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Old 12-14-2011, 04:50 PM
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Default The Crying Spot

Several days ago, someone mentioned a crying spot. Can I just say, BRILLIANT!!!

I have a 3.5 yr old who has been with me about 5 months. She had never been in daycare before, and is quite spoiled. She's smart and outgoing, but cries - screams actually - at the drop of a hat. Goes into hysterics yelling, "I want my family!!!" "I miss my MOM!!" (or dad, or sissy, or grandma, etc). She just acts like she cannot bear to be without her family for more than 15 min or she'll just die. She's mature in every other way, but just has this severe separation anxiety. (Let's be honest - it's more for attention or power than anything else LOL)

Well, when someone mentioned they had a crying spot where a kid has to go when they are crying, and it is left up to them when they are ready to get up, I thought I would give it a try for this girl. IT WORKS!! The first time, I placed her there and gently said, "If you want to cry you can sit here and cry. When you think you are done crying, you can get up." As she sat there and started getting quieter, I reminded her that she could get up whenever she stops crying - it's your choice. So she got up and resumed playing. The next time, I said "let's go to our crying spot", and walked her over there and reminded her how it works - you sit here while you cry, and you decide when you are ready to get up. The 3rd time, the hands went up in front of her eyes (telling me the waterworks were coming) and she walked herself to the crying spot, cried about 2 minutes, and got up on her own. No prompting or explanations from me at all. O.M.G!!!!!! This is GENIUS!!!

I think it works because she realizes she is getting NO benefit from throwing a fit. Nobody is going to pat her back and tell her mom will be here soon, nobody is going to give her sympathy for it, etc., etc. Basically, she is getting no feedback or attention from it, so why bother. It is only taking her away from the fun while she has to sit there, so let's get it overwith quicker. I love it!!! Thanks to whoever had mentioned it. It was a comment within a thread, and I couldn't find it.

Now, before someone says it's mean or whatever, just realize that she has done this for months and I quickly realized it wasn't just because she was sad. She rules her home and whatever she wants is bought for her or served to her. She just can't get used to the idea that it ain't gonna happen at MY house, hence the crying jags. Yes, I used to console her and assure her mom was coming, and sissy was getting off the bus soon, but it never improved. So far, the crying spot is working. I'm happy, the other kids are happy, and the crying jags are shorter. Win/Win/Win.
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Old 12-14-2011, 05:22 PM
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I found the thread:

http://www.daycare.com/forum/showthread.php?t=38843
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Old 12-14-2011, 05:52 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Joyce View Post
You saved me a lot of tag searching

I also created a new tag called Crying Spot

Thanks!
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Old 12-14-2011, 06:24 PM
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I'm so glad you've had success! I'm going to have to keep that in mind!
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Old 12-14-2011, 06:29 PM
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I've used this before and you are right...it's magical!

If there is no audience for the performance...there is no point in the show.

The crier soon wants to be part of the fun!

Now...sometimes a child NEEDS a hug and are genuinely upset/hurt. But a lot of the time it's crocodile tears for attention and a crying spot works wonders.
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Old 12-14-2011, 06:32 PM
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Originally Posted by Meeko60 View Post
I've used this before and you are right...it's magical!

If there is no audience for the performance...there is no point in the show.

The crier soon wants to be part of the fun!

Now...sometimes a child NEEDS a hug and are genuinely upset/hurt. But a lot of the time it's crocodile tears for attention and a crying spot works wonders.
Yes, you are right that they genuinely NEED soothing sometimes. I think in most cases you can tell which is which. You get to know their cries and whether they are for real or for power and attention.
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Old 12-14-2011, 06:45 PM
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absolutely!!!!
this works so well!
I just used this technique today with a five year old girl(why are they always girls?) anyway... and it worked.
I had to teach it to my dh..
thank you so much!!!
this forum is awsome

Last edited by Michelle; 12-14-2011 at 06:46 PM. Reason: spelling
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Old 12-14-2011, 07:05 PM
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yup, this is what I do.

Timeouts are normally a battle because there is a time limit and then the fight of trying to get out before the time comes up or starting the time over and over again each time they get up.

The cry spot works! It is their choice to change the behavior and so they are not being punished so much as learning a lesson and some social boundaries. I have 1 year olds that understand the cry spot.
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Old 12-14-2011, 07:48 PM
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This is an excellent idea!!!

In my case it's a 3 yo dcb. I just had him sit on the couch so he could get it out before he returned to the group, but a crying spot would be soooo much better because he can direct himself. Excellent.

Thank you for thanking the one that mentioned this.
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Old 12-14-2011, 10:06 PM
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Sooo that's what it's called!!

I have one of those 2. I have one that was tired today...very sensitive. When he throws a tantrum I walk him back to the back bedroom and tell him he can scream, cry what ever he wants but when he feels like he's better and is done crying he may come out. There is no eye contact when he is doing it and I walk away to a diff. part of the house. He will normally stop and make the decision on his own to stop and come out. He is 2 1/2. I love it!!
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Old 12-14-2011, 10:28 PM
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Not a bad idea
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Old 12-14-2011, 11:28 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cheerfuldom View Post
yup, this is what I do.

Timeouts are normally a battle because there is a time limit and then the fight of trying to get out before the time comes up or starting the time over and over again each time they get up.

The cry spot works! It is their choice to change the behavior and so they are not being punished so much as learning a lesson and some social boundaries. I have 1 year olds that understand the cry spot.
Yes, exactly. When it's not punishment , it works so much better! If I said "TIME OUT!" and had her sit in a particular spot, the screaming would intensify. This way, it's just a calm explanation that she has the choice when to get up. It gives her a choice, and control over her emotions.

When she walked herself to that cry spot on only the 3rd time, I could have danced a jig of glee!!
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Old 12-15-2011, 06:45 AM
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YUPPER...works every time!!!

There is a "no crying" policy in my general daycare area.....unless you have fallen or gotten hurt or a great offense has occurred, all "elective crying" must take place in TheCryingSpot. The child really has to think about if it's worth the trouble of crying just because the sky is blue today. Nine times out of ten, crying stops immediately but sometimes it's a great help for a child to take a "break" and gather themselves together in TheCryingSpot without feeling like it's a "time out". Sheer geniuses we childcare providers are!!!
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Old 12-15-2011, 07:10 AM
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I think i need a crying spot myself this morning
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Old 12-15-2011, 07:11 AM
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We've been using a crying spot for over a year now and it works like a charm every time.
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Old 12-15-2011, 07:37 AM
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I just call it "your spot", and every child has a different spot it seems. Its way better then time out, which I will only give in SEVERE incidents. Otherwise I say take the crying/whining/tattling to your spot and once you have calmed feel free to come join us again.

I have one little boy whose "spot" is used often, and he will walk over there and say "i am going to my spot" then point at himself and say "get it together". Makes me smile everytime, because this is a phrase I hear mom say to him as they walk up.
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Old 12-15-2011, 10:22 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilrugrats View Post
I have one little boy whose "spot" is used often, and he will walk over there and say "i am going to my spot" then point at himself and say "get it together". Makes me smile everytime, because this is a phrase I hear mom say to him as they walk up.
That's so cute!
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Old 12-16-2011, 11:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lilrugrats View Post
I have one little boy whose "spot" is used often, and he will walk over there and say "i am going to my spot" then point at himself and say "get it together".
That's a very mature kid. Some grown-ups don't have the wherewithall to realize its time to exit the situation for a while and commune with oneself. Good for him.
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