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Old 09-18-2018, 07:07 PM
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WBee WBee is offline Member
Join Date: Dec 2014
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 127
Default Anxiety or Spoiled....cont.

I am following up from my prior post below:
I have a 3 yr old dcb who has been coming here (and I'm friends w/the family) for 9 months now. When he started, he was extremely shy, kept to himself, cried every day when Mom/Grandma dropped off and cried on & off all day afterward. He also occasionally vomited for no apparent reason or occasionally when eating. He began playing with friends, having better drop offs and participating during circle time.The vomiting also subsided for a while but since last week,we are back to gagging/ crying during lunch, and he just vomited. He often lies saying his belly, feet, legs, etc. hurt when I ask what's wrong. He just said his belly hurt after vomiting. When I told him Dad was on his way, his belly felt "fine." So I said, "Okay, I'll tell Daddy never mind then" and yes, you guessed it. His belly hurts again.I've TRIED and TRIED to be overly comforting, used tough love, etc. I've asked parents to take him to a Dr. (no results given) and I've given them insightful info. regarding giving him more independence (Ex. Don't CARRY him into school, drop and go, have him dress himself every day,etc.)
Forward to this a.m.:
I spoke with Mom this am as she "carried" him in yet again. (He was crying since drop off for 1 hr.) I told her to call the pediatrician, again, and tell him/her what's going on here and that the emotional issue has turned into a physical issue w/the vomiting. I told her he knows that if he vomits, he gets to go home which is what he wants. I told her he is very smart and knows what he is choosing to do. No, he was not sick the other day when I sent him home and he got candy from Grandma afterwards per Mom. I told her this all needs to stop. Everyone needs to be on the same page." I will write up a list for parents & grandparents of "things to do/not to do to help his independence." Per Mom, "he is fine playing w/his cousin. This only happens at daycare". Having only 6 kids per day here this shouldn't be such an issue. I also told Mom that I put my foot down when necessary here and I feel that he has an issue with not getting his way. I am very sweet w/the kids, don't get me wrong, but no. I will no longer tolerate behavior like this just for attention which is what I feel he is doing regardless of possible anxiety. At pickup, I was attending my own evening class and my Mom was here instead. I was told this evening that at pickup dcm asked why he didn't do an art project.He told his Mom that he was"a bad boy." which are words I NEVER use. DCM asked why "he was a bad boy" and he said I didn't give him his rest time toy. Mom was upset stating this stuffed animal is his "security blanket." Mind you he's only had it a few weeks, never asks for it and when he asked me for it during lunch I did say no. He sat on the kids sofa all day, refusing to play, do art, etc. Said he wanted to be home, watch TV and play video games. He's 3 1/2 yrs old. Told me this is what he does with Dad. Only watches TV w/ Mom. He always says things to Mom to make me out to be the bad teacher (Puling hair out!!!) Help plz.
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Old 09-19-2018, 03:10 AM
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Josiegirl Josiegirl is offline Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Right here
Posts: 10,926

Time to let him go because he clearly isn't happy there? Dcm will find out he's manipulating her to get his way because it's what works. No matter where she leaves him. If she's reinforcing bad behavior this is a no-win for you. If they're questioning everything you're doing, again a no-win for you. He's trying to manipulate everyone in his life to the way he wants life to be and right now he's caught between 1 place where he's being babied and given treats for bad behavior, and your place where you're striving to teach him independence and social/self-help skills.
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Old 09-19-2018, 06:04 AM
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Tin Blues Tin Blues is offline Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Montana
Posts: 102

Thereís no shame in terming. Youíve tried for months. You canít fix every kid. Sometimes, for whatever reason, itís not a good fit. Put the onus back on the parents. Itís their job to deal with their child and all the fallout that comes from bad behavior.
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Old 09-19-2018, 06:16 AM
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Cat Herder Cat Herder is offline
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Posts: 13,753

My bet is the mom is the issue. She wants you to term.

That is a lot of "My child".
- Unless otherwise stated, all my posts are personal opinion and worth what you paid for them.
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Old 09-19-2018, 07:44 AM
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KiwiKids KiwiKids is offline Member
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 265

I would be done. I canít help a child if the parents arenít willing to work with me. I had a family who had been with me 6 years and then their attendance became super spotty and their almost 3yr old started crying at drop off but she would be fine a few minutes later and happy all day. There was only 1 day that she had problems all day, most of the time there were no issues at all. Mom was ridiculously over dramatic about it and it caused the childís anxiety to become so much worse and I terminated care. I refuse to deal with parent drama.

I had a brand new family start and it was their childís first time in care and she was super upset at drop off. Mom took my advice about giving her a kiss and being positive and saying goodbye. I watched this poor mom force one foot in front of the other to leave my house ... her child is thriving now.
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anxiety, attention seeking behavior, drama - parent, drama triangle, spoiled, spoiled child

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