-child is 4. Child cried the entire time we were outside (45 min) because they wanted to go inside and no they didn't want their coat and boots on. I offered to help child, they just screamed louder!

For those who don't believe in a child crying very long what would you have done in this case or any case where they child is crying to get their way.
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Old 03-23-2012, 01:13 PM
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The child is not hurt..... just thowing a fit????? oh they can cry until they stop. Give in and they just learned the bigger the fit they get their way.

Last edited by Michael; 03-24-2012 at 02:39 PM.
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Old 03-23-2012, 01:17 PM
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In that situation, I would have done the exact same thing. It doesn't feel good, but it is the right thing to do, IMO.

Crying because you fall or are sad gets comforted. Crying to get your way gets you nuthin....
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Old 03-23-2012, 01:18 PM
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For a child just doing this so that they could get their own way, I would ignore it and let them cry! If they want to cry all day they could cry all day. I do not give in when it comes to a child just crying for no other reason other than the child just wanting to get their own way.
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Old 03-23-2012, 01:19 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Country Kids View Post
Ok another thread got me to thinking-how long should you let a child cry. If they won't stop, what do you do. This would only be for a child not getting their way on something.

Call parents to come and get them
Let them continue to cry
Give in
Ignore


What would you ladies do?

I had a child awhile back that didn't want to go outside. Refused to put boots and coat on. Child went outside and I put boots and coat right beside them. I let them know when they were ready they could do it-child is 4. Child cried the entire time we were outside (45 min) because they wanted to go inside and no they didn't want their coat and boots on. I offered to help child, they just screamed louder!

For those who don't believe in a child crying very long what would you have done in this case or any case where they child is crying to get their way.
I think the age and temperment of the child need to be considered. I do not believe in any extended crying at all for children under 6 months (immediate pick up/needs met asap). I think slight whining is okay 6 mos up, but an all out cry needs attention within minutes. Over 12 months, it depends on the personality of the child. If they are regularly a whiny child and are crying because they are just being stubborn, i think it is okay to let them cry until they realize they are not getting their way... unless you sense that they are stuck in a crying rut and are unable to calm themselves down. It just depends.

For example, if my 3.5 yr old dd is crying bc she is throwing a tantrum, she knows she can go into the quiet room and cry as long as she wants, and can come out when she is calm (so she is in control of her emotions and when she leaves- as long as she isnt crying anymore). If my 17 month old is stubborn, I put her on a crying spot and somehow she knows to sit there until she is done crying then gets up and is fine. But sometimes my 17 month old will cry at naptime before it is over, and she will work herself up so much that she still needs help calming down. You just have to feel each situation out I think.
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Old 03-23-2012, 01:21 PM
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Crying because of a NEED is entirely different than crying because of a WANT.
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Old 03-23-2012, 01:23 PM
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I child could cry as long as they wanted for having a tantrum if they are in sight of me at all times.
I would never have a tantruming child left unsupervised for 10 seconds, as per licensing.
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Old 03-23-2012, 01:23 PM
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Good question. My PT DCG always wants to be held or looked at. If I look at her and interact with her she is happy, if my eyes move away from her she freaks out into a huge screaming fit. If I am not holding her she cries. And cried and cries. I hate letting her cry but seriously she needs to learn that she doesn't need to be held constantly. My DS was never like this. He was held plenty but never flipped when I put him down.

Even if I make the motion to put her down she freaks. Even while playing with toys she screams because she isn't being held. If I have her for a few days straight by the end of the second day she usually is better and realizes she isn't going to get her way but then she comes back after not being here a few days and is the same way....

I just don't know if letting her cry is acceptable in this situation.
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Old 03-23-2012, 01:24 PM
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I absolutely agree that age is the biggest factor in what is too long. For the OPs scenario, once I said no to a kid this old, they could cry all day and I would never change my mind. They also would be put in the cry spot to cry, somewhere boring. Ive never had a child last all day I have had a few toddlers cry for hours before but in my experience, most of the issues for kids under 2 are due to lack of rest, lack of nutritious diet and in both those cases, the kids are better off here to get some rest and some good food then in being sent home for the day.
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Old 03-23-2012, 01:27 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Breezy View Post
Good question. My PT DCG always wants to be held or looked at. If I look at her and interact with her she is happy, if my eyes move away from her she freaks out into a huge screaming fit. If I am not holding her she cries. And cried and cries. I hate letting her cry but seriously she needs to learn that she doesn't need to be held constantly. My DS was never like this. He was held plenty but never flipped when I put him down.

Even if I make the motion to put her down she freaks. Even while playing with toys she screams because she isn't being held. If I have her for a few days straight by the end of the second day she usually is better and realizes she isn't going to get her way but then she comes back after not being here a few days and is the same way....

I just don't know if letting her cry is acceptable in this situation.
how old is she? Anything over about 9 months, this little one would get plenty of floor time. I dont pick up any kid that is demanding to be held. I wait till they stop crying and then give cuddles and attention. You're arent doing her any favors by feeding into her obsession for constant eye contact and physical contact. She needs to learn that she is okay without these things. You can be compassionate and meet all her needs without creating a monster. I know it is harder when they clearly get that type of thing at home but trust me, they learn fast
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Old 03-23-2012, 01:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blackcat31 View Post
Crying because of a NEED is entirely different than crying because of a WANT.

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Old 03-23-2012, 01:31 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom View Post
how old is she? Anything over about 9 months, this little one would get plenty of floor time. I dont pick up any kid that is demanding to be held. I wait till they stop crying and then give cuddles and attention. You're arent doing her any favors by feeding into her obsession for constant eye contact and physical contact. She needs to learn that she is okay without these things. You can be compassionate and meet all her needs without creating a monster. I know it is harder when they clearly get that type of thing at home but trust me, they learn fast
She is 8 months old. I thinking she is 6 months but just did the math and nope 8 months. Ahhh it gets ridiculous. Right now I am singing the itsy bitsy spider and making total eye contact with her (typing without barely looking) and she is screaming at me with her arms up o=to be picked up. I say "It's ok H, you can play with the lion!" and it makes it worse.
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Old 03-23-2012, 01:54 PM
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Yeah she won't stop. I put her on the floor, in the exersaucer and she is fine when I pick her up but as soon as she gets set back down the screaming starts. Right now she is in the play yard with toys and me sitting next to it and screaming. Unless I make a motion like I might pick her up and it stops immediately.

Sorry, Country. I didn't mean to derail your thread
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Old 03-23-2012, 01:55 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Breezy View Post
Yeah she won't stop. I put her on the floor, in the exersaucer and she is fine when I pick her up but as soon as she gets set back down the screaming starts. Right now she is in the play yard with toys and me sitting next to it and screaming. Unless I make a motion like I might pick her up and it stops immediately.

Sorry, Country. I didn't mean to derail your thread
No, you didn't derail at all!!! This is clearly a want versus a need baby it sounds like.
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Old 03-23-2012, 02:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Country Kids View Post
No, you didn't derail at all!!! This is clearly a want versus a need baby it sounds like.
She's been fed, changed, burped, napped, cuddled. I am trying another nap right now because DCM had said she didn't sleep well last night because she would only sleep on moms shoulder. She's crying from the other room and then stopping and then crying more
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Old 03-23-2012, 02:12 PM
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I had to add to my PHB 3 years ago that if your child is crying uncontrollable for any reason and is not able to normally participate longer than 45 minutes, you will be called and asked to come pick them up.

I had a DCG that would scream cry every day when it was time to eat lunch if I was not serving what she wanted. So I said, you don't have to eat it, but you do have to sit at the table until everyone else is done. NOPE she screamed. It started rolling over into nap time, and no one could nap. So I called mom and off she went.

I have had to use this 4 times since then... I agree with cat... Big difference when a child cries for their needs vs wants...

Guess what....I don't need or want to hear you scream cry for 45 minutes.....lol
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Old 03-23-2012, 02:20 PM
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Newborns excluded:

I'm more interested in why they are crying.

Once my kids hit about 15-18 months we rarely hear them cry. Once they hit two it's almost non-existant unless there is illness. So if they cry out after the age two it almost always means there is something actually wrong.

My staff assistant who left in January was here for three years. One little girl was here from age two to five. One little boy was here from one to four. In the whole time she was here she didn't hear either of them ever cry. One of the little boys was a baby but after age one she heard him cry a couple of times.

I think our system of care nets kids that don't use crying as a way of expressing themselves unless there has been something really serious happening or they are sick. When any of the older kids (over twoish) cry it's like a piercing to my brain because it startles me and sets off my fear reaction. If they are emotionally upset it's very heartbreaking to me. What it comes down to is that the crying/adult reaction is PURE here. The kids cry when there is something wrong and the adults react knowing there is something wrong.
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Old 03-23-2012, 02:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
Newborns excluded:

I'm more interested in why they are crying.

Once my kids hit about 15-18 months we rarely hear them cry. Once they hit two it's almost non-existant unless there is illness. So if they cry out after the age two it almost always means there is something actually wrong.

My staff assistant who left in January was here for three years. One little girl was here from age two to five. One little boy was here from one to four. In the whole time she was here she didn't hear either of them ever cry. One of the little boys was a baby but after age one she heard him cry a couple of times.

I think our system of care nets kids that don't use crying as a way of expressing themselves unless there has been something really serious happening or they are sick. When any of the older kids (over twoish) cry it's like a piercing to my brain because it startles me and sets off my fear reaction. If they are emotionally upset it's very heartbreaking to me. What it comes down to is that the crying/adult reaction is PURE here. The kids cry when there is something wrong and the adults react knowing there is something wrong.


Oh Nan, I want to come work in your DC!
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Old 03-24-2012, 01:06 PM
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Oh Nan, I want to come work in your DC!


Yes it's a good place for kids and adults. It's very peaceful at my house MOST of the time.
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