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Old 02-16-2017, 09:12 AM
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Default How To Deal With Child That Constantly Cries?!

I have a 16 month old that just started 2 weeks ago. Never been in daycare before. She cries all day, literally. Never stops. She wont play or become distracted by anything. I cant hold her all day either. Her cryibg is so loud i cant teach the kids and its hard to go about our day. How do you deal with a child like that?!
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Old 02-16-2017, 09:24 AM
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I have a 16 month old that just started 2 weeks ago. Never been in daycare before. She cries all day, literally. Never stops. She wont play or become distracted by anything. I cant hold her all day either. Her cryibg is so loud i cant teach the kids and its hard to go about our day. How do you deal with a child like that?!
It takes time to build a secure attachment so it's not easy for sure!

I would start by not holding her. Allow her to sit near or next to you but don't stand and hold her. Reassure her as much as possible.

Once she begins to feel safe and secure, she will start to move away from you and play. It's her natural instinct but she won't do that until she's built that secure attachment with you. Time, consistency and continual reassurance is really the only way to achieve that. You can't push it and you can't hurry it along.
Each child is different in how long it takes them to feel comfortable. You'll start to see her moving farther and farther away from you (still while keeping her eye on you) as she grows more comfortable and I would definitely make a point of praising her willingness to explore as that only helps build her confidence.

The only down side is that it takes so much time and in all honestly I have let children go that have taken too long to acclimate simply because a group care provider I only have so much time, patience and hands to deal or manage each child so how long it takes really is up to you and how long you can deal with it.
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Old 02-16-2017, 09:31 AM
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If im not holding her she will stand and cry in my face. I cant make her sit next to me, she gets up and stands in my ear crying. Its hard to have circle time when none of the kids can hear me! Lol. My patience is running thin.
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Old 02-16-2017, 09:56 AM
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If im not holding her she will stand and cry in my face. I cant make her sit next to me, she gets up and stands in my ear crying. Its hard to have circle time when none of the kids can hear me! Lol. My patience is running thin.
Is she a full time child or part time?

Is there anything she likes to do that doesn't involve crying next to you?
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Old 02-16-2017, 10:00 AM
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Fulltime. And nope!
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Old 02-16-2017, 10:26 AM
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Fulltime. And nope!
Ugh!

At this point I think your only real option is to decide if the income from this child is worth the stress.

Remember it's not just stress for you but stress for the other kids too. I never gave that much thought before until I had a similar experience and one of my long time parents came to me and shared how stressed and anxiety ridden her child had become since the new child started.

I had no choice but to do what was best for the group as a whole and for my sanity as well.

Sucks but daycare is a tough world. I wish I had better advice but that's my two cents.

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Old 02-16-2017, 11:01 AM
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I agree with don't hold the child unless they are not crying.

I just had a new 18 month old start and they started the screaming from day one. we have a crying spot that is out of the room and this is where we cry. I introduced the crying spot about an hour after he was with us. I gave him his blanket and stuffed animal and told him you can cry here in this spot. I would hug him tell him he is ok and say when you are done, you can come join us.
as soon as the kid starts to cry we just remind him you are ok, lets play. If he screams, we point and say crying over there and then say shhhhh.... The other kids always put their hands over their ears and the kid sees them.


rinse and repeat over and over. the screaming lasted two days here and he figured out that if he wants to cry he can't do it in the main room.
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Old 02-17-2017, 09:47 AM
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What worked for me in a centre was telling the child I could hold her hand but picking her up or having her on me was not an option. Then I would ask her "would you like me to hold your hand"?. This worked for her and she held my hand for the most part every day until she started venturing off to explore on her own. I totally get it that a crying child is super annoying!

I had to let a child like this go at my home daycare because it progressively got worse and worse and worse and her parents were nervous wrecks which did not help at all. At a centre I didn't have to cook and clean either, or look after babies! Like BlackCat mentioned you have to ask yourself if it is worth it. Trying things can't hurt if they help!
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Old 02-17-2017, 09:50 AM
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I agree with don't hold the child unless they are not crying.

I just had a new 18 month old start and they started the screaming from day one. we have a crying spot that is out of the room and this is where we cry. I introduced the crying spot about an hour after he was with us. I gave him his blanket and stuffed animal and told him you can cry here in this spot. I would hug him tell him he is ok and say when you are done, you can come join us.
as soon as the kid starts to cry we just remind him you are ok, lets play. If he screams, we point and say crying over there and then say shhhhh.... The other kids always put their hands over their ears and the kid sees them.


rinse and repeat over and over. the screaming lasted two days here and he figured out that if he wants to cry he can't do it in the main room.
BlackCat suggested this to me and I just did this with a new 2 year old and it really worked! He started tantrumming and crying so I brought him to our reading nook, sat him in the foamy comfy chair and said "its ok to be sad, you can cry here and join us when you are done". When he saw us doing fun things he stopped and joined us and hasn't cried since
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Old 02-17-2017, 02:06 PM
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I agree with PPs, a crying spot has worked for me. I have I have also termed in the past after exhausting all other options.

Good luck!
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Old 02-17-2017, 02:55 PM
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I haven't had many infants/toddlers, but one little girl I have started at 14 mths and had never been in daycare before (just babysat by grandmas).

She cried at drop off quite a bit and wouldn't pull out of it easily. One thing that worked for her was to watch a Baby Signing Time after a quick cuddle from me at drop off. She also loves dogs and we have a tiny Cavalier King Charles--very sweet and mellow. She liked to trot around after the dog and decided it was "her" dog and we encouraged this.

Those two things helped break the crying cycle each day then she would play. She's going on three now and does fine most days.

But of course not all daycare do screen time and not everyone has a little dog to chase around, so it's not good advice for everyone.

All the other suggestions above sound awesome and I'm filing for future use.
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Old 02-17-2017, 02:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by daycare View Post
I agree with don't hold the child unless they are not crying.

I just had a new 18 month old start and they started the screaming from day one. we have a crying spot that is out of the room and this is where we cry. I introduced the crying spot about an hour after he was with us. I gave him his blanket and stuffed animal and told him you can cry here in this spot. I would hug him tell him he is ok and say when you are done, you can come join us.
as soon as the kid starts to cry we just remind him you are ok, lets play. If he screams, we point and say crying over there and then say shhhhh.... The other kids always put their hands over their ears and the kid sees them.


rinse and repeat over and over. the screaming lasted two days here and he figured out that if he wants to cry he can't do it in the main room.
How close is the crying spot to your main room. I think I'd have a hard time even if it was in the next room (the rooms I use are adjacent but totally open--no doors or anything).
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Old 02-17-2017, 04:26 PM
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How close is the crying spot to your main room. I think I'd have a hard time even if it was in the next room (the rooms I use are adjacent but totally open--no doors or anything).
It's still within a safe range I can easily access the child. Basically it's my hallway. I can see by monitor by camera, but just far enough that it's not piercing your ears. I often stand here I can see them but they can't see me.
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Old 02-17-2017, 05:00 PM
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I have a 16 month old that just started 2 weeks ago. Never been in daycare before. She cries all day, literally. Never stops. She wont play or become distracted by anything. I cant hold her all day either. Her cryibg is so loud i cant teach the kids and its hard to go about our day. How do you deal with a child like that?!
I call for pick up after an hour of crying. That is some serious separation anxiety your dcg has got going on. I get that some parents don't have the option to either stay home or hire a nanny, and that there might be techniques or approaches that would work in this situation but I would not want to deal with it.
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Old 02-17-2017, 06:17 PM
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How close is the crying spot to your main room. I think I'd have a hard time even if it was in the next room (the rooms I use are adjacent but totally open--no doors or anything).
My "crying chair" is in the same room just off to the side. It is a reading nook. They can still see us which is what makes it work so well. They see us having fun and it encourages them to join. I usually go with bubbles or playdoh with lots of fun and laughing to really "whoop it up"!
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Old 02-20-2017, 01:01 PM
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My crying spot is in the kitchen (open floor plan) on a squishy mat. Most quickly learn that they would rather have fun with the kids than cry in the kitchen.

However, there was one little guy who was very persistent. I sent him home every day before naptime began because his screaming was causing serious anxiety for the other kids. He was here for 4.5-5 hours (depending on when he was dropped off) 2 days per week. After about 6 months he is now able to stay for naptime and only fusses at drop off.
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Old 02-23-2017, 01:29 PM
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So I totally could have written this post. I had a 22 month old start last Monday who literally cries (actually never has tears so it's more of a whine/God awful sound) all day expect for a few rare moments. She naps well and when she's awake it starts all over again. To make matters worse is she has been home with mom the entire time and she got attached to watching TV. Also they are Indian and she doesn't understand hardly any English and barely feeds herself. I try to include her and she just sits and cries and stares and points at the gate to go home. It's been almost 2 full weeks and she isn't getting better. She just dumps toys off my shelf and then anders around. She WILL NOT sit unless I make her. She just wanders around all day. Outside she stands at the door whining wanting to go in. They've brought toys from home and food and have told me what she enjoys doing at home and nothing works. I've gotten maybe 1 half smile from her in 2 weeks and she won't let me hold her or sit on my lap, Do I term her or give it a few more weeks? It literally drives me bananas all day.
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Old 02-23-2017, 01:55 PM
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Originally Posted by adnilwis View Post
So I totally could have written this post. I had a 22 month old start last Monday who literally cries (actually never has tears so it's more of a whine/God awful sound) all day expect for a few rare moments. She naps well and when she's awake it starts all over again. To make matters worse is she has been home with mom the entire time and she got attached to watching TV. Also they are Indian and she doesn't understand hardly any English and barely feeds herself. I try to include her and she just sits and cries and stares and points at the gate to go home. It's been almost 2 full weeks and she isn't getting better. She just dumps toys off my shelf and then anders around. She WILL NOT sit unless I make her. She just wanders around all day. Outside she stands at the door whining wanting to go in. They've brought toys from home and food and have told me what she enjoys doing at home and nothing works. I've gotten maybe 1 half smile from her in 2 weeks and she won't let me hold her or sit on my lap, Do I term her or give it a few more weeks? It literally drives me bananas all day.
Personally, I'd term. After 2+ decades in this field, I just can't listen to a screaming child all day long.

I understand, don't like it but understand. The other kids don't. It causes them stress and anxiety too... something I never really thought about before until I termed an all day crier after months of trying. The behaviors and overall mood of the other kids immediately improved.

For me, it's not about the money....it's about sanity.
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Old 02-23-2017, 04:38 PM
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Originally Posted by adnilwis View Post
So I totally could have written this post. I had a 22 month old start last Monday who literally cries (actually never has tears so it's more of a whine/God awful sound) all day expect for a few rare moments. She naps well and when she's awake it starts all over again. To make matters worse is she has been home with mom the entire time and she got attached to watching TV. Also they are Indian and she doesn't understand hardly any English and barely feeds herself. I try to include her and she just sits and cries and stares and points at the gate to go home. It's been almost 2 full weeks and she isn't getting better. She just dumps toys off my shelf and then anders around. She WILL NOT sit unless I make her. She just wanders around all day. Outside she stands at the door whining wanting to go in. They've brought toys from home and food and have told me what she enjoys doing at home and nothing works. I've gotten maybe 1 half smile from her in 2 weeks and she won't let me hold her or sit on my lap, Do I term her or give it a few more weeks? It literally drives me bananas all day.
I had this child too and within two weeks I had to term (coincidentally she was also Indian so perhaps just incompatible parenting styles?). We would be outside having fun and she would stand by the door wailing for literally 45 minutes. There was absolutely no reason to be crying that much! Some children just have attachement issues and it is very hard for them to trust the world around them. They have not learned to deal with stress and to self regulate emotions because their emotions are constantly being managed for them (through tv, coddling, ipad etc). There is literally nothing I can do for these children as a provider and it is certainly not worth the paycheck I am getting to say nothing of the stress it brings to the group.
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