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Old 05-17-2010, 12:42 PM
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Unhappy Crying at Naptime

I have a 13 month old who crys the majority of her afternoon naptime. She has been held to sleep by her parents since being a newborn! She comes to my daycare twice a week and every single day it is the same. She will not sllep unless I am holding her! Since she has gotten older, I just started putting her down to fall asleep on her own, she will fall asleep after a few mins then usually wake up no longer than a half hour later. She makes me want to pull my hair out. All my other kids sleep like rocks! I think this is the only child I know who can go on an hour nap daily, but she is fussy and clingy the rest of the day because of being tired. Do I let her cry until naptime is over? How do centers deal with children like this considering all babies sleep in one room together?
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Old 05-17-2010, 02:20 PM
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Here are some more theads on the topic of crying: http://daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=crying

Another thread on 13 month old: http://daycare.com/forum/tags.php?tag=13+month+old

Last edited by Michael; 05-17-2010 at 02:22 PM.
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Old 05-17-2010, 03:44 PM
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I have had a couple kids cry and scream and carry on and on..no matter if I held them or not...so I finally told myself that they will have to adjust to being laid down at naptime and cry until they fell asleep. The first few times is hard because they won't give in, but after a few tries they finally give in.

It's hard because you only have her a couple times a week...but I would just keep laying her down until she sleeps...don't do the cry it out one day and hold her the next, that won't work..you have to be consistant.

I can't have my 2 daycare boys sleep in the same room..I have tried a couple of times and they keep each other awake...I honestly don't know how the daycare centers do it..I have to keep them separated if I want them to get a decent nap.
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Old 05-17-2010, 04:56 PM
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I don't offer one to one care during nap time unless a child is ill and we are waiting for a parent to arrive to pick the child up. Other than that, I provide only group care during nap and the group takes a nap. I don't have one to one care during that 2.5 hour block built into any child's fees. I would be happy to provide one to one care during that block of time as long as I was compensated for it. I would not do that for free or include that into my existing rate.

I would just be honest with the Mom and let her know that the child is not accepting the group care during this time and ask her if she would like to come pick her up before nap so she can provide the one to one, pay an additional fee to cover a staff assistant to one to one her during this time, remove her from your care to provide a situation where she CAN have one to one care or have the child join the group during nap regardless of her child's wishes. I would make it clear that YOU doing one to one during this time is NOT an option. Leave the decision up to her.

I don't understand why parents choose group care when they KNOW their child needs one to one care. I just don't get it. I'll never understand why a parent would be SO cruel to put their child into a group of children when their child CLEARLY needs an adult just for them. It boggles my mind.

It's very important that this is vetted out during the interview process. Tell the parents your schedule and ASK if the child would be able to deal with the schedule. If you do not do one to one care or you charge additional fees to do one to one care during nap be CLEAR to the parents. Make a PLAN with the parents that includes open communication about whether or not the child will accept your schedule and routine. Be willing to loose the child if the child requires a service you don't provide. It's not personal. It's business.
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Old 05-17-2010, 06:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unregistered View Post
I have a 13 month old who crys the majority of her afternoon naptime. She has been held to sleep by her parents since being a newborn! She comes to my daycare twice a week and every single day it is the same. She will not sllep unless I am holding her! Since she has gotten older, I just started putting her down to fall asleep on her own, she will fall asleep after a few mins then usually wake up no longer than a half hour later. She makes me want to pull my hair out. All my other kids sleep like rocks! I think this is the only child I know who can go on an hour nap daily, but she is fussy and clingy the rest of the day because of being tired. Do I let her cry until naptime is over? How do centers deal with children like this considering all babies sleep in one room together?
One more thing. Did the parents ASK you if there was another child in the day care who must be held while they sleep? Did they consider that you could possibly already have a child who must have one to one during nap in order to sleep? I just can't figure out the parents math on this one. If they KNEW that their child MUST have an adult holding her any time she slept then they should have ASKED if there was another child already in you arms at nap.

If we are to assume that any child who needs held during sleep must have an adult available to hold that child then I would think it would be the number one question at any interview so the parents could be positive that their child was the ONLY child in care that would need to be held during nap.

Did they offer to remove their child should any existing child who previously slept without an adult holding them began needing an adult to hold them during nap? Even if they started your day care and their child was the only one who must be held during nap there is always the possibility that at any time ANY child of ANY age in your day care could want the same thing and cry during nap if they didn't get it. What was their plan should that come up?

I don't run into this so I'm curious about it. I make it clear that I don't have any kids up at nap for any reason other than illness. If their child needs to cat nap... be held while they sleep... have their own schedule... sleep in an adults arms whenever they choose... be up running whenever they choose... etc. I just don't take the kid. I know there are LEGIONS of kids from birth on who need to have their OWN schedule and their OWN adult to make that schedule happen. I don't have enough adults to offer that so I don't deal with it.

I'm just interested in how deeply the parents discuss this and work out what happens should another child in the day care present the needs their child is presenting. How DO providers who offer group care do THIS intensive of one to one care? How DO providers offer babies, toddlers, and preschoolers the free choice every day to sleep when they want, be up when they want, and have an adult holding them when they DO sleep?

Nan
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Old 05-18-2010, 06:39 AM
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I wonder if parents sometimes put their children in group care, specifically to be weaned of habits like this (being rocked to sleep), without having to deal with the crying themselves. How about being weaned of the bottle or a soother at daycare, while parents are still giving them at home? I bet all of us have dealt with that to some degree.

If you can handle letting this little one cry it out, I'd suggest just putting her down at naptime, and getting her up with everyone else at the end of naptime (although she may need to be in a separate room). She'll figure it out eventually, even if things happen differently at home. Kids are smart that way -- they figure out quite quickly which rules apply when ;-) .
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Old 05-18-2010, 06:47 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DBug View Post
If you can handle letting this little one cry it out, I'd suggest just putting her down at naptime, and getting her up with everyone else at the end of naptime (although she may need to be in a separate room). She'll figure it out eventually, even if things happen differently at home. Kids are smart that way -- they figure out quite quickly which rules apply when ;-) .


The boy I just took in a couple of months ago is rocked to sleep by his grandma and his mom...he didn't like naptime at all when he first came to me...but now he goes for a nap here with no problems..I had to let him cry it out and he eventually understood.....he still gets rocked to sleep at home but not here and no longer cried when I put him to bed.
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Old 05-18-2010, 09:35 AM
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Sorry to hijack but do you put these said children that are crying during naptime in a playpen or just on a mat on the floor? I have a 16 month old dcb that I'm trying to do this with. I have only been able to lay her down once instead of holding at naptime and she was super tired. On most days, I don't mind holding her but I want to be consistent as I think a child (this child in particular) likes consistency.
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Old 03-28-2016, 12:45 AM
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Default Be Honest with the Parents

Tell them up front that you don't hold babies to sleep.
If their kid cries a lot, then don't pretend like everything went well when they pick up their child because then they will become suspicious of what's going on in your daycare, and with reason.
Tell them immediately that their child cried a lot, that their child needs to be held, and that in your opinion, it would be best for the child to have one on one care. You may lose one child from your daycare, but the others will get better care and the parents will recommend your daycare.
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Old 03-28-2016, 09:22 AM
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Just realized thread is from 2010, but I had a DCG that cried when first settling in and after about a week she started going to sleep with the others...as long as she knew I was nearby and she could see me she would wind down...then she started napping, np
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Old 03-28-2016, 03:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nannyde View Post
I don't offer one to one care during nap time unless a child is ill and we are waiting for a parent to arrive to pick the child up. Other than that, I provide only group care during nap and the group takes a nap. I don't have one to one care during that 2.5 hour block built into any child's fees. I would be happy to provide one to one care during that block of time as long as I was compensated for it. I would not do that for free or include that into my existing rate.

I would just be honest with the Mom and let her know that the child is not accepting the group care during this time and ask her if she would like to come pick her up before nap so she can provide the one to one, pay an additional fee to cover a staff assistant to one to one her during this time, remove her from your care to provide a situation where she CAN have one to one care or have the child join the group during nap regardless of her child's wishes. I would make it clear that YOU doing one to one during this time is NOT an option. Leave the decision up to her.

I don't understand why parents choose group care when they KNOW their child needs one to one care. I just don't get it. I'll never understand why a parent would be SO cruel to put their child into a group of children when their child CLEARLY needs an adult just for them. It boggles my mind.

It's very important that this is vetted out during the interview process. Tell the parents your schedule and ASK if the child would be able to deal with the schedule. If you do not do one to one care or you charge additional fees to do one to one care during nap be CLEAR to the parents. Make a PLAN with the parents that includes open communication about whether or not the child will accept your schedule and routine. Be willing to loose the child if the child requires a service you don't provide. It's not personal. It's business.
I know this is an old thread, but I just read the above post and it is crazy how close it is to exactly what I have been thinking lately. I had dinner with a close friend last weekend and she has a 2 year old who is just starting daycare and mom is worried about nap time. The little girl basically falls asleep wherever she feels like it, has no nap routine, and co sleeps at night. Mom is worried about how she will do at daycare and I really didn't hold back. I wish I had the above post to show to her. How can you expect your baby or toddler to adjust to a completely DIFFERENT environment than what you have provided so far? It is so mean to do to your child! I told mom that she needs to find out the daycare routine and then start adjusting her kid to it. It will be an easier transition, but I KNOW she won't change anything at home. She will just want the daycare to do it and will probably get upset when she hears how miserable the transition is for her kid
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Old 03-28-2016, 03:43 PM
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It's how a insecure parent proves to herself that she is the best mom ever, and that no one can take care of precious like she can.
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Old 03-28-2016, 05:29 PM
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Originally Posted by mommyneedsadayoff View Post
I know this is an old thread, but I just read the above post and it is crazy how close it is to exactly what I have been thinking lately. I had dinner with a close friend last weekend and she has a 2 year old who is just starting daycare and mom is worried about nap time. The little girl basically falls asleep wherever she feels like it, has no nap routine, and co sleeps at night. Mom is worried about how she will do at daycare and I really didn't hold back. I wish I had the above post to show to her. How can you expect your baby or toddler to adjust to a completely DIFFERENT environment than what you have provided so far? It is so mean to do to your child! I told mom that she needs to find out the daycare routine and then start adjusting her kid to it. It will be an easier transition, but I KNOW she won't change anything at home. She will just want the daycare to do it and will probably get upset when she hears how miserable the transition is for her kid
Yep! My sister was told that before starting daycare my niece would not be allowed to have a soother. I strongly encouraged my sister to wean her over the next few weeks before starting at this new place. My niece loooooved her soother. Nope. My sister would not do it. The poor child had to adjust to a big centre, having previously been at a small home care, and adjust to suddenly not having a soother with a bunch of strangers. I literally felt like it was so abusive and I felt so sick that first week thinking of it!! I was very ticked with my sister

I see sooooo many parents doing this.
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