kayla 10:27 AM 04-02-2012
Ok I have a dcb who is 3 and want's to act like a baby ever since his mom had another baby... It is extremely annoying, This child went from being one of the smartest I had to acting like a baby.
My question is there anything I can do to change this, He is only here one day a week right now. And his mother is constantly undermining me. When he comes she knows my rules and dcb will ask dcm if he can do something, she knows I dont allow and she will say ask kayla... When I respond no I am the bad guy...
Today at lunch and everyday for that matter since I have had him since baby brother being born he throws a tantrum when mom leaves, I think this is partially due to the fact she brings new brother to school with her. Also everytime at lunch.. I have no clue why or why lunch is significant. But I told her what happened today.... today as it was lunch time he started crying and throwing the biggest tantrum I asked him what was wrong he doesnt answer.. Then he didnt want to be at table eating lunch I said whats wrong why dont you want to eat, He then asks me to feed him like a baby, I told him no either you eat like a big boy or you go to bed, he said bed so he went to bed without lunch. Well when I told his mom she said what did you have like that makes a difference or like the children get catered meals... umm i do not think so!! I go on to tell her mac n cheese hot dogs n green beans, she says oic... normally she tells me oh yeah he doesnt like that, like im going to give him something else rude awakening I will not!!! Also the last time this happened a week ago she came from school and fed him like a baby, the week before that she picked him up and brought him to grandmas... Does anyone else think that doesnt help... To me she is making it worse, and I know these people cater to him, which im sorry I dont have the time and will not, to me he is not a baby I'm not going to treat him like one....
I need help?!?!?
Make yourself laugh when he asks you to feed him like a baby, plaster a big smile on your face, and say in the happiest tone possible, "You are so SILLY! We don't eat like a baby when we're 3! You're a big boy who eats big boy food!"
If you have another older child, praise them for eating like such a big boy/girl. Praise, praise, praise for the good behaviors (whether that be walking like a big boy, going potty like a big boy, coloring like a big boy, etc.). He needs to see that big boys can get attention as well.
He's had an interruption in his world with someone else coming in that requires an abundance of his parent's attention. Be gentle.
Bookworm 01:54 PM 04-02-2012
Sounds a lot like jealousy. Did the parents prepare him for the baby because that really makes a difference. Since mom seems a little overwhelmed, I would be a little more patient with DCB. He's had a big change in his life.
sharlan 02:05 PM 04-02-2012
There is nothing you can do to change the behavior. It sounds like Mom feels guilty and is overcompensating.
Heidi 04:49 PM 04-02-2012
I agree with PP that said praise his "big boy-ness" as much as possible. Also point out things he gets to do that babies don't; anything that he thinks is fun. Mom should be doing the same thing, and asking for him to "help" her with the baby (fetching a diaper, rubbing babies tummy gently, etc).
Do you call his mom when he has a tantrum? I wasnt' sure, but you said she picked him up. I would never do that, if that's the case. For one things, it's too much of a payoff for him. It's also part of the job, dealing with tantrums, for the most part. Maybe I misunderstood that?
I would empathize with him on some level. I don't know how close you are to him, but I would probably sit him down for a talk when he's not upset. Hey, kiddo, lets sit down and talk for a few minutes. Something like.... I know it must be hard right now to share his mommy with the baby, and Iam so lucky that he is a big boy and that you gets to come to my house, I just love having you here and how much fun we have. He needs reassurance. 3 is just at the age where he is too young to articulate every feelings acurately, yet too old to be oblivious to the huge change in his life.
MizzCheryl 05:12 PM 04-02-2012
Many times Parents reinforce bad behavior.
It is so frustrating. I can tell you upset because you expect so much better of this DCB.
I once sent a 4 yr old because he had pooped himself. Normally I would clean them up and let them stay but this child's parents were not working. It was afternoon and he needed a bath. His behavior had bee strange (parents were really screwed up).
Mom and dada came in "Oh sweetie Blah Blah Blah. You can go home and lay on the couch and watch a movie. We will stop and get you a treat at the store>"
Geezzzzzzzzzz are you kidding me?
Sounds like the kid got what he wanted when Mom came to feed him. They probably feed him at home.
It has been my experienc that when a child is only coming now and then It is much harder to get their routine down. He has different expectations at home than he does in you care.
Will he be going fulltime?
Was he fulltime before the baby was born?
kayla 12:27 PM 04-03-2012
He has never been full time. He was however 3 days a week, but now i'm pretty positive they just cannot afford it. They have family helping them, taking turns watching him. And no normally I would never call for a tantrum but this mother asked me too mind you we are friends and so are our husbands. And I felt like I needed to because this child cries so hard and screams so much he starts making himself hyperventilate, besides the fact that he is waking other children up. I told the mom not to pick him up because it just makes him think if he throws this fit he will get his way, I thought she understood. I have tried to calm him down to no avail. I am going to let her know however I cannot watch him anymore because I feel like it's going to start affecting our friendship (it already has), I'm sure she can sense it as well. But it's just to hard and I do not agree with her or her husbands parenting style... I don't even know if you can call it parenting, there are some things that they have done that are harsh and extreme and I don't want to be put in a bad position anymore...