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  #1  
Old 01-27-2010, 07:26 AM
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Unhappy Dealing With Crying Baby?

I have a new dcb that is a few days away from being a year old. He has never been away from his mother, except for with a family member - grandma I think.

Anyway, this kid cries pretty much constantly. Yesterday, I had to tell the mom that she has to pick him up before 3pm when my older boys get home from school because he is terrified of them and screams and screams until she picks him up at 4:45 - 5pm. I can't help them with their homework, I can't even speak to them because this kid is screaming his head off in my kitchen and if they even move or speak it revs him up and causes him to claw my face or the back of my legs.

The mom seemed a little bit upset, but I explained to her that if it doesn't work for everyone (meaning the care situation), then it doesn't work for anyone, and right now, my older kids need to be able to do their homework and the other babies need to be able to take their naps (no one got a nap yesterday) in the afternoons, and right now, no one can do anything because this baby cries nonstop. He screamed the ENTIRE time I made breakfast and fed the other kids yesterday morning, and no one wanted to finish eating - they just wanted to get out of the kitchen where he was screaming. I even tried holding him and he wriggles and attempts to jump out of my arms.

My question is, how long do you deal with a screaming baby/toddler before you let them go? He's back here this morning and I've had to put him in the pack 'n' play in the other room because after holding him for over an hour and a half while he screamed in my face and clawed my chest and arms, I have to take a break. I'm not sure if this is something I can deal with on an ongoing basis. I feel like I have quite a bit of patience when it comes to babies and their crying, but this is going right through me. I let my 18 month old sleep in and I'm keeping no other babies today and tomorrow so that I can hold him and give him additional attention, but so far, it's not really helping at all.

All the other babies I've kept went through a sort of adjustment period where they cried quite a bit, especially when getting used to my older children coming home in the afternoon (they are all 12, 13, and 17), but nothing like this. Not screaming and clawing at my legs or face. My older children already give up quite a bit so that I can do this, and they have to give up their bedrooms in the afternoon in order to let the babies nap, so it's not like they have somewhere else in the house they can go!

What would you do?

Thanks in advance for your help.
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Old 01-27-2010, 07:41 AM
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It will take a few days, if not a couple weeks, probably. I would not hold him. If possible, I would set him up a pack in play in a room that you can shut the door. I would go on with my day. If you put him in the high chair to eat and he cries, give him a few minutes, if he doesn't stop, put him in the pack in play and shut the door, my theory, he must be tired and if need be can cry himself to sleep. I would try some different things, sit in high chair and play wityh other kids around. Play in pack in play in room with other kids around, if cries, put in room to cry. I had a child like this, he cried a lot at first. I did not hold him, I left him be around the other kids, when he cried, I put him in his pack in play and shut the door. It did not take long for him to change his tone here. Good luck. It will take a little time, but can be done.
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Old 01-27-2010, 07:44 AM
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If a baby is real bad then you need to do CIO. I will place them in their bed & let them cry, I will go back to check on them but I usualy do not get them out unles the quit crying (or close to it) This way they know that everything is fine & you can still take care of the other kids in care. I had one that cried quite a bit, she now hardly ever crys, only when she is tired. As long as you know that he is fine dont it is OK if he crys. It is part of the way he learns.
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Old 01-27-2010, 08:31 AM
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So, the hope is that he will eventually "get it" that he is ok, and that he doesn't need to be held all day?

I did go through this with one other child, and I simply let her cry and would come and sit near her, or pat her occasionally, reminding her that everything was "fine" and she was "ok". She of course didn't cry for more than 15 minutes or if she did, I checked her diaper, made sure she had been fed recently, and then assumed she was tired so I put her to bed. After a week or so, she just stopped doing it and now she rarely cries. Same with dcb #2. This kid is another story altogether though. I kept track and yesterday, he cried nonstop from 8:30 to 9:45am, and then again from 3:00pm to 4:45pm, with no break. He started throwing up on himself yesterday afternoon from all the crying.

There is just no way I can hold a child (standing up because he starts crying again immediately if you sit down) all day long. I didn't do it for my own children. I guess I am just eager for him to stop crying because it causes major disruption in my house and to my other kids, and because it causes me major stress. It literally makes my ears ring when he follows me into the kitchen screaming. We have ceramic tile floor which just amplifies it.

So, I want to make sure I have this right: if he starts crying, I give him a minute to calm on his own, reassure him all is well, and then wait how long before I put him in the crib? And, if I put him in the crib, how long do I wait before getting him back out? And, how often do I do this? Every time he cries, or just when it's gone over x amount of time or intensity?

THanks so much again, for your help!
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Old 01-27-2010, 10:19 AM
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Last week I had this new baby start. He is 8 mths old and the most spoiled horrible baby I have ever been exposed to. He cried and cried non-stop unless I was holding him or sitting with him. If I even got up to answer the phone, he could still see me, but he cried for like 40 minutes. After day 2 I did the CIO! I also told mom she needed to work with me at home too and not hold him every second. I told her that I would try it for 2 wks but if things didn't change it was not fair for my other daycare children to listen to that all day or give up things because I had to attend to the baby. For the next 3 days I only picked him up if he was good. If the tantrum went on too long I placed him in the crib and let him fall asleep. When ever he was on the floor and stopped crying I would talk to him and pick him up. We are on day 8 and he is so much better. He still cries a lot but I just put him in his crib and he takes a nap. All my daycare parents felt so bad for me that first week many of them left work early to give me a break! Good luck. I would not give it more than 2 wks though personally.
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Old 01-27-2010, 10:40 AM
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Unhappy I had to call mom. . .

I finally ended up texting his mom. He took a nap, woke up crying, and never stopped. From 10:30 until about 5 minutes ago, he screamed and screamed until he was gagging and throwing up. I thought maybe he was hungry because he wouldn't eat anything this morning, so I made lunch and he would put it into his mouth and then continue screaming and spit it out or start gagging. As soon as he started the gagging business, I put the food away; I'm not doing CPR or the Heimlich today lol.

I finally gave him his formula in a sippy cup and put him back in the pack n play. I hate it that he is back in bed after just a little while, but I tried picking him up when he was quiet, only to have him start screaming again as soon as we would change rooms. I tried putting him in the pack n play to see if he would stop crying after a bit and he never did. He just kept coughing and choking and scaring me to death.

The demeanor of this child is panicked. I mean, wide, wide eyes, can't catch his breath, clawing and scratching, panic. I've never had a child do that, and honestly I think he would be better off with a one-on-one sitter until he can handle being around other people better. His mom doesn't spoil him, per se, or at least not that I can see, but he is an only child and up until now he's never been around other children or other adults. What a recipe for disaster.

He was a preemie and has had huge issues with food and reflux. I think all of those things have prevented his mother from socializing him up until this point. I think he needs to be s-l-o-w-l-y needs to be introduced to people, not thrown in a group setting and left to fend for himself. At least, not this group setting anyway lol. I just went through two rough transition periods back to back and maybe it's just me; maybe I just don't have the patience left to deal with a baby who cries like this.

Maybe that and having to deal with some issues with my own toddler at the moment have made this a less-than-ideal fit.

I texted her and I haven't heard back from her yet. She has her sis-in-law picking him up at 2:30pm anyway and he is asleep for the moment.

I guess I just feel very bad that he seems to be going backwards. He was actually improving a bit last week, and then bam! this week he is doing worse every day. I feel awful for him because he seems genuinely like he's panicked by an environment full of kids.
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Old 01-27-2010, 01:51 PM
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The mom finally called me back, which was good because he had just gotten up from falling asleep in the pack n play. I explained what was going on; she blamed it on teething; said he is a "real pill" when he's teething.

I forgot that my kids got out of school early today so I had him sitting in the high chair, only crying intermittantly, until my older boys came in the front door - WOW he freaked out! He started clawing the high chair, frantically trying to crawl out and away from the sound of my 11 year old's voice!

Thankfully, the sis-in-law was sent early to pick him up so she arrived a few minutes later and took him home. I honestly don't know what to do.

My little dcg showed up at 12 and I couldn't even talk to her father over the sound of this kid screaming. I think he was nervous about leaving her here, since she is kind of shy and was cowering behind him. . . I don't blame her!

I have him again tomorrow since I didn't get a real chance to talk to the mom this afternoon. If you guys can give me some advice on exactly how to do the CIO thing, I would really appreciate it. I would love to find him not crying so I can reward that behavior and pick him up to reinforce that he can be picked up so long as he's not screaming, but he just crawls after me and tries to climb up the back of my legs! I'm really at a loss because I hate to lose a client and I hate that the little boy hates it here, but I don't know if I can handle another 4 hour screaming fest first thing tomorrow morning.
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Old 01-27-2010, 01:53 PM
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I had a boy that was about 11 months and he was so afarid of my husband he cryed everythime he came home in the evening. It took him about a week to get used to him. Of course him and his brother had never really gone anywhere or been around anyone. I took them to the beach they both cryed the whole time. took them to the park cryed the whold time took them to Mcdonalds they would not play. they where afarid to do anything. They ajusted and by the time I moved they where askin to come to my house and play with my kids they loved it.


I also had a kid that was so afrid of my mother a few years ago even after a few months of watching him he screamed. She was not their all of the time but if he saw her he screamed. She had neve even met him before but god he didnt like her.

I would diffently be pacient and try to show him a great time.
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Old 01-27-2010, 02:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamajennleigh View Post
The mom finally called me back, which was good because he had just gotten up from falling asleep in the pack n play. I explained what was going on; she blamed it on teething; said he is a "real pill" when he's teething.

I forgot that my kids got out of school early today so I had him sitting in the high chair, only crying intermittantly, until my older boys came in the front door - WOW he freaked out! He started clawing the high chair, frantically trying to crawl out and away from the sound of my 11 year old's voice!

Thankfully, the sis-in-law was sent early to pick him up so she arrived a few minutes later and took him home. I honestly don't know what to do.

My little dcg showed up at 12 and I couldn't even talk to her father over the sound of this kid screaming. I think he was nervous about leaving her here, since she is kind of shy and was cowering behind him. . . I don't blame her!
I have him again tomorrow since I didn't get a real chance to talk to the mom this afternoon. If you guys can give me some advice on exactly how to do the CIO thing, I would really appreciate it. I would love to find him not crying so I can reward that behavior and pick him up to reinforce that he can be picked up so long as he's not screaming, but he just crawls after me and tries to climb up the back of my legs! I'm really at a loss because I hate to lose a client and I hate that the little boy hates it here, but I don't know if I can handle another 4 hour screaming fest first thing tomorrow morning.
Sadly to say, I have to let 3 children go, one was very very colicky, the others have never been away from Mom before. WOW!! I have a 2 week trial, and boy let me tell you, it was so bad!!! Even in the pack and play scream, wake up screaming, etc... unless I was holding the two, all the time, they screamed and screamed!!! It was not fair to me and certainly not fair to all the other children!! I have had daycare friends go thru this as well, you hate it, but you have to say enough is enough, and once you let the children go, your world is a better place for everyone!!!LOL!!!
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Old 01-27-2010, 03:34 PM
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I'm so sorry that your going through this. I think everyone has to deal with it at some point.

I'm sure that since G-ma watching him before she's might have spoiled him. It is sad that he can't be around other children! I can't believe the way you say he acts when your older kids come in. ??

I am glad to hear that others put crying babies in the other room. I started doing this with the 15 month old that I have when she starts crying a bunch. I felt a little bad about it, but after seeing that others do it, I feel better about it.
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Old 01-27-2010, 05:26 PM
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I am glad to hear that others put crying babies in the other room. I started doing this with the 15 month old that I have when she starts crying a bunch. I felt a little bad about it, but after seeing that others do it, I feel better about it.
I wouldn't feel bad about it at all...putting a crying/screaming baby in a pack n play is putting them in a safe place while you catch your sanity and the other kids sanity.

I had a daycare girl last year that just turned one and mom stayed home with her until then, and the girl screamed almost all day long. So I know exactly what you are saying...I have patience of steal and THAT was not easy at all, all the patience I had was gone, gone, gone.

I had to put her in a pack n play in another room away from everyone and she eventually fell asleep. When she started excessively crying, she went back in the play pen. It felt mean, but at the same time she wasn't being hurt and when she was screaming like that it got my other daycare boy crying who was a good boy and rarely cried, so I had 2 going and it was a nightmare.

The first full week she cried a ton, by the second week she was getting better, and by the 3rd week she was the sweetest little girl. No more tears. She just had to learn to adjust. It's hard and feels mean at first, but what do you do?

And you do the right thing when you call mom if you can't take it anymore.....even the most patient mom/provider can't take excessive crying like that.
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Old 01-27-2010, 05:29 PM
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Yep! I thought I would go crazy but My4sunshinegirlsNY (we live close by) helped me through and helped me realize it was the safe healthy thing to do and I was not being mean!! The state will tell you 20 minute intervals but I couldn't do that for 8 hours per day, 40 hours per week and still be a happy well adjusted adult!
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Old 01-27-2010, 05:42 PM
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Perfect for me that I saw this thread today, I started a new dcg who is 13 months 4 weeks ago and she has been great, until today, don't know if it was just a bad day, but she cried, whined, high pitch scream following me around grabbing my legs wanting to be held which I did when I could most of the day today, but after reading this thread I finally did just that I laid her in the play pen after all my daycare kids were plugging their ears after 30 min of hearing it, she screamed in there off and of for about 10 min. then was playing so I got her back up and said lets play and not scream, she was fine for about 10 min then started back so I placed her back in there and she screamed less maybe 5 min. so I got her back up and she was fine and played, hopefully we wont have another one of those days, it's really hard, and I'm the type that if picking them up stops the crying I'll do it and have done that for years but it creates years of heck, I've dealt with it many times so I'm trying to break it, I use to spend so much time rocking kids to sleep and it makes it really hard when you have other kids. Hang in there hopefully it will get better.
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Old 01-27-2010, 09:07 PM
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I am so glad I am not alone in dealing with this. I was honestly wondering if maybe I just wasn't cut out for this, because I couldn't deal with the screaming for hours on end. I hated calling his mom, but she said she was actually very glad I called instead of just letting him cry himself sick. She's probably the most laid-back first time mom I've ever dealt with, especially since my other one is a nightmare.

His mom called me back later this evening and asked me if it was ok to bring him back tomorrow lol. She was afraid I was upset with her or the baby! I had to explain to her that it's not anyone's fault he is having a rough time and that just like us grown-ups, each baby deals with new experiences differently. I told her that I am a human being and a mama just like her and while I consider myself to have quite a bit of patience, I don't know anyone who can deal with high-pitched, frantic crying all day long. We decided to cut back his hours and have her pick him up at 1pm until he adjusts. I think that if we ease him into the transition a little slower, he might still have plenty of rough days, but knowing mama is coming to get him earlier will be easier on us both, as well as my other kids.

Luckily, she is an accountant who works from home so her schedule is really flexible. If it wasn't for that, I'd have to let him go completely. Her picking him up early will ensure that he is gone before my boys get home from school and once he has fully adjusted to being here on a regular basis, we'll work on extending the days and getting him used to the boys.

The saving grace is, no matter how rough it gets, it's over at 1pm and I can rest my patience and my brain and gear up to start over again the next day!

I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow As always, thanks so much for the advice and encouragement. It's invaluable to me.
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Old 01-27-2010, 09:52 PM
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Default I would love to try the CIO in playpen but ...

I have been told by my licensing office that a pack-n-play is only for sleeping and that a high-chair is only for eating etc. I don't know what I'd do if I had to try this on my littlest one and she came over! It's an automatic citation for us. I live in CA are the regulations different from state to state? Well anyway ... what are the chances that someone will drop by when I'm having a CIO session?
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Old 11-15-2010, 10:53 AM
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I have a little girl who started 3 weeks ago, she started out screaming all the time and I put her in the playpen too. Now she screams everytime I put her in the highchair, I give her a few minutes and if she doesnt calm down I put her down for a nap. The only problem is shes not eating...any advice?
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Old 11-21-2010, 12:28 AM
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Wink Crying babies need lots of love and affection!

I have a daycare of 14 children and I have 3 assistants to help me throughout the day. I find with crying babies if you can bond with them get them use to you and their new surroundings they ease in quickly. Once they are comfortable with me and their new setting I let them bond with my assistants one at a time. When they need comfort from me I am there to support them. It takes about two weeks and then they are off playing with the other children or at least feeling comfortable enough to venture out on their own and play independently. Their only babies they are with strangers in a new setting with new people they don't know. Have your parents start them out the first week just a couple of hours at a time. I don't charge the parents for this time I do this so that when they drop the baby off to me for the first time the baby won't feel abandoned by his/her parents. Some babies haven't learned self-comforting they only know how to cry. This is their way of expressing their feelings to you. Take the time to talk to them, let them get familiar with your voice and let them know your there and your going to be their new support system. When you are changing them talk to them, play with them. Help them to feel safe and loved. You may have to hold them to get them to go to sleep for a couple of days, then lay then down beside you so that when they wake up they know you are there for them. I only take one baby at time and no more than 3 under the age of two at any one time. I love the challenge of helping them to over come their fears at such at young age.
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Old 11-21-2010, 05:14 AM
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I think sometimes we all get some who do this and well it does get under your skin in time it will get better. I had one who was in care with a women all alone or with his grandmother plus he is an only child so lots of attention it took three weeks to get hime to stop crying and now I don't even remember those days
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